Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
WD Invites you...
April 2, 2005
3:26 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

...to talk to me, get to know me.

I offer apologies to those who might have felt ignored, slighted or hurt or offended by me. Anyone who truly desires to engage me has my permission to do so. In fact, I am hungry, starving for it. I only ask that we allow our interactions to be shaped by the site guidelines.

My conscience especially is bothering me about Sewunique, Twinks, Juanita, Free and Zinnie. I particularly enjoy each of you and I don't want you to think that I would ever intentionally ignore you or patronize you or hurt you. I am grateful to each of you for what you have offered me in this special place.

I have been in a process of healing from events, circumstances, and medical conditions that really laid me low. I was so isolated for so long, that I think my capacity for intimacy and many social skills have been reduced. For example, my ability to lighten up and have a good time has been impaired.

Some people I loved and trusted convinced me that I was worthless and helpless. And I believed them for a while. For a supposedly intelligent man, I have made some truly monumentally stupid mistakes in my life.

I am a basically normal human being with all of the frailties and weaknesses that are my birthright. I am distractible. I am vain. I am easy to bait into unproductive arguments.

I have been very lucky to encounter some cool people here who while not exactly "friends" in the normal, non-cyber, non-anonymous sense of the word, function that way for me in a variety of ways.

I can count the number of people on this site who have truly, royally, pissed me off on the fingers of one hand. And none of them have posted anything that I have read recently. And half of those cases turned out to be misunderstandings, anyway.

I have been heard here, validated here, supported here, allowed to vent here. When I make mistakes here, people forgive me. And that has been very helpful to me in recovering a sense of myself, recovering my strength and courage.

I have spent quite a long time feeling guilty, helpless, and basically terrified. Part of recovering from that terror has been to realize that yes, sometimes fear is a more sensible reaction than blind trust. Yes, I am scared, but I realize now that just because I am scared doesn't mean I am crazy, and it doesn't mean that I am helpless. Courage is not the opposite of fear.

From my study of what science and medicine have to say about my situation I understand that, statistically speaking, there is still a chance that certain persons will arrange for me prematurely shuffle off this mortal coil in a dramatic fashion. I have nightmares about that, and I am still in partial denial about that possibility.

I am making arrangements so that if that unfortunate thing should happen that my story and my learnings will not be lost forever. Those arrangements involve distributing essays, bibliographies, photographs, artwork, original music, video and audio recordings, and potentially patentable scientific or mathematical musings to a variety of places-of-safe-keeping.

I will arrange a (regrettably small) amount of money to be available to fund some sort of educational publication, most likely in electronic form, to be created and briefly maintained for the purpose of informing people who have been hurt, and people who are in danger, of what science has to say about their situation, and what options are available to them.

I trust that those of you who have heard me and known me here will instinctively and by virtue of you characters, and professional imperatives know what to do if I should suddenly become unavailable to you here at this site.

Of course, I am also aware that statistically speaking, the worst case scenario is unlikely, and that certain hostile persons will probably be content to merely humiliate me, harass me, and so forth. So really, everything will probably be okay, right?

In the meantime, bear with me a little longer. I want to enjoy the good things that life has given me, including my relationships with you people here. I want to make sure that you know that I appreciate you. And I want to share with you some of the good things in my lifeβ€”good things that you have helped me find and do and achieve.

I want you to tell me some more jokes and to laugh at a few more of mine.

Sincerely,

WD

April 2, 2005
3:53 am
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi WD,

Since I am relatively new to this site (Feb.) I haven't really had a chance to know you or what you are about or why you are so worried (moniker- worried dad?)

Also, I have to admit that I am at times disturbed by your posts. At other times, I am puzzled.

For example, courage is not the opposite of fear...What would be the opposite of fear?

Second example of feeling puzzled and disturbed: you seem to be living under a threat to your life? My gosh! What a terrible shadow to have in your life. Have you contacted the authorities?

Third example: I don't mean to offend, but sometimes I have thought your use of words somewhat patronizing? However, I don't believe that you really mean to come off that way. That puzzles me.

Anyway, I hope that I can lend an ear and a supporting heart? That's what we're here for.

April 2, 2005
8:04 am
Avatar
gazelle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello WD. I've been following these boards since about Christmas, I think - though not all of them, of course. That would be obsessive-compulsive to say the least! So I too have very little idea about your story and troubles. All I know is that your ex has serious mental/emotional health probs and has been violent and abusive towards you and your child, besides others. Is she still partially on the scene? Has she threatened you recently? Is anyone else scaring you? Do you have custody of your child?

I seem to remember some posts about you trying to meet women through online dating agencies (?!) That seemed SO unlike the image of you that I had ... which goes to show how hard it is to form an accurate picture of people without all the clues like body language, tones of voice, dress & demeanour etc that we rely on so heavily, though often unconsciously, in 'real life'. Though, of course, NOT getting audio-visual clues can have its advantages too [of freedom from unrealised prejudices, and from distractions ].

Apart from your obvious intelligence and education, you are blessed with excellent reasoning skills, humility, openness and verbal dexterity. Your true willingness to explore and articulate emotions and thoughts pours out of your posts. I too would enjoy getting to know you better.

{Giving an account of myself and my convoluted life would be a much harder, if not impossible, challenge. I'm reading and responding to others first, in hopes that I'll gain courage and clarity to try revealing more of myself soon.)

I hope your perception of dire circumstances and dangers will be found to be exaggerated, and that your fears will become less intense and all-consuming as your life resolves and moves forward to better things.

Blessings of protection & cheer to you - Gazelle.

April 2, 2005
8:32 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD:

I to don't know your story or current situation. I just wanted to say I enjoy your posts. Very informative. I feel you put alot of thought into what you say before you post, and it's always in such a maticulous and maticulous order. I've always looked at you as wise; an old sole. Someone I admire taking advice from as I feel you have given only your best. Guess that's why it shocked me to see you vent; but hey, we are all human. Humbled me a bit. So, it's a pleasure to know you. Just wanted to let ya know. πŸ™‚

April 2, 2005
10:35 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Bonita, nice to meet you. Don't worry, the worst case scenario is a really small percentage. The annoying things, besides having bad dreams about it, is that I can't tell from the statistics if her particular mental illness makes me more or less likely to have fatal consequences.

And actually I'm tired of studying it. I just want to do my duty and move on. I don't want to be the Anne Rule of domestic violence.

I want to be...a Lumberjack!

Just kidding, really what I want to be is a singer.

Hi Gazelle,

Yeah the online dating thing is kind of unlike me. Actually, trying to meet women is unlike me, anymore. I guess I just miss being a family man.

I know my fear of "D" is slightly irrational--she isn't really all-powerful. And theoretically, she has a new victim to concentrate on, so I am probably ok. On the other hand, there was some threatening language used, her environment is "all guns, all the time," and I have gotten into trouble before by underestimating her.

I don't know if I will ever see my beautiful "J" again.

MamaC, I have found you to frequently be a calm and noanxious presence here, and I definitely appreciate your warmth.

Sorry about the vent on the other thread. Or maybe I'm not. I don't have a safe place to do that "out here." I had just read some particularly nasty articles, an Ann Rule book, and my friend at work called in "sick" with her really bad story. I was crying my eyes out as I typed that and am still trying to clean the snot out of my computer keyboard. It was a wierd combination helplessness and anger and feeling guilty about helplessness and anger.

Ac courageous person is not one who feels no fear. A courageous person is one who can find the strength to keep going, and find some joy in life, even when there are things to be afraid of.

April 2, 2005
11:05 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD....I too, have not been here for too long; but in the time I have been posting, I've always welcomed your wisdom and honesty. Such honesty can sometimes offend the emotionally frail, I suppose. I appreciate it, as your life experiences and intuition allow you to offer sound advice. What I notice especially about you is how intensely you feel...and how deeply those feelings reach. I am glad you are here to vent, be heard, be validated.....and to do the same for others. And that rapier wit...makes me smile every time.

April 2, 2005
11:16 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD:

Nothing specific meant by was shocked by seeing you vent but that you are just as human as the rest of us. I try not to lose my composure here too, but it happens. We all have hearts ya know πŸ™‚ So please, vent any time you feel the urge and I'll not be shocked. (smile).
No sorries needed w/ me. I like the safeness of this place too.

April 2, 2005
1:04 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

still thinking WD...........

thanks for the fireside chat invite, and no, I do not mean 'chat' as in cyberworld, will get back to you, friend

April 2, 2005
1:27 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi sew,

yes, I've had about enough cyber chat. One thing I really like about this site is that there in no "falling hearts" background option.

April 2, 2005
3:19 pm
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

" A courageous person is one who can find the strength to keep going, and find some joy in life, even when there are things to be afraid of."

Yes, I understand that and I believe it too. You seem to have a lot to handle. I take it that you were a victim of domestic violence and that your child is being kept away from you?

I'm assuming that you have been through all legal actions that you can take in order to resolve this situation?

Or, if not, are you under some type of dire threat to your life if you seek legal recourse? Is this person a family member in a Mafia-type family?

My, gosh, that's a tough spot for anyone to handle. I'm so sorry, WD.

πŸ™ ~~bonita

April 2, 2005
3:26 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Not Mafia so much as...well, what state ha the second highest per capita rate of child abuse..

I remember the Christmas when her sister was showing off the handgun she got for a Christmas present from her--just a little something for her purse. "It's beautiful, I love it!"

April 2, 2005
3:34 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear WD: I have been here since July and although we have not "spoken" directly, I have always enjoyed your posts, for many reasons. You seem to always step in where help is needed re: abuse and I respect you for that. You are a shoulder for someone to lean on when they really, really need it. You are so well informed on many subjects and I look up to you and your advice. You are a man of compassion, and human- you have real feelings as well, and express them so eloquently. I never knew what your story was but after reading your other thread, I am truly sorry you have been victimized and am sorry for your struggles. I was inspired by your attempts to try and date, and even then you found humor. You have a terrific sense of humor.

You don't need to apologize for anything- you'll allowed to feel, vent, and express like anyone else. I am sorry for the conflict you are experiencng here but hope you know that many people here have deep respect for you. Regards, SD

April 2, 2005
3:42 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh WD, I do hope you are not in a mafia-type (not real mafia)situation. I lived that for so long. So devestating. So tragic.

April 3, 2005
12:57 am
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh geez, mamaC, did you really?

What state , WD? Some New England state? Is it N.H.?

April 3, 2005
9:15 am
Avatar
CODA_Mom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD,

"I have spent quite a long time feeling guilty, helpless, and basically terrified. Part of recovering from that terror has been to realize that yes, sometimes fear is a more sensible reaction than blind trust. Yes, I am scared, but I realize now that just because I am scared doesn't mean I am crazy, and it doesn't mean that I am helpless".

This reminded me so much of something that I went thru with one of my domestic abuse clients. Her husband was big on guns (rifles) and loved to load them and threaten her and her kids when he went into a rage. After she had a protection order put on him, I started meeting with her in her home once a week, because she desperately needed the support. She could not even hardly lift her head to make eye contact.

Anyway, he was not a happy camper and kept making threats about what he'd like to do to me, none of it good.
I had to face him in court to testify on his wife's behalf or she would lose the kids. He brought 2 licensed counselors and a high-profile mens' rights lawyer to defend himself. The woman had me, her pastor and 2 old men friends who just came for support. Talk about sheer terror.

I had read some of the works of Dietrich Bonheffer (German pastor who died in a concentration camp during WWII) which made such an impression...he said that in his life "he was called to die"...when we live our lives and stand against lies and bullies we are taking a stand for truth, and we may die in the process (physical death or death of status, death of normalcy at times).

If we have to live our lives in fear against liars and bullies then I'd rather die than allow them to have that power over me.

You are NOT crazy, WD, you've described so many symptoms of PTSD. You have been thru h***, but as you voice the trauma, it will start to lose control. I want to encourage you to keep sharing your story (I won't recommend that you see a counselor, though πŸ™‚ People at this site are wonderful listeners and I know they will be supportive.

BTW, the judge threw the book at the guy...I looked at it as Divine Intervention... here I was, small in stature and small in savvyness against the "big guns".

Keep smiling, it is habit-forming πŸ™‚

CM

April 3, 2005
1:16 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Coda_Mom,

It's been kind of a rough weekend, with dreams and all. Seems like every time I think I'm going to be alrightm something happens and bam, there she is in my dreams again.

And certain recent news articles have kind of sickened my stomach for the study of...what certain bad people do.

So I think I need some more positive things going on to lift my spirits.

I found a local blues-rock band that needs a lead singer. That is sooo up my alley, I'm trying to get an audition. I just think it would be a gas to get to perform again, and stretch into creativity a bit more.

WD

April 3, 2005
2:32 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WOW, WD, a blues-rock singer. How cool. Bet you are great at singin. I'm hoping you can get the position. Won't even have to look for ladies then; they'll be beatin down your door. πŸ™‚

Good for You!

April 3, 2005
4:12 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD,

"...yes, I've had about enough cyber chat. One thing I really like about this site is that there in no "falling hearts" background option. "

Now THAT was funny!

Now that I've had time to sort thru MY feelings and finished trying to crack a walnut with my self explanation in another thread, perhaps I can do better here. I won't guarantee brevity once I start talking, so bear with me.

It is a very good thing to see you with this thread, in my opinion. You have touched upon a few issues and I hope I can do rightful justice to you with my input.

WD, I have said before that I do admire you strength and wisdom and great caring for others. Please note that others here do as well and you are well respected here (sometimes one does not realize the power and influence one has upon another). I fully appreciate your desire/need to challenge or stop those who are abusive to others or whom are corrupt. If this is your crusade, then know well that others here would be willing to join you in that Quest. You have the knowledge and know how to make a difference and all you need is the time and the support of others. It can happen. I for one would like to see that happen.

Which brings me to the next issue; that of your safety. Safety physically and in mind and in spirit. I can understand your fear as I have a sister that I have resolved harm could happen when her ex gets out of prison. It might never happen, but I understand, in part, where your fear comes from. My sis has PTS, and at times, she is completely silent when I talk about anything negative and the support, hurtfully, does not come from her to me.

But you do have an advantage over her. Which is, you have the knowledge and intelligence to give you power over it and to overcome it. (My sis, bless her heart, is not the brightest star in the sky). So use your advantage that G-d or whatever Power gave you.

Like CM stated, I would not recommend a counselor, even if you found a good one, right now your trust is not there. But this site, here at AAC, has given me more therapeutic resolve than five years of therapy could do. Use it to your advantage. Be creative, send out your jokes, tell a story, share your words to your music, get that job and sing your heart out and share with us. Write here as a journal. I have found it helpful as I am a poor one to journal by hand. They say writing by hand comes from a different part of the brain than typing. Not sure if that is true, but I am more dyslexic typing than writing. But still, it has helped; AND I get feedback to ideas I never would have thought of! Even those, duh..., of course, ones. You could write here and when you come to a portion that you do not want to expose of yourself, then just delete it, go on, write, delete some more, so on. Be creative, it can truly help.

Okay, for the part you asked about that concerns me. There have been times where I wonder if you are ignoring me because what I have to say is not worthwhile enough or you just tend to ignore it/me. Maybe a bit coda on my part, but sometimes I wonder if you ever go back to read if there are additional comments following what you have posted.

Now, to be fair about this, I understand what might be happening. I am starting to do this myself as I pull myself further and further away from the support threads and lean more into the Libs. It is a growth thing and my interest is not there as much anymore. So I am doing the same thing and I have to jot down where I posted in order to remember to return! No biggy on your part as I see this now.

If I may make a suggestion that helps here? If someone does specifically post to you, just dropping a line back even if saying, "wow, thanks or right on" is all that is needed. A social grace, if you see. Then that person knows they were recognized. As you did above to my short comment, it made me feel great, as this is not free flowing conversation here and is hard to communicate at times.

So that is it for me. Except for one more thing; I have found that if a person writes openly in this cyber world, I have met and found great friends that have now share my real world. They sound and talk pretty much like they do in real life as they do in the cyber world. Very interesting, indeed.

I hope you get that position with the band, you might find some interesting dates there, as that type of music draws a different crowd that may suit you better than the on line dating. (What pub, niteclub was it? Hehehe, just kidding).

But seriously again, here;
thanks for being open, for sharing with us for allowing yourself to grow. I hope you master this monster that haunts you. Thanks for always being there for me, especially at my first encounters here. Thanks for being my friend, I am honored.

And please do continue to write in your occassional style of granstanding, WD, it is a part of you and sometimes we need that to shake us up!!! smiling here.

Sew/C

Ps: You know that yes, should there ever be a reason or cause for continuance with your quest, there are some of us who would find many creative ways to carry on, to gather together. Believe me, it would happen. I pray that it will not be necessary, God willing.

April 3, 2005
5:35 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Seunique,

Well, like I said, I don't ignore anyone intentionally. Sometimes I don't know if a response is desired or called for. Sometimes I'm just not attentive. I'm trying to learn to be more reponsive to people here--I just don't always recognize what seem like "casual" comments as needing response.

I am very focussed these days and tend to have a sort of tunnel vision. And I am beset by fools. I just need to pay more attention to when I see my nickname here I guess.

Online dating-wise.... at 995 profile views I put out the "last call." At # 1003, I have closed my profile. A few women have my contact info now, and maybe I'll even get some dates out of it. I've been single so long now...well, I'm used to it.

Counseling. After the catastophic malpractice with the Holys I did check with some "real" professionals and they were very helpful in helping me figure out what happened to me. I pretty much know now what the helping professions have to say about my situation and my condition.

And I know that the state of the art for helping people like me is pretty bad. All of the king's horses and men, couldn't put WD's amygdala, hippocampus and medial corpus callosum back together again. But maybe singing will help.

And I don't care about meeting women that way. I do love perfoming with a band, though

Ah yes, my grand essays. For some reason I have become pretty silent here in the "real world." But man, have I become an essayist. It is like writing has opened some floodgates of expression that I never knew I had. Hundreds of pages are pouring out of me. And yes, it comes from a very different place in my brain than just talking.

And this is the only place where I feel ...Well, I just can't talk about this stuff with most people.

April 3, 2005
8:33 pm
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm going to second that "wow! a blues singer" comment from mamaC.

Yes, women go for rock band singers so you shouldn't have to do the online dating thing. But from you post above you don't really seem interested in that aspect of being in a rock band. No WD rock groupies for you, huh?

You had 1,003 views to your profile and you didn't get any dates? Did you try posting your profile on other services? There are lots of them out there, not just Yahoo personals.

I tried doing that, too, in early January, right after my break-up with my STBX. I think I must have posted on 1/2 dz. singles sites. On some of those I barely got a few nibbles, but on a couple of others I had a huge number of responses.

But, I truly wasn't interested in dating. I really just wanted to talk and maybe make a few friends.

Then, my therapist nixed the idea of dating until '06, so that I can just concentrate on my issues and learn what "it is that I'm doing to get what I got."

I didn't even know I was coda until Feb. when I stumbled upon the characteristics of codepenedency in my therapist's waiting room.

I asked my therapist, "I just checked off 10 characteristics of the 11 that are listed here! How come? I didn't grow up in an alcoholic family?"

She said, "Because, yes, I believe you are codependent. You don't have to have an alcoholic in your family to become codependent."

I can tell you that was a true shocker! Afterwards, I went on the internet to do some research on codependency and I stumbled onto this site.

Like most here, I enjoy the conversation, cry at times from sharing in my pain and in others' pain as well/ Also, I have gained useflu insites into my own feelings and behavior when I see it mirrored in other's lives.

So, I am very grateful that this site is here and I hope to make less and less use of it as I grow stronger and healthier in my struggle against codependency.

On a different note: You said your child was abducted? Do you now know where she/he is? Have you thought about contacting America's Most Wanted for some assistance in finding your J.?

Truly concerned,

~~Bonita :|???

April 3, 2005
10:39 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD,

I just came back from the movies with a friend and we saw "The Upside of Anger". It was a surprise twist at the ending that really hit home with me and I thought of you as well. It is with Kevin Costner. Not an academy award winner, but the theme is so right on with many of us dealing with anger.

On a different vein, I saw "Closure" which was about codependency. I thought it was great, but that is because I have been in a better understanding of myself and issues since being here at AAC. My girlfriend (friend; I am not bi) hated it, as she is just still struggling with knowing she has codependency and is so lost with it. Yeah, I know you're not codependent, but it was agreat movie.

Do yourself a favor, I suggest seeing 'The Upside of Anger".

April 4, 2005
1:24 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

WD wrote: "I want you to tell me some more jokes and to laugh at a few more of mine. "

Oh yea, we should laugh as much as we can. I read this recent article:
---------
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/w.....?id=559272
Laughter May Be Good for the Heart, Study Finds

Average blood flow increased 22 percent during laughter, and decreased 35 percent during mental stress, they told the meeting.

April 4, 2005
3:16 am
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD,
I hav eso enjoyed your posts and learned from you. If there is anyone on these threads that I would trust anyone for giving advice to it is you.

The Blues singing sounds like a good break for you...me thinks you work too hard...but I feel it is certain that you have certainly made a positive difference in your field of expertise...as in the world around you is certainly a better place because of your knowledge and your willingness to help.
RE: Blues singer, did not know you were so talented..could be a breather for you, maybe?

I will do what I do best to help...I pray...can't help it, but I will.

This thread is obviously from your heart, which I am sure all of us can appreciate...the more we know of you the more we like. Is that too sappy?? πŸ™‚ hope not...because it is true.
You bring it all down to earth, adn I bet you sing from your heart too.

Sending hugs your way,
onw/S

April 4, 2005
1:06 pm
Avatar
Juanita
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 27
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD -

I have not been to the site for a few days now... Sorry not to have seen your thread earlier.

First, thank you so much for thinking of me and including me amongst one of those you listed in the beginning. I was not aware that perhaps I was on your mind like you are on mine (don't read into that wrong). I am one of those people who just doesn't assume anyone really thinks about me. My own self esteem issue. It is nice to know that I cross your thoughts once in a while, for unfortunately, I am one of those who are sensitive to response or lack thereof. You, however, don't need to apologize. It just feels nice to know that an occassional wondering about Juanita or thought about what I may have to contribute happens. I seem to feel lonely lately, which is stupid. I would enjoy engaging you in conversation more, but feel, perhaps I am not 'enough'. My thoughts and feelings for you are sincere - I do worry about you and your son, think of you, and pray for you... wish you nothing less than sincere happiness and worry free days the rest of your life. But is that enough? I don't know. Perhaps.

Second, (or I'm thinking of reversing these two as this seems more important that the 1st - but going in your order of things), are you in danger? I hope not. You've said you live in a rough community, and the Holyshrinks/Cult can be a scary thing from my perspective. I do not know a lot about them - but in standing up for yourself and others like you, are you in fact endangering yourself to bodily harm? I am one of the naive ones that WOULDN'T know where to go if you did disappear from AAC. Search the DV sites, probably, yeah, but we are anonymous - I don't think I'd be smart enough to be able to locate you... BUT my gentle & warm thoughts would stay with you. You have affected me as I've told you before. I hope nothing bad happens to you, were that hopes and prayers enough to effect an action.

My time here is limited (meaning now). I have told you quite honestly how I feel about you more than once & how I think you are a terrific man. Bravo for you getting back into your music! I think this will do you a world of tremendous good.

So, heartfelt, as I always am... (my heart must be on my sleeve as they say)...

YOU ARE A HONEST , WONDERFUL , GOOD, KIND, LOVING , GIVING, CARING, KNOWLEDGEABLE, TALENTED MAN.

ANY WOMAN WOULD BE DAMN LUCKY TO BE LOVED BY YOU. I feel you would be more sensitive than most to a woman's needs, emotionally, mentally, and physically. You speak of giving and being generous ... so many men are not ~ A woman would be lucky to find you & be loved by you.

MANY A MAN MUST ADMIRE OR ENVY THINGS THAT YOU HAVE SET OUT TO DO, ACHIEVED, AND ACCOMPLISHED. You are not a couch potatoe! Yay! Be proud of yourself (I am).

KEEP YOURSELF SAFE!! FIRST AND FOREMOST! (repeat, repeat, repeat)

YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE WORTHY...(keep repeating until you believe me), and so loved (there are many forms of 'love' - please don't panic by my words - I fear you do sometimes) ... you don't know. Accept my words. They are the truth. You have 'heard' them from me, and from others.

Hold your head high, dear man. You have nothing but praise from me.

Anytime you need a friend - 'just call my name'. Whether I have the words or not, you know you have my support and caring.

Juanita

April 5, 2005
11:56 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Juanita,

Thanks so mych for the support and warmth.I must admit that it is easier for me to take attacks and insults than it is to receiev compliments. How sick is that?

I particulalry appreciate the prayers--they just might do something, you never know.

I'll check in with you later--you've had quite the life recently I hear.

WD

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
29
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110962
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
JayGriffin212, Youse1937, Cannabeme, charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information