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Tired of My Co-dependency
October 21, 2004
11:38 am
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lola81
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I am finally able to admit what I am. I am a co-dependent married 12 years to a man who is addicted to drugs, alcohol, and pornography. I have know him for over 20 years, and felt for sure I knew him before we got married.

For the two years are marriage has gotten worse, he has become more physically and verbally abusive and gone through thousands of dollars. I have been committed to staying, believing in my marriage vows and not wanting to disrupt the life of our 11-year-old daughter. I have even been foolish enough to "let" myself get pregnant, only to not have it change his behavior in anyway.

I am to the point where I feel as though I am totally loosing myself. I go to work, go to church and stay at home, that's about it. I/we were involved in counseling and I have done the Naranon, etc., but I always let him talk me out of continuing and/or going. Needless to say, he blames me for all his problems. He says I don't understand him, that if I were more sexual with him, if I listened to him, if I speant more time with him, did the things he wants us to do, that he would not resort to the things he does. He tells me that he wants to express his feelings to me and then he'll say things to me like, "Have you ever lied to me?" "Have you ever had an affair?" "What is the last thing you have ever done for me?" When I get upset at these what I perceive to be accusations, he will say, see, that's why I can't express myself to you, you get mad--not realizing that these expressions to me, are not really about his feelings.

We are too the point where everyday almost is an argument. There are more bad days then good. I am ready to move on, even though I know it will require major life changes like perhaps loosing our house and so much more. However, I feel as though I am slowly dying and loosing everythin anyway.

October 22, 2004
9:26 am
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lola81
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Thank you so much Twinks! This was very eye-opening; you said things I've not considered and/or have not heard, even in my counseling. Thank you! I'm going to put this in the Support Section.

October 28, 2004
10:39 pm
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Anonymous
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Wow twinks how have you learned to get past that. If that didn't hit a nerve with me holly crap.. I want to hear more please you have my complete attention. I am very interested in what you know about projection and how you have gotten through it yourself?? I hope to hear back from you wow..

October 29, 2004
12:07 am
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workinonit
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twinks, are you ok ?

I see you offering this projection information and, correct me if I am wrong, but you sound angry.

Are you projecting darlin?

You know, you are a very insightful, delightful, intellectual, motivational. should I go on? person. I am happy I stumbled upon the conversations happening over here between you anf Tez. I have been particularly interested in your situation and I hope you know you can call for me anytime you need me. I listen well.

Be good to you twinks, you need it right now. The emotional well runs quite deep and I hope you don't risk falling inside too far!

October 29, 2004
8:52 pm
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Anonymous
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Thanks twinks I appreciate you letting me know you are busy. I hope to hear from you when you get time. I am just really interested.. but if you don't want to talk about it I will understand that too!!

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