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At a low point.
July 27, 2013
2:53 pm
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AtALowPoint
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July 27, 2013
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  Hi everyone, I am typing thisin hopes that maybe I could get an outside thought.  To begin I will give you a little bit of background information about myself.  I have struggled, waxing and waning, with HOCD- Homophobic Obsessive Compulsive Dissorder.  It has been an absolute nightmare for me, I've had panick attacks where I will just lay there feeling utter doom and my heart rate will increase and all I feel like I can do is just breathe until it is over.  I thought that maybe my HOCD was over, I'm just coming out of a few day span of feeling good about who I am and there have been minimal intrusive thoughts.  Just today, however, I have gone a complete 180 and I feel so low.  I just collapsed on my bed and couldn't get out of my own head, and it really hurts.  To make matters worse, my boyfriend (who has been very supportive of me and my HOCD) is going to be out of town for a week and will be very occupied so I don't want to bother him with my feelings and wanting to talk.  

  I just know that what I am thinking and feeling isn't the case, my mind is just fooling me over and over and it is a disgusting cycle.  Why is am writing on this forum and not some HOCD forum is because in that moment when I collapsed on my bed, the thought of "I could just end all of this right now." kept popping up.  I began to think about relief.  I began to think about how very easy it would be too, my parents are gone, and I'm just home with my younger brothers who wouldn't notice.  Ugh, and typing that felt awful.  I am an emotional wreck right now, I would appreciate if someone could just help me please. 

July 28, 2013
3:48 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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No one can help you but yourself.  Try watching a funny movie.  Try dancing.  Do the things that you enjoy if you can.  You are not allowed to purposely take your life.  It sucks, but those are the rules of being alive.  At least you have brothers and a boyfriend.  Some people have way less.  Some people are continually in pain (terminal illness).  If you really want to snap out of it, just think of what you have and be grateful for every last little thing.  When you sit down at the computer to type next time, think how lucky you are to have a place to live, a chair to sit on & eyes to read & fingers (if you have ten) to type with.

August 15, 2013
7:13 am
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Serenda
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July 9, 2013
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Which dance should ATALopoint do? Yes dancing when feeling suicidal is recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists. Lol.

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