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wet bed
August 19, 2005
3:47 pm
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s8ta
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i was sexually abused by my uncle from when i can remember to when i told my dad when i was 13. he found it hard because im his only son. my dad put me in councelling for a year. i thought i was ok but now, after 2 years of being ok, i keep wetting the bed. Its so embarressing. my mates keep asking me to go camping but im too worried to go. Im trying to hide it from my dad, i think he's guessed. What can i do? i just want to be a normal.

August 19, 2005
4:19 pm
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jamaicanwife
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I am truly sorry that you were abused, and that you have so much to deal with, issues that are preventing you from enjoying a regular life. This is a good place to get help; many people here have had similar experiences, and have worked through them.

I wasn't able to figure out how old you are exactly, but it sounds as though you are about 15 or 16. I understand your desire to keep this private, but I think that telling your father and returning to counselling would be a good idea.

A year might seem like a long time to you, but abuse is something that has an impact on your whole life, and your future; it is important to take the time you need to really come to terms with it and get the help you need to cope.

Please keep writing here.

August 19, 2005
4:22 pm
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on my way
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Hi s8,
First of all, have you ever been hit in the kidney area of your back? This could also cause lack of bladder control while you sleep.

Tell your dad if you can.
A suggestion to say might be: "Dad, I am very embarrassed to tell you this, but I do not have bladder control when I sleep. I do not know if it physical or not. I think maybe I should go to the medical Dr., or to a urologist to be checked out."

A urologist would be the preferable Dr. but maybe your medical Dr. needs to 'refer' you, as some insurance companies have to follow this protocol.

The other possibility that damage could have possibly been done when sexually abused.

Your dad loves you right? If he knows and has not mentioned anythingto you, he may not want to embarrass you..and may be waiting for you to come to him.

Be brave, get it checked out, what do you have to lose? You are very unhappy about this situation it sounds like, so maybe you have 2 choices?
1. Ignore it and keep the problem and feel bad.
2. Tell your Dad, and allow a specialist to tell you what could be causing you to do this.

You are not weird.

omw

August 19, 2005
4:31 pm
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revelation
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Hi S8ta,

My nephew had this problem too, he is now 20 and just fine you'll be glad to know.
He was quite an anxious teenager as his parents went through a long seperation, and the doctor said that the bed wetting was caused by anxiety. You'll be glad to know that its more common than you think, and with proper counselling, its easy to
get control of. So, like the others said, its best to go and tell Dad about this, explain that you'd really like to be able to go on these trips with your pals and that maybe you could do with a little more therapy? Perhaps both of you could look into specialized therapies for this particular problem, as there are lots available.
How very intelligent and sensible you are for coming here to look for answers, I am sure that you will overcome this problem with great success and dignity.

Blessings,
Rev.

August 19, 2005
7:24 pm
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s8ta
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thanks for answering so quickly.

I dont remember being whacked in the back or anything. What sort of thing does a urologist do? i get a definate shaky sick feeling when i think about it.
Im going to try and speak to my dad. i can just predict the disappointed face he'll have when i tell him tho. He's so pleased that im ok (or at least seeming ok).

August 19, 2005
7:50 pm
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tooscared
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I can understand why you would feel shaky, but this isn't a problem that is your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. You do need to talk to a doctor though about this problem. So because of your age that also means talking to your dad. I'm sorry that you don't feel close enough to level with him, but this is an important issue for you and needs to be dealt with. Your dad might be really glad that you are being honest with him instead of hiding the problems you are going through. I know that as a parent I would want my kids to know they aren't alone in dealing with the problems in their lives.

Good luck and please know you are making a good decision to get help. This is a problem that can be helped and the time is now. 🙂

August 19, 2005
9:50 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi s8ta and welcome to the site.

I agree with what everyone said here....so I don't have much more to add....other than to let you know that you are not alone.

I'm sure it must have been very difficult to tell your Dad about what was happening to you and I am very proud of you.

I know that you think you will disappoint your Dad by telling him what's happening right now, but I'm sure he will understand. Judging by the way he handled the last situation, it seems as though he is understanding and loves you very much. I'm sure he would rather that you be honest with him so you can find out what is going on.

You have shown your courage by talking to him about your abuse....I know it is scary but you can do it again. Trust that he will not be disappointed and will only want to help you get better.

In the meantime, please continue to post and let us know what is going on with you. This site is full of wonderful people that will give you support and encouragement through this....so keep posting.

Good luck

Love,
Lolli

August 19, 2005
11:35 pm
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mamacinnamon
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s8ta:

I know you are worried about your dad's reaction. You mentioned that "i can just predict the disappointed face he'll have when i tell him tho. He's so pleased that im ok (or at least seeming ok)."

Ya know... that is something I have always worried about... disappointing my dad. Now that I've been a mom, I would like to say on your dad's behalf, that maybe is really isn't a look of disappointment toward you. Maybe it's a look of disappointment toward himself that he was not able to see or stop what happened to you. We parents tend to blame ourselves when things hurt our kids sometimes. Give dad the benefit of the doubt.

And, if I am wrong and it is a look of disappointment toward you, then you stand tall coz you did NOTHING wrong. You are NOT to blame.

But, after what I have read about your dad so far.... I'd bet he's doin a bit of the blame game to himself. Maybe he needs to hear "it's ok dad". 🙂

August 20, 2005
1:40 am
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lost and found
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dont drink any soft drinks two hours before u go to bed. use the bathroom right before bedtime. do u have regular bowl habits. being constipated can put pressure on your bladder. u can also set an alarm clock about four hours after bedtime and go pee.

August 20, 2005
10:42 am
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s8ta
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i told my dad this morning. i did it really calmly and explained the problem. He did the disappointed face and said he would sort out an appointment with a doc and the councellor but then he told my sister.
She came in and tried to talk to me about it. I was so mad that it turned into a shouting match. its all gone wrong and now im sat with my bed across the door wondering how it got like this

August 20, 2005
10:59 am
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mamacinnamon
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s8ta

It's not all gone wrong. Did he say anything specific to your sister about it being your fault? maybe he said something to her out of frustration. Have you talked to your sis and asked her "what did dad say"?

I know it took alot to face your dad. You are extremely brave and mature. But, ya know, maybe dad isn't. And even tho there was a shouting match.... go see the doctor and/or therapist. Just because dad didn't take it well is no excuse for you to not get better. You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself.

I am proud of you. I think you have great courage and fortitude. You keep doing the right thing. Sometimes you must care for yourself coz nobody else will.

Do keep coming and talkin w/ us also.

August 20, 2005
11:01 am
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tooscared
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s8ta, I'm sorry that your dad told your sister, as I know it is embarrassing for you. It is ok to be angry and hurt with your dad. I am glad though that help will come out of your braveness. It will be worth the pain you are going through now if you can get some help and feel like you can spend the night with friends and feel better about yourself.

Is your sister older or younger than you? Maybe you need to tell your dad that this is a private matter and that you don't want him talking to anyone else about it without your permission. I would respect that if one of my children asked me to not say anything.

Good luck and please know that you have made a good choice in telling your dad, even though it doesn't seem like it right now.

-TS

August 20, 2005
1:05 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi s8ta,

I'm so proud of you for talking to your Dad. I know how difficult that must have been for you and you have shown great courage and maturity.

I would like to ask (you don't have to answer if you don't want to), where is your mother? Is she in the picture? Is your sister older or younger than you?

The reason I ask these questions is because my mom died when I was 15 years old and a lot of times my dad talked to my siblings about my personal business, which made me very angry at the time. But now that I'm older, I know the reason he did this was because he didn't know what to do. Sometimes Dad's think that certain subjects are for the Mom to deal with and if there is no Mom around....they may ask others...such as your sister. Perhaps he was just looking for advice because he wasn't sure how to deal with it. Is that possible?

Anyway, I'm glad that you told him and will be able to see a doctor to find out what is wrong.....that is the most important thing right now.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Love,
Lolli

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