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Validation
June 13, 2005
11:35 am
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SoulSpirit
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How do you find validation for yourself? It is in possessions, is it in the attention of others, or are you able to find your own worth from within yourself?

June 13, 2005
11:51 am
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exoticflower
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Oh, this has been a big one for me lately--and it has started by seeing where validation was used as a control tool by others. By shedding light on it I have been able to see where that sort of validation is so completely destructive, THUS NOT WANTING OR CRAVING IT ANYMOER (OR AT LEAST SO i CAN try NOT TO:)) (sorry, hit caps on accident)

Now, I have been really paying attention to the things I tell myself, even little things. WHen I get mixed up when I am ordering at a restraunt, I always think 'don't get out much?' to myself, and now when I do that I think 'no, I get out all the time, I've traveled a lot, I am perfectly worthy of ordering the food I am and am no less civilized if I make a mistake'. I know it sounds crazy and extreme, but if you ever listen to your negative self-talk, you would be amazed at how crazy and extreme THAT can be--for goodness sake, I am bellittling myself for ordering wrong at a cafe!

So I guess for me, awareness is key. And I must admit, it works. My life is still REAAALY hard, but at least I am here for me now. It doesn't make it easier, but it makes it less painful when I am contributing to my own well being with a possitive message.

June 13, 2005
1:18 pm
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kc30
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I realized after my marriage blew up that I was always looking for external validation...I was only ok if other people thought I was. No wonder my life seemed so hard! Too many people to please.

I'm trying very hard to just look inside now...when I really really want someone else to see something I've done (like plant a nice garden, baked a killer cake or something) I say out loud that the person who needs to appreciate what I've done is me...then I just try to tell myself how great I am!! All the things I want someone else to think of me...I tell myself I am those things.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt'. It's a "work in progress" for me...fake it til you make it I guess.

kc

June 13, 2005
4:55 pm
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on my way
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SS,
This has been a big one for me lately too. For many years (as in most of my life)I sought approval from evryone. I was the type of kid that if I evr disappointed anyone, or got in trouble...I became so hurt and upset. Now as an adult I see the positive side and am more open to criticism..postive criticism that is!!

I am currently studying how my identity is in Christ, but I do not even fully understand how even He can love me so unconditionally. When I understand this I will not seek approval. I am better than I used to be, but still have a ways to go. I will keep myself safe and out of situations where I may be rejected, but then again I now realize that this will help me to grow or move forward. So I guess I am 75% there. Last year, only 25%.

Materila things do define me, but I try not to allow them too.

I cannot find it within myself, or I will never approve of myself...so I look to the One who can. Jus tmy personal preference. TO look to someone else, they will inevitably fail me in some area because we are human. If I am looking to myself, I will beleive them and be hurt, but if I know deep in my heart that I am truly loved by my Father, my best friend,,then my relationships here on earth will go better.

Again this is only my life in regard to approval. It also helpps to know who we are, and the other person needs to know who they are.

June 13, 2005
5:36 pm
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cpt1212
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How timely . . .tomorrow is my 28th birthday and as sad as it is I am still looking for validation from my parents. Not very proud of it but, I am proud of the fact I can finally say it and that I am working on it.

June 16, 2005
12:25 pm
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SoulSpirit
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Bumping this up for conversation.

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