Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Varieties of Human Sexual Experience - Part II
February 3, 2005
12:32 pm
Avatar
lostinthismess
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ok here is my two cents on this.

I have had many sexual experiences including a few that I am not so proud of. Man and woman sex, man woman and woman and woman woman. personaly I think any type is great as long as everyone involved knows what they are doing and wants to do. However on the flip side I USED to think it was nice to allow my hubby to bring another woman into the sceen because it enhanced the sexual experience for both of us and in turn appeared to strengthen our relationship. However, that whole deal unfortunatly backfired when he decided he might like to leave ME out of the group and just have one on one with another woman. (i was NOT in favor of that!!) I guess what I am really saying here is that it's all great fun untill you do something and your sorry for it latter.

February 3, 2005
12:34 pm
Avatar
cuthul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

As usual, Ren'ai an I seem to be on the same page.

If doing a act for your partner dosnt arouse you, I would question why you ar edoing it.

As far as what I have done.. well. I have done a lot. Not a bi bone in my body, but I have done the group thing.

By far, the best sex was with my GF of 4 years, now ex. The love we had, made it better, enhanced the trust, made it a act of the soul, not just physical bodies. 🙁

I have gotten back into the fetish community. This appeals to me as I have the need to be in control, when I have been out of control with regards to my relationship ending and losing my son to boot. I also really need the trust that goes on in that scene, so it has been theraputic in a way, both for me and my new sub.

February 3, 2005
12:40 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yeah. We all have our regrets. I regret the way I chose to lose my virginity...with a guy who meant nothing to me, on a mattress in his garage no less.

I like to think it's all a part of the learning experience in this place we call "earth." I try to learn and grow, even when I'm having fun--or not...

Love,

Ren'ai

February 3, 2005
1:04 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ren'ai you asked "
WD,Do you honestly mean to say that you get no stimulation by getting your partner off?"

No, what I mean is that that pleasure is not derived by stimulation of my nerve endings. My fingers, while sensitive, are not orgasmogenic triggers. Not for me, anyway.

The pleasure and arousal derived by pleasing one's partner is largely psychological and emotional, maybe even spiritual.

Not everything we do to please our partners is pleasing to us in the same way.

The woman who mentioned buying a strap on to use on her boyfriend for example. She might get pleasure and be aroused by pleasing her boyfriend, but I guarantee you her physical, somatosensory experience will be very different from his.

Am I making sense here?

February 3, 2005
1:29 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes and no, I guess.

With enough imagination I have been able to climax without being touched--just by touching or doing.

Again, just depends on the person(s), relationship, and experiences past and present, don't you think?

Love,

Ren'ai

February 3, 2005
2:00 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay Ren’ai,

I have been trying to temporarily avoid speaking from personal experience, but I will give a teaser here. Yes, I have studied Tantra yoga and Kundalini yoga and learn to work with my own energy. And I am the kind of guy whose erotic impulse is such that yes, pleasing my partner is a huge turn on for me. And I lied before—I can be almost orgasmic just with my fingers.

But that is not necessarily true for most people. Most of us have to accept that what is pleasing to our partners does not always provide the same charge to us as it does to them. For example, a particular woman may really like to be taken out to a romantic dinner at a French restaurant to help her get in the mood. I however, prefer Italian or Chinese food. But if I want to make my partner happy, I will need to be willing, at least once in a while to eat French food. I just have to have trust that my partner will be willing to go get Chinese food next time. Not because she loves it as much as I do, but because she wants me to be happy too.

And so it is with sex. A person may kind of like man-on-top positions, but really, really like woman-on-top positions. But in lovemaking it can be expedient and kind to incorporate both positions. Lovemaking sometimes involves delaying gratification

In other words, my pleasure is mine and hers is hers. We may speak metaphorically of an ecstatic mingling of the souls, but really we are individuals, each with our own motives, desires, tastes, preferences, and each with our own set of personal nerve endings. There is a difference in the pleasure I get from stimulating my partners’ nerve endings versus the pleasure I get when she is stimulating mine.

Most people do not have an EQUAL enjoyment of every act or position or time or place of lovemaking. If that were not true then we would never hear men complain about how women need too much foreplay, or how their jaw gets tired sometimes, and we would also never hear women complain about those pesky men trying to talk them into trying a threesome, or get into their butts.

No, if every possible act were equally enjoyable to everyone, then we would hear nothing but people talking about how perfect their sex lives are. Instead we have thread like this one.

Clearer?

February 3, 2005
2:31 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't think that it is purely physical. All different factors enter in....so how can you tell someone to go get b-f (excuse my lingo) to undrestand what it is like?

You can't.

February 3, 2005
2:59 pm
Avatar
cuthul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The only reason I suggest people should experiment with themselves if they are trying to convince their lover to persue anal intercource is becasue, physically, it is so damn delicate work. Its a very unique muscle structure and yes, if you want to do it, it is good to know, first hand, what it is about. That is a specific scenario.

If you are going to criticize actions without partakeing of them first, well, that is fear of the unknown, not dislike. Sure, I have my own follies in this arena. I will likely never experiment with my same gender sexually. I, just dont find men attractive sexually at all. Kinda wish I did casue I wonder what im missing out on, but I dont. Do I wince a little seing men go at it? Ya. I know its not for me, but I still judge it for others to a degree. I guess im ok with my stance of, "point that somewhere else please, someone is goign to lose an eye"

Regarding do no harm. Well, duh. That is absolutely critical to any sexual/intimate encounter. Keep in mind, pain is not harm, in many subcultures. Just becasue I casue you pain to effect your body, dosnt mean I will ever do lasting harm to you. And, yes, the trust a person places in a D/s relationship can very often lead to more trust in the bedroom too.

Here is something to chew on, jsut for kick. Despite the inexroable associeation of fetish and sex, many times the play does not involve sex at all. Still, it is as if not more intimate than sex, espicially on the trusting/emotional level. How does that factor into the current discussion?

February 3, 2005
3:16 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

on my way,

I'm not sure who you were adressing just now.

I haven't heard anyone say "it" is purely physical.

And I haven't heard anyone tell anyone to go get....anythinged, much less b-fd.

February 3, 2005
3:29 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

cuthul , would you mind explaining the "control" thing more? Do you remember the thread about a month ago where we were talking about issues in the bedroom, and I mentioned that the gent I was with, mentioned that he needed to be in control while having sex together. I would like to understand this more than I do. thx.

"I have gotten back into the fetish community. This appeals to me as I have the need to be in control, when I have been out of control with regards to my relationship ending and losing my son to boot. I also really need the trust that goes on in that scene, so it has been theraputic in a way, both for me and my new sub."

WD,
I think I confused this thread with another. I was angered by the bashing in the other thread.

February 3, 2005
3:51 pm
Avatar
cuthul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok, one at a time.

In part 1, I suggested to learn by doing on that particular topic. So in a way, I was suggesting all the guys who are pressureing the gals to do anal to go do themselves, literally. Since PD's statements were screaming of ignorance, despite his assurances to the contrary, I suggested, in a light manner, he get his kink on a little with a good dominant.

Ok, on my way.

Regarding Dom/sub roles in the fetish scene. I am a Dom. What that means, is that the person I work with, puts their trust in me. I am in control of the situation.. sorta. I make the rules, I decide what and how things happen. This usually invovles forms of electical play and light physical play.

The ammount of trust I need to have from my sub is very large. She is willing to be bound, made helpless, and to endure what sensation I choose to give her.

Communication between us is critical and imperative. I need to know how she is reacting, how close to her limits we are, etc. This goes far beyond my taking top in the bedroom. I am in control of her well being, and it is not a responsiblilty that is to be considered lightly.

For me, yes, it feels wonderful to be trusted like this. Yes, it is healing to assert some form of control when so much of my life has been out of control. For my sub, this is healing for her. She has gone through some issues in the past, where finding someone who she can trust like this is very much a breaktrhough. i cant underscore the ammount of mutual give and take that goes on in this, even though I am the Dominant.

Ok, so that is the nutshell of my situation. On to yours.

Was he into the fetish scene, or simply have to feel the need to be the man? It kind of vaires with the person, but I would need to know a little more. IE did he just refuse to let you be sexually agressive? Was it all about him? How did his desire for control manifest? Was he as interested in pleasing you as his own pleasure?

February 3, 2005
4:04 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

At times it was mutual, then others he was into the tie the wrist, hold his hand over my mouth thing. I had never done that before, so I asked him why he put his hand over my mouth and he said it was for control. When he tied my wrists in back of me, he mentioned the trust thing, he said, "In order to let me do this, you would have to trust me, does it scare you?" And of course it didn't, as I did trust him, and was interested in knowing what he also liked in the bedroom. I didn't have a problem with it, but was not used to, nor did I ever encounter this type of sex while I was married to someone else. So when you mentioned this, above in your thread, I has to ask. And, what you described made perfect sense to me.
But too, I think he only brought our the tieing the wrist thing, only when he trusted me enough.
In his line of work, and his personal life, he has to be in control, as he has much responsibility, so I never understood how he could feel "out of control in the bedroom"...except that he also became impotent, and inevitably we broke up over the sex issue...he broke up with me, I did not have a problem with it.

February 3, 2005
4:23 pm
Avatar
cuthul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sounds like he was a closet dom. Espicially if his line of work involved forcing people to submit to his control, the concept of you giving it willing was very important to him. You trusted him, willingly, to dominate you. That can be a very intimate, building, experience for both of you.

February 3, 2005
4:34 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think he is a closet dom too. Thanks for helping me to see that. I'm am very naive when it comes to these matters. But why is this considred taboo, by some, that he would have to be a closet dom. Is there an answer for this, or is it just different or personal for everyone? And yes I did appreciate who he was, in and out of the bedroom. But for all of the trust...we broke up, the very next time we were together...so THAT confused me to no end. So you think that domination in the bedroom is so important but yet out of the bedroom I am independent. I think that makes for a nice mix, but I guess he did not.

February 3, 2005
5:16 pm
Avatar
cuthul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Nothing taboo about being a closet dom or sub, it just means he wasnt comfortable with the community and wanted to keep it just with who he shared with. No foul.

Ya, the other stuff is kinda wierd, but if he knew he was losing his potency, he may have been using the more agressive stance to maintaint the excitement levels.

February 3, 2005
5:34 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks cuthul, it has been interesting. At least I may undertand some things better than I did before I asked.

HI TWINKS!!
I bet all of these new threads were a surprise weren't they??! Hope all is well with you!

February 3, 2005
11:38 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OMG this is awesome you guys!!!

I've gotta say, there are times I think i am strange because of the things that turn me on. I like being the sub but, not to the total edge you know? Sometimes i think the talk is better than the act. I would not want to be totally degraded or put to the test. Spanking is ok as is tying wrists etc. The last guy I was intimate with was good that way.

I think foreplay can lasy all day! The little inuendos, "what you want to do. Some touching or feeling and then .....nothing...just enough to get your body hummin.....

It's all good if you both like it and want the same things.

WD, I wonder sometimes about the stretch. Giving into something or providing something and just because the other person seems to like it. Does it come back to you? Not always I've found. I am more up front now. No I can't do that or hey I like this!!!! But, there are times I am very closed about my likes and dislikes because I fear the judgement. Baggage from my first ex I think.

Anyway, let's keep it going!!

February 4, 2005
3:30 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

workinonit,

Maybe I'm not being clear. I have not yet got to the point of offering anything like advice or what people "ought" to do or be like, Beyond the 3Gs that is.

I am still at the point of simply trying to describe the human condition.

For example, have you ever been having sex with a guy, and you don't have an orgasm during the first one second of lovemaking? So you give it two seconds. Maybe three. Before you know it you have put twenty minutes into the project. What you are doong there is streeetching, delaying gratification.

Or say you meet a guy in a...library. Five minutes later, if that guy, without even asking your name, said "Hi, I'm Joe Hardon. Lay down on the periodical counter so I can fuck your brains out."

Now what is going to be your reaction? Very very few women are going to take him up on that offer. Even though what would really give Joe pleasure is instant sex on demand, it turns out that what Joe wants and what Joe likes isn't the most important thing in the world here is it?

No, if Joe wants to get lucky with a normal woman, he is going to have to put aside his selfish pleasure and delay his gratification and do some things that mean a lot to a woman and add to her pleasure, even if it doesn't per-se do anything for him.

Joe is just going to have to break down and go through the awful tedium of asking your name, charming you, dating you, making you fall in love with him, and in some cases marrying you and buying you a big ring, a house, a car and promising multiple children before he gets to have his desires satisfied. That's the human condition, and I don't think you would want it to be any other way.

Why should I go to the trouble of helping my lover have an orgasm? Really, orgasms for women are optional, don't you think? Really, the point of sex is pleasure for the man don't you think? I mean, what if I go to the trouble of pleasuring some woman and there isn't an iron-clad guarantee it won't come back to me?

February 4, 2005
10:33 am
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Why does a more extreme type of sex provide more endorphines than just regular bread and butter sex. Why are some people more prone to have "perverted" sex and why do they consider it to be better.

I don't necessarily agree with this. I've experimented extensively with sex, being dominated, you name it I tried it (except for the gangbang, not my thing) - ecstasy really makes you horney.

Funny thing is the last few times I've had a threesome I got up and left, telling the other two to have sex because I was bored/didn't feel like f*cking anymore....

Yet with one partner, who I have feelings for, I can go all night and not get bored.

I think the most arousing sensation is knowing that there is one person who is worshipping your body and playing you like an instrument.

February 4, 2005
12:43 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay. I have to ask the experienced, other than an enema, what do you do to prepare for anal sex so that it is a more pleasant experience and your not distracted by smells and messes...

Sorry for the faint at heart...

Ren'ai

February 4, 2005
12:52 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Jeez, Ren'ai, I don't have it often enough to be prepared for it! Its a once in a great while thing and just happened because the comfort level was there. If I had to prepare I probably wouldn't go there!

WD, I'm going to assume you are being sarcastic or at the very least trying to get me to see what I am communicating here. Orgasms for women are optional!?!?!? I DON'T THINK SO!

I never spoke of an iron clad guarantee. I think this is an area better left untouched so that the fun can continue. Sorry I brought it up.

February 4, 2005
1:02 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Whenever i've done anal I was so drunk it really didn't matter.

That said, I usually try to (a) use A LOT OF LUBE and (b) make sure he changes condoms if he's going from the back to the front door.

February 4, 2005
1:09 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

No, I wasn't being sarcastic.

I was trying to use an argumentum ad absurdum to communicate an idea.

Which is that real life lovemaking typically involves delaying gratification, taking turns, giving as well as receiving.

February 4, 2005
1:15 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh WD, do you think I am someone who doesn't go the extra mile? You've seen me on this board for 9 months now. Have you read my thinking?

I shared with you because I felt you would get what i was saying. I hope I did not offend in my ramblings.

The point here is, there have been times, especially in the past, when I would do what I felt uncomfortable about and resented the lack of return. Hey, I can stay alone for what that's worth!

It is a two-way street when you hop in the sack. You rub mine and I'll rub yours!!!!!

It's all good on this end!

February 4, 2005
1:26 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

THIS quote below, WD, I agree with and am glad to see it put into words this way. I really think that some men have trouble delaying their gratification, and this kind of thinking by the woman is beneficial to the relationship.

"No, if Joe wants to get lucky with a normal woman, he is going to have to put aside his selfish pleasure and delay his gratification and do some things that mean a lot to a woman and add to her pleasure, even if it doesn't per-se do anything for him.

Joe is just going to have to break down and go through the awful tedium of asking your name, charming you, dating you, making you fall in love with him, and in some cases marrying you and buying you a big ring, a house, a car and promising multiple children before he gets to have his desires satisfied. That's the human condition, and I don't think you would want it to be any other way."

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
34
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110935
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38542
Posts: 714222
Newest Members:
jessicawales, documentsonline, SafeWork, thomasalina, genericsmartdrugs, 才艺
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer