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Why is it always a man who has to be there for a woman?
August 20, 2008
10:59 pm
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marypoppins
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(((Guest)))!!!, I haven't even read everything yet, but I wanted to assure you I'm not making fun of you for liking a big ass. As a big-assed woman, I'm grateful for guys like you. Really. More cushion for the pushin' - isn't that how it goes? Sorry for being so crass.

I'm single, too. How goes the single life?

And is your dad Muslim? Is that what I read on another thread? I teach international students - all kinds of religious, cultural, and political backgrounds.

Yeah, I think Jesus was a cool dude. But after 6 years of Catholic school, I found the organized Christians to be pretty shaming and abusive.

big-assed Mary

August 20, 2008
11:04 pm
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marypoppins
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(((Fantas)))

Glad I could make you laugh, and thank you too for calling me "hun". Made me feel good.

I'm doing okay. How about you?

Mary

August 20, 2008
11:16 pm
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Mary

OMG dont tell me about big assed Mary's! I had one break my heart really bad :((. A very nice (and unbelievably hot) girl, she just, well, she just wanted to have fun and I was stupid. I wanted more. I was naive. Its like I was expecting a bicycle and here comes a limosine. Anyway. My dad is a humanist like me.

I'd argue with you on Jesus being a cool dude (how do we know that he was?) but then its ok, I dont want to because this was Tez's original argument.

Single life is tough and lonely. Now I read somewhere that getting a girlfriend or a wife, helps people with depression or who are not social enough so yea I should. Its just sad but anyway. I dont know what the problem is. I dont feel like making the effort, but I want a GF really bad. Its the same situation with my job. I want a better one but I dont feel like making the effort. Oh well.

August 20, 2008
11:21 pm
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MsGuided
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"Fat bottom girls make the rockin world go round......."_ Queen

A real man likes fat bottoms. That's what he's there for! ;0P

August 20, 2008
11:22 pm
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marypoppins
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to all,

Divorced twice from the same man (some never learn), I finally decided to put up a profile on a dating site. Very interesting way to study men and women and what they want. I'm practicing being picky, after years of groveling for tiny crumbs from my xxh. Actually haven't gone out with anyone yet, too timid for that, but I felt it was a good step to think and write about what I was looking for and then to define myself. I didn't describe myself as big-assed and stacked, though. I used "curvy".

One guy came out and stated he was looking for a "friend with benefits". At least he was honest. It's kind of funny how guys in my age group, mid-to-late forties, describe what they want. Gives you a clue about why their marriages failed, since most are divorced. For example, "looking for someone who is willing to do her part. No longer interested in doing the work for both people" or "absolutely no tolerance for game playing or drama". Another guy simply wanted a red-headed woman with fair skin.

It's just an experiment for now.

The last guy I went out with came on really strong. Thought I'd covered everything until I found out he had planned a trip, before we met, to go on a "singles vacation" in Colombia to find a young child-bearing bride. I didn't see THAT coming. And he thought it was selfish of me to expect him to cancel his trip! That was the end of that.

Mary

August 20, 2008
11:27 pm
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hi Fantas

>> Having read your post, I can no longer continue to assume that men do not wish for their women to be their "knights in shining armours" all the time, not just in special occasions or during a crisis.

I'm so glad, well atleast I made a difference in your life. Yup there are good independently thinking men who dont ride on the culture train blindly. I might not be good but I'm independently thinking.

I can't ever pretend not to know that that possibility exists there.

>> My question to you is, how should I as woman, communicate with my man so that he feels comfortable enough to share with me, this very personal need?

I dont know as well. I think it depends on the person. If they're "macho" and riding the culture train, then they'll never change. If its somoene who thikns on their own then they'll know that the best thing to do is speak their minds, whether they need a hug or whatever and that - its not going to jeapordize their testosterone or manhood.

I guess you could try asking them what they think of men who cry. Maybe thats a litmus test. If he says "What, those are just sissies", thats a no no. If he's open to it, it sounds good. If I see something on TV thats emotional, I get teary eyed. I dont care. I do what I want to do. True, I could not do this in front of most people and I could only do it alone, unless I knew my partner doesnt care at all.

So yea, you could start with telling them that its ok for them to speak their minds and do whatever they want to do. You can also assume that they're doing what they want to do. Oh, you could ask him what he thinks if you changed your own car oil (or other 'manly' stuff), is he ok with that? You can tell if someone is just saying "yea, ofcurse its ok" for the sake of being agreeable, or if they really mean it.

>> How would you let your woman know that it's okay for her to fuss over you the same way men fuss over woman, without her being called bossy?

I think the best way for me to convey that to her would be .... to ask her for care, or, respond positively when she does care on her own. Then she'll know I welcome her care. I'd be as emotional as her or I'd just be myself. I'd tell her "gosh, I'm so tired. Give me a massage and I'll give you back one later.. please." Stuff like that?

August 20, 2008
11:30 pm
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hi Mary

Wow! A trip planned like that, eww! Ch ch, very sad - that guy, i.e. Poor guy.

I have to do the dating site stuff too. I dont have good pictures of myself. Trying to take some in which I'm smiling. I smile rarely. I have to do a lot.

August 20, 2008
11:33 pm
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Hey Soofoo, what do you thikn if you saw your boyfriend watching a reality show and a mother finally tells her daugher that she loves her. Your boyfriend starts crying with tears. Is that ok with you? lol.

August 20, 2008
11:34 pm
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marypoppins
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(((MsG))) great song!

(((Guest)))Sorry about your BAM (big-assed Mary). I've had my heart broken more than once. It doesn't seem to get any easier.

I've read/heard that, too, about the health benefits of not being single, but what does being in a bad relationship do to one's health? Better to be single than in a bad relationship.

Yeah, it's tough. I read that you were thinking about starting up a meetup.com group in your area. I was thinking of joining one.

You sound like you're kind of depressed and stuck. I can relate. I finally worked up the courage to end my marriage, for the second time, about a year ago, and now I'm trying to take little step to building a social life and going out. I've found that even tiny steps in the direction you want to go can be rewarding, in your love life or job or health.

I didn't think I'd be in the dating world at 46. When I first started looking at guys my age on the dating sites, I thought, "Shit. These guys look like my dad's friends."

Anyway, good luck to us all. Later.

Mary

August 20, 2008
11:45 pm
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marypoppins
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Before I go, Guest, one guy posted a picture of himself sleeping! That was his primary photo. It was like, "If you end up with me, this is how you'll see me most of the time - on your couch, in your house, paying no rent, not working, just sleeping." Wow. What a catch. I think he described himself has a guy who knows how to treat a lady.

BAM

August 21, 2008
1:37 am
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marypoppins
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Guest,

Let me know when you get started with the online dating thing, okay? We can compare notes.

So you decided to detach from your dad for a while? I had another falling out with my folks, so I'm not speaking with them right now. I don't know what else to do. Seems I get my hopes up that all will be well and that progress has been made, and then my mom freaks out and become abusive. My dad continues to back her. I'm tired of being scapegoated.

Take care of yourself, okay?

Mary

August 21, 2008
8:31 am
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soofoo
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Fantas,
No, no that was because LM (guest) keeps quoting my preferences as the definition of man in quotation marks. But now that I know that I have absolute power, it's okay.

LM,
Yes, I approve of crying during reality shows as potential man behavior. Did you do that LM? That is so cute.

You can submit further approvals for man behavior on this thread, addressed to soofoo, or captain obvious should you be so moved.

Please allow 2 business days for your request to be processed. Thank you.

Mary,
I suggest you check out meetup.com which is not a strictly dating site, but a site where you meet people with similar interests in your area, and go on events. I think this takes some of the pressure off, and even if you don't find the one, you're very likely to make some good friends and have a good time regardless. I belong to a hiking meetup and a playgroup meetup so my littleson can hang out with other kids and I can hang out with other moms since he's not in school yet. Plus it's free. Okay do I sound like a freakin advertisement? Sorry!

August 21, 2008
8:32 am
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soofoo
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LM, Woops I forgot to tell you that I will also answer approval requests for man behavior addressed to FM.

August 21, 2008
12:49 pm
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fantas
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(((MP))) I'm glad I made you feel good. We have come a long way haven't we??? I'm so glad to see you writing funny and fun stuff...that warms my heart:)

August 21, 2008
4:06 pm
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marypoppins
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(((Soofoo))) You're very busy with your "man behavior approval" business and your public relations work for meetup.com. Thank you for your attention!

(((Fantas))) Yes, we have come a long way. Thank you for being here for every step.

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