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WD got paged
February 24, 2005
9:10 am
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gazelle
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Hi. I've been following this with deep hurt, and many real tears, and not a little unease. The situation itself, and the wonderful responses of unconditional belief, validation, comfort, warmth, acceptance and love are so very moving. What the human spirit can rise to is quite overwhelming. I admire and applaud MamaC and Sew, WD & everyone else for their heartfelt sincerity and concern. Such self-sacrifice, despite your own personal worries & health problems! I love and admire you so much. You are all wonderful, beautiful, God-breathed people, showing the best we can be and I am sincerely in awe.

BUT ... and please, please forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn ... my intentions are completely honourable & genuine ... I have a sneaky voice whispering a few "What ifs"...

Just what if, (as MJ hints) the sophisticated nic, and the finding of this site, and familiarity with posting, just possibly might not be from a nearly-11-year old? Just an outside chance, & I'm not normally suspicious at all. But I have had bitter experience of imposters on another support site, & so am a teeny bit aware of the possibility. Just what if this is an abuser - one who is terribly aware of the damage & pain he is causing, and is suffering guilt & self-loathing, and could be empathising with his victim and using our reactions & responses to guide & help his own? (I swear I have experienced this once.) If so, then I'm sure all that has been said will have an amazing positive effect to get him to stop it and get help.
May God and all of you forgive me if I'm wrong. I plead for a merciful response to my probably stupid questions. It's just that I have been badly stung myself in an abusive situation by a perpetrator posing as a supposed fellow-victim and 'stealing' the attention & help WE needed. But it did ultimately help him - and help us all too.

Please delete this, SC, if it's inappropriate or damaging. I'm v depressed and on meds right now & not myself. Sincere thanks and blessings to all. Your own judgements are far better than mine - Gazelle.

You are all being utterly awesome and I love you. I am praying for the real suffering little girl too, with all my heart.

February 24, 2005
9:21 am
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gazelle
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My God, how wrong of me!
I'm so, so sorry for that post.
PLEASE, PLEASE DELETE MY LAST, SITE CO-ORDINATOR!

And please forgive me, everyone.
Too many pills...too little sleep.

Dear Jigsaw, I do believe you - honestly. Hang in there, darling. There are loving, kind, warm friends holding you in their hearts and prayers. People do understand. I do too.
You are a good girl and did nothing wrong at all.
Things will get better, you'll see! Hope you have some fun with your friend today. You deserve a lovely time.

Love, Gazelle.

February 24, 2005
9:38 am
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mamacinnamon
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Gazelle:

Do not freak over your questions. I myself have considered it; and believe me, my hubby gave me a huge shot of it. This is where I stand and what I told my hubby.

IF this little girl needs help then who am I to deny it. This could be her only chance to get the validity and courage she needs to step forward and stop the abuse.

IF this is not real? Oh well. We can all have a good laugh later, but I will not turn my back on this little girl. Fake or not.

Only God knows what is real and not real on the computer. But, I look for my direction from him. Could I (not God) be wrong? Sure. But at least I will have done the best I can do and I will glorify my God every step of the way.

On the snotty side? Could be good practice don't ya think? lol. I wan't serious there. Just need to laugh a bit.

Gazelle, you post what you feel. That's what this place is all about. And don't worry about freakin. I've done that to after pushin the button before.

Have a great day.

February 24, 2005
9:39 am
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SweetAmanda
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I wanted to say the same thing but didn't have enough bawlz. Hell, this is the Internet; we should be able to say whatever we feel. Those are real feelings Gazelle! I feel 'em too. Sure, I do tend to look for the bad side of every situation... But MANY times that has saved me. I just feel funny about this whole thing. Who knows, you know?

Plus, I think we have made a big issue of catering to the abused. Damn. I can't say that right, it's in my head, but I dunno how to word it. It's almost like a catch 22 with all kinds of abuse. Sexual mostly. First, don't put any idea into their heads... But at the same time, be there for them, believe them... I just don't understand it all.

I'm not saying jig wasn't molested. I guess I dunno how that feels? Maybe if I *really* was molested I would have more concrete feelings on this issue? But this whole thing kinda pisses me off. So kill me. I don't have the guts to do it myself.

February 24, 2005
9:48 am
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mamacinnamon
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Amanda:

Don't know why anyone would shoot you, we all love you to much for that.

If this were not a child my feelings would be a lot more rigid. But, IF it is a child, then I cannot turn my back. What if it were my 11 year old?

Oh, been a good teaching tool here too.

February 24, 2005
9:58 am
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SweetAmanda
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to jig: "A lot of the people on this website have been through what you are going through right now. I cannot tell you what to do. I can however be here to listen to your feelings. I can be your 'online buddy'. In the end it is you who must make a decision on what to do. It grieves me that you are so young, yet being forced to make choices that will affect you for the rest of your life. It makes me sad that you feel so scared, alone and sick. I'm sorry."

Thanks MamaC. I am kinda scared of bullets. =)

February 24, 2005
10:07 am
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Anonymous
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I haven't been here for a long long while so I will be a new face for you guys altho an oldie to others.

I come in to check on things from time to time, and the "confused" thread caught my attention.

I was here when the whole bit with "pricess" happened (fake suicide) and have been duped on a chat channel too ...so i understand the concerns here.

I have read, and re-read the "confused" thread trying to determine what is what.

first, i think its natural to wonder "what if" and it's a good way to protect yourself from getting hurt - there have been a few threads i have questioned also.

but just my opinion ..i think this really is a child. maybe im gullable but, its just my sense here. and this may be the only place she cant 'really' talk right now.

everyone who is advising her is doing a WONDERFUL job in making her feel safe to come back. i would say please believe in this child and continue offer her the support she needs.

just my 2 cents - sorry to intrude when i haven't been here for so long, but when i was little and reached out for help i didnt get it. i wasnt taken seriously and that hurt very much.

thanks for listening
`firefly

February 24, 2005
10:07 am
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gazelle
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Oh thank you, MamaC. You've made me feel better. Whatever the situation, your responses have helped reassure me enormously that my thoughts are not alone.

How are you? I do so hope your hospital / doctor situation is progressing quickly towards good results. You're such a good 'un and deserve the best.

SweetAmanda, thank you too, so much. You're strong (even in your perceived weaknesses ... it takes real guts to 'fess up to them!)

As for yr last remarks ... eeeeek! Tell you what, I'll send you any missing respect & admiration you may feel you "don't have the guts" to give yourself. Will that kind of "killing me softly" stuff do instead?! Lol.

I'd better get out of here now.
Blessings to all - Gazelle. xxx

February 24, 2005
2:38 pm
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sewunique
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This is all interesting; everyone questioning the validity of this poster. That is one reason WHY I ask how old are you to them, as I also did to the new youngster in 'Why'. This is to get some sense of the age by the language and spelling, to see if it fits togethee. An experienced teacher may be able to see if it truly sounds authentic or fake, or get a better sense of it. I believe and hope that if the person or their situation is not real, that the truth eventually comes out.

I believe this is true for many new threads and posters here, that we do question the validity, and we should. The protection of this site and the people who post here is crucial. Much damage to either could arise if not protected.

I have seen it once here, thank god SC was able to delete early am the hurtful things hit on almost a dozen threads, a dozen people would have been injured.

My other concern of the validity and authenticity of posters, is our own personal protection of our own triggers, fears and feelings. This I alluded to mamaC and OMW the very nite this poster came on board. That is, to take caution until we were more sure of the validity of the situation to protect ourselves. You get emotionally involved, give your time, lack of sleep and if you find out you have been duped, many hurts arise within you in finding that out. No one wants to be 'played' with, or be made a fool. I mean, how would you feel if you find out you were taken advantage of by a prangster?

There are also other threads I have wondered what a persons INTENYIONS are in what they write or how they present their views and themselves. This can be harmful to the reciever of the information and do much inner turmoil and confusion in trying to be a survivor and recover. I have seen where someone will 'step in' to clarify or sets things straight, or will present a challenge to the poster. Thank god for our strongeer and wiser ones here to help us. This recently happened as well.

However, I do believe this person is truly is who she says she is. (Did she ever say she was a female, or is this our assumption?). And I believe we are all assisting her in the best fashion we can with the limitations we have here. Please, the support is great, but do not glorify me, I thank you, (plural) for everyone's input, for without all of you, I am nothing. We share and share alike.

Again, I must say that the beauty of this site and the amazing heart of the people here have come together, unselfishly to band as a team, a family, not only in helping this single person, but for the good of us all during this process. There is nothing better that warms my heart than what I have experienced here of late. I love this site and I can say that as a group I love you all. Whether or not I can touch you, you touch my heart and spirit. Of the many friends I have, there are only a few I can truly say that is shared. It takes opening up and recieving of others; a rarity in our real physical world.

I am rambling, but I this was finally my opportunity to share these thoughts.

One last thought I will throw in here; we are geting many youngster here with repeated problems. My concern in them remaining here is the content of the material and information we share in Support Threads (sex, trauma, abuse, venting with stronger language), that I wonder how healthy it is for this being accessible to them. It could be damaging.

Secondly, would these yungsters be better served in going to a support site for children or a support site specifically addressing their issues? (Cutting, incest) We are not counselors, in genreal, and if they can get the best information and counseling available,it would benefit them more quickly.

If agreed, does anyone know of these sites that we can refer to them? If not, should we research this and have that information available to offer it to them? This issue has been heavy on my mind for a long time. Any input from this point, I would be most appreciative.

Sew

February 25, 2005
9:14 am
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GullyFoyle
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I agree with all the sentiments of the above postings. It is my nature not to trust, expecially when I think I see common threads. Two things worried me about what I started seeing yesterday:

One: timeframes - I watch the clock constantly. Just ingrainged in me. Some of the orignating posters would have been following a class schedule based on the hour. Also, the time frame that one poster would stop and antoher appear. Just enough time to read what is going on in the other threads. Then stopping around bedtime. Now, this is meaningless in itself, but if you put it together, with my paranoid mindset, it could mean someone moving around.

Two: The way they talk - run on sentences, no "capitolization", not listening. Al of it could be pain of someone trying to express feelings that are rushing out. However, I find it hard to believe that two would have the same style and "tone". Plus, misspelling of some words and the correct spelling of words that I wouldn't have done correctly. But then again, based on my snooping of my own youngster, that could be a valid post. It is the periods that bother me. Youngest son is close to the age group. He uses periods, short sentences and appropriate misspellings. Also no contractions or short "IM" words like "U", "R", that kind of stuff.

I don't know. My warning flags went up. But like I said, I am paranoid. One thing I thought was it could have been a cop.

Confused seemed to be valid. A little concerned about sentence structure. I know that when my youngest and friends are over visiting, they get on when the parents are not paying attention. So timframe seemed valid. But I stated before, I wwasn't comfortable on that thread and felt I should stay away unless absolutely necessary.

But we must never assume that the postins aren't valid. In that I agree. But what happens is we begin to take a personal interest with issues that affect us personally. Getting tied up in it. I found myself responding emotionally to several of the threads. Not a good thing for me. I will protect myself and shut down.

I don't know. I agree about the content of this site and they way we intereact may not be appropriate for some who are young and may be having appropriate confusion and turmoil based on their age group. But we can't stop them or deny them. To do so defeats the purpose of this site, I think. The thing is, a lot of us have seen the terrible extremes of these kind of behaviours and will do our best to help, not realizing that what is gonig on may not be an extreme example. Just a normal reaction to the stress and turmoil of being a teenager or preadolescent that has a lot of info and has seen how "celebrities" have controled their inner demons.

Just my two cents worth. I hope I wasn't too confusing.

Gully

February 25, 2005
11:34 am
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Worried_Dad
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Thanks for the links, sew.

Regarding authenticity of posters. I tend to have low paranoia. Gets me into trouble but it's also something I like about myself. I would rather err on the side of believing a victim. So what if I offer support to a fictional character--no real harm done.

But if I revictimize someone by invalidating or negating their experience then I have done some real harm. That is my pet....peev is too mild a word.

As far as content goes....

It's a double edged sword. Adults have complex lives and issues.
Yes, it's sort of possible to self-censor and "protect" people.

We could sanitize the heck out of things and lose a lot of the richness and diversity that's here though.

I think there a lot of worse things on the web that a kid could browse too than accidentally reading a story of a woman being abused, or someone wondering if their spouse' sexual behavior is normal, or even "how to do it." There is a lot worse stuff out there.

February 25, 2005
12:16 pm
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sewunique
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WD and all,

WD, you make a good point.
Perhaps it is my low trust issues that I have over compensated for recently, after having over-trusted others, which has caused myself harm. Or, just being cautious.

Perhaps it is only a knee jerk reaction that causes one to question the authenticity of imposters or the intentions of posters.

Usually, I have no problem with accepting the subject matter and poster as it is presented. There have been a few times I have questioned this, as others have.

At this time, I was addressing this point since others have also mentioned it. In having both reactions on how we veiw things, it gives balance within our group.

We share and share alike, we provide support and respect, we offer and receive. We agree to disagree, as we teach and learn. Quite a dynamic group we are!

February 25, 2005
12:20 pm
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GullyFoyle
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I am just an untrusting paranoid MoFo.

But I agree, WD.

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