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WD made another, not-quite-fatal mistake.
August 19, 2007
3:55 pm
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Worried_Dad
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I have discovered that my new roommate is...not of good character.

And I am freaking out.

See: this is my freaking out and terrified face.

This is really bad, really bad.

I am humiliated with my bad judgment.

And my humiliation and selfish desire to save my own face is in conflict with my self-preservation instincts.

August 19, 2007
5:05 pm
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Freaking out and terrified? That sounds pretty serious, WD. What manner of not-good character is your roommate revealing??

I would say that self-preservation should trump saving face.... but I know it doesn't always.

Take care of you

regards, the kroikster

August 19, 2007
8:35 pm
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mj
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WD, Everyone makes mistakes. Go easy on yourself.

August 19, 2007
8:37 pm
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mamacinnamon
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WD:

You can take care of you. Remember you are in control of your space. STOP, take a deep breath and think things thru before makeing any irrational things.

You'll be just fine. I know you will.

August 19, 2007
9:28 pm
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free
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Hi wd

What happened? Is the roommate a guy who tried to cuddle up with you and "spoon" in the middle of the night?

A gold-digger chick?

What's goin on?

It'll be okay.

Bite the pride.

free

August 20, 2007
2:33 am
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Worried_Dad
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I needed a roommate—ran into someone I thought would work well.

Substitute school teacher…dresses real sharp, real smart, nice. Doing retail sales during summer break…supposedly.

Long and short…

Four months later, is majorly in arrears with rent and bills.

And of course I have made a couple of personal loans.

Then few days ago, found $100.0 missing, and two guitars missing, a laptop computer missing.

A little checking and she is not actually employed where she says she is.

I actually got one guitar back—she had hocked it.

She has not been here for a few days…erased her outgoing voicemail message…

Now I have to change locks, call police, etc.

What a nightmare.

Heck of it is, I could have avoided this with a mere employment verification…

The learnings just keep coming.

Bring ‘em on.

August 20, 2007
7:43 am
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mj
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Sounds like your room-mate isn't making any points with WD! How awful for you. I admire you for being trusting of others. You took a chance, and learned that this individual isn't trustworthy. I hope that you are okay financially through this.

August 20, 2007
8:17 am
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thewall
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Ugh! Sorry WD. That sucks. Time to get the police involved so she wont do this to anyone else. 🙁
What a pain for you.

Yes, next time employment verification--past and present, as well as a criminal background check, which she can get by going to the city county bldg and paying a small fee ($20.00?? ish). Even then there are no guarantee's but that should help weed out some of the crooks, I hope???!

That is the scarist issue for me and I pray to God I will never have to get a room mate or date again. It freaks me out that you just cant trust anyone. They can appear nice, dress nice, have an upstanding position, and yet..you just never know. Heck my uncle was a deacon in the church. Pfft, didnt stop him,, the perv. And my rapist was a dentist. Still is.

Mean people suck.

Hang in there WD

August 20, 2007
3:40 pm
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free
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Oh, wd this sucks big time.

Make sure you call the police and make a report, humiliated or not. k?

Trusting - it's such a good thing, so I say continue, as long as it's not at your expense. In other words, even if it's a close friend- contracts and verification- just so the two of you "are communicating." Know what I mean?

I'm sorry wd.

free

August 21, 2007
12:05 am
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red blonde
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YIKES!

I have been contemplating having a roommate!

August 21, 2007
11:36 pm
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soofoo
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Soofoo here reminding you that humiliation and desire to save face are a symptom of abuse. You told me this. You said to be like. I am ashamed. And I have no reason to be ashamed. And deal with the paradox later.

Good luck on recovery of your property. This is really not your fault. It's always a gamble. Even with employment verification, people sometimes do bad stuff to us.

August 22, 2007
5:40 pm
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free2c_us
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free

(Trusting - it's such a good thing, so I say continue, as long as it's not at your expense. In other words, even if it's a close friend- contracts and verification- just so the two of you "are communicating." Know what I mean?)

no I don't understand this. could you explain this better.

August 22, 2007
9:44 pm
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free
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Sure free2c-I'll try

I think that people are basically either good, or want to be good. But money tempts people to behave in ways they would not normally behave. When they behave in ways that are wrong, they justify their behavior in order to feel "right." Robin Hood for example. It's wrong to steal from the rich and give to the poor. Understandable, but not justifiable.

People also misunderstand each other. Make verbal agreements and people remember them differently, just as two people will give different eye-witness accountings of something.

Two people will also hear each other differently- for example "I agree to let you have the kids on all the holidays"- sounds so simple. To me, this means all the holidays on my school calendar. What does it mean to you? Well- Easter- does it mean the whole Easter break or just Easter Sunday? All of Christmas Vacation or just Christmas Day? New year's Eve or New Year's Day or both? Lincoln's birthday- schools are out but everybody else works- is it a holiday? What if I convert to Judaism and want the kids for all of Hannukah? Or, was Jewish to begin with and wanted all of Hannukah but that's not a national holiday. etc.

Then, there are people who just prey upon those who trust without verification and a written contract.

There are those who play games- find holes in things- so contracts have to be very clear- colleges give courses in writing contracts. Most trade licenses teach about writing contracts.

I suspect there's only 5-10% of the crowd out there that are predators like this gal was with wd. There's 5-10% jerks in every crowd. But 10-1 this gal intellectually justified stealing from wd and skipping on a debt. the criminal mentality is that "if the person wasn't there nothing would have happened." to them, it's always the victim's fault.

So, in order to protect ourselves from predators, we need to be aware that people we interact with could be one and enter into a written contract with verification of employment etc.

For the other 90-95% of good people that deserve our trust, we need to make sure we are communicating in order to not lose friendships, not cause hard feelings, and not feel like a victim or predator when a disagreement arises- but just pull out the signed written contract and then have a discussion about the disagreement.

So if you want a contract and somebody says "you don't trust me?" ya say "of course I trust you, and I value your friendship so much that I want to make certain we are communicating and agreeing to the same thing, kuz sometimes people innocently hear and remember things differently, especially after time goes by. I don't ever want that to happen- this contract will serve as a reminder to us both if we ever need it"

Hope that helps

free

August 24, 2007
1:11 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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WD -

I allowed my bro to live with me on two diffferent occasions - my own family - but both times he put the screws to me.

Yes, you could have avoided "this one" had you done employment verification. BUT - even if her check came out clean - she could still have been an issue.

Live and learn - we all make mistakes - we are human.

Hopefully you can recoup some of your losses.

Do you know enough about her to file a small claims court against her?

August 26, 2007
2:28 pm
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thewall
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Hey WD

Hows the situation these days? Any new developments?

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