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who can help me?
June 23, 2005
2:40 am
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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i know after many, many years that i'm codependent, but i still can't seem to change my self-destructive behavior.....i still manipulate, alienate and completely block people out while appearing to be gracious and understanding. i attach myself to anyone who will be a problem - then push them away like it's their fault. it's not, it's mine! can anyone help me?

June 23, 2005
6:13 am
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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Hey comingaround, welcome aboard 🙂

Just having this knowledge about yourself and not blaming anyone else for your behavior says a lot. It shows that you are serious about change and motivated to do something about it.

Many times, it involves a long, hard look at the pain that we've caused others and ourselves with the need to fix, rescue and control. It may involve taking a glance backward in time to figure out what got us there to begin with, but not to stay locked in the past and become blinded with hate or fear.

The continuing choice to change has got to come from YOU. Most everyone at this site that you'll read about has had to fight their own personal battle with codependency, and many will coach you along, but the ongoing, daily facing of your own demons and resisting them has got to come from within yourself.

If you haven't already, I'd like to recommend that you purchase Melodie Beatty's book, "Codependent No More". There is also another excellent book on boundaries, called "Boundaries" by Cloud & Townsend to help you define where you (are supposed to) leave off and others begin.

Keep posting, tell your story if you need to. We are such a diverse group here at this site, some will be tender, some will kick b*** (within the guidelines, though), some will be amusing and some very serious, but we are all here to help in our own way 🙂 You couldn't have picked a better site to visit!

Blessings to you,


June 29, 2005
3:48 am
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Forum Posts: -1
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September 30, 2010
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hello, coming around,
I read your post and wondered if you were trying to say that you want to be loved and needed.

If that is so..... you are trying to do that in the old destrcutive way.... because you don't think that you have anything that anyone else would value.

So - the lie you were fed, you still believe.

The truth is - EVERYONE has value and wants to help. And you do, too.

So you need to update your beliefs.... right?

What are you good at. When have you been understanding. When have you understood when someone else was showing hurt.... haven't been there yourself?

So look at yourself.... help the person who is feeling alone and not valued.

Work through the book suggested, and then see what others have to suggest.

There are many paths to the top of the mountain, and one is for you!

June 29, 2005
9:39 am
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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Hey, I agree--two wise ladies here, and I think Coda Mom is a professional for that matter! The fact that you want to help yourself...well, that is always the first step. Admitting that this is something you are powerless over. DO you believe in god in some way? Or at least some power bigger than yourself? You may concider leaning on that for support and guidance if you are so unsure of yourself--and as you know god, you can usually tell that when he says you should call your ex 8 times and manipulate him to love you, it may be you, but when he says 'you can get through this', it may be her or him. FOr me, I always picture what I know to be god standing before me and telling me what I think I want to hear...if it seems bizzare I let it go and try again if the feeling comes back in a few days, which it often does not.

That said, Here you are! BRAVO! When they say it is only uphill form here, they tend to forget to mention that it is an uphill CLIMB, but better tyhat than lyig face down at the bottom!

There is another place to post here, 'all about counceling' when you scroll to the place you post...it is GREAT. This is more the 'get your contreverciall yayas out' place as I understand it. At any rate, I'm so glad to see you moving foreward like we all are!

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