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Worried_Dad’s Embassy
July 9, 2006
8:58 am
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I dont get it, why is everyone's on WD's back. Whats the real deal, I dont get it, whose to blame? Too lazy to read all the "blah blah"

July 9, 2006
9:06 am
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HEre's what I understood, I might be wrong:

Junita, I dont know all of whats going on, but if you feel offended by WD ignoring you:

Does WD have ANY duty towards responding to you? I dont thikn so. Why are you then offended by being ignored by him? He does what he likes, right?

I dont get it, WD. Why are you defending yourself so much? Why spending so much energy on it? Whats gonna come out of it? You could just say "screw yourself, if I ignored you, well, deal with it. Thats what I felt like doing."

Or in nicer words "Sorry, I'm busy soemtimes and cant respond to everyone, its just me. I guess I didnt feel like responding. If you didnt like, I'm sorry you feel that way but I cant do anything about it".

Yea? Am i right.

July 9, 2006
9:18 am
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Hi Guest_Guest

I first read Juanita's complaint about me ignoring her early in the morning and kind of snapped at her. That inspired Juanita to really go off on me--which I take as a good sign. She is usually so...nicey all the time...this seemed more real, more intimate.

It's not that I think I have to respond to everyone's posts, but I like Juanita and want us to be able to communicate and get along, so I figured it was worth a little extra effort to try to reach understanding with her.

The hard part was having to wade past the harassment by other people before I could even address Juanita.

July 9, 2006
9:28 am
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ok. Well.. I guess its ok as long as you wanna do it.

July 9, 2006
9:36 am
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Look twinks,

It has been pointed out that nobody here has the obligation to respond to anything anyone says. The "constructive criticism" you have offered is basically that I have failed to meet some people's unreasonable expectations.

I think that Sew and I have our relationship working at this point and I wish you would just butt out. As far as Sew's question goes, it has already been implictly answered here, which you would know if you read things more carefully. I will address Sew more directly when she gets back from Finland.

The problem I have had with you is that you have not made a single post to me that did not include some kind of attack or verbal abuse in it.

I don't know if you have ever been stalked. I have. Didn't care for it.

I have asked you to back off. You didn't. To me, that's a form of stalking and a form of abuse.

I am asking you again. Please back off.

July 9, 2006
10:00 am
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Here you go twinks. Ten examples.

“OOOhhhhhhh.... I just realised I am posting in.... wait for it..... A sacred space. Ah”

“Oh great and wonderful WD. “

“You are a pompous self-aggrandizing twit.”

“Am I breaking 'your' guidelines, WD? Tough.”

“you witter on about 'content' 'respect' 'quality of communication' ad infinitum. “

“when people don't fall at your feet simpering,”

"Stop being so boringly melodramatic"

“You talk as though you are the only person in the world who knows anything, or has an opinion worth a damn”

“You are a closed book, WD, but that doesn't matter because all the pages are blank anyway. “

“You also have a very defective memory, or should that be selective?”

July 9, 2006
10:53 am
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twinks,
What is it that you want WD to DO?

July 9, 2006
11:09 am
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twinks, WD:

I am confused at the 'venom' i see being displayed here between you both.

I don't know what to say to be honest. But I don't see anyone really wanting to solve the problem...(again I am not sure what it is..).

I see the results of a deeper problem...but I don't see what the real issue is. The real issue seems to be, being avoided.

Lot's of anger here. Twinks, you seem to be more angry at WD than he is at you. Regarding Sew becoming "incoherent" in her dealings with WD now (as you stated)....is that ok for her to do? Of course she is not here now...but is it ok for her to feel this way? It seems you think she is being 'sucked in' by something from WD? or that it makes you angry that a friend of yours is being amorous or friendly with someone you do not like? Just guessing here...I don't really know.
It is almost as if you see WD as a liar or sorts (sorry WD, not stating a fact or opinion, just asking questions).

I see this thread as WD's attempt, thus the "EMBASSY" where it is a safe haven, to talk about issues that people have confronted him with over the last few months. I see him trying to be honest and answer those as best any 'human' can. I see him being honest and forthright...but also see him being very angry at you. Do you not think that he should be doing this at all?

Does he remind you of someone you knew/know?

Just trying to understand this and possibly help. I don't want to go back and read old threads, no time...and it is IN THE PAST.

WD, Twinks is pretty angry. Any idea what in the world she is trying to say...minus the anger?

Just thought to ask some questions as I care about both of you. I may be totally wrong and off base, but thought to at least try.

hugs to you both.

omw

July 9, 2006
12:11 pm
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Hi OMW,

Well I'm not mad at you.

I believe that twinks has expressed very clearly her "problem" with me.

She just doesn't like me. Thinks I am mean or something. Doesn't like how I think or how I write. Nothing I say matters. If I am brief then I am being short, if I write at length then I am wittering on.

I don't actually think it has anything to do with me personally, because I gather this sort of thing is part of a pattern with her and men.

I think she just likes to hurt men.

July 9, 2006
12:54 pm
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I think for all of WD's strength that he shows on this site, and for all of his knowledge, that dep down inside he is a very sensitive person. When I say sensitive I mean get his feelings hurt easily...although as a man he may never admit this? I also think that he is extremely sensitive to any extreme words that are directed to him, as being very sensitive to abuse or extrememly intolerant. Sometiems no matter how much work one does to heal from abuse, the core self still reacts. The only thing that ever changes is the magnitude of that reaction. The hurt never goes away. So knowing this about someone, it is important to choose your words very carefully, otherwise all you will ever receive is anger and intolerance. Twinks, you don't trust WD's motives. But he shouldn't ahve to prove to you or anyone what they are. And for you...you can't change them. They are what they are.

You two always seem to get into these hassles then part amicably for awhile until the next time.

What is it that WD is "DOING" here? It seems to me that you are referring to him as an 'N'?....just guessing as you have not said what "IT" is. I am ignorant about "N's"...never met one. Would you mind answering how you think he is playing with people's feelings?

Sew is a big girl, and has seen much worse. She can handle it....what ever it is. Juanita is a very needy person right now, who seems to draw strength from WD. ? So many differnt people/personalities in this world. I feel badly for her because she is so miserable and unhappy, seems powerless to do anything right now. I do remember some posts awhile back that were very emotional from her to WD. I think it is ok for WD to have a "thread" as so many have asked him to speak his mind.

Please make sure you are not taking this too personally. You don't need this aggravation, you are far too intelligent to 'go there'.

I hope you two work this out...but if you don't then let it be. Leave each other alone, deal with your anger yourselves.

July 9, 2006
12:57 pm
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No one appointed me 'mediator'...guess i did that myself...but even i am limited in my knowledge.

July 9, 2006
1:23 pm
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Hi OMW,

An "N" is popular shorthand for a person who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is related to Antisocial Personality Disorder and Psychopathic Personality.

"N's" typically grossly exaggerate their knowledge, skill, wealth, etc. They also have a severely diminished or absent capacity for empathy. They also believe that they are entitled to special treatment, generally expect people to do whatever and give them whatever they want, and have a need for admiration bordering on worship.

"N's" are typically abusive in relationships--they make horrible supervisors, and people who marry them often report deep and long-lasting psychological damage.

"N's" are intrinsically incapable of object love and are also incapable of tru intimacy. One giveaway for "N's" is that it is almost impossible for them to ever admit to error of any kind.

N.P.D. is thought to affect about 1.0% of the population.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition describes the following diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

http://behavenet.com/capsules/.....sticpd.htm

July 9, 2006
1:39 pm
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In the older editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, there used to be an actual diagnosis called Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder. In the most recent edition, P-A is not considered to be a specific diagnosable disorder.

Their main coping strategies are passive resistance, surface submissiveness, evasion, and circumventing of rules

FROM: Kaplan, H.I. & Saddock, B.J. (1997) SYNOPSIS OF PSYCHIATRY, 8th ed. Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins

The following is an excerpt from the above:

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

People with PAPD are characterized by covert obstructionism, procrastination, stubbornness, and inefficiency. Such behavior is a manifestation of passively expressed underlying aggression. In the DSM-IV the disorder is also called negativistic PD.

CLINICAL FEATURES

PAPD patients characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they depend; yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They usually lack assertiveness and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them and may become anxious when forced to succeed or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed.

In interpersonal relationships, these people attempt to manipulate themselves into a position of dependence, but others often experience this passive, self-detrimental behavior as punitive and munipulative. People with this disorder expect others to do their errands and to carry out their routine responsibilities. Friends and clinicians may become enmeshed in trying to assuage the patients' many claims of unjust treatment. The close relationships of people with PAPD, however, are rarely tranquil or happy. Because they are bound to their resentment more closely than to their satisfaction, they may never even formulate goals for finding enjoyment in life. People with this disorder lack self-confidence and are typically pessimistic about the future.

DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSIS:

PAPD must be differentiated from histrionic and borderline PD. Patients with PAPD, however, are less flamboyant, dramatic, affective and openly aggressive than those with histrionic and borderline PD.

http://www.passiveaggressive.h.....raits.html

July 9, 2006
1:40 pm
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PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE TRAITS
"Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man"

*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.

*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.

*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.

*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.

*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.

*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.

*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.

*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.

*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.

*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.

*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.

A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive

July 9, 2006
1:42 pm
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Thanks WD. Have seen references before but these make more sense than any i have read so far. And now I am VERY glad I have never had personal dealings with this personality type. But NOPE, you aint one of them!!

Twinks...I hope you are ok...if this thread made you sick...then don't read anymore. ((feel better)). You are powerful in your own right. But part of being powerful is knowing when to relinquish feeling powerless...and knowing when you are and let it go. What does it say in the Serenity Prayer..Grant me the wisdom to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference between what i cannot change?? or something like that!!

I am passive/aggressive in some areas of my own life. It has generated itself from 'fear' and all of the feelings that generate from that fear. I am better at not being so now...but mine came from being afraid to speak up for myself, learning that as a child I was to be the 'peaceful' one, so that everyone else could have temper tantrums and 'live'.

But this isn't my thread.

I revert back to the Far Side comic and the mummy mommy and the mummy kids, and the curses. =)

July 9, 2006
3:54 pm
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So much fighting, so much argueing. Impossible to address everything... so pardon my generalizations. I am going to spit things out as they come to me.

1) Again, I cannot believe all this hullaboo over my simply stating I was hurt that WD did not respond to my posts over the past months. I do not understand why WD moved this post from its original thread here except to give it more exposure.

2) Part of my reason for expressing my feelings is my counsellor says I need to address things & not smother those emotions down. I need to deal with what hurts to gain a better understanding of the situation b/c sometimes it is a misunderstanding that has occurred & the other person doesn't even know how they are affecting me, or I am interpretting the situation. Sounds simple in theory, but I guess not.

3) WD has given me support in the past when I needed it. He told me something personal I choose to cherish & not forget. That is me.

4) I seek to provide WD with support in a manner which positive. I have cut back on, & now endeavor to quit, giving compliments or praise. He does not like it, it doesn't work for him.

5) No, I have stated before, WD, nor anyone here 'owes' me anything. He did say he responds better when asked a direct question... however, sometimes he does not do this. WD & I have a little history here. If I felt comfortable enough to put forth my feelings, that is for him to address or not to.

6) I am extemely limited for how much time I am on the computer. I do not have hours to write volumes. I try to hit upon what I can.

7) I am not jealous of anyone. The fact that my posts 'seem' to follow after a certain person's ones is purely coincidental. Maybe we are both on the computer at similar times? Who knows. I shall now avoid posting on those threads which this person is on as per her request. I do not want to dwell on these certain postings b/c I do not feel any good will come of it.

8) WD says I have deeper issues. I do. Specifically at the point in time when I choose to address the hurt I felt from him, I had had 'enough'. Enough of constraints, rules, regulations, and requirements being listed in how I should, should not, where, when, and why post, express, or allow myself to feel anything, be it positive or negative. If someone does not want me, or my support, then fine, let me know - I'll disappear. I'd rather spend my time on someone who wants, needs, appreciates my care.

This is a touchy subject for me, I shall try to express myself adequately...

* I am tired & have been worn down being in a marriage where my spouse did not meet, knew he did not meet, and choose to not understand my explanations for needing his attention. When we were first married, it was not that way. Over years time, I felt like nothing more than a shell & about as valued as a shell. At the point when I mentioned separation, he knew I was serious & did a turn about so dramatically, it partially scared me. I never expected him to care if I was here or not. I do not care to re-hash everything that has transpired in my marriage over the past years, to do so only brings me unhappy memories & still makes me upset. Part, in a teeny nutshell, was that he strove to teach me that love & sex are separate. To me, I cannot have sex with someone without being emotionally attached. He knew this & sought to teach me different. He wanted to do this so that 'we' could enjoy experimenting wiht swinging (I have not BTW). He told me he had no time for me, nothing to say if he did, and that I had permission to seek a bf or affair as he was not meeting my emotional needs, just so long as I came home & did not give my heart to another. So, you see... he was well aware of what he was doing to me & how I felt. And you wonder why I am sensitive to being ignored...

* The man my spouse (literally) turned my attentions to was a friend of mine. After having my heart basically crushed within my own household, I developed a crush on my friend that my spouse was trying to get me to **** with. This friend of mine is a wonderful man. I admire him in many ways. He provided what I did not have at home ~ decent conversation, interaction, thought provacation, and an appreciation for not only my looks, but my MIND.

* My spouse gave this friend of mine a couple tidbits of information - specifically that entailed my spouse shared he felt I had a crush on my friend, and that he (my spouse) gave my friend permission to kiss me (for my birthday). Now, my friend did not attend my birthday party. I did not know about my spouse's email to him until after the party.

* My friend did kiss me afterwards when exchanging holiday presents. It was a "holiday smooch". When I inquired to him as to why he did this, was there more to our friendship that just that, he replied there was only friendship between us & was just a regular flirtation. He apologized for setting me off kilter.

So, now let's see...

The man I am married to, and am supposed to love above all others did the above.

The man to whom he turned my attentions, gave me a kiss that was nothing to him while it had meant something to me. He knew he kissed a woman with a crush on him.

I was brought up in a household that did not express verbal or physical love (no hugs, kisses, 'love you', etc). I can count how many times I was told I was loved.... it does not exceed the 10 digits on my hands. Therefore, as this was something I felt I missed, it means a lot to me when someone expresses caring for me, and I try to express caring to others as it does mean so much to me. For someone to say they understand, can relate, or offer a (((((( Juanita )))) here means a lot to me. Cyber support is better than no support... in fact, the fact that someone anonymous cares enough, or is touched enough, by someone's story of pain, and give their own heartfelt offerings... that is a hell of a lot more that some 'real' friends give. Here, you can let your real pain out without hiding it ~ or at least so I thought.

I am tired of "just make love to me, & if you can learn that sex is just sex, then you can have sex with others" under certain control points such as who, when & where, and witnessed by another specific who. Now this same man, who did the above, has done something of a turn around. He talks to me now, picks wild flowers, and just last night held me & tended to me while I had a fever & was crying from pain. He brought me medicine, cool drinks, placed me in the shower to cool me off, & then tucked me in bed, rubbing my back. I am perplexed as to mixing of these two personalities into one. The old one didn't care for so long. The new one does. The constant between the two is the desire to share what happens in the bedroom with others. How much can I accept or live with, I am still mulling over.

I am tired of caring for a friend, loving him in my own way, and knowing it will never be more than that. Yet, I am happy for him when he is happy (ie, with his new girlfriend) and sad for him when he is troubled or sad. I am happier when he is around than not. To me, that indicates I have true 'love' for this person as my own feelings do not interfere with his happiness. Nor am I jealous of the woman he cares for. I am glad she makes him happy. Do I wish I were woman enough to make him happy? Sure, but I do not call that jealousy as I have not one bit of spite towards her or any woman he dates or sees. (He has gone thru 3 gf's over the years we've known one another)

Damn, I feel like I'm rambling. Basically, I hate having to control something so wonderful as the gift of giving someone love, attention, and caring. I hate having to watch my words, watch my reactions, control the amount of emotion I put forth, & hide my pain. I can say only This or That to This one. I can have sex with this one over here whom I don't care about, but not the one that I do. The one I care about is moral enough not to take advantage of the situation or me. I am not a whore, cannot sleep with someone without having affection for them as their anatonamy is about to join mine - I do not work that way. Problem is, now I cannot enjoy 'love' making anymore. Sex is just sex. The emotions that generate passion is gone... love & trust. When did loving someone become so difficult?

I am loving, loyal, stedfast, and devoted. Sometimes I feel rather F*'d up for being that way. I wish I could cut certaim people out of my life as dead & forget them, but I cannot. Due to the heart aches I've had, I very limitedly and cautiously offer my caring (call it 'love' of sorts) to a certain few. I cannot 'care' or offer support unless I geniunely care. When I geniunely care about someone, and I feel as though they do not care, appreciate my offerings, or are ignoring me... well, yes, I am sensitive & feel hurt.

Thru counseling, I am trying to address things that hurt me, and in doing so, they are encouraging me to FEEL and EXPRESS emotion rather than just shutting up, shutting down, and ignoring the situation in hopes it will go away. This is the behavior I had for years in my marriage ~ numbing myself & negating my own feelings in an effort to be a good & loving wife. I am tired of being numb, and it hurts to feel.

When I tried to express a hurt here, I was surprised at how bashed & knocked around I was. People whom were not involved, became involved to both either bash me, or support me, same for WD. I was surprised something between WD & I created so many posts.

So, now, more of you know a bit more about me. I am not perfect, I am caring & sensitive & honest. Sometimes, I try to help someone & actually genuinely hope that I do. It catches me off guard to find out that in certain instances when I tried to be helpful, I created venom & hatred.

I am not a mean, spiteful, or jealous person. I used to pride myself on just how much I could 'take' or squash my own feelings for my perceived 'better' of others. My inner well from which I draw strength is petering out. I am trying not to revert to old, bad habits of remaining silent.

All I had hoped to do between WD & I was to let him know how I was feeling. (sin of all sins amoungst a support board huh?) In doing that, it would hopefully create dialog between WD & I to clear the air. Very simply, from my hurt perspective, if WD does not care or gain any benefit from my postings or manner in which I offer support, then I will stop. I am tired & worn of finding the way in which I offer care, compassion, love, trying to be controlled by the ones who receive it. I am drop dead tired.

July 9, 2006
6:25 pm
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oh, and one last thing....

Perhaps this will explain my "niceness". My mother was both physically and verbally abused by her mother. She had been beaten many times, her clothes ripped off her... My mother vowed not to repeat what had been done to her. I am amazed at the love and caring my mother gives to everyone. She instilled that into me. Never hurt anyone, if what you want to do is not positive in nature ~ don't do it. My behavior to be 'nice' and not hurt anyone in any way, shape or form is engrained into me... so is my nature to repress anything that bothers me.

My mother taught me not to be ticklish? It is mind control over what I can take from others & she taught it to me. Can you imagine someone teaching someone else how not to be ticklish?

July 9, 2006
6:32 pm
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Juanita, well seems like you got some good things to say too. I dont know why it goes this ugly. Looks like it was a clean room and the next moment its a big mess and I wonder how it got that way. Oh well hope you guys are able to resolve it. Seems like US and North Korea are gonna have an easier time resolving their issues than you and WD.

July 9, 2006
7:54 pm
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That WD, he is always going to find something to fight about. He likes to. He has said he does. I think he needs it for some reason.....

He does it almost every weekend.

I only want to know why they put up with it?

July 10, 2006
3:22 am
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Wow, Juanita,

That was quite the essay. And you know I like essays.

It will take me some time to digest and resond to the fullness of what you have said. I think you and I are already clear about my perspective on your issues with your husband.

Where we still have misunderstanding is expressed in the following post of yours:

"All I had hoped to do between WD & I was to let him know how I was feeling. (sin of all sins amoungst a support board huh?)"

Juanita, you and other people continue to act as if were true that I believed or felt that for you to let me know how you were feeling was any kind of sin at all, much less, a "sin of all sins."

As I have spent several hundred words explaining, I had an immediate reaction to the ANGER component of the tone of your first "confessional" post, snapped at you early one morning, and then spent several days clarifying that in no way did I believe that there was any "sin" involved.

And then a bunch of people seemed to jump in to take issue with me that I was accusing you of being a sinner.

Juanita, I like the way you have kind of come out as a powerfully passionate person here recently. If you want to get along with me I'll give it a try to. I guess we would have to negotiate some mutually agreed upon standards of behavior for that to work, because obviously we are not in the slightest way meeting each other's mutual expectations.

July 10, 2006
7:51 am
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gazelle
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Dear Juanita, beware. You don't have to accept other people's judgements or behave to please them. It's perfectly ok - & more than ok, wonderful! - to be 'sweet', gentle, understanding & loving when that's how you feel.

You don't have to act tough to be acceptable or heard by anyone else here!

You don't have to accept judgements or accept anyone else's terms! When pouring out your problems & feelings here, you don't have to restrain yourself or do so in certain prescribed ways. None of us should feel obliged to follow any other poster's 'rules'.

I know you know all this. Just backing up your resolve & showing I can see the attempted manipulations going on. I'll post to you on the Juanita thread. BB - gazelle.

July 10, 2006
11:06 am
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Worried_Dad
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Now I am starting to get annoyed.

If Gazelle, Twinks, or lollipop would actually provide some evidence of misbehavior suggesting ill intent on my part, that would be interesting.

But they have not. Twinks and Gazelle have seprately suggested two very different DSM diasgnoses for me, without referring to my behavior or the definitions of those illnesses. I dont like it when people use medical language in a misleading way.

There has actually been quite a bit of just plain lying through teeth. Such as Gazelles most recent post here. Gazelle, all a person has to do is read my posts and it is obvious that I have not told Juanita that she "has to" do anything.

Gazelle, I am sorry if you do not accept or beleieve in modern orthodox theories of healing with regard to anger and abuse. Check the threads--I tell this to every victim who asks about anger. I do ask that you not confuse and interfere with a victim's healing process--which is what you are doing here.

As far as following anyone "rules," Gazelle, I have basically requested that people follow AAC posting guidelines here.

In my opinion, you and twinks, and lollipop have been very seriously violating those guidelines.

Your last post is also not consistent with posting guidelines in my opinion.

July 10, 2006
12:03 pm
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eve
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Oh dear

Can't we all (and I mean all) do this better? Healthy communicationwise, I mean

July 10, 2006
12:31 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Eve,

Truthfully, I can’t read anyone’s mind either, so I have no proof of anyone “lying” about anything. But the utterance of falsehood is disturbing.

I don’t know if those posters are intentionally distorting things, if they are mistaking me for someone else, or if they simply can’t be bothered to carefully read posts before responding.

But I am 99% sure that my posts do not support the conclusions they have drawn about me and 100% certain that their conclusions are incorrect. I am, after all, the only one here who knows what I am thinking.

July 10, 2006
1:08 pm
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Juanita
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WD,

You & I are fine. Like I said multiple times before, this was supposed to be simple. I felt a certain way, felt the need to express that & did so.

My comment of 'sin of all sins' was tongue in cheek because I too got jumped on for expressing a hurt feeling to you. How can we grow if we don't share personal feelings or emotions? Never thought there would be such a long thread in regards to this.

I know you don't respond to every posting. There are far too many posts, & only so many hours of the day. Nor do you have any "obligation" to respond to every posting. However, as the sort of person I am, when someone puts forth the energy, effort, time, consideration, and words to address you and your concerns - be it either in the manner you prefer or not - please remember that person extended himself or herself in hopes of being of some benefit. Sometimes that takes a lot of emotional effort on their part.

I wanted to clear the air, gain further understanding, express that lack of interaction did leave me hurt. Yes, due in part to my sensitivity, also in part due to our history here. I don't want to feel like I am forcing myself on you, nor do I want to continue to post to you if you are uncomfortable with that. You have noticed that I dramatically cut back over the past several months both in volume & content. You took the time to address me and my concerns at length. I appreciate the time you put into that. Did I over react to the situation? Some may say I did, but how can I clarify something if I don't address it? To leave it unresolved would lead potentially to a bigger problem down the road. I wouldn't want that.

So, I am fine. I know you are probably fine. I don't believe any sort of 'agreement' needs to be made here. After all, this is the first time I recall you & I ever having "it" out. First time in 3 yrs is not a bad ratio in my opinion.

Have to go! Lunch over.... no time to edit.

Juanita

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