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Wish I could Stop
February 18, 2009
10:21 pm
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Terriberry
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Ok RW,

I made a thread on this side. So What does Jesus mean to you?

February 18, 2009
10:23 pm
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Randomwomen2
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ty sweetheart Well I know what he did for me he died for me but I think my problem is that I dont give him everything there is a lot of stuff that ive kept cause I really dont know how to give it

February 18, 2009
10:24 pm
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if I stop replying it means that my husbands home. Dont worry I never cut when he is home and had I known that he was on his way I never would have cut today at all for fear of him finding out

February 18, 2009
10:26 pm
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Terriberry
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ok. that's understandable. Do you pray, or read the bible at all... ?

February 18, 2009
10:27 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I pray sometimes and I do read the bible Im a sunday school teacher so I have to know a little of what im talking about I am a believer just a very lost believer if that makes since

February 18, 2009
10:36 pm
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Terriberry
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ok, well that does make sense. It just means he is calling you back to him.

This was one of the hardest things for me to do to. You just have to trust him. And ask him for his help.

Easy to say hard to do. We normally try to do things all on are own. In our own power. So what do you think is holding you back from giving all to him ?

February 18, 2009
11:02 pm
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Terriberry
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Ok... RW we can pick up on this tommrow.

My turn to a share a poem with you.

Let me know what you think.

Psalm 143
A psalm of David.
O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.

I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah

Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

I will be praying for you.

love,
tb

February 19, 2009
10:48 am
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Randomwomen2
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It is so hard that's a beautiful poem though. King David was amazing no matter how bad he messed up he always went back to God and he was considered a man after Gods own heart. My favorite verse is

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.
Psalm 27:10

After my husband gets up today i'm going to spend a few hours at the church with just me no kids to worry about or anything. I'm hoping it will be good for me to have some one on one time with God.

I slept awful yet again I don't know how many nights I can sleep like this and function. I didn't fall asleep until well after midnight (not for lack of trying) I was tossing and turning really really wanting to cut again trying to figure out how I can sneak a cutting utensil (Sewing needle) Into the bedroom with out any questions but I didn't then at 3:30 I woke up feeling so very sick I was stupid and had a ton of BBQ chips for dinner my stomach hated me then my youngest woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep then around 5 my oldest woke up and they were both up until 6am then they slept until 7:30 Needless to say yet again I'm really tired.

IT seems like everyday is a struggle anymore for me actually every day has been a struggle since I can remember it just makes me wonder if I will ever stop struggling.

February 19, 2009
11:32 am
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Terriberry
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RW,

Do you think that the cutting for you may becoming an addiction?

February 19, 2009
11:34 am
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Randomwomen2
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yeah cause even when im happy and in a good mood I think about it

February 19, 2009
11:40 am
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Terriberry
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Hmm, I was just wondering.... have you looked inot to any sites about self injury yet ?

February 19, 2009
11:42 am
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Randomwomen2
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yeah lots of them I know a lot about it and ive tried some of the things to help me stop but it just doesnt effectivly take its place.

February 19, 2009
11:53 am
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Terriberry
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What are some of the things you have done to try and stop? What do you mean by "it just doesn't effectively take its place ?

I'm going to vist a vendor I will be back in about and hour or two.

keep posting I will talk to you when I get back.

tb

February 19, 2009
1:42 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Well ive tried the bracelet thingie Ive tried writting about it ive tried taking my mind off it which doesnt work. Ive tried taking a hot shower. But none of it gives me the same feeling as when I see the blood. I dont even know how to explain it im sure I sound crazy now

February 19, 2009
2:05 pm
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Terriberry
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no, you don't sound crazy... what kinda of feeling does it give you ?

February 19, 2009
2:12 pm
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Randomwomen2
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relief like its finaly done

February 19, 2009
2:55 pm
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Terriberry
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like the pain, is finally gone ?

Well, I will be praying for you RW.
When you ready, you just need to ask God to help you to stop.

Read his word, it will guide you....he hasn't left your side RW.
Jesus is right there with you. Reach out to him again.

February 19, 2009
3:04 pm
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Randomwomen2
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(((Terriberry))) thank you sweetheart

February 19, 2009
3:12 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I truly appreciate all the time you have taken to talk to me about this

February 19, 2009
3:54 pm
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Terriberry
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I am here for you. I will keep praying for you. I will talk about it anytime you want. Just know RW, God made you. Yes, you are special.

This is not the way he intended for your life to be.I know, for me trusting in him completely and surrudering everything, and I mean everything to him,was the hardest part for me. Because, for me everybody, in my life had let me down.
Nobody care about me, so my thought was why should GOD? Why should I matter to him? That is what I would ask myself.

And in his own time he answered those questions for me. He will do the same for you.

You do matter !!!
You are important !!!

Read this bible vs... and everywhere you see the word, "you" read your own name out loud instead. I kept praying this prayer and GOD showed me, he will show you too.

Ephesians 3-14-17

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Praying Blessing and Love to you,

tb

February 19, 2009
5:16 pm
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Let me know if y'all need any help. I've been living without any belief in God for the last couple of years.

So far, my washing machine is working fine and I still have a roof over my head. I havent gotten struck by any lightening bolts too though today the windy was really gusty and God was tryin to knock me down, but I was strong! I was STRONG against the LORD.

Oh here's what I had read somewhere else:

God is an athiest, since he doesnt believe in any "Gods".

What do you say to that? Isnt that a nice condundrum? Since God is an athiest, he must be a bad guy, eh? but then... well nevermind. I just had to ramble a bit.

February 19, 2009
6:11 pm
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Terriberry
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Bumping for (((RW))) .

February 20, 2009
11:09 am
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Randomwomen2
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Guest_Guest having God be an atheist would mean that he didn't believe in himself and I don't think that my God has self esteem issues and as for the not being stricken down yet I don't believe we will receive the punishment for our sins in this life but after the final judgement and there everyone will have something to answer for pagans and Christians a like the only difference will be is weather or not you have excepted Jesus as a pardon for your sins. I know you'll probably get fired up over this I've read a lot of your postings LOL

February 20, 2009
11:13 am
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Randomwomen2
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(((((TB)))))))

That is a beautiful passage sweetheart. I spent a few hours at church alone yesterday and let me tell you what it was so peaceful I sang and picked out notes on the piano and for about 45 minutes or so I just sat there and prayed I didn't feel the connection I once had with God it was like I knew he was there but I couldn't hear him.

February 20, 2009
11:30 am
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Terriberry
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Ahw.... RW that is amazing !!! He is there he really is. Praise GOD !!

Keep praying and reading that vs...
Ask him to open your ears to hear and your eyes to see him.

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