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Why is it always a man who has to be there for a woman?
August 12, 2008
5:59 pm
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Saw this on the Support side and I want to comment here because it had nothing to do with support. Its just me debating on a general issue, of women and men supporting each other. A poster wrote:

>> I used to text him about dreams at three in the morning and he'd come over to help me back to sleep.

So... I dont understand why, why, why, it can never be a woman who'll come visit her man and comfort him at 3am to help him sleep after his bad dreams.

Why is that? Any good answers?

2) Is this a cultural issue, or a genetic one, if you know what I mean?

Its kinda unfair, no? We men gotta be the stronger, more supportive partner? Why? What, am I superman or Gandhi or something, or a counselor? Whats up with that?

And puleezzz, dont say women are supportive in their own way. If that was true, women would comfort the man 50% of the time. That doesnt happen.

Another thing ofcourse, its always women who want a partner with a good sense of humor. You wont see that being mentioned by guys in their personal ads. If you do, duh, its very uncommon, as compared to ads by women.

I just wonder why these differences exist.

August 12, 2008
6:10 pm
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soofoo
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Guest_guest ??????????????????????

I am dumbfounded. I don't see this. When I want emotional support, I go to another woman. If I go to a man, I am liable to be disappointed. Women are comforters in my book. Most of the people here on this site, offering support and comfort are women.

I just said to my boyfriend, "I wish you wanted to take care of me." and he got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door and all.

I always thought that men never asked for a sense of humor in the personals because they are more impressed with big boobs, no wrinkles and a tiny ass. 

August 12, 2008
6:39 pm
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marypoppins
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From a post on the support side:

"I cant help but miss him. I used to text him about dreams at three in the morning and he'd come over to help me back to sleep. Or the same with him. He'd just come over at three in the morning to sleep when we couldn't."

HE also went to her place when HE couldn't sleep to get comfort.

August 12, 2008
6:43 pm
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A big ass in my case. oops. Well, thats a separate issue, the physical attractiveness. I didnt talk about that yet.

Yes, people here are all women but thats for friendships sake. I'm talking about things happening or being expected in a relationship.

>> I just said to my boyfriend, "I wish you wanted to take care of me." and he got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door and all.

See, can you EVER imagine a MAN saying this to a woman. Why not? Precisely my point. Any answers there?

I'm not trying to rile up anyone's emotions here. I'm asking for a serious debate as to, why its more common for women as compared to men to expect to be taken care of, held and supported and whatever that whole sht is.

It actually makes me angry how men are expected to be more supportive and "stronger". Remember the bad dream point again as mentioned in the first post.

Ofcourse men have to be supportive or else the woman will find someone else who is.

August 12, 2008
6:43 pm
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Oops, that was for Soofoo

August 12, 2008
6:45 pm
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maryP, even if thats true, I wonder how often he had bad dreams as compared to her. Its always the man, I mean - we all know that. The guy is expected to be emotionally stronger. Isnt that true?

August 12, 2008
6:55 pm
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I'm probably gonna get 10 denials before I get a confession. Anyway. Again I'm not here to offend anyone, just to clarify.

August 12, 2008
7:35 pm
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Hepburn
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Hi guest,
Hmmm, one thing I've noticed about some men is that they won't ask. I don't remember the last time any of the men I know would ask for ANYTHING especially to be comforted. Well, unless they were in the sack. ha

Maybe if more men quit acting like they were superman and all that macho stuff.......

But then again, I don't want a whiny girlie man neither. It's all about balance my friend.

Just my big ol opinion.

Hep

August 12, 2008
7:38 pm
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Hepburn
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Oh, I forgot to mention, because I realize that men won't ask, I usually will take it upon myself to comfort him if I think he needs it. Whether asked or not. But that's just me.

August 12, 2008
7:42 pm
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Hepburn
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lolololol Soofoo. You're wrong. Some men like big asses. ha

August 12, 2008
7:48 pm
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free
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I've always felt the opposite true guest.

Men need support and comfort from a woman.God forbid the child should get sick and take attention away from him!

free

August 12, 2008
7:55 pm
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soofoo
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Can I imagine a man saying this to a woman. "I wish you wanted to take care of me?"

Hmm. Yes. And I think it's funny.

And I'm ditto on the whiny girly man thing.

I see what you mean guest_guest. But I want to clarify something. I don't expect a man to BE stronger all the time. But I do expect him to WANT to be the strong one. To want to be there for me, to feel a sort of manly honor in strength and protectiveness and in providing and to get satisfaction from fulfilling those duties.

Why are you complaining about this? Do you feel that too much is expected of you as a man?

August 12, 2008
8:21 pm
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I think that it is a cultural thing. Women are raised to be more emotionally nurturing. Men are raised to be nurturing in other ways. And please do not kid yourself for little second thinking that women do not comfort men because we do. Well, at least I did. I was with a guy who could be the biggest whiner ever. OMG!!!

I want a man who knows what he wants and needs and knows how to ask for it and tell me how I can best be there for him. I aslo want to be in a relationship where I feel safe in doing the same. All boils down to know yourself and taking care of yourself first.

I think that the problems in relationships stem from the fact that everyone has expectations (whether they realize it or not) and haven't the faintest idea how to ask for what they need or want. They just expect the other to read their minds. And when their expectations are not met then all hell breaks lose yet nobody has a clue as to why.

August 12, 2008
8:26 pm
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Cause guys are hunters and protectors, and women are nurturers?

August 12, 2008
8:26 pm
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My ex-wife and I discovered one little pattern that crept into our relationship.

In the evening I would ask her, "Would you like a cup of tea, Darling?" And she would say, "No thanks, but let me make you one."

Anyway one night, she replied, "Oh yes, a cup of tea would be lovely, thanks." About half an hour later, she said,"Where's that cup of tea?" And I looked up form my book and said, "Oh, you want me to make it do you?" She said, "Well yes, you did offer." (lol) Then we realised that after years of marriage, I had never actually made the tea.

I don't know team. I think trying to work this woman/man stuff out is pretty much mission impossible. She never once removed a dead mouse from the trap; "Honey, ewww, it's staring at me, with its little eyes." (lol)

I say, "Vive la difference!" Woman are gorgeous creatures, although a little frustrating at times. And I sure miss having my lady around to comfort me; even when I am putting on my macho (I'm ok) act. Don't be fooled Ladies, we really do need you.

August 12, 2008
10:13 pm
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marypoppins
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Remember that Seinfeld episode in which George pushed all the women and children aside to get to the door first when a fire broke out?

And then there was that guy who dressed as a woman so he could get into one of the lifeboats when the Titanic was sinking...

August 12, 2008
10:19 pm
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Women!! Pampered! That's what they are!! Having babies, working full-time, still doing most if not all of the housework, raising kids and taking care of them when they're sick, holding the family together. Damn! I'm simply ashamed of myself.

August 13, 2008
10:46 am
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lovin life
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a man doesn't have to be there for a woman. and, frequently, he isn't. count the baby-daddys.

a woman doesn't have to be there for a man. and, frequently, she isn't. but she takes the kid with her.

where's the fairness in that i ask.

August 13, 2008
10:48 am
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Hepburn, this:

>> I usually will take it upon myself to comfort him if I think he needs it.

is nice and caring of you, but, we dont know if the guy needed it or not. If they didnt ask for me, then we should assume they dont need it.

Its as dysfunctional for men to not ask for it, if they do need it, as it is for women to ask for it more than men. I feel like a broken record. I've actually brought this up before heh. Oh well.

August 13, 2008
10:53 am
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Soofoo

>> Why are you complaining about this? Do you feel that too much is expected of you as a man?

Yes sometimes I do. I feel its unfair basically and well, stupid of these cultural expectations to exist and for people to fit in these roles because society demands it from them.

>> But I do expect him to WANT to be the strong one. To want to be there for me, to feel a sort of manly honor in strength and protectiveness and in providing and to get satisfaction from fulfilling those duties.

Lol, there ya go! You get a medal for being honest. You expect the man to be the strong one. Ha! Thats EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Why? Are you women weak or something? Come on now. Lets debate about it.

I'm not woman hater. My mother is stronger than my father. She kicks ass. Although she abused the heck out of me when I was small, she's smart and she goes for what she wants. She may be a narciccistic though. My father is a wimp. He's soft hearted and a scared mouse.

I'll give another example: Myth busters. That girl intern is stronger in personality than both of the other guys combined.

So yea its not that I'm a woman hater or something, you have the proof now. I'm talking in general terms.

So yea, you said - men are expected to be stronger. Thats what I was asking about. I really feel like saying, golly, you girls are too weak then. You need comforting and holding and blah blah. What, you cant handle it on your own? Whatsup with that seriously? lol! weak!

Dont mind what I'm saying. Lets hear some honest answers.

August 13, 2008
10:57 am
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Wizardof Aus, thats pretty dysfunctional, what do you think:

>> In the evening I would ask her, "Would you like a cup of tea, Darling?" And she would say, "No thanks, but let me make you one."

1) If she'd want tea, she'd ask you to make it.

2) She's assuming you want tea.

If she wants tea from you, she should ask you right away. If you want it, you should too. Its happening in a reverse fashion here.

I dont like that, I think its messed up. Am I right, whats your analysis of this?

August 13, 2008
11:01 am
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marypoppins wrote:

>> Women!! Pampered! That's what they are!! Having babies, working full-time, still doing most if not all of the housework, raising kids and taking care of them when they're sick, holding the family together. Damn! I'm simply ashamed of myself.

lol those are separate things. I wasnt talking about that. Yes true and I beleive that women should actually be paid to bring up babies and taking care of kids. They should be paid for housework as well.

August 13, 2008
11:15 am
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And ofcourse I can also have the viewpoint of the guy who has no problem at all about being caring for another person more than what they get back, infact, friendship doesnt weigh scales but - I'm also thinking from this alternate scientific viewpoint of "why".

Now I want to know what women have to say when I tell them that they're weak because they expect the guy to be stronger like Soofoo admitted honestly.

So yea, what do you have to say to that?

August 13, 2008
11:22 am
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lovin life
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a healthy, well-adjusted, damn good catch of a man will provide support without rancor.

August 13, 2008
11:23 am
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and when you find him...i'd like his number!

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