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Use to enjoy this site......
June 15, 2005
12:15 pm
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again, peacesoul, please read the correspondence above from yesterday. You are inaccurrately reporting, very inaccurrately reporting.

I mentioned an insult, nothing more. Didn't call it abuse.

You have been abusive w/ me 1st, unwarranted, for no reason, and then w/ sew, then repeatedly w/ me.

June 15, 2005
12:31 pm
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Hi Peace,

God help me for putting my 2 cents here.....but here goes,

You said that you would like to hear from fellow posters and that you can handle the truth right??

Well here goes, from my perspective.

You talk about 'telling it like it is' and it seems to me that, that is exactly what people are doing here. They are telling it like it is and you are not listening.

I don't want to go so far as to say that you are "abusive" but it is a fact that you become very confrontational when anyone disagrees with you. I think as you described above when referring to the SC, that people see it but are afraid to be attacked if they go against you.

You seem to have an insatiable need to be right, and if you don't hear what you want to hear you just keep going and going and going until people feel defeated and just give up.

This is my honest feedback to your question.

My hope is that I didn't further "stir the pot" and I hope that you can respect my opinion.

Peace to all of us....

Lolli

June 15, 2005
12:49 pm
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peacesoul,

I just want to know why we're 'here'. I am truly sorry that you feel I am picking on you, I don't want to pick on you! You are a force to be reckoned with. I'd rather tangle with, oh, I dunno, someone who just apologizes and says ok. That'd be cool! But it doesn't work that way. I am here because there is a road with a lot of bumps on it that needs to be travelled - I'm here for the bumps. And I hate bumps. I really, really hate bumps! That's why I want to give up on these threads, I'm a more peaceful person, and I don't like drama. I abhor it.

Since I'm human, it's hard to know how to approach, the right things to say, be firm, but not too firm, try to make my point, even if I have to repeat it a bunch. It's tough. I need a break. Please read above from yesterday, and then let me know what you think. I'm not here to tangle with you. I want untangled!

since you asked about yelling, here's my definition of yelling on these threads: It's all caps & sometimes w/ excessive punctuation after it. yelling, is aggression.

with love & respect, SC

June 15, 2005
1:07 pm
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eve
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Peace, I found your posts aggressive and outright nasty towards SC.

June 15, 2005
1:46 pm
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Deena
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Sc...I really don't think I am an agressor. Maybe just not that suttle in writing my thoughts. Noone has ever called me the names you did. EVER. I did call Luv pathetic. His actions were VERY pathetic. I think you went a tad overboard with me. But hey, Im thick skinned and feel I can handle the truth. With that said....Do you really think I feel welcomed here when you said I do not help anyone?

This site was a complete blessing for me. At this point it's all about walking on eggshells in cyberland.

I don't know why I continue to post. Guess it's the coda in me. 🙁

Peace...I know we are "two peas in a pod" (thanks KC) but too many cooks in this kitchen, dear. Im all for fighting for what I beleive in BUT this ain't going nowhere. It's really starting to become insane with what some of these people actually think. That's why we seem a little stronger than some...Some seem to just follow everyone else's patterns. Yeah, it'll be okay. Your a victim...blah blah blah. Instead of the ol' move on baby...tough love.

Whatever....
Im getting exhausted from this. I have a real life to live now. NOT a FAKE one like some have.

(((KC)))right back at ya babe!
You were actually one of the first gals I met here. Thanks!!!!

June 15, 2005
1:49 pm
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Deena
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oh and Lolli...sometimes it's better that you don't add your 2 cents. You add something then when push comes to shove all you want to do is say...this was a misunderstanding..that's not what I meant, blah blah.....Hold your own girl.

June 15, 2005
1:56 pm
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lollipop3
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Actually Deena, I have never backed off from anything that I felt was right.

I did apologize for one of the things I said to Peace, because I felt what I said was wrong and uncalled for....no other reason.

I like to think of myself as a mature adult that can admit when I'm think that I'm wrong...and I do.

Again, I will say the same thing I said to Peace, you want to tell it like is, but you don't want to hear it like it is.

People here are telling you what they think....grow up and listen!

Lolli

June 15, 2005
2:04 pm
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Deena, I did think I was too harsh with you, although I explained in the same post that it was setting an example of brutal feedback (a definition that you like to stick very hard with). I wasn't even sure how brutal your definition of brutal is. Should it be overboard to make a point? Like, just now, calling Luv pathetic and basically telling lolli to keep her opinions to herself. Is that brutal, mean, or are you exactly on target?

Is calling you Aggressive on target, or would saying you're just nasty, be on target? Which one is brutal, which one is honest? I gave it a good shot. And I thought it was brutal, but now I think it is more than not on target - brutally speaking.

However, I did say 2x above that you have been helpful with people, so that is inaccurrate to say that I haven't.

This discussion though is pretty much over. I won't tolerate you berating others here Deena, so pack it up.

For everyone who's interested in becoming better educated on aggressive people, I found some on-line information:

Low Self-Esteem does not Make People Aggressive

The Hostile/Aggressive

Dealing with Aggressive People

June 15, 2005
2:24 pm
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sewunique
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June 15, 2005
2:31 pm
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sewunique
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thanks for the web referrals, one thing codependents have to struggle with alot

this is more than a tylenol day, for sure

peace to all

Sew

June 15, 2005
4:15 pm
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Deena
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thanks for the response SC. Ia m packing up as we speak. Your site has been a blessing for me in the past. I regret that this has happened and like I said before I do apologize for hurting feelings. Beleive it or not...I think mine are hurt:(

See ya
Deena

June 15, 2005
5:11 pm
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Packed up yet Deena? 🙂

Well, I hope leaving is not about regretting 'what happened' (that's the past), it's about your decision to not make changes in future posts. You said a few times here that you refuse to do that, and that you will continue to dish out brutal-tell-it-like-it-is-advice. But may I add, that your advice isn't just telling it like it is, it's got a little snip at times too.

But of course you've been helpful here. Just being here, the presence of a strong person like you, someone who really stands up and shouts about their self-pride - that is victorious for people to interact with. You're a treasure to have here. Sounds sappy, but it is beneficial for people to talk to you.

I'd say it's time to pack up the rude remarks not necessarily leave town - unless that's your final decision to not change your posts by simply removing the rudeness or snide remarks.

You mentioned something along the lines that you had a reality check on the "Brutal Honesty" thread. I'm interested in hearing about that if you don't leave town.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day, and all I ask, is that we're somewhat cordial and respectful here. Sure, give people needed feedback, but let's do it in a way that keeps a friendly standard of human decency.

June 15, 2005
5:25 pm
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Hey twinks. We've knocked the balls around a few times too no? Hope we're cool. I don't like to be 'at-odds' with such strong personalities as you, deena, peacesoul, etc on the threads. And I mean 'strong personalities' as a compliment. peacesoul thinks she's been singled out... I've been around the block w/ quite a few over the years. I'm tired. Really. Closing the threads sounds threatening, and it's the last thing I want to do, but I am truthful in that this is exhausting and sucks the life out of me sometimes. I don't feel heard or respected by the people I unfortunately find myself needing to talk to here. I think I need to approach aggressive posters differently. I'll work on that. Maybe the whole problem here lies in my approach is what I'm thinking.

All human beings have a threshold, and mine has been close for a while. It's not realistic to think that I'm not human and that I can take abuse over and over without it taking a toll on me. Actually, you know that twinks. Remember when I confided in you about that on the threads? I'm afraid, because my rope just keeps getting thinner. It's so hard. I need help holding on. Imagine having this same thread of a conversation 50-60 times. Same conversation, similar results. How would that affect someone? It has worked out probably 75% of the time. 25% of the time someone leaves (because they refuse to make even a tiny change or take responsibility for something I'm asking them to see). I think it's my approach.

o well. tomorrow I'll try again.

love to everybody, sc

June 16, 2005
1:35 am
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sewunique
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Holy Cow....and the whole barnyard!!!

What a day to miss...I think.

Hiya Twinks,

thanks for the reference to the Zen, use what you learn, right? Tho' I had not realized it was Zen, but thanks for pointing it out to me ;}

What is Tylenol??????????? None where you are? It is like Aspirin.......given for headaches and aches and pains; supposed to 'relive pain'....yah, you might need some.

I am hoping things have quieted down???

So will add this for lack of a better quote for all...........

"He who does not hope to win has already lost". -Jose Joaquin Olemedo

Sew

June 16, 2005
2:18 am
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sewunique
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He who does not hope to win has already lost". -Jose Joaquin Olemedo

So is this what we are trying to accomplish here?

This is really a sad quote when it comes to debating, arguing, tryng to win over our points of view, being rigid and one sided in our opinions?

Or is it a win, win situation that we are seeking?

Perhaps winning is not the point or purpose here?

There is bantering of ideas, debating and then there is arguing. I think arguing defensively is a more accurate description here.

(Just trying to present a different slant to things here).

There is much food for thought here and possible growth. To grow....... one must be open to new ideas, and food (for thought), and be receptive to new ideas in order to grow from our familiar and comfortable spaces.

Growth to new and unfamiliar places can be uncomfortable. "Growing pains" are possible with stretching and growing.

Sew

June 16, 2005
2:29 am
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And all I am really doing here Twinks and SC, is to join in and learn here. To learn how to say things and make points presented in a positive manner without me getting and taking it personally, so for now, I am off from posting here. Said enough, seems as the group here has dwindled down to a few, and SC, don't mean to butt in here, so will stay off as most of the others here have.

Doing fine,

Sew

June 16, 2005
11:30 am
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peacesoul
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Hi Lolli...thanks kindly for your input. I'm happy you had the courage to "tell it like it is" with me.

I pretty much agree w/ all that you said but the only thing I will disagree on is when you said I become confrontational when anyone disagrees with me. This is not true. I become confrontational when I am being insulted, falsely accused and when the SC picks apart my posts and then INACCURATELY reports what I am saying.

I love banter and disagreements. This is how I learn (Man I wish you guys knew the real me). But if I make a comment or dish out my opinion and someone disagrees, I will not confront them. I may challenge them, but never in a mean abusive way. Now when I confronted you that time (ehh sorry to rehash) it was because you said something cruel. Should I have maybe said whoa girl easy up? Maybe ! But instead I defended myself!

So the SC says it's abuse to tell people to "get a grip".
Now when I used that term get a grip, it was telling two guys who were insulting practically everyone on this board to get a grip.
I wonder why SC chose to target me and my post as abusive but not theirs.

I've never been told (in my real world) that I am a confrontational person. I do however defend myself and when I am still being misquoted and accused and no one listens, yes I get confrontational.

Now, others here like Sew and KC and now yourself have challenged me, so why was I not "confrontational" with you??? Why, cause you lady's were not accusing me of being abusive.
Being called abusive is a STRONG comment which I will not take lightly.

Now on that note, I will not defend or be confrontational anymore about this matter b/c I need to save my "drama" energy for more important things like my sick Mom, my mean sister and finding a good man (if they exist) ;- )

Peace to all....

Deena come back...we can work on our "tell it like it is" to one anther only, cause I can take it ..heheh

Come back ! Don't let this nonsense get ya down.

June 16, 2005
11:51 am
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peacesoul,

I'll keep this post as direct & simple as I can, because I've said it 2-3x (maybe even 4 times?) directly to you already on this thread, but you keep missing it?

I didn't say "get a grip" was abusive.

I said, that it was insulting. Please read the correspondence above.

I said, that your abuse = all of your interactions with *!ME!*, not with others.

You've mis-read, misunderstood, and repeatedly used inaccurracies far too many times on this thread for me to allow it to continue. It's aggressive communication to use those tactics. Plus, who cares if I think "get a grip" is abusive. So what, just don't use it, what's the big deal. It's you, towards me, that's abusive.

You're asked to leave the site peacesoul - permanently.

One of the important things that is referenced in the links I posted above, is that aggressive communicators use tactics to throw people off, accuse, and throw blame on those they are attacking. I see it in many of your posts above to me, and you are set in not making even a small change.

You're asked to leave the site, for good. Sorry folks.

Good day everyone!

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