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To Craig Co. You have my Support
August 11, 2008
6:19 am
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CraigCo
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(DestinyStar),

Glad to hear you are doing ok.
So you moved near the ocean, did you?
Coincidentally, that's what I plan to do next year. I've been feeling a little bit tentative about it but, I believe that a change is as good as a rest, as they would say. My son is eager to go with me as well. To start anew. I'm going to go out there to check it out in a couple of months. Scope things out. See what's happening re-work prospects, housing & such.
I've never lived outside of this province before so it's a big move for me to consider.

So, I guess that I'm doing okay for the mostpart actually. Keeping busy & trying to keep the faith that things ARE going to eventually get better in time. I'd like to think that the best is yet to come.

Crg

August 11, 2008
6:42 am
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WizardofAus
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Thanks, Destiny.

My main focus with the possible cancer is to focus on the mind-body connection. I have been doing a lot of forgiveness work in order to eliminate any resentment from my outlook. I have also been trying to eliminate any victim thinking in relation to the divorce.

I am trying to be honest in admitting to my part in the problems as well as accepting the things that I cannot change in the current situation. I can now see my way forward and day by day I am rising fairly quickly from my depression.

Unfortunately, I find that my wife and I have become entrenched in a set of relationships which are mutually incompatible. She cannot see my point of view about her daughter and her best friend who I blame for the nastier bits of the separation and she cannot accept my son. I think we can both see that our partnership is not going to come back together. So it is probably safe to love each other now and see each other as reasonably innocent while we blame those around the other party for the break up. It is nice to saty in love, even if it is a bit of a myth. However, I cannot ignore my need to create a boundary from her and that will have to stay in place.

Beyond that, I am wondering what comes next in my life. Maybe I will meet a really nice lady. I am keen to set up my hobby farm as a source of good food like vegetables, tropical fruit, fish poultry, beef, milk, eggs, etc. I would love to meet someone who loves agriculture and horticulture. I live in a climate rather like Hawaii, just at the bottom of the Great Barrier Reef; which is a bit like living in paradise. So why should I not be optimistic.

Oh, and my son. I raised him as a single dad. He used to really struggle at school. Well, he is now in the Navy and doing a refridgeration course and guess what? He got the top mark. You are looking at one mighty proud dad. (lol)

Things are looking up.
Love to you all.

August 11, 2008
8:13 pm
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_anonymous
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Craig- what ocean will you be near? Province? Are you in the US. Change for the better can be a good thing.

August 11, 2008
8:19 pm
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_anonymous
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Wiz- Funny but my husband loves the same thing you do. Living in paradice helps.

You are still going through the grieving process it will take a while before you can accept what happened with you and your wife.

My husband blames my kids for everything. then he doesnt have to own up to his role.

I dont need my husbands love. I feel mostly frustration towards him.

I love my kids, grand kids, pony, career, etc. Look at what I can love not what I cant.

Your attitude towards your medical condition is beautiful. I would be freaking out.

Please tell me what the doctor says I feel like your body will heal with the help of modern medicine.

You deserve love from those who can give love back.

Destinystar

August 11, 2008
8:21 pm
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Mary- We moved back to where we were before we got evacuated from the san diego fires.

My son has been in home school and the other in spain. So they will return to their old school.

My son will go to the HS I graduated from.

A little rusty on the job and getting extra training. Works off the psyco energy i had when I stayed home.

Hows by U

August 11, 2008
11:50 pm
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marypoppins
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Hi Destiny,

Sounds like you have more peace and hope these days.

All is well here. I'm trying to build a bigger life and take chances with new people - allow myself to make friends and begin dating. Time for me to face my fears about that.

Take care. All the best to you and your family!

Mary

August 14, 2008
7:48 am
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_anonymous
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Mary- Going back to work and moving back to my childhood hometown has done me a world of good. I work 11 at night till 7 in the morning. Using the brains and skills that I went to college so long for. It cleared my depression up and allowed me to focus on something besides myself, my STBX.

I could care less about dating. I love spending time with my boys. Its been great. They bought me Sees cany today with the money that they worked for. The last thing I need is to waste any more time on a man.

The ability to let go of my X just happened on its on. Its like one day I was ready, told him to leave right then and there. He called and I said you cant come back ever and ended the conversation with f off.

I knew I got better when I saw him outside a store the next day and walked by him like he didnt exist.

I am sleeping and eating just fine.

All I can say is it took time and since I didnt push it and allowed it to happen happen it did.

The catalyst was going back to work

I think when I didnt work I had unused energy stored in my brain. It made me crazy. When I channeled the energy into this job it got realesed.

I did have an issue with some young girl yelling at me 2 days in a row. I told her I wasnt going to put up with it. The administrator got involved and told me not to let it get me down

I have a life. I finally have a meaning ful life.

August 15, 2008
4:02 am
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CraigCo
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Destiny,

The pacific - Western Canada.

August 15, 2008
4:39 am
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WizardofAus
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Well done, Destiny.

It sounds like you are embedded in the flow of life; a really nice pace, not too slow but not too stressful, either. They say it is a very creative state of mind where you start to see all the opportunities in your life.

It's wonderful to hear that you have achieved such peace and joy in your life.

August 15, 2008
4:26 pm
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marypoppins
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((((Destiny))))

Good news! I'm happy to read that you're doing well and that you were able to let go of your "stbx". Work can really be transforming, can't it? Nice also to read about you and your boys. They must be delighted to see mom content.

My daughter's going to be 13! I can hardly believe it. She's the light of my life. With work, the house, and my daughter, there's not a lot of time left.

However, I signed up on a dating site basically just to try to get comfortable with the idea dating. It has given me the opportunity to be clear about what I want and don't want. My profile is very very specific. I haven't gone out with anyone yet, and I've only emailed a few. In no hurry at all.

I'm going to find a yoga or dance class to join soon.

Later, Destiny. Wishing you continued peace and happiness. Cherish yourself and your kids. You all deserve the very best.

Mary

August 15, 2008
5:35 pm
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Mary- The teenage years are the most challenging. The dating site will give you an opportunity to test your new skills. You will have to let me know how it goes.

Work is good. I had a problem, addressed it and now I am getting along great. Gives me so much meaning and purpose.

I plan to get back on a good exercise and eatig program. Its been hard with the move.

My boys and are are living in perfect harmony. They will have to go to school by themselves. One takes a special ed bus one walks.

We go out for dinner everynight.

I have lost interest in men. And that is a good thing.

I get a lot of human contact at work.

My pony is out here at my friends. Hope to have time to see her.

I keep busy with my responsibilites.

Without purpose what does a human have?

August 15, 2008
5:36 pm
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_anonymous
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Craig- I bet you enjoy nice cool weather and beautiful scenery. What is the temperature in the summer and winter?

August 15, 2008
5:38 pm
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Wiz- I restored myself to who i was before I got sidetracked with this bad amusement ride that I called a relationship.

How is paradise? Do you ride horeses? How is your health?

August 16, 2008
6:35 am
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WizardofAus
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Paradise is wonderful.

I live quite close to Fraser Island, which is the largest pure sand island in the world. Look it up on Google.

I have a beautiful grey mare who looks after me; she has agreed not to toss me off as long as I treat her like a princess.

I go to the specialist in two weeks time to see about my high cancer count in my blood test. Meanwhile I am slowly getting on top of my depression. It was really bad on Friday. I have never had it this bad. I checked out a site on Rational Emotional Therapy (RET). I find that the exercises are really helpful when I am trying to recover my optimism.

I just had to muster the courage to deal with what is, rather than grieving for what I was hoping for. At the moment is a day to day proposition. I just pray that it will all work out in the long run.

"You can trust a Universe that grows flowers."

August 16, 2008
6:37 am
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WizardofAus
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Paradise is wonderful, thanks Destiny.

I live quite close to Fraser Island, which is the largest pure sand island in the world. Look it up on Google.

I have a beautiful grey mare who looks after me; she has agreed not to toss me off as long as I treat her like a princess.

I go to the specialist in two weeks time to see about my high cancer count in my blood test. Meanwhile I am slowly getting on top of my depression. It was really bad on Friday. I have never had it this bad. I checked out a site on Rational Emotional Therapy (RET). I find that the exercises are really helpful when I am trying to recover my optimism.

I just had to muster the courage to deal with what is, rather than grieving for what I was hoping for. At the moment is a day to day proposition. I just pray that it will all work out in the long run.

"You can trust a Universe that grows flowers."

August 16, 2008
10:36 pm
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Wiz- You must be referring to your PSA that is high. Hopefully if there is a problem it is encapsulated.

Of course you would be depressed. The news about your prostate must have been devasting. Along with your marriage breakdown.

Grey mare will be there for you. I havent seen my pony lately. Trying to adjust to the night shift.

Give me an update.

Hugs

Destiny

August 18, 2008
4:23 am
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WizardofAus
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Hi Destiny.

I have been having a tough time with depression. Actually it is not really due to the cancer. I am very much at ease with the idea of dying; I see myself as a spiritual being having a human experience and when it is over you may find me as a sine wave out on the other side of Pluto.

Rather, I just cannot see my way forward with my life. All I can manage at the moment is to let go and let God. I really do not have a realistic plan for how to recreate a sustainable lifestyle.

Beyond that, little things are really upsetting me and I am prone to some horrible victim thinking. It got really rough a couple of days ago when I was feeling suicidal. I even looked up safe suicide on Google. I thought I could use the old exhaust pipe hose into the car, but apparently the modern catalytic converters remove the carbon monoxide from the exhaust gas. So the Greenies saved my life. lol

The only thing that makes sense at the moment is to leave my farm to my son so that he can develop it the way I wanted to. My friend reminded me that my son would want me alive rather than his inheritance. I guess that makes sense, but I just feel so useless and impotent at the moment.

I just cannot shake off these feelings that I have lost everything and that I do not have the resources to move forward.

At the moment I am hanging in there with the mantra of the first three steps; "I can't, God can, I will let Him."

"This too shall pass!"

August 19, 2008
9:10 pm
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Wiz- You are far from useless and impotent in a global sense. This only applies to your X. You cant control her. But you can control your life, your farm, etc.

Dont worry about what you dont have. Be thankful for what you do have. Your life, son, farm and a great mind.

Emotional pain is devasting BUT only for a time. And this time shall SOON pass.

Allow yourself time to grieve. Take the time to rebuild your life.

What makes you feel good and happy? Your place sounds beautiful.

You are an asset on this site. One of the more sane, thoughtful rational ones.

I know you love your son and your place they both need you.

Hugs

Destinystar

August 19, 2008
11:04 pm
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WizardofAus
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Thanks Destiny.

I have slowly climbed back out of that black mood. It just seems to hit me without warning, but the last few days have been much better.

I do not want to take medication or even acknowledge that I have an illness. I will take your advice about grieving it out.

Recently my attitude to my wife has changed. I am now convinced that we could not recover our relationship given a few entrenched attitudes which are causing us to diverge.

I guess life will slowly get more exciting as new opportunities emerge.

Thanks for your caring thoughts.

August 20, 2008
8:54 am
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CraigCo
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Hey Dest!

Hope you are still faring well.

Crg

August 20, 2008
9:15 am
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CraigCo
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Hi Wiz!

Haven't chatted with you for awhile but still enjoy your posts as always.
Glad to read that you have emerged from your feeling down state of mind.
Not a fun place to be.

I had planned to go for a doctors appointment myself for testing re - the same. Howver, it turns out that I have to reapply for health care first as I haven't used my health care card for so long that it has expired & as a result was refused at the doctors office. So, some hoops to jump through now in the reapplying. A bunch of bureaucratic bs really. Submitting forms & photo ID etc.
Health care here is guaranteed so, ultimately I can't be refused but, I'm sure that they will be tardy in reinstating it. Typical of government unfortunately. No real surprize there. Short of dinging one on their income they tend to move pretty slowly.

Keep up the good attitude, Wiz. I'm rooting for ya!

Crg

August 20, 2008
10:20 am
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bevdee
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CraigCo,

Thanks for your post. Did you write that yourself? LOL. J/K!!!

Yes I have often thought that the Libs crowd would never make it through a dinner party without it erupting into a food fight, stabbing or shooting. What's that old saying, at a dinner party - don't discuss religion, politics or sex?

LOL

August 20, 2008
10:20 am
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I posted this on the wrong thread. My apologies.

August 20, 2008
7:52 pm
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WizardofAus
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Hi Craig.

Sorry to hear about your health card. Your dealings with the bureaucrats reminds us of that great lie; "I am from the government and I am here to help you." No, I must not be cynical, it is good that we have access to quality medical care. I hope the news is all good when you do get to see your doctor.

I am seeing a specialist on September 1st and I gather he will explain all that I need to know.

Emotionally, I am having a better week. My son is coming up here from Sydney for the weekend, so I have been tidying up the house. It is helpful to keep busy.

Take care, Craig. And let's keep in touch.

August 20, 2008
9:13 pm
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Wiz- You are definatly going through the stages of Grieving. Shock, anger, bargaining, denial and finally acceptance. You will go back and forth with all of these feelings for a while.
I am glad that you are being realistic as to why things didnt work out. Many times it comes down to an issue where 2 people have 2 different perspectives and never shall the twain meet.

I am glad your son is coming.

I hope all goes well with your health.

Hugs.

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