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Why are 'Extramarital Dating' sites advertised here?!
July 21, 2008
7:43 am
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gazelle
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Just posted & saw banner-headline ads in big letters advertising extramarital dating sites at top of page!?!

Is this a joke? A wind-up?

July 21, 2008
7:45 am
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gazelle
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Hang on, they now have a site called "How to Survive Infidelity" & another "How to Save your Marriage" right next to it.

Obviously a joke - though in bad taste imho.

July 21, 2008
8:10 am
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It's 40 minutes later now (why no posting times here?) and the affairs ad has vanished. Hmmm...

I've been silently reading here for a while, & noticed these Google-sponsor ads for 'sex on the side' before, & been astonished no-one has mentioned them. Most posters seem to be from America, w a few from Canada or Australia. Do they only appear in England then?

July 21, 2008
10:13 am
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Its automatic ads, based on the content of the site. Not sure how much control a site owner has over these ads.

So, they're chosen automatically by the google software.

July 21, 2008
12:04 pm
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Hi Gazelle,

I don't think that the ad was advertising extramarital dating. At least, I didn't read it that way. I understood it to mean "How to survive infidelity" IF it should happen to you.

Unfortunately a lot of people's lives are shattered by unfaithful spouses. They may feel like it's the end of the world. I think it is most likely a site that lends support to those who have been cheated on... to help them pick up the pieces after infidelity.

At least, that's how I read it.

I live in the U.S. and I've never seen any "sex on the side" ads or anything else in such poor taste on my screen.

Peace,

TC

July 21, 2008
2:18 pm
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Google brings up some weird stuff according to the content of your email if you have Gmail. It's comical sometimes. Scary except they claim it's all done by computers and no human ever reads your email. Right, until some government wants them to reveal it. Can we say China? Or Patriot Act?

Yeah I heard about those extramarital sites. I didn't see the link that was on here, but I know someone married who insists there are sites for married people who want to hook up with others outside their marriage.

July 21, 2008
4:20 pm
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Sounds exciting to me...

July 21, 2008
11:39 pm
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Free, you trouble making scamp!

It's kind of endearing, actually.

If a man had said that though...oh boy!

I didn't see any of those ads.

But hey: isn't "extramarital dating" an oxymoron, anyway?

July 22, 2008
2:12 am
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This guy I know sounded like he's "in the know." So everyone has to be an expert on something I guess. I just sort of said "oh really?" and changed the subject.

July 22, 2008
5:20 am
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gazelle
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Well, I think guest-guest must be right. And perhaps they do only appear in the UK.

No, tc66, it definitely WAS advertising extramarital dating. Right next to ads you are describing about picking up the pieces. I checked again & wasn't mistaken. The ads most definitely DID flag up very directly that they were for affairs outside marriage. I can't remember the exact wording, but it included "discreet" or "your spouse need never know" or similar phrases making it quite obvious.

Then, as I said, there were sites advertised right next door offering exactly the type of support & counselling you were talking about, tc66. Which was ironic, to say the least!
Next time I see one I'll post precise details - esp for Free 😉

July 22, 2008
5:49 am
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gazelle
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Doh! I'm an idiot! It IS UK only. I was so shocked, disgusted & outraged that I didn't notice.

I copied out the details to show people here how sick this type of exploitation is.

EXTRAMARITAL DATING.
The UK's Largest Married Dating Website - Join Free Right Now! http://www.IllicitEncounters.com

and next but one to it, on same ad banner:

How to Save Your Marriage - Even if you've lost all hope and you're the only one who will try. http://www.savingmymarriagenow.com

I swear I am not joking about this. How cynical & sick 🙁

July 22, 2008
5:57 am
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Hi, lovely ella. No, I don't have gmail & have never had any emails about any sort of dating, nor any extramarital affairs. I think guest must be right & Google just pick out headlines from the site content & pick ads with similar words.

Sorry to hear you're feeling low lately. Much of what you describe fits me perfectly. As a chronic depressive with severe crisis (suicidal) episodes, I empathise only too well. Trying to send you cheering, heartening, loving vibes as best I can muster right now. (Am depressed, socially withdrawn & v exciteably irritable these past few weeks ... eugh.) Love to you.

Moronic oxen, WD, yeah 😉

July 22, 2008
8:32 am
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who ever looks at ad sections anyway

July 22, 2008
12:05 pm
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Well, that explains it! I figured that it MUST be a U.K. or Canadian thing... since there is no infidelity or extramarital illicit activity that goes on here in the good ole U.S.A.!!!

KIDDING!!!

That is pretty sick. The sad thing is that it's probably a very popular site! The morality and ethics of people in this world today is going straight to h*ll in a handbasket, I swear!

TC

July 22, 2008
4:12 pm
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((((gazelle))))

I've missed you. Sending a big hug across the pond to you.

kroiks
xoxox

July 22, 2008
4:52 pm
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Hello and a warm hug back, lovely (((Kroika!)))

I do sometimes read here, but have felt too depressed, different & generally helplessly unable to post anything acceptable. But I sincerely do send good wishes & 'vibes' to my old friends like you. Thanks for the greeting. xxx 🙂

July 23, 2008
4:24 pm
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I've been googling again.

From - http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com.....folks.html

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

ONLINE DATING ATTRACTS MARRIED FOLKS

ONLINE DATING VIRTUALLY IRRESISTIBLE TO SOME MARRIED FOLKS

Oh, what a tangled Web is weaved as rapidly growing numbers of married people sneak into Internet chat rooms for romantic or sexual thrills they think they aren't getting from their spouses, a new University of Florida study finds.

"Never before has the dating world been so handy for married men and women looking for a fling,"said Beatriz Avila Mileham, who conducted the research for her doctoral dissertation in counselor education at UF. "With cybersex, there is no longer any need for secret trips to obscure motels. An online liaison may even take place in the same room with one's spouse."

In the words of one 41-year-old man in the study, "All I have to do is turn on my computer, and I have thousands of women to choose from. (It) can't get any easier than that."

Counseling organizations report chat rooms and instant messaging are the fastest-rising cause of relationship breakdowns, and the problem only stands to get worse as today's population of Internet users, estimated at 649 million worldwide, continues to grow, Mileham said.

"The Internet will soon become the most common form of infidelity, if it isn't already," she said.

Unlike some fatal attractions, a simple click of a mouse button ends contact - should the person want to break it off - without any explanations or apologies, she said.

In 2002, Mileham conducted in-depth online interviews with 76 men and 10 women, ages 25 to 66, who used Yahoo's "Married and Flirting" or Microsoft's "Married But Flirting," Internet chat rooms geared specifically for married people. The study's participants, who represented every state, included stay-at-home mothers, construction workers, engineers, nurses and presidents of large corporations.

Some went online for a quick "sex fix," while others established more meaningful connections where they talked about personal problems, marital issues and things like that, Mileham said. Others hoped to have a real-life affair. Still others wanted to engage in cybersex, exchanging sexual fantasies with someone while masturbating, she said.

The vast majority said they loved their spouses but sought an erotic encounter online because of boredom, a partner's lack of sexual interest or the need for variety and fun, Mileham said.

"I'm not going to cheat," wrote one married man. "I'm just capturing back some of those butterflies we feel when we're young and start flirting and dating."

"The No. 1 complaint from men was lack of sex in the marriage," Mileham said. "Many of them said their wife was so involved in childrearing that she wasn't interested in having sex."

Because there is no touching involved in online chat conversations, married people often rationalize their behavior as harmless fun, Mileham said. Eighty-three percent of the study's participants said they did not consider themselves to be cheating, and the remaining 17 percent deemed it a "weak" form of infidelity that was easily justifiable, she said.

Other research has shown, however, that most spouses feel as betrayed, angry and hurt by online infidelity as they would if skin-to-skin adultery had taken place, she said.

The UF study found an escalating quality to these online contacts. Many reported that what started as innocent, friendly exchanges progressed quickly to strong desires for sexual relationships, she said.

Twenty-six of the 86 study participants went on to meet the person whom they had been engaged in an online relationship with, and of these, all but two ended up having a real-life affair. One 66-year-old man ended up having 13 affairs this way, she said.

Research shows that more males than females use chat rooms, said Mileham, who found it difficult to get women to respond to her survey. Females are usually bombarded with messages and can pick and choose which messages they respond to, she said.

Al Cooper, a leading expert in the field of Internet sexuality and the author of the book "Sex and the Internet: A Guidebook for Clinicians," said Mileham's research is important in helping to understand this increasingly common phenomenon.

"We are hearing from therapists around the country reporting online sexual activity to be a major cause of marital problems," Cooper said. "We need to better understand the contributing factors if we are going to be able to warn people about the slippery slope that starts with online flirting and too often ends in divorce."

With the exception of two of the study's participants, all hid their online activities from their spouses, often "chatting" after their husbands or wives had gone to sleep, Mileham said. But some used this form of effortless escapism while their spouse was in the room, she said.

Said one such man, "While I'm on the computer my wife just assumes I'm writing a report for work." Another man said his wife, who knew what he was doing and didn’t like it, looked over his shoulder sometimes while he was typing, Mileham said.

Much of the Internet's appeal to married people is the anonymity it guarantees, coupled with the no-touching aspect, which they view as a license to be sexual, Mileham said. One can reveal the most intimate emotional and sexual details to an unseen stranger at any time of the day or night, she said.

Several participants indicated they divulged more about themselves to online partners than to their wives or husbands.

"We started chatting about life, our marriage, what we like to eat, what sexual positions we like the best," wrote one man to Mileham. "I felt like I've known her in another life."

Mileham believes the time has come for the Internet to become as essential a part of pre-marital discussions as is whether or not to have children. "To prevent future problems, young couples, as well as long-term committed couples, need to talk about what role the Internet will play in their relationship."

- Cathy Keen

July 23, 2008
7:24 pm
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gazelle
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Thanks, Bevdee. Blood-chilling stuff. What with this, my depression & your Narcissism posts, I think I'll just run away & live alone in a cave.

No change there then 🙁 😉

July 23, 2008
9:49 pm
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Interesting article BEvdee.

Well, if you're gonna cheat you're gonna cheat.

It doesn't talk about the women's motives, but it does give a clue about the men.

It looks like depriving your husband of sex is a good way to encourage him to cheat.

Which raises an interesting question...

If you make a marriage contract with someone that includes sexual monogamy, and then you deprive them of sex, at what point does that amount to a deal-breaker, a kind of marital infidelity in and of itself?

July 23, 2008
10:22 pm
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Hi gazelle,

Yeah, I think google is a wild card with that stuff. I was at work, where I am amongst children, and something in my email made something similar to "nasty hot and sexy sweaty f*** sluts" come up on the side bar! God, it was weird. I think I literally was emailing about the weather!!! It's been hot. They probably have it rigged so that those advertisers pay a pretty penny to get their stuff seen easily enough.

On a more serious note, I'm sorry you are down. Still you had such kind words. You are sweet and I hope you feel some relief soon.

-ella

July 24, 2008
5:56 am
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How horrid, ella! Eugh.
Thank you lots for being kind 🙂

Hi WD. Hmmm, well ... my initial response to yr post was outrage - prob. as you intended. Lol. Outrage of the "typical-man,-thinks-with-his-willy,-how-dare-men-expect-sex-as-a-service-to-be-provided-by-contract,-thus-making-marriage-into-prostitution" variety. Rofl 😉

But then, I realsied that you were careful not to gender your point. Of course, it cuts both ways. 2 of my female friends were v unhappy & finally left & divorced their husbands because they weren't getting much, if any, sex.

I was astonished, because I'm so different. I cope with love without sex but can never, ever, do sex without love (simple self-respect.)I may be weird, but I do have my integrity. Even when it does not serve me well:(

One gathers that the more common, gender-typical problem would be (a la Mars & Venus)that whereas 'the man' often needs sex before his tender, romantic, attached emotions develop & deepen, it's vice-versa for 'the woman'. So she (i.e. generic 'woman') feels HE is breaking the marriage contract by not loving her - & therefore she feels little or no sex drive / desire for him, if he is witholding HER greatest initial need, which is to feel loved & understood. Catch 22.

Whaddaya fink? Though I expect I know, or can guess... [writes imagined WD-style reply in sealed envolope].

July 24, 2008
2:32 pm
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ITs intresting I was looking through tmz.com and found this

http://www.tmz.com/2008/07/24/.....ed-people/

Times Square has been hooker-free for years, but even legal sex is being run out of town.

AshleyMadison.com, the controversial dating site for married people, unveiled a new billboard in midtown Manhattan on Monday. But after receiving a deluge of complaints, the sign, which was supposed to run for six weeks, was taken down faster than Eliot Spitzer.

New York can be a hard city to stay up in.

July 24, 2008
9:46 pm
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Hi Gazelle,

Well, ya caught me!

Yes, I was trying to make a provocative lead into kind of provocative territory.

Thank you for noticing my gender neutrality. I gather that you figured out that I was not really trying to start a "why won't women put out" or a "wives ought to do this or that..."

Instead I was actually musing on the deeper meanings of what a marital contract really is.

Yes, the most popular example of the mismatched sex drive thing is when the woman doesn't want it as much as the man does.

But I've seen it happen both ways.

I've experienced it both ways, too. Actually, only one relationship did I ever feel deprived, but that's a horror story I've already told. My intimate relationships have always been hot sexually and romantically. Me being Mr. lovey-dovey, your personal romantic poet, florist, cook and massage therapist.

The other story is more entertaining.

About 3 years ago, I was engaged to Ms. "B," a sweaty, sexy, kinky little fireball. She was a heck of a good singer and artist, too.

We were still on the newly-besmitten, making love three times a day, four times on Sunday schedule.

And these were marathon sessions.

One day I was tired after work, and we opted for the "let's just cuddle and rub each other's shoulders" thing.

I think it was the very next evening, we got into some stupid argument, and "B" hit me with the accusation:

"You never touch me anymore!"

LOL!

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