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To Seeker, from F2C
March 28, 2006
5:48 am
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free2choose
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Hey,

I did not want to hijack yet another of Tez's threads, so I decided to write back here.

Your post said:

"Erica,

{It's weird, for him it disproves God, and for me it almost proves it.}

That's profound. It's odd how the same thing can give two people the exact opposite impression. You've actually experienced it, and feel that it almost proves God.

I don't know if you care to discuss this more; if not, it's certainly understandable. But if you don't mind, do you mean that it gave you the opportunity to receive support from and give support to others more effectively? Is there more to it than this?

Perhaps I'm being too personal, and if so, I'm sorry.

Seeker"

I did not mean that "rape", like the actuall act of it, proves the existence of God. I hope no one reads that and comes to that conclusion, because that's kinda offensive. 🙁

What I meant was, what I have gained, emotionally, mentally, psycologically, etc. because of what I have had to go through to grow past being stuck in the rape. If that makes any sense.

Yes, I believe I am better at giving support, I've been through it, I know what it feels like. Who can relate better than someone who has walked your shoes.

Also, I think an indirect result of what happened to me is I became a drug addict/alcoholic/cutter...This sounds like a crappy thing when you say it like that, but it has been my RECOVERY from these things that has saved my life and made me a stronger, better person for it.

Also, Balance and Grattitude. I believe I am better able today to really FEEL things. I think the deeper you sink in one direction is directly proportional to the hieght you can get in the other. I have felt deep saddness. Because of that, the deeper I will feel my joy, because i can appreciate it and be gratefull. Am I making sense???

And I have seen how sharing my deepest darkest, most hideous secret with someone else, and then hearing them say, OMG I did that to, or that happened to me, and I see in their face the relief, the aloneness disappears, and they think, wow, maybe I'm not really that bad of a person, or maybe I'm not alone. This makes it worth it. It makes it mean something. It gives it purpose.

No matter what, if there are humans on this earth, there ill be people who will murder, steal, rape and abuse. I'm not sure if there is anything we can do to stop that ever. So if I can't prevent it, and I can't stop it, at least I can make the best of it. I can Learn, I can Grow, I can help others to do the same.

You understand???

Respectfully,
Erica

March 28, 2006
5:54 am
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free2choose
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Oh, by the way...

I am not at all saying that I am cured!! I still have ALOT to work on.

Just recently I had a HUGE breakthrough about the rape. I really SAW it, what it did to me, what it is STILL doing to me.

It was like, a cloud opened up and stuff just started pouring down, Truth, you know? It was really overwhelming, but now it explains SOmuch. I understand myself so much better now.

WOW, it hurt like hell haveing to go through it. I was SOOOO angry!!!

But now, it's slowly getting better. And what's happening is I am getting to see all the things it touches. How I react, the choices I make, the fears I harbor. And slowly I am changing.

It is a journey, Seek.

You know?

Erica

March 28, 2006
9:17 am
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Anonymous
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Erica,

I hear what you're talking about. I know you didn't mean it was the rape itself that seemed to prove God's existence; I hope I didn't imply that I meant that.

You've come through a long journey. I want to talk more with you about it, but I have to run now or I'll be late for work. I'll get back to you later today or tomorrow.

Take care, Erica, and thank you for sharing all you have with me.

Seeker

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