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What is a man's 'sexual nature'?
December 15, 2006
1:11 pm
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garfield9547
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mj

"So to answer your questions, is he capable of violating other patients, I believe he is. He is like a child with his brain injury. His short term memory is not really good"

I think its necesarry to separate emotions here if can follow what I am trying to say. You said he is capable of violating other patients.

OK so then the other patients need to be protected against him. I mean its sad that he that he is mentally like a child after his brain injury but that does not give a green light for abuse.

Is your daughter going to take him to her home and take care of him there?

I can imagine that she would feel sorry for him and I think if it was my father I would feel the same. Although if he has these tendensies I would not bring him into my home bc I have a 10 and 12 daughters.

Mj I want to continue talking to you and telling you what I see. OK so then you say this:

"He has made leaps and bounds in his recovery. I believe that he is doing better than he has ever because she has overseen his care. "

and then you say this:

"He has violent tendencies and has slugged a caregiver in the face. He is showing improvement daily but he has a long way to go. "

Here I can clearly see ambivilant feelings. With regards to my father I can say I've got 10000 T-Shirts with ambivilant feelings towards him.

"What is man's sexual nature? He constantly masturbates at the nursing home"

OMG OMG MJ. My dad used to masturbate when ever he had the chance. I am not sure if his car accident has ANYTHING to do with this. Did he do this when you were married? And then rejected you emotionally when you wanted to be intimate with him? O MY God. We should write a book together. Best seller it would be.

I suddenly feel terrible. My heart is racing. I think I nead a Camel Light.

Smoking interval.....

Garfield

December 15, 2006
1:20 pm
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garfield9547
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Will catch up later with all of you.'

Somehow masturbating men trigger me.

I am glad for the oppertunity to revisit the past, to feel my heart racing because I know I have to this in order to face it. This is my healing.

Will talk later

Thanks to all

Garfield

December 15, 2006
1:31 pm
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mj
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((((((((Garfield))))))))))

I have to giggle, I know I smoke because of the emotional triggers as well. I started smoking when I was 14. Anytime I deal with heavy stuff, I need a smoke. I am becoming aware of the correlation in my life. I smoke less when things aren't turbulent.

I am so glad that my sharing is helping you! I guess it does feel really good to be able to be open, honest, and willing to recover from our pasts.

When you said your heart was racing, I know that feeling. My heart races when something emotionally triggers me. ((((((((Garfield))))))))

December 15, 2006
1:42 pm
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mj
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Did you secretly marry to avoid for him being banned from the US SKi team or because his mother did not want her his name being ruined?

Back in that era, you had to be single to be a member of the US Ski Team. Letters were written to try to change the rules, but they wouldn't change them back then and now they are changed so that Married men can be on the US Ski Team. Some changes take time and effort.

When we told his mother I was pregnant she held a family counsel meeting with his older brother and sister and he. I think I was present but not really sure now. Maybe I have blocked this. I just remember that he smashed all his trophies afterwards in his frustration.

We told his mom we were going to get married. In the meeting it was decided that I could move to CA and live with the brothers' inlaws and then adopt our baby from there. It was his families decision. I was living there because his sister had banned me from living at her home if I was going to continue seeing her brother. I know, its complicated to follow. But when I left his sisters home, I returned to his and his mothers home and awaited my departure for CA. Mind you we were both 16. Hardly able to marry without parental permission in those days. My mom lived in a different state and stopped by the day before my departure. She asked me point blank if I was pregnant. I said yes. She asked me to move back with her. I did. I was scared. I didn't know these people in CA and I felt really alone. Just thinking about this brings tears.

December 15, 2006
1:47 pm
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mj
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Remember MIL was a DR. wife. Their name was so important to her. She didn't want her son tarnishing his name. Talk about feel helpless and powerless. I think thats when my suicidal tendencies began. I remember laying in bed, wishing for a swift death. A way out of it that was less painful. Being pregnant and unwed in those days was like social annihalation. You had to get married or your child was a bastard. Seems so wrong and I am glad that unwed mothers aren't treated the same way these days.

December 15, 2006
1:57 pm
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mj
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When I told my father I was pregnant and moving to CA, he didn't say anything. It was his wife, my step-mother who slapped me before kicking me out, before finding out I was pregnant. I was kicked out of my fathers home prior to the end of my Junior year in High School. I got friends to give me rides to school so I could finish out the year. I would see my step sisters at school and I felt so bad about myself. They would tell me how unfair they thought it was that I wasn't living with them. It was a very dysfunctional home. I don't have anything to do with my step-siblings all 6 of them. They hurt me as well by abandoning me. My step sisters boyfriend was the one who took me to get my drivers license. My father or step-mother could not be bothered.

December 15, 2006
1:59 pm
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mj
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Garfield,

This is all to painful. I need a smoke now. Love to YOU! I am so glad that you care. This looking back is very painful, I agree.

December 15, 2006
2:45 pm
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mj
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Garfield, I am amazed at your ability to communicate. Isn't English your second language?

Your daughters are close in age like mine are too.

I hope that you are feeling better. I took a shower and need to get moving. I am feeling uncomfortable now that I have posted all this. I worry about it being used against me somehow. I have deep seated trust issues, along with my abandonment issues. I am trying to rid myself but it is taking time and practice.

Please share more about you. I feel like I totally took over this thread. I am telling my story and answering your questions and I am a woman and find it not correlating with a man's sexual nature.

Tez, You presented an interesting essay. Maybe we can get back on track with discussing his sharing and the triggers of masturbation. Sorry I went off on my life story.

December 15, 2006
2:52 pm
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mj
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Tez, you asked the question, "Assuming that we do not destroy the planet, how will men and women evolve to behave sexually in the future?

What is your hypothesis?

December 15, 2006
4:53 pm
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mj.

What is my hypothesis in this regard?

I don't really know, At best I could only hazard a guess.

My best guess is that males and females will adapt to the social pressures that exist from time to time changing radically in how they behave.

Nowadays, a female does not really need an individual male partner to protect her.

Having children out of wedlock no longer attracts the social stigma that it once did.

Female sexuality, being more liberated may get to the stage where 'one night stands' with many different males will no longer be regarded by society as slutty behavior in women. 'Stud' behavior in men may no longer be admired by other men but become just the norm.

Females could more and more be held accountable by males for their emotionally driven behavior. 'Being a woman' might no longer be an acceptable excuse for lack of emotional control.

Males could become less inclined to chase females for sex and more likely to seek high tech solutions for their sexual needs. Virtual reality sex with the high tech video head gear, integrated electronically controlled 'touch simulators', including high tech artificial vaginas, all interacting with highly sophisticated software, might guarantee the male the experience of his dreams at his behest. With men satisfying their sexual needs independent of 'real live' women relying more on 'cyber women', womens' sexual powers could thus diminish. I can even see 'sexually orientated' technology developing to the stage where cyber sex will develop to the point where a woman's real vagina utilizing electromyographic sensors and stimulators will interact over the internet with an artificial vagina surrounding a man's real penis and vice versa. Thus virtual cyber sex will be as life like as the real thing with both the male and female automatically and transparently controlling each other's sexual hardware under each other's individual control as per real sex. With voice, touch, smell and video advances, the differences between real and cyber sex will eventually become quite blurred. The dimensions of cyber 'chatting' might only be limited by the hardware possessed by the participants.

The sexual playing field may change radically with women taking on a more aggressive role in seeking sexual partners. Male and female homosexuality may become totally acceptable as an alternative and bisexuality will increase.

Commitments to long term sexual relationships may become less and less prevalent.

Child welfare agencies including infant care facilities may flourish to meet the demand for high quality socialization of the young therein providing the parenting needs once provided by highly committed parents.

Women may become more active in the high level decision making political processes. Thus women may develop their left hemispherical responses to both men and their environment. With the diminishing of their sexual power, women may seek political and industrial power more and more.

All in all I can see the efferent neural pathways from the neocortex back to the amygdala strengthening and multiplying over successive generations in both sexes. The result of this would be much more control over our emotions by our cognitions. Thus more and more high level decision making will be based on rationality rather than emotionality. Thus wars could eventually diminish in number and severity. And religions may evolve that are more rational and far less fear based in regard to their beliefs. As humanity's knowledge of their own psyches advance far greater emotional health is highly likely to result.

That's my best guess.

But who knows??? We could sicken ourselves with sexual excesses and return to the repressive sexual morals of the Victorian era.

December 15, 2006
5:28 pm
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1lost1
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Just a stab at the answer to the question...They lie, manipulate and destroy anyone at anytime to have sex. They pray on a females vulnerableness and then squash them like bugs!

Am I close?

December 15, 2006
5:37 pm
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bevdee
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Tez?

I have to know something. Did your last post come off the top of your head? Or have you put alot of thought into it - previously?

December 15, 2006
7:35 pm
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mj
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Tez, Your hypothesis sounds like what is already happening in our world. I can see you are really in touch with reality.

December 16, 2006
12:52 am
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garfield9547
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mj

"Mind you we were both 16. Hardly able to marry without parental permission in those days. My mom lived in a different state and stopped by the day before my departure. She asked me point blank if I was pregnant. I said yes. She asked me to move back with her. I did. I was scared. I didn't know these people in CA and I felt really alone. Just thinking about this brings tears. "

Being so young makes things even worse if you got rejected emotionally. I mean you neaded so much more support at that age. So your mother took you in. I can just imagine how alone you must have felt.

"Garfield, I am amazed at your ability to communicate. Isn't English your second language? "

Yes MJ you are right. I always used to copy and paste as I did not have the selfconfidence to write. My daughters are both English and I think after living in KZN for almost 10 years now (mostly English) and helping them with homework gave me the confidence I needed. I also do not worry about spelling mistakes anymore.

"I am feeling uncomfortable now that I have posted all this. I worry about it being used against me somehow. I have deep seated trust issues, along with my abandonment issues. I am trying to rid myself but it is taking time and practice. "

Sometimes we open up emotionally and somebody in order to help us say things that trigger us. For me this is part of the healing. I understand what you say. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and dread coming here bc I think I might have said things in a thread that could be wrong. I panick and hate this about myself.

"Please share more about you. I feel like I totally took over this thread. I am telling my story and answering your questions and I am a woman and find it not correlating with a man's sexual nature. "

Don't worry mj. Any feelings being put on the table is good. By reading on a man's sexual nature I am trying to figure myself out. My own intimacy and feelings.

Garfield

December 16, 2006
1:09 am
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garfield9547
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Tez

"Nowadays, a female does not really need an individual male partner to protect her."

I agree. Things have changed so much. Men used to be the breadwinners etc. Men had to adapt to allot,but..... Men and women need each other emotionally no matter who earns the most.

"With men satisfying their sexual needs independent of 'real live' women relying more on 'cyber women', womens' sexual powers could thus diminish. I can even see 'sexually orientated' technology developing to the stage where cyber sex will develop to the point where a woman's real vagina utilizing electromyographic sensors and stimulators will interact over the internet with an artificial vagina surrounding a man's real penis and vice versa"

WOW, I do not think this would work. Seems all to mechanical to me. No need to face ourselves on a intimate basis. Like having sex with a blow up doll. No rejection emotionally and no fullfilment either.

"Shere Hite wrote:

"However, though emotions and erection are clearly connected, many men would rather believe anything else, i.e., 'Well, I guess when you get middle-aged, this is bound to happen.'

Emotions and erections yes i agree.

Have to go to my childs gala. Will catch up later.

Garfield

December 16, 2006
2:32 pm
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mj
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Thanks Garfield, I am glad you are gaining self confidence. I think that you're doing a great job with expressing yourself!

Hope you enjoyed your daughters' gala!

December 16, 2006
5:41 pm
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bevdee.

" Did your last post come off the top of your head?"

I simply gave mj my answer to her question as honestly as I saw it. mj indicated that the world I described is already here. Maybe it is - I don't know about that. But either way it is what I see coming.

December 16, 2006
5:49 pm
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bevdee
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Tez,

So, it came off the top of your head- with a little previous thought? I am impressed with your command of words and the gift you have for the ---cohesion.

You rock.

December 16, 2006
5:55 pm
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1lost1
15-Dec-06

"...They lie, manipulate and destroy anyone at anytime to have sex. They pray on a females vulnerableness and then squash them like bugs!

Am I close?"

Not even in the ball park, IMHO.

Are you extrapolating from the particular to the general?

Your post seems to me to be highly emotionally 'loaded'.

December 16, 2006
6:04 pm
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mj

You said:

" I can see you are really in touch with reality."

It is only my view of a specific portion of a much larger 'reality'. 'Absolute' reality is another thing. Since you agree with my perceptions we must hold a similar view of reality, at least in this particular regard.

When we get right down to the smallest detail, I'm sure that there are as many 'realities' as there are people to perceive them.

December 16, 2006
6:06 pm
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bevdee

You said:

"... ... You rock."

Now look what you've done. You've stolen my heart. 🙂

December 16, 2006
6:18 pm
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mj
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🙂 I am giggling because you are so right. Perceptions are just that. The world is colored by numerous opinions. I do admire how succinctly you express yourself. Sometimes, I wish I possessed more logic than emotion. The men that I have associated with seem alot more intellectual and methodical. Women, the ones I associate with are more intuitive and caring.

Do you think that the masculine and the feminime are possessed by each human being? Do you think you (Tez) have more masculine tendencies? Do you think its a right or left brain influence?

December 16, 2006
6:40 pm
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bevdee
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Ah Tez

Now look what YOU have gone and done!! You made me smile. Thanks.

December 17, 2006
5:41 pm
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1lost1
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yes Tez it is emotianlly 'loaded.' I have first hand experienced the creativeness that a man will come up with and get what he wants then hurt the one they said they "wouldn't" hurt.

Sorry, just not feeling real happy with the male species right now.

December 17, 2006
6:16 pm
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mj
16-Dec-06

You said:

"The men that I have associated with seem a lot more intellectual and methodical. Women, the ones I associate with are more intuitive and caring."

I believe that evolution in the past has ordained by natural selection that men and women's characteristics best fill their respective roles in perpetuating the species. Women with purely masculine characteristics hardly make good mothers. Extremely feminine men don't generally make good fathers. Thus the perpetuation of their respective genes is highly unlikely.

Though there are always exceptions to any general rule, generally speaking we are the results of evolution's successful reproductions. But does this make us happy? And does nature always evolve success stories? There have been many species extinctions through nature's 'suck it and see' methodology of natural selection. As far as we know we are the only species on earth who have evolved to the extent that we have. Unlike all other species, we can now consciously contribute to our own evolution.

You also said:

"Do you think that the masculine and the feminine are possessed by each human being?"

Yes I do - in varying proportions on an individual basis of course. Jung put forward his concept of the animus and the anima, claiming that when we are out of touch with or deficient in our gender opposite component then we are somehow diminished.

You also said:

" Do you think you (Tez) have more masculine tendencies?"

Yes, having both testicles that are functioning quite well and a masculine brain, I am predominantly left brained. 🙂

"Do you think its a right or left brain influence?"

Having predominant left brain functioning and subordinate right brain functioning is IMHO a male thing. In the vast majority of cases, but not all, I think hormonal influences set this left brain predominance in place for the male in the womb before birth. What controls this governing hormonal disposition in the mother is another story. I have my own ideas on that. Socialization after birth 'cements' this physical male characteristic in place very quickly.

I knew a guy who had a female brain. He claimed unequivocally to be a female - yet he admitted to the full male array of genitalia. I guess that he would be classed as a 'screaming queen' by the ball scratching, burping and farting, hairy chested brigade. Yet he was a nice guy. He much preferred the company of women who welcomed him unreservedly as a 'sister'. I think he even used the female toilets. At least I think that he sat down to pee. I never saw him at a urinal. Since he was a dedicated celibate, his sex life presented him with no hard choices anyway.

Though predominantly left brained, I believe that I was born a higher right brain performer than most guys I know. However my socialization soon guaranteed that I joined the above mentioned, hairy arsed, left brained brigade. 🙂 I played rugby league football with the best of 'em, etc. I joined two of the three armed services at different times. I shagged my head off if and when any opportunity presented itself. But deep down I had and have an inherent compassion that stopped a group rape taking place when I was a teenager. It wasn't my physical build that stopped the onset but the verbal way I got the message across, in double quick time, about the repercussions of forcibly 'dipping their wicks' in a very unwilling but also very stupid lady. After that the girl thought that I was Sir Galahad and told all the other girls that they were 'safe' with me. I found this verrrry humiliating in the extreme. She might just as well told every one that I had no balls. I often wonder why I had the compassion for that crying female when the other guys didn't. In many other ways I was very much the same as them. But I think I commanded the respect of the rest of the guys. I could take a joke at my expense and dish it out just as well. That's probably why I got away with stopping their 'fun' without getting a hiding for my trouble.

Developing both left and right hemispheres to their fullest capacity is the ideal optimization of human development, IMHO. Perhaps this is the same thing as developing wisdom and compassion to the fullest extent of our capabilities. Perhaps our respective levels of wisdom and compassion correlate with our left and right brain states.

The Buddhists say that having either without the complementary other is dangerous. I guess that they are right. I've seem many very compassionate mothers on the Dr. Phil show who have spawned horrible monsters of both sexes. I've also seem highly rational seemingly wise guys on the same show who, having no compassion whatsoever, have totally f...ked up their lives and those of their children.

Two hemispheres one person. Two attributes one holistic life.

Two wings - one bird.

I guess for me it comes right down to whether I want to 'fly' or not.

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