Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
What is LOVE? Is there a definition that works for all?
March 4, 2007
4:27 pm
Avatar
thedogsmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What is Love?

Is love always GOOD? Can love ever be harmful? Does love cause people to do evil things to one another or to reach out a helping hand? Can love be measured? Is there enough for everbody? Is it always unconditional? Can you love more than one person at the same time? Is love something somebody makes you feel or is it just something you choose to feel? Does LOVE mean different things to different people? If somebody tells me that they "love" me--- what does that really mean?
Does it mean whatever I interpret LOVE to mean--- or does it mean they love me in the way they interpret LOVE?
If I ' feel " loved by the way one treats me-- can I call that love? Or could they just be pretending to love me ? how would I know the difference? Would it really matter IF I felt loved? Are there different degrees of LOVE? or do people just express it differently?

just wondering out loud after the question arose in the codependent site.
TDM

March 4, 2007
4:41 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think there are different kinds of love. I feel a very different love for my husband than I do my children. And, I have a very different love for my siblings than I do for my children, and of course a completely different kind of love for several friends.

March 4, 2007
5:01 pm
Avatar
thedogsmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

different kinds of love....hmmmm
so If I give my LOVE to somebody else to cherish-- can I expect or should I expect to recieve the SAME kind of love back? or will it always be different- recieved from the giver?

You say you love your children in a different way from the way you love your husband. Is it deeper? is it unconditional (or could an adult child do things to make you stop loving them?). I know many people who truly DON't LOVE their children..so this can be different for different people. I love animals MORE than most people could understand.

Is your LOVE for your children- the same way I may feel for my husband? Maybe --I feel responsible for his happiness and I have total empathy and am able to put myself in his shoes and 'feel' the pain/turmoil he is feeling and therefore can make excuses for his actions??? Do people who stay with men that abuse them physically or emotionally really LOVE ??? or do they stay for some other reason-- comfort- low self-esteem-- nowhere to go---afraid of change?? Or do some people just have deeper love? more than most of us could understand?

TDM

March 4, 2007
6:32 pm
Avatar
sleepless in uk
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My love for my kids is unconditional..they can do things that might stop me liking them but I couldnt stop loving them. Not if I tries.

The love I feel for a spouse or partner or friend is different....I think that might be more conditional....the love for my siblings to date has been unconditional but they havent really done anything to test it so Im not sure.....

March 4, 2007
10:20 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good question thegodsmom!

Love is the most transcendental virtue ever created on this universe. Ideally, every human being is supposed to possess a loving spirit. However, due to the sin that entered this world followed by abuse, flaws one went thru from childhood or adulthood, many folks gave up on love and settled for other types of false or superficial love.

Spiritually spealing, the Bible states "God is Love." Anyone who wants to know and experience love, must come to the knowledge of God. He is the author and maker of love. Since God's love to us is unconditional; when we come to know HIM intimately, we start love others unconditionally.

"Is love always GOOD? Ideally, yes love is supposed to be good.

"Can love ever be harmful?" Ideally, love is not supposed to do that. But as human beings, we will always at some point fall short. But that does not minimize the amount of love and its quality in us. It's just that as human beings we will always be limited and fall short in our performance and loving attitude.

The best defintion that explains the "Love" notion is found in the Holy Bible 1Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, Love is kind. Love does not envy, Love does not boast, Love is not proud. Love is not rude, Love is not selfish, Love is not easily angered, Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

(1Corinthians 13:4-8)

March 4, 2007
11:14 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Trying to put this into words is hard!

My love for my parents and brothers and sister - well, they are the family I was born into. All our lives we are "told" that me "must" love our family; yet, often times they can be destructive - and sometimes, they can be the saving grace to us. I guess I would have to categorize this love that I have for them as unconditional with a lot of bumps. Keep in mind please that in my case? I have a HUGE family - nine brothers and one sister. Not that there are a lot of fights, but there are a lot of different temperaments.

My love for my children? In my case, I have to beg those of you reading this for understanding. My children are actually step-children, though, they have been so for 25+ years. I love them as if they were my very own, but, it was a gradual thing. I have only had one natural child. That child I delivered at seven and half months pregnant and only lived for three minutes. The overwhelming love during pregnancy was like nothing else I had ever experienced, and the loss nearly killed me.

My love for my spouse? I guess I have been blessed and given untold amounts of luck on this one. I have one of those rare marriages that seems to get better with each passing day. This man has stood by my side through the passing of children, my Moms death, my dealings with depression and my nine year bout with cancer. Again, the love I have for him - started out conditional - I think all healthy love for our mates starts out that way, how else would we establish whom we choose to stay with or break it off? How else would we set up healthy boundaries? Is it still conditional? I believe so to a fashion, again, as we all have boundaries - both he and I that must be maintained within the confines of our marriage. BUT, I will say that my love of this man is far deeper and greater than I ever anticipated feeling for another human being not related to me by blood.

My love for animals? Well... considering my spouse and I are very active in rescue and feel that all dogs are good dogs - AND just tonight took in two fosters; in addition to our regular three? To me the innocent love that you receive from an animal is amazing.

Z.

March 5, 2007
7:10 pm
Avatar
thedogsmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks everybody for your answers to a question that I guess has no right- no wrong or a REAL ANSWER.

Sleeples: do you think that there is NOTHING your children could ever say or do that would make you STOP loving them? What if they lost their job, you let them move in with you and paid their bills till they got another job, then they decided to do drugs- became addicted- stopped helping you pay bills- lied and stole from you and made your life miserable??. Would you still love them-and could you just kick them out in the streets and let them fend for them selves?

Z- yes it is hard to put into words-because I truly think there must be different degrees of love or different expressions of love. I remember you answering one of my first posts (sorry to say over a year ago- and your kind response brought me to tears- so I will never forget you). You also told your story of your cancer battle and I have so much appreciation for what you went through and how you handled it and still keep giving back to people here.

I AM so happy that SOMEBODY here has a husband that they LOVE so much and that has stood the trials and tests that lifes problems and grief brought to the marriage.
It makes me feel GREAT and really happy for you and I hope that you two will last a lifetime together. I'm glad that you said that you have boundaries as I KNOW how important it is to MAINTAIN those boundaries. I'm still working on this.
Thanks for being an animal rescuer- I too take in strays- and believe ALL animals are GOOD animals and wish others would understand the LOVE one can feel for animals.

Rasputin,
thanks for your response. I'm assuming from your answer that you are a true believer in God- and as somebody who believes more in God as a conscience or spirit-- I'm wondering about what love is for the non-believers? If you don't know GOD does that mean you don't have the capability to truly experience LOVE?
I guess this can be a long topic for the other thread about IF GOD IS GREAT???....
I did like your quote:
Love is patient, Love is kind. Love does not envy, Love does not boast, Love is not proud. Love is not rude, Love is not selfish, Love is not easily angered, Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

(1Corinthians 13:4-8)
I'm not sure I understand it though or that I can agree with all of it--
"love keeps no record of wrongs"
does this mean we should always forgive and forget IF we LOVE a human?

and...IF LOVE always protects and always trusts.
Does that mean we MUST always TRUST if we TRULY love somebody??? or that IF humans truly love us that they will NOT do wrong or lie or to untrustworthy things???

cuz heck... I'm already a codependent here... I already forgive and forget way too easily.. i don't have trust left for an addict who lies to me...and I certainly don't want to keep LOVING and living by this Corinthian quote of GODs love...if it means trusting blindly and that I must perservere with my love.

thanks for your inspirational and thoughtful response.
TDM

March 5, 2007
7:14 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

No definition works for all. I thought I loved my husband six years ago when I married him. I mean he was 'perfect' and we were going to live happily ever after. Now he has definite personality problems but I love him. my love for him is stronger and richer than it was on our wedding day.

my love for my brothers and mother are different again. We have strong bonds of love, affection and memories.

I love my father too even though he poassed away 20 years ago. It feels like a sweeet sad but still strong love.

March 5, 2007
8:03 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TGM ~

You've asked so many questions to which I will try to do my best to respond to.

In fact, each question you posed would require a thread by itself. LOL

Anyway, a good book that tackles this "love chapter" in the Bible is lovingly discussed in a book by Max Lucado's "A love worth giving."

An excellent book that shows you what TRUE love is....from a Christian perspective of course. You will be reading this book over and over.

Briefly put, to me as a believing Christian, love outside the Christian perspective would always be superficial and limited no matter how great or fabulous it might be.

I hope I answered your questions. Lucado's book would be a great read for you since you're searching about the true meaning of Love.

Enjoy the quest!R

March 5, 2007
8:35 pm
Avatar
thedogsmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tiger trainer- thanks for responding..I'm happy to hear that even though your marriage isn't always blissful that the love is still there and strong. And yes-- love still exists for the deceased--and holds just as strong...so I guess since love is a feeling--an emotion it will always be impossible to define.

rasputin.
I had a houseguest once who was a pot-smoking pastor. we got into many fun debates about whether GOD exists?? my beefs about religion??? etc... when he left he left a book for me to read by Max Lucado. I never read it. I'll read that first and if I can stand what he is saying 🙂 and get through the thing I will read the one you suggested too. Thanks for responding. I'm looking forward to reading.

Also, I just read your thread about your thoughts after attending a christian funeral. I feel I got some 'insight' after attending the funeral- and it truly did change the way I feel (a tad bit) about religion.
There is only one person I know of that I can call a true Christian...somebody who walks the talk.... He is a man that I have utmost respect for and he lost his son. I attended the funeral and saw the tremendous support from the church goers. Their belief in GOD and gods 'plan' for their son--seems to have helped them get through the horrific heartbreak so much better than I have seen others do.
It made me realize that religion can be good for some people and that sharing your life with other people who believe as you do--- i.e..going to church and developing the friendship bonds there-- can enhance your life.
It made me think about finding a religion that works for me.. for now...I'm closest to looking towards Buddah..
thanks..
TDM

March 5, 2007
8:38 pm
Avatar
thedogsmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh sorry rasputin.- my mistake. guess truthbtold was the one that posted the thread- that you responded too....
TDM

March 5, 2007
9:17 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

thedogsmom

On the 5-Mar-07 you wrote something that caught my eye. You wrote:

"It made me think about finding a religion that works for me.. for now...I'm closest to looking towards Buddah.. thanks.. TDM"

The Buddhist teachings seem to be vary sparing with the use of the word love. I suspect that this is because the word 'love' means so many different things to different people in so many different contexts.

Acts of love, though they may be, are not necessarily accompanied by loving feelings any more than loving feelings necessarily define an act of love.

The Buddhist teachings seem to focus a lot on using two words that seem to me to be indispensible components in any act that is truly loving; namely wisdom and compassion.

One Buddhist master,the Venerable Hsing Yun, in a commentary on the Diamond Sutra, said that wisdom and compassion are ultimately the same thing.

I've pondered this for some time now and am just coming to the realization that he is correct.

Have a gander at what Buddhism offers with an open but critical mind. Buddhism has much to offer beneath the layers of ritualistic cultural importations and adaptations.

Though not officially a Buddhist, I am quite taken by how deep and psychologically sound are many of the 2500 year old teachings ascribed to the Sakyamuni Buddha, Guatama.

In the end it boils down to what teachings help bring about the desired transformations in your psyche, that really matters, IMHO.

March 5, 2007
10:35 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"Love comes" I think - when our cup truly runneth over.

TRULY.

By that - I mean - that we finally somehow come to that ultimate pinnacle of an emotional and spiritual place when we realize how utterly and simply fantastic it is to just love and appreciate ourselves....(not an easy journey) and the "spill-over" just happens naturally to all around us.

There is definently no "one size fits all" in all of this either - not by any stretch of the imagination.

It's all about balance and the natural law of attracting like for like.

Just pretty much about how it all shakes out to be - in my book, anyway.

(Martyrs and doormats and "love sucking leeches" need not apply....for you have to find your own means of runneth your OWN cup over....and no one but you can take that excruciating, yet liberating journey)

March 10, 2007
4:18 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

dogsmom,
I liked your idea of walking the talk. it's hard to do but if you're gonna preach, . . . .

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111134
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
kojuyu, NathanielClark, avoid_up, Amin99, Difors, guest_alexander
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information