Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Where is the thread?
November 19, 2004
3:26 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What did I miss? Is there someplace out in cyberspace where the thread went? Is this like where's waldo or something?

I'm so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 19, 2004
4:27 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Read the thread...Pharmacists won't fill prescriptions 2.

Should clarify things for you.

Hope all is well.

November 19, 2004
4:30 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

also read The Creationism of Women.

November 19, 2004
4:37 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi ready,

How are you? How are things going with the ex? I can so relate to your dilemma and I hate to say it but, it's probably going to stay this way. That's why if you can, be strong and don't let him get away with anything. He'll take a whole yard if you give him an inch!

I feel so lost without our check point. I do not get the removal of this thread. I'll read the one you recommend but I did see SC's response on the creation of woman thread. Very cool passage BTW.

I suppose I'll have to deal with it but I am not real happy!

(((((((((hugs to you)))))))))))

November 19, 2004
8:56 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ah, yes...as one who avoids confrontation at all costs and who has herself knee deep in it right now, I've tried to "keep my head" out of any threads that seem to turn ugly.

workin...
Thanks for asking...you're the first person who called him my "ex". Even though it's not final yet, he is my "ex". He's still pulling his crap...violated the court order twice this week alone by failing to give me his new e-mail address within 24 hours of our court appearance, and by calling and asking to talk to me when he isn't supposed to do anything but email. His other trick is telling me things through my 14 year old son..."You and your mom need to rake the leaves" Blah, blah, blah. I had my lawyer call his yesterday to tell him to give me his email address and to communicate with ME and not my son. My sister in law (husband's brother's wife) had surgery so I had her two kids this week. I had to drop them off at my in-law's house in the morning before school, and my in laws would not even come to the door and talk to me. I called for my father in law, and he wouldn't answer, so I just hugged my nephew and left. If I have to be the bad guy in all of this, so be it. The truth will come out eventually, and they will realize just what their son has done. Or maybe they won't, and I don't care.

But thanks for asking....how are you doing?

November 19, 2004
11:26 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey ready, I have been just where you are and it sucks. The worst part is you wind up feeling you've done something wrong and you don't deserve better treatment. At least this is what happened to me.

My ex had a way of manipulating all situations to meet his criteria and making it seem as if I was the worst person alive. Jeez

Try to be upfront with your kids. Let them know lots of people in the world react differently and more respectful. Tell them their father and grandparents do not know any other way to react. The more you communicate this to them the better they will feel. You don't have to talk down your ex or otheras but believe me he has no problem doing it to you!!

I really feel for you ready.

Twinks, I love when you talk me in circles, I get so-o dizzy!!
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you've obviously misunderstood the seriousness of the situation.

🙂 I usually misunderstand the seriousness because it all seems so trivial. But, that's me being me!!

You OK these days?

November 20, 2004
8:58 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

twinks....

cool about the snow! won't see that here for a while

sucks about your ex, though. Don't let him get you down. Good luck with the job search; the learning support assistant job sounds perfect for you, and being a teacher, I know how great it is to have the same schedule as your kids.

workin...

thanks for the advice. I think the reason my kids are dealing with this as well as they are is that I've always been open with them without sounding like I'm "bashing" their dad. I've tried really hard to do that. I explained his anxiety disorder to them as a chemical imbalance that requires medicine, and that when he doesn't take it, his behavior changes. I explained the reason he left and went to live with his mother as the fact that he needed some time to sort things out and needed to be away from me to do that. I think they appreciate that I don't try to make him seem like a bad person. It's hard sometimes....like when my son told me his dad said we should rake our leaves, I replied that the leaves arent really the big problem with our yard, it's the damamge his dog has done....that kind of slipped out in frustration. My son kind of laughed, and then I apologized for saying it. Oops!

Hope everyone is having a great Saturday!

November 20, 2004
8:41 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hey twinks, no reason to change your plans...a fire's good any night.

my day was okay....the soon to be ex came by to get more of his stuff.

i okayed him coming, but it was hard having him here. while he was here, he wanted to "talk". I dont' see the point, he won't even do what the court has ordered him to do...won't use email to communicate with me, doesn't want to have the kids overnight because he can't get them to school, wants to just divide things up so we don't have to use lawyers...blah, blah, blah...

you sound like you've had some experience with this...does it get better or worse?

November 20, 2004
9:23 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm really trying....I've been so spineless for so long, it's hard to break old habits. When he asked if he could just call me (against the protection order) instead of e-mail, I told him no. I explained to him that I needed to be able to contact him 24/7, and last weekend I called 4 times to let him know something about the kids and he never returned the calls. Also with e-mail, I have a record of what I did and didn't tell him.

I really thought my kids would be devastated by all of this (they are 14 and 11). He's been gone almost a month now, and they are really handling it well. My daughter told me today that now we could do things as a "family"...things "dad never wanted to do with us". She keeps asking if we can move things once dad gets his stuff out of the house. I keep thinking she should be upset...should I be worried that she seems more happy than sad? She cried the first night, and after that she has been fine. My son, who took the brunt of my husband's mean streak, is thrilled he's gone and mad as hell at his dad. He's kind of protective of me. I don't know...there are just so many emotions.

Thanks for the advice...I bet it's an interesting feeling to have someone "petrified" of you! Keep me posted, and thanks for listening.

November 21, 2004
3:58 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello you two! Sorry to not have been around. School online, my daughter's birthday sleepover, etc.

I am appalled with the similarities in our lives yet, it's heartening as well. Here I am finally able to stand up to my first ex (yes, I have two under my belt also Twinks!)and I can tell you both things do get better.

I think the key was really examining my motivation to be abused. The family history didn't seem abusive until I looked under that damn rug! The one my parents swept everything under.

I got tired of being the victim, took responsibility for what part I allowed and contributed to, and examined my current behavior. Now, I am taking the chances I've wanted to take. I've deflated the mind bubble that let me think my first ex had any control over me at all.

The past 6 years have been a learning experience. I would not be the more secure woman I am if I had not gone through the first divorce and the second marriage (now separated) I am living on my own with my son,18, and daughter, 11. They recognise traits of their father's now that they defended a few years back but I knew they would. For me, it was a faith in the universe thing. I had to believe my leaving was not only best for me but best for them in the long run. I could fill another thread with the positives but I can so-o relate to both of your descriptions of your childrens behavior.

I enjoy working through this and would love to keep this interaction happening.

Much love and support to you both.

November 22, 2004
8:06 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks so much, workin....

I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. Yesterday was really hard...my kids were at each other's throats and I lost my cool. My son threatened to go live with his dad, which really hurt me. Emotions around here are just really high sometimes. Later in the day, I sat them down and explained to them that I'm under a lot of stress and I'm trying really hard to keep my cool, but I might just lose it sometimes. I told them I was sorry that I'd gotten angry at them for fighting, and asked them to try to be good to eachother. Lots of tears, and hugs, and we ended up in a wrestling/tickling match on the family room floor, and then all in my bed for our favorite TV show. Sometimes I just don't know how to handle all of this, and when you add a little PMS, I'm a basket case. I just pray we'll all get through this, especially the holidays.

Hope you both have a great day...thanks for all your support.

ready

November 22, 2004
1:54 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh ready it sounds like you are doing it just right!!!! Your children will respect you for your humaness and nothing more. Many people do not feel they owe their kids any explanation but how are they to learn? Not only that but seeing you get angry lets them understand you are human and shows them they need to tread a bit lighter for awhile.

Good lessons for any of us once in awhile.

Stay cool and plan something new for your holiday. Get some feedback from your kids!! Nothing like a new plan for a new life!

November 23, 2004
12:32 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for all the feedback...I'm going to have a really busy week and I have PMS and don't need any extra stress from a difficult husband! I'm going to stand my ground if it kills me! Hope everyone had a good day...it's 11:36 and I just now finished the two reports I had to write for tomorrow's conferences, so I'm off to bed! Hope I can sleep....

take care all!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
56 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 110882

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38534

Posts: 714189

Newest Members:

SpencerJeole, Danielnit, matyushaDazy, mashuraDazy, nancykr16, kimzn11

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer