Marriage Counseling: How a Performance Review Can Save Your Marriage
When people say their marriage vows, they are convinced that there is nothing that can ever come between them. The reason is not only that the love is still very hot, but because before marriage, couples have relationship reviews without realizing it, and as a result, their relationships flourish. Having marriage reviews is a way of ensuring that the same way you conducted your relationship before marriage is maintained.
1. Obstacle confrontation
There are many problems which are encountered in any relationship, both before and after marriage. The reason why marriages result from a courtship is that couples discuss obstacles and find ways forward. Unfortunately, once they are in the marriage, they tend to relax and allow the marriage train to drive itself. Obstacles which they face are no longer attended to as timorously as before, if at all.
In order to overcome obstacles and save your marriage, you have to tackle issues and fix them before they become unsolvable problems. A marriage counselor is highly recommended, however, there’s has to be a willingness to seek professional advice from both spouses. If one of the partners doesn’t believe in guidance, then saving your relationship becomes a real challenge.
2. Revisiting relationship objectives
No courtship can end in marriage without the couple discussing the goals of their relationship. One of the courtship goals is marriage and by being wedded, they would have achieved something they planned for and worked towards. For a marriage to be successful, relationship goals should be revisited so that you discuss issues to find out if you are still working towards the same. Failure to do this on a regular basis might lead to a situation where you drift apart and you do not even know you are parting ways. Through marriage reviews, you counter this problem.
3. Counseling prevents the turning of mole-hills into mountains
Marriage reviews are necessary if small problems are to be killed before they bud. Any small problem has the potential to become an insurmountable one if time permits. When a couple tackles problems as they arise or soon thereafter, they cripple its ability to grow and become something they never imagined. Couples give problems wings with which to fly with by thinking about them and nursing them instead of discussing them with the only other person concerned. Some might even discuss the issue with a friend, instead of with the partner. A marriage review would encourage partners to speak out.
What to Expect From a Marriage Review
There are very few things in life which have no obvious disadvantages but it seems marriage reviewing is one of them. Here are the main things it helps facilitate between couples:
- Bonding. As you discuss issues about your life together, you grow closer and starve off divorce.
- Empathy. You partner can only understand how you feel about something if you explain to them.
- Solutions. If you discuss marriage issues with the other part of the marriage, your success rate is higher.
- Better communication. Marriage reviews encourage communication and though you may start slow, depending on how long you left it for, you will soon improve and learn to freely communicate with your spouse.
Of course, you cannot expect a marriage review to mend a completely broken marriage but if not left too late, or if done from the onset of marriage, marriage reviews are just what this world needs to ensure that the wild rates of divorce are reined in.
Acknowledging the Potential of a Marriage Counselor
Saving a marriage is easier said than done. When things don’t seem to work out anymore, the two people involved in the relationship will probably begin making rush decisions. In many cases, the feelings of love and respect turn into feelings of hatred and disappointment. In spite of this, there are ways to make things work again. A marriage counselor can help a couple overcome issues they believe to be unsolvable.
For couples’ therapy to work, the spouses must be honest – with each other and with the counselor. A performance review of the marriage will highlight some pretty harsh truths, so it is important to keep calm and assimilate the information; not judge or criticize the other partner. Getting married is easy; staying married is the difficult part. Many couples give up too easily these days. They don’t communicate with their significant other and they allow issues to pile up. Sooner or later, the bubble will burst and eventually the marital problems end in divorce.
“What did the love go in such a short period of time? What happened to us?” and “Why did this happen to us?” are common questions couples should ask themselves when walking into therapy. The more open you are to your marriage counselor, the better chances you have to save your marriage. After all, when it comes to relationships, communication is everything.
Malini Bhatia is the founder of Marriage.com, a website dedicated to providing value in every marriage. Marriage.com provides resources, information and a community that supports healthly, happy marriages. Malini has global experience in international management and communications, and lives in Los Angeles with her husband of 11 years and two daughters.