Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
WD, and Y'all>>>>HAVE ANY JOKES TO SHARE?
June 16, 2005
6:55 am
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

AW: This is sooooooooooooo Hilariuos!!! I enjoyed it soooo much.

ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLll

~Love, Rasputin~

June 16, 2005
10:36 am
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Here is one I like!

Three men an English, French, and Russian gathered around a portrait of Adam and Eve.

The English man said: They are surely English. Look how they seem to be cool and reserved!

The French man said: I think they are French. They are beautiful and naked!

The Russian man said: They are definitely Russian. They have no clothes, no shelter no food. They must be Russian!!!

I hope it made you LOLLLLLLLLLLL

~Love, Rasputin~

June 16, 2005
4:11 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LOL, Ras, thanks for that one!!!

OK, heres a short cute one...

2 redheads (I'm switching it up to save you blondes some grief for once) drive past a cornfield and see another redhead in the cornfield attempting to row a boat.

"See? It's redheads like that giving the rest of us bad names!"

"yeah, you're right!!" the second one agrees."If I could swim, I would go out there and drownd her for it!"

June 16, 2005
4:13 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ROLF, aw, just saw that! You guys, thanks, I needed a good laugh!

June 16, 2005
4:39 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

EF,

egads, I knew there were jokes about redheads like blondes........but geez, can't understand why..........we're cuter!

June 16, 2005
5:51 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Often there are ones pitting us lovely readheads against blondes, and my (blonde) grandmother-yes, GRANDMOTHER used to say when we would argue about which had more fun "Well, ya' know, I think it's gotta' be us blonds, we're easier to see in the dark!".

Way too traumatic for me to have laughed when I was 17, but looking back, that woman was REALLY gutsy and funny in an extreme way! And she was from OK, so the accent was what really made these things funny!

June 21, 2005
5:41 am
Avatar
CODA_Mom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yup, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame just released remakes of 17 Rock and Roll classics for aging folks who went through the 60's and 70's.

THAT be a lot of US BTW!!!

Here they are in order....

17. Th Bee Gees- How Do You Mend a Broken Hip?

16. Bobby Darin- Splish Splash I Was Havin' a Flash!

15. Ringo Starr- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

14. Roberta Flack- The First Time I Ever Forgot Your Face

13. Johnny Nash- I Can't See Clearly Now

12. Paul Simon- Fifty Ways to Loose Your Liver

11. Commodores- Once, Twice, Three Times the Bathroom

10. Marvin Gaye- I Heard It Through the Grapenuts

9. Procol Harum- A Whiter Shade of Hair

8. Leo Sayer- You Make Me Feel Like Nappin'

7. The Temptations- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

6. Abba- Denture Queen

5. Herman's Hermits- Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker

4. Tony Orlando- Knock Three Times on the Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

3. Helen Reddy- I Am Woman Hear Me Snore

2. Willie Nelson- On The Throne Again

and the number one remake of rock and roll classics for us older folk......

#1....Leslie Gore- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To!

June 22, 2005
12:29 pm
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Here is another joke...

This bloke goes in a shop and asks for Irish Sausages.

The Assistant looked at him and
asked "Are you Irish?"

"If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? or, if I asked for German Bratwurst,
would you ask me if I was German? or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican ? Would ya, ay? Would Ya?"

The assistant says, "Well no".

"And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well, no I probably wouldn't,"

With self-indignation, the man says, "Well, all right then, why did
you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages?"

The Assistant replies, "Because you're at Pottery Barn."

June 22, 2005
1:28 pm
Avatar
addicts wife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

giggle giggle giggle
😀

June 23, 2005
8:21 am
Avatar
Juanita
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 27
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hey everyone - this was posted on the Support Side - thought it was great so I and cut & paste here.... Thank you to TC66!

tc66
22-Jun-05

Here are several reasons why we all have difficulties in our relationships... It's not our faults! We simply come from different planets that speak entirely different languages. Take a look at some of the words with conflicting meanings:

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said . . .. I would but you're never there.

He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay? She said . . They don't have time

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? She said . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? She said ...... . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night? He said . . . A widow.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women? She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

June 24, 2005
11:42 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hy Computers Sometimes Crash! By Dr. Seuss. (Read this to yourself aloud
>- it's great!)
>
>
>
>
>If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted
>at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk
>abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
>
>
>
>
>
>If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
>double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is
>corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and
>your system's gonna crash!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is
>connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to
>another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
>
>
>
>
>
>And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your
>icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and
>go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.
>
>
>
>
>
>When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro
>code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash
>the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the
>computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
>
>
>
>
>
>Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Thank you Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives!

July 1, 2005
6:09 am
Avatar
CODA_Mom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Kinda silly, but...

Two robins were sitting in a tree.
>
>
>"I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some
>lunch."
>
>They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed
>ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could
>eat no more.
>
>"I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the
>first one.
>
>"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
>
>"O K," said the first.
>
>So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen
>asleep, when a big fat tomcat come up and gobbled them up.
>
>As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
>|
>|
>"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."
>

July 2, 2005
10:32 pm
Avatar
Juanita
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 27
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You may have seen this but just in case. I like the last one the best.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (and you thought?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (I'm taking this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
45
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111018
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38569
Posts: 714305
Newest Members:
Chloe12, future life, austinjacob, Hadity1, JasonMcGhee, AmandaC
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information