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Worried_Dad’s Embassy
November 22, 2009
10:52 pm
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hopeinhim
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So, then I get untied, and I am staring on the bed. I am still pretty effected by the alcohol, and "r" says, this is "k". He is getting dressed, and he leaves. I pretty much did not say a word, then I guess I drank more. "R" and I went on to have more sex, and I guess had quite a wild night. I remember being in the shower, giving him oral sex, and I am extremely sexual when I drink. It is part of why I had been sober 6 + years. I am every guys dream when I am buzzed. Very forward, and very sexual.

November 22, 2009
10:54 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi hopeinhim,

Wow that sucks.

I hope you will be tested for STDs.

"R" and "K" raped you.

How long ago did this episode happen?

November 22, 2009
10:58 pm
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hopeinhim
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The next morning, I awake and reality sets in. I was NOT happy about what had happened. "R" was really concerned for a number of days afterward, and would ask me if I was okay. He said he thought he was helping me fulfill a fantasy. I told him it was not a turn on, and I finally flat out told him I did not like it at all.

Then, the disturbing thing is is that over the last two and half months he would refer to it as if he forgot I had not liked it. I finally had to ask him to stop saying his name.

Also, I did not mention, that I had been date raped by a male friend of mine whom I had been very good friends with for over 3 years just a couple of weeks before this happened. So, it is extra crazy knowing that "r" knew about that, and proceeded with this. Or, maybe that gave him information that he could get away with it because of how I handled the other situation.

November 22, 2009
10:59 pm
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hopeinhim
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This episode was just about mid-August when I had known him just over a month.

November 22, 2009
11:01 pm
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hopeinhim
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So, it was just 2 days later he relapsed on meth, after having just over a year clean. He gave me an out, and I almost took it, but I stayed with him for whatever reason. He said I would be better off without him.

November 22, 2009
11:03 pm
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hopeinhim
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So, scattered throughout this there was the occasional nights where he would just hand me two, or at the most 3 drinks. I talked about sobriety, and asked him to get rid of the alcohol, but it never transpired. He admitted to feeling more powerful over me when I drank, and he liked how sexual I was when I drank. Although, I am extremely sexual sober as well.

I did get tested for STD's after this by the way. I go back when it has been 6 months to get the follow up AIDS/HIV test as well.

November 22, 2009
11:06 pm
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hopeinhim
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The next time things started to get crazy, I know more clearly the dates. He became very withdrawn in mid-October, and I knew he was going to relapse. He did in fact relapse, so I put another ad on craigslist to get attention - I know it. So, I felt guilty, and I told him about it. He said I wanted a guy to come over and have sex with me. I said I had him, and that I did not want that. He said he bet that after a few more drinks he could get me to agree to it. Which, is exactly what happened. I had already been drinking (maybe 2 drinks), and I was saying no at that point.

November 22, 2009
11:07 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi hopeinhim,

The guy is dangerous, stay away from him. And his substance abuser issues are not helpful for you either.

How are you doing with the alcohol these days?

November 22, 2009
11:10 pm
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So, it happened - another guy came over. "R" was naked, and answered the door, and he let the guy in. He said to me, "Why don't you suck his dick?" So, I did it while he watched. Then, again, I get fuzzy. I remember sitting on the bed naked with the other guy "J", and "R" watching. I remember "J" kissing me along my back, and then I remember getting on top of him, and we had sex. So, this would seem a far more consensual situation. But, I did not want it when I was sober, and I did not like it the morning after. Or, any morning after that.

November 22, 2009
11:11 pm
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hopeinhim
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Everything seemed very short to me, and "r" ended up being very jealous, and not liking the situation. I cannot remember it, but I guess that "r" and I had sex that night after "j" left. I guess he was over for 2 hours, and that we talked quite a bit, too. I was mortified.

November 22, 2009
11:13 pm
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hopeinhim
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With regards to the alcohol, I had one beer last night. I am doing good, and I had a very weak drink last week at an event. I actually asked for it to be week. Then, there was one other night where I had two drinks. So, 4 drinks in the past week. Not too bad, huh? Going for zero this week.

November 22, 2009
11:15 pm
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Hi hopeinhim,

Okay so you went farther than you know was right for you while inebriated. Oops. Good idea to be sober while contemplating or having sex.

The fact that you explored a rather kinky fantasy does not in any way make you a bad person and is not problematic per-se.

The important thing is that you respect yourself and take care of your physical and emotional safety.

November 22, 2009
11:15 pm
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hopeinhim
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There was one other night I got drunk, and "r" did breath play on me. I don't remember it. He told me that I really liked it. There have been some close calls where we almost involved other couples, but I really wanted none of it.

When he told me he once was so horny he stripped in a park just to see if he could get out without getting caught I was pretty alarmed. I was once very startled in an alley at at night when a naked man walked towards me with an erection.

November 22, 2009
11:19 pm
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hopeinhim
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Anyhow, I think this is an ongoing pattern, where if I would have stayed he would have kept tempting me with alcohol. I think it would have been a matter of time before there was another incident.

He has had a lot more wild experience with group sex and orgies when he was high on meth. He had to be high though, and could not do it when he was sober according to him.

But, when I sent him the email telling him my feelings about this incident. My TRUE unedited feelings.......he said that we needed to take a break. He had checked my email (he knows my password, and I did not care), and he saw one of the emails from a guy from craigslist still wanting to know if I wanted to play. I did not even bother deleting the email, and so I just said that I had not been cheating, but let him have his "reason" to break up with me.

November 22, 2009
11:21 pm
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hopeinhim
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So, this is all past tense, "r" and I. I wish I could say it is because I had the guts to end it. But, it is over nevertheless. I will give you time to type your story. I am interested to see the similarities. It is nice, although I am sorry it happened, to have some things in common with another person.

November 22, 2009
11:45 pm
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Hi hopeinhim,

Wow you have shared a lot of really sensitive information. That took a lot of guts. I am honored. I feel that I owe you a more detailed response than I was planning on. You have after all spilled your guts in spectacular fashion. I am composing.

Hey, maybe we should write a screenplay together—a bizarre violent melodramatic comedy that makes “Fight Club” look like a family film.

November 23, 2009
1:32 am
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hopeinhim
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Wow..........I thought I did not share enough! I will be very busy tomorrow, but I think I will be home by 9 PM. So, does it mean that only you on I will be chatting in here? In the embassy? Do they always call it an embassy? I will be in touch - it was very therapeutic to write it all out. Compose away, and maybe it will help you.

Yeah, a screenplay would be something, huh? A mainstream film that addresses things that are even close to this. There was one film, and it had Heather Graham in it. I forget the actor, but there was breath play, and things got pretty wild.

Thanks for the encouragement, and the safe place to land.

November 24, 2009
4:31 pm
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hopeinhim
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Hey WD,

You must be composing a book! I am at "R"'s house wondering if I should call the police because he will not come to the door, and I am worried he is deeply depressed. We are not together........but, still.

November 24, 2009
10:30 pm
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Hi Hopeinhim,

Actually I have been writing a couple of books, composing difficult essays and trying to push some research articles through to completion.

Which has bee pleasant because it distracts me from thinking and writing about the awful stuff.

I'll be back with the whole bloody story soon.

WD

November 24, 2009
11:14 pm
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hopeinhim
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Hey WD,

No pressure, but I like to hear from you. If you are trying to avoid unpleasant memories, by all means take all the time you need. I am still reeling myself.

Challenging projects and essays sound like just the thing to take your mind off of things. I worked for a federal research project for 5 years - it was a grant that ended. It was some of the best years of my life.

Take care and ready when you are......

It seems as if it will make what I went through a cakewalk.

November 26, 2009
10:59 pm
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hopeinhim
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Happy Thanksgiving.............

November 29, 2009
6:50 pm
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hopeinhim
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Hey WD,

I was just bumping this up to ask you about something that goes beyond kinky, or at least I think so.

One time, "R" remarked that if I died he would have sex with me if my body if it was still in tact. I was aghast......anyhow, just thought you could weigh in.

Before this last summer, and before I was delving into the riskier behavior I was pretty "vanilla" so to speak. I did not even masturbate until I was 19, and I had a lot of very conservative morals around sex. So, when something like that comment comes up I don't know what to think.

November 30, 2009
7:19 am
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Hi Hopeinhim,

No I don't think me experience makes yours look like a "cakewalk." You agreed to one experience, but what you got was very different than what you bargained for. Tied up by a "friend" and raped by a stranger. That's right out of a horror movie.

I'm not exactly "vanilla" but historically my sexuality has been of the lovey-dovey or Tantric variety but I have had a couple of kinky girlfriends who I have accommodated. Not a bad thing in and of itself, but in retrospect I think I ought to have seen red flags.

Your boyfriend expressed interest in having sex with your corpse.

That is wrong for so many reasons. Necrophilia is sick enough but for him to say that to you strikes me as him expressing homicidal ideation about you.

Stay the fuck away from him.

I think the police need to search his house.

December 2, 2009
1:28 am
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hopeinhim
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WD - I was in jaw dropped shock when he first told me.......speechless.

I did research, and I found out that wives of pharos (SP?) were not handed immediately over to the funeral parlor, or whatever it was then, to prevent their bodies being ravished. Yuck! But, it talked about the different kinds of necrophilism. So, then I thought of people who kiss somebody right after they die, but yes it is still a stretch to think that he could have intercourse with my dead body.

I managed to ask him if it would change how he remembered me. He said he would not worry about that, but would worry about getting a disease. He said your immune system stops working when you die (duh), and so there are diseases unique to corpses. He went on to say that there was a guy who went to the hospital (or, maybe it was a clinic?), and they knew by the disease he has that he had had sex with a corpse. I was thinking why in the hell had he done so much research, or why does he know so much.

Anyhow, it is good that this thread is aging, so it does not shock anybody unsuspecting. Though these last few posts don't lack shock value. Oh yeah - he is not talking to me tonight. I think I will continue to reciprocate.

Good night, and let me know how you are doing!

December 6, 2009
2:47 am
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hopeinhim
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Wd - hi there......
how have you been doing?
I am very grateful for your attentive input!

Hope

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