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To Wizard of Aus from me.......
August 29, 2008
10:44 pm
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_anonymous
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I miss hearing from you. Please give me an update.

Destinystar

August 30, 2008
2:05 am
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny.

I am seeing a Specialist on Monday. At the moment all I have is the blood test with the high PAS. I am hoping that it might still be within normal but just on the high side. As Mark Twain said, "There are lies, damn lies and statistics." lol. From memory it was between 5 and 10 but the GP said it could be up in the 100's.

I have joined the local Cancer Support Group and they have told me about "waiting watchfully". I gather this means the doctors are very conservative in their diagnoses, preferring to err on the side of a premature diagnosis just in case. Then once I am in the system they can monitor things on a regular basis.

This is probably all for the best, because I am a typical male; I hardly ever see a doctor. I figure they are just going to tell me I am sick; and that is not what I want to hear. lol

I am also one of those awful patients who wants to know everything about my treatment. I drive the nurses nuts with all my enquiries. The last time I was in hospital, I had a poisoned forearm. The nurse who was dressing my wound walked out on me and said I could do it myself. lol. I had to say I was sorry because I could not do it with only one hand. We actually ended up good friends, once we understood each other. She said she had to stand up to me or I would just get worse. In return she was really generous in explaining everything to me. I guess I don't like to feel out of control.

Anyway I will post again on Monday night and let you know what the Specialist said.

The divorce is muddling along. We have done the property settlement but now my wife has suddenly realised what she has done. I feel sorry for her. She had all these urgers telling her a heap of b/s about how much the court would give her and she believed them.

I have tried to warn her about men who prey on women in her circumstances. They grab hold of the woman's money with some promise of a dream scheme and two years later the money has all gone. I am pretty sure her daughter is eyeing it off as well. Anyway, she is going to have to manage her own affairs from here on.

I had a week of the screeming, "life ain't fair", s***faced angrys; just like you said I would. Do you remember telling me about the grieving process.

Anyway, at the end of the week, I bumped into this guy who is in a syndicate looking for real estate like I am trying to sell. So he is coming up here next week and it sounds really positive. It is amazing how much a bit of hope can lift your spirits when you have been through a rough trot. I am just so lucky to have bumped into this guy.

So that's it Destiny. I have come a long way but not as far as I intend to go in the future. Life is on the up.

And how are you getting on? Your life seemed to take a quantum leap when you got a job worthy of your talents. Is that still going well for you? Are you staying clear of Mr Toxic Relationship?

Wishing you lots of love and peace. Take good care of you.

September 1, 2008
2:15 am
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny.

I just went to see the specialist. He wants to take a biopsy on Monday week. Then if I have the condition he will either operate or put me on radiation. That did not sound like a real lot of laughs.

However, he says the probability is only 30% that I have cancer. my PSA is 10.6. So that is not bad odds is it. So as we say in Australia, "She'll be apples, Mate!"

You must be away for the long weekend, are you? Was it fun? Take good care of you, Destiny.

September 4, 2008
6:05 pm
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Wiz- I hope by Monday you will say that you remember me telling you all will be well. I will post later tonight and fill you in on my life. It is going in a good direction.

September 4, 2008
7:57 pm
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny.

Yes I got the radiation idea wrong. Apparently, it would be chemotherapy. And that means going to a city about 300km away for a week and every day they would put me on a drip with some sort of nasty stuff in it to kill off the cancer cells.

I really do not want that in my life. Right now I can cope with all the other stuff, even dying. But I was just devastated when he said I would have to leave my job and my business and find accommodation in another city for a whole week. That would be way beyond my ability to organise.

It has just made me feel so alone in the face of a to-do-list which is beyond me. My son is able to help me deal with the biopsy but he has his own life to live and I cannot expect him to drop everything every time I cannot cope.

The whole thing has just tipped me back into a black depression. I just wish I could have a nice fast heart attack and get it over quickly.

My only strategy at the moment is to live one day at a time. Like you say, "it may never happen." Or if it does happen, I will know how to deal with it if and when it happens.

When I think of my wife, I can't help thinking of that Kenny Rogers song (lol), "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille, four hongry kids and a crop in the fields....(oh you gotta laugh, Destiny; it's too sad not to.)

Take good care of you.

September 6, 2008
2:27 pm
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_anonymous
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Wiz- Hi. You sound really depressed.

I dont think that it is ever a good time for a relationship to end or for someone to walk out on you. It would bring anyone into the depths of despair even on a good day.

As far as your prostate goes. Please wait for the biopsy results. Good chance it will be benign. Then you wont have to do anything right away.

Unfortunatly life doesnt always go our way. Seems to be harder to adjust as we get older.

One thing about human beings and that is they are resiliant. You can still cultivate new relationsips.

I am thankful that as far as I know my health is OK. I am going for a check up next week.

I am facing some tough decision with my home. It is a ranch located in a rather remote area. With the price of gass and the housepayment I know it would be more economical to move into a rental into town. But I hate to loose all that I have invested and become a renter. Something I have to think very seriously about.

September 6, 2008
6:01 pm
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny.

You should move to Australia. We are desperate for skilled health workers and it is really easy to migrate here if you have those skills.

And the lifestyle is much easier than Southern California. For instance I live 7 miles from a regional hospital servicing a 100k population, on 125 acres; plenty of room for horses.

Our east and west coasts are similar to yours, climate wise. The west coast is quite dry until you get way up near Broome or way down south where you get a wet cold winter and a hot dry summer. The east coast is wet tropical from Brisbane northwards. I find the climate on the east coast is really friendly. I own one moth eaten jumper which I wear on about 20 days a year; the rest is strictly cotton t-shirt weather. Also the grass grows really easily. I just store a few bales of hay for the occasional dry spell and buy it when prices are cheap.

Why not book a cheap flight across the Pacific to Sydney for your next holiday. Drive up to Cairns and fly back from there; or else do what a lot of Americans do and stay here. lol The only problem that they report is our accents and some of our vocabulary. We call an erazer "a rubber", the bathroom is where you have a bath, and don't talk about "sitting on your fanny" or you will wonder why all the guys are staring at you with gaping lower jaws. lol And we love teasing Americans, so don't fall for the old one about catching a kangaroo by putting salt on its tail. We are a wicked bunch.

Anyway, my depression lifted as the week progressed, albeit with some relapses which seemed to be triggered by any bad news. I have been trying to deal with it cognitively by writing out my thoughts in a stream of consciousness and then questioning my logic about so-called negative situations. It sort of works but it still feels like I am swimming in a huge surf and every now and then this huge wave breaks over me and I go under again. At the moment I am clinging to the idea that the cancer is not real or at least I will not need all that remedial stuff. I try to avoid medical interventions as much as possible and I do not want chemo-therapy and that is a fact. Also, I have an offer on the sale of my business which will allow me to get back to my farm full time. That has lifted my spirits considerably.

My son will be up here next Friday for 10 days, so that will be a great help. Then I have my biopsy on the Monday while he is here to help me. So that is all good.

Last Monday was the first day of Spring. As Shakespeare wrote after one of his characters had just won a big battle, "This now is the winter of our discontent, made good summer by the Sun of York."

Take care, Destiny and all my other friends in here.

September 7, 2008
7:54 pm
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Wiz- I am glad to hear that you're spirits are lifting. I will be waiting to here about your biopsy tomorrow. Then hopefully we can celebrate the good news.

What City do you live in in Australia? I will look it up on the internet.

I had a nursing license in the UK but never went. It took a lot of paper work and time to get.

It is still hot here but getting a little cooler.

I would love to see somthing green all I ever look at are Joshua Trees and creosote bushes. Lots of Sand. The ground is so hard I cant even put a stick in it.

A 125 acres makes my property look like a Zero lot line.

Do you have horses? Does someone help you take care of your land.

September 7, 2008
8:35 pm
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny.

My op is on the 15th. It is already Monday 8th here (lol); that's why I said next Monday. Sorry about that; we are way out to the east. So when you cross the Pacific to Australia you lose a day. Flying the other way you get to LAX before you leave Australia.

I live in Hervey Bay, which is right opposite Fraser Island and about 150 miles north of Brisbane. We are right at the southern edge of the Great Barrier Reef; a beautiful spot if you like diving. Then if you head north towards the pointed finger at the top of Australia, you should find Cairns which is really tropical.

If you are interested in migrating just Google "DIMA Australia immigration rules" and it should tell you what all the rules are. But I do know we are desperate for health professionals.

Most Californians I know take about two years to slow down to our pace. lol Then when they go back home, their families can't believe how slowly they now talk.

We have two rules in Australia. Rule 1: Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule 2: It is all small stuff.

Y'all have a great week.

September 8, 2008
7:56 am
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CraigCo
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Hi Destiny & Wiz.

You know this vid I've diccovered is a must see if you haven't already.
Hope you check it out & let me know what you each think about it. It's both enlightening & disturbing to say the least.
Shed the public dogma & give it a watch. I'm sure you'll be fascinated with what you discover.

Hope you are both doing well at present.

Craig

September 8, 2008
8:35 am
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CraigCo
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September 9, 2008
11:00 am
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_anonymous
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Wiz- I pray for good results. Please let me know. I am going out of town and will be back by the weekend will post then. I will look into Australia when I get back and let you know what I think. Is it expensive there? It is really cheap where I live.

September 9, 2008
11:01 am
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_anonymous
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Craig- I am leaving now and will check out the link when I return. Thank you!

Destiny

September 13, 2008
8:25 pm
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_anonymous
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Wiz- Hi. I am still not back home but wanted to find out how everything is with you. Did you get the results from your biopsy yet? Please let me know as soon as you do. My trip went OK. Dont care for the hot temperatures. California looks pretty dry. Wish I could see more water and trees.

Take Care,

Destinystar

September 14, 2008
5:16 am
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny,

They are doing the biopsy tomorrow morning. I will let you know how it goes.

I hope you are going well.

September 14, 2008
8:41 pm
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Wiz- I hope it goes well. I thought it was last week sorry. I am back. I got to go to the state Capital which was very interesting and visit my daughter on the way back. Even camped out a couple of days. It is still hot where I live. How have your spirtis been? Did you get to see your son?

Destinystar

September 14, 2008
9:23 pm
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red blonde
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HI WIZ

September 17, 2008
12:54 am
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny.

I just got a call from the Specialist. He took 20 biopsy samples and they were all free of cancer. So that is it for 6 months, when he wants to do another PSA blood test.

That is really good news, isn't it? As Mark Twain said, "In my life I have had many horrible things to worry about; a couple of which actually happened."

Take care, everybody.

September 17, 2008
10:39 am
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Wiz- I had a feeling all would be well. Are you having any other symptoms? Sounds like you have BPH Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy in other words an enlarged prostate.

The weather here is a little cooler it has been straight up in the 100's since May.

How are things going with everything else in your life? Especially your spirits? Sounds like you live in a beautiful area.

Waiting for you to catch me up. As for me it is kinda quiet on the homefront. Ths STBX and I signed off on an uncontested divorce that I filed a few weeks ago. He sleeps in his own room and with any luck I will be out of here tomorrow. The thing has been circling around the drain for quite some time. I actually stuck around long enough to turn apathetic. He is drinking up a storm, laying in bed all day and we basically ignore each other. Doesnt get much better than that eh?

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