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WD's Smut and Porn Emporium
October 19, 2007
5:28 pm
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free2choose
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Where is this weekly paper?

I can't imagine anywhere around where I live giving anything but the traditional: Male/Female, as choicesfor gender. That is totally COOL. Very progressive, very respectfull of differences. I totally dig it!!

MTF= Male to Female Trans
FTM= Female to Male Trans

and I can't BELIEVE they even included GENDERQUEER!!! HOLY CRAP!! That is awesome!!!

I am still trying to figure out what I completely identify as. I am definately NOT a FTM, I donot want to be a male full time. But themore comfortable get with myself, my sexuality and my desires, I am becoming VERY aware of the duality of gender insideof me. I may one day completely Identify as Genderqueer.

October 19, 2007
5:32 pm
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free2choose
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I've NEVER said that out loud to anyone but my partner.

OMG, my poor parents are JUST getting the whole "gay" thing, how do I even ATTEMPT to explain genderqueer. I can hardly even explain it to myself, I just know what I feel....

For now I'll stick to being a lesbian, LOL. I think that's all this podunck town can handle!

October 19, 2007
9:46 pm
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Hi free2choose,

Oh so yer livin in the hinterlands, then?

Shoot ya gotta read "the Stranger!" It's Seattle's free weekly alternative arts and culture newspaper. but I think you can subscribe, if you pay for delivery.

I think you can read most of it online, too.

The best thing about the Stranger is that it's the home of Dan Savage! Do
you know Dan?

He is an ultra-progressive Queer Nationalist who writes a very cool sex and relationship advice column called "Savage Love."

When he started the column way back when he explained his tongue-in-cheek perspective: Gay men have more and better sex and than straight guys, so who better to give sex advice to straight people than a gay man?

I hope he runs for mayor.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Home

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Savage

http://thestranger.com/savage

October 19, 2007
9:47 pm
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Worried_Dad
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p.s.,

I sing at lesbian weddings.

October 19, 2007
9:56 pm
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free2choose
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well thanks for the links, i'll go check em out.

and thanks for the offer, but we already tied the know, in May of last year!

However, when it FINALLY becomes legal here in podunck Louisiana, I'll holla back.

October 19, 2007
9:56 pm
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free2choose
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We'll have a re-do, this time LEGAL!!! WoooHoooo!

October 19, 2007
9:58 pm
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free2choose
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No giving oral sex....OMG, they'd never make it as a lesbian, I mean, WOW...that IS our sex...LOL. Well, not all of it, but a big chunk!!

And Free....it's not JUST AN EXIT. 😉

October 19, 2007
9:59 pm
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free2choose
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LOL, I said we tied the "KNOW"!!!

I meant the KNOT!

Jumped the broom!

October 20, 2007
3:27 am
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Hi free2choose,

Jumping over the broom is a beautiful and semi-ancient ritual symbolizing commitment to transformation.

The last time I presided over the broom-jumping ritual was about empowering a wise woman who wanted to mark her graduation from mother-protector to full crone status in our community.

I really miss that crone.

I miss being a religious person.

October 20, 2007
11:50 am
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free
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genderqueer is when you don't know what you are?

I thought that was bisexual?

wd~ I don't miss being a religious person. What is it you miss?

free

October 20, 2007
12:10 pm
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free2choose
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WD:

We really did jump the broom.

Jumping the Broom is what the slaves did to symbolize marriage. Because they were slaves, they not allowed to marrry, they were propertyof the owner, to buy, sell and breed as he saw fit. But they were HUMAN. They fellin love, like HUMANS do.

So they created their won ceremony.

I thought it was SO very fitting, because I feel like our government here holds us (gays) in chains. They do not let us marry, but like all HUMANS, we fall in love. We jumped that broom in defiance and hope.

Theycan take our rights, but they can't take our LOVE!

October 20, 2007
12:16 pm
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free2choose
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No, Free. Genderqueer is much different than being Bisexual.

Bisexual is about sexuality. Sexual orientation.

Genderqueer, like Male, Female, MTF, and FTM, is about Gender Identity.

These two things are very seperate and distinct.

In general, Genderqueer means that you do not Identify with either of the traditional gender identities, male/female. You are not Trans (FTM,FTM) and do not wish to transition, you just do not fully fit into either the traditional Male/Female category.

This is about GENDER, not about Sexual Orientation. BIG BIG difference.

October 20, 2007
12:17 pm
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free2choose
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WD:

I am a lower middle class white lesbian recovering catholic (LOL) American.

But because our ceremony was sonon-traditional, and I LOVE tradition and ritual, I decided to borrow traditions from other cultures to use in our ceremony. I will post what I wrote about them in our program.

October 20, 2007
12:20 pm
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free2choose
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Erica Jan Riche’ and Janell Christine Use’

We pledge to each other to be
loving friends and partners in marriage,

to listen and to talk, to trust and appreciate one another,

to respect and cherish each others uniqueness,

to support, comfort and strengthen each other
through life’s joys and sorrows.

We promise to share hopes, thoughts, and dreams,
as we build our lives together.

May our lives be ever entwined,
our love and respect keeping us together.

We will build a home that is compassionate to all,
full of reverence and honor for others and for each other,
creating a home forever filled with
peace, joy and love,
in unity with God and our fellows.

On this day,

Sunday the twenty-eighth of May
Two thousand and six

FREE2CHOOSE (LOL)

and

J

Were united in Marriage,
and do solemnly swear to live in dedicated commitment to each other,
in unending faith, hope, and love.

October 20, 2007
12:21 pm
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free2choose
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That was the Ketubah.

The “Ketubah” ~ Jewish

The signing of the marriage license at the end of a wedding ceremony is a meaningful tradition in modern day weddings. It serves not only as legal documentation, but also as a contract of sorts that “seals the deal” between the couple. Because there is no legal recognition of our union, there is no license for us to sign.

In Jewish tradition, the married couple signs a document called a Ketubah, which is a contractual agreement between the spouses which states the expectation and needs of each spouse of the other. It is presented as beautiful artwork, and framed for the couple to hang in their home.

October 20, 2007
12:22 pm
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free2choose
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This is what I wrote at the beginning of the program that listed the traditions:

J and I both know that having 2 brides is just about as non-traditional of a wedding as there is. However, I am a person who is enamored with ritual and tradition, and since there is no set precedent for lesbian marriages, we have decided to borrow several traditions from other cultures that have taken our fancy.

October 20, 2007
12:24 pm
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free2choose
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Then I wrote about the Ketubah.

Then:

The “Chupah” (Huppah) ~ Jewish

The Chupah is the canopy under which the couple stands to be wed. It is a Jewish/Hebrew tradition that is symbolic of the presence, shelter and protection of God, and of the home to be built and shared by the couple. Traditionally, the Chupah blanket is made by the family of the couple; in this case, it is represented by a special quilt sewn by my mother. Four people can be chosen to uphold the support poles of the Chupah, usually family or friends of the couple who will stand surrounding the couple in love and support.

and

The “Jumping of the Broom” ~ African American (slave)

Amidst the inhumanity of pre-Civil War America, black people were bought and sold into a life of slavery and degradation. These slaves were regarded as human property, and did not receive the same rights as free Americans. A result of this barbaric practice was that slaves were not permitted the right of marriage, so that the slave owners could buy, sell or breed them as they saw fit.

However, unlike the laws made by a powerful majority, the law of Love does not discriminate. With great courage and bravery, the slave people created there own traditions for marriage ceremonies, and held them in bold defiance of the unjust rulers who, though could deny them there very freedom, could not deny them Love. After being united, the newly married slave couples would hold hands together and jump over the handle of a broom, symbolizing their crossing into a new life together as one.

The courage and boldness of the slave people in the face of injustice and discrimination spoke to the very core of my soul. Janell and I have chosen this tradition in the hope that it stands as an act of proud defiance, a proclamation that ALL Love is real and valid, and we will not settle for anything less than Equality.

October 20, 2007
12:26 pm
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free2choose
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We read these readings:

Marriage is Love

If two are caring as they are sharing life's hopes and fears.
If the music of laughter outweighs sadness and tears.
Marriage is togetherness.

If both derive pleasure from the mere presence of each other, yet when parted no jealousies restrict, worry or smother.
Marriage is freedom.

If achievements mean more when they benefit two and consideration is shown with each point of view.
Marriage is respect.

And if togetherness, freedom and respect are combined with a joy that words can never fully define, then marriage is love.

and

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, always preserves.
Love never fails.

October 20, 2007
12:27 pm
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free2choose
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We also lit a unity candle and handed roses to our mothers, like the catholics do here.

October 20, 2007
12:28 pm
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free2choose
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It was A BEAUTIFUL wedding, a Wonderful ceremony, and I believe we changed the hearts and minds of many people that day. We were bold and revolutionary. We stuck the finger to the government and we did it OUR WAY, ANYWAY!

It was freakin amazing!

October 20, 2007
12:30 pm
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free2choose
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OOOOPPPPS, I put our names!
copy and paste error!

October 20, 2007
8:47 pm
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MsGuided
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Ok! That was a lot to read from folks who are familliar, (mending fences) lol

WD. Going back to the question of deviance, abuse and healthy sex thing. Don't you think the answers to that vary from a gender standpoint?and/or minorities?

First you have to ascertain who societies victims are. Perhaps, women, children, trans-gender and homosexual ( since the latter are considered marginal, they recieve much abuse from peers from childhood on. And why? The religeous heterosexual norm seem commited to voicing what is right or wrong whenever what they deem deviant to shows itself)

Since societal pressures tend to stem from a very vocal moral majority ( or minority), and persons who are without power within this society, and are succeptable to being victimized sexually, in this discussion, perhaps this group submits to a role of weakness?
Like a woman who wants to be spanked, or tied, or mock raped may be deriving some satisfaction in the role of victim?
If you place people in a scale of dominance and submission ( from the strongest alphas to the weakest subordinates) isn't this where the lines of abuse and devience get blurred?

These are the questions I ask. Because to me if a person chooses a submissive role and expects others to be in charge then I don't call that abuse. However the dominant ones are expected to treat the submissiveness with respect and become a care giver. This is hard to explain but a good leader takes care of his followers; with food, shelter and protection for example. If the person who gets pee'd on gets handed a towel , or better yet, is bathed afterwards, by the pee'r, isn't that acceptable?

Trouble starts when a person isn't sure of their role, hasn't established that, has been forced through abuse and coersian and doesn't accept the reality.

When you are considered as second class, without individual rights, and your needs are secondary to men, then thats where sexual expression becomes twisted and polluted. You have to have personal power for a healthy sex life and unfortunately most women don't possess that.
However if a woman is fortunate enough to have a male partner who treats his "submissive" with kindness and respect you see a good balance.( Not that male submissives don't exist,though generally males have less problems having some sort of individual control through economics, networking and support that allows them to succeed in the world)
To me general equality exists but not everyone is equal. Some are stronger physically, mentally and spiritually and hopefully when we reach adulthood we figure out where we belong then embrace that.
Thoughts?

free2choose

I just read your last posts, Very moving and the vows were beautiful( I envy you, OOPS!LOL)

October 20, 2007
10:27 pm
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Hi MsGuided,

A culture can support abuse, but I tend to place "blame" on individuals rather than think in terms of "society's victims."

For example, Slavery used to be a legal institution--but some people refused to "own" slaves because of their moral convictions. Just like lots of men did not beat their wives even when legally, they could get away with it.

I distinguish abuse by the absence or presence of actual consent and mutuality.

In the Bondage-Discipline-Sado-Masochism subculture, dominant and submissive roles are usually not acted out in "normal" life. Instead they are roles that are played as part of the game of sex.

A guy might be an alpha male at the office, a egalitarian feminist and full partner to his wife as far as daily family life goes--but when the bedroom door is shut he still might really enjoy being dominated, "humiliated," infantilized, or having the living daylights beat out of him with a cane--to the point of bruising.

That doesn't mean he is being abused.

And I think it is pretty well accepted that in those situations, it is the "submissive" who actually has the real power in the relationship. There is a fairly well-developed and well-known code of honor, ethics, and set of safety guidelines for dominant-submissive relationships, too.

And some people like to trade off those roles from time to time...."It's my turn to be tied up."

Funny, there is part of me that wonders if my last relationship went tits-up because I didn't spank her hard enough, or tie her up enough or something...I'm sorry, but I just can't see spending 30-60 minutes tying someone up. Not on a regular basis, anyway--it just seems kind of... tedious to me.

But hey, different strokes for different folks.

As "The Stranger's" sex-survey indicates, just about any activity we can think of--there is someone who will eroticize it.

For example, there is an entire culture of people who think the sexist thing in the world is to dress up in a full-body fuzzy toy animal costume. They're called "furries." Personally, I can't keep an erection while laughing, so that would never work for me.

October 20, 2007
10:48 pm
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free
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free2c- your wedding was absolutely AWESOME!

People would love to have something like this available to them I believe. I would have liked to have used some of this in my own vows. I am just so touched by this.

cool beans!

free

October 20, 2007
10:54 pm
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wd~

so funny~ I'm sitting here reading about the tying up and how that would be tedious and thinking to my self "oh! tell wd to use knee high panty hose- they stretch and tie somebody to the bed posts in seconds!" and then I read:

"just about any activity we can think of--there is someone who will eroticize it."

I guess you're just right-

different strokes for different folks.

free

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