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Thread etiquette
April 24, 2006
9:00 pm
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Anonymous
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What obligations do you think a person who starts a thread on this site has? In particular, how should the host act toward those who post on the thread that they start?

What obligations do you think a person who posts on a thread has?

April 24, 2006
9:11 pm
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Guests

I'm guilty the most, I know. I'm sorry, I dont know where to post my thoughts. Maybe I should make a thread where I just restrict my stuff to my stuff. I do it very randomly I know. People see a thread and they expect to see relevant material.

Well right now, I think I'm doing this in atleast two threads. But hey I'm also onto a new science - kind of excited about it. Read the "Tez" thread.

Is this about me? Let me know. I will make a new thread for myself so I can do the random stuff in just one place.

April 24, 2006
9:16 pm
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But to answer your Q, I dont think the starter of the thread has any responsibilty at all. I feel your thoughts though. When I make a thread, I try not to feel like a host, unless its soemthing that really interested me and then - when I lose interest in the discussion, I dont feel indebted most of the times to continue the discussion etc, although I do feel sometimes "I guess I lost all the enthusiasm I had in the beginning", which kind of makes me sad sometimes because it was a topic e.g. I thought which would help me. Some time later, I forget about it and start all over again making a new topic.

So I think the thread starter person has the same obligations as any other person - whatever the obligations are.

April 24, 2006
9:25 pm
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guest,

I had nobody in particular in mind when I opened this thread. I was wondering more about myself, to be honest. I'm wondering if I'm assuming too much responsibility as thread host.

When I start a thread, I like to see that everybody gets responded to, whether by me or somebody else. I also feel it's my duty to say something if anyone gets out of line, which rarely happens. I feel it's my job to ensure that nobody has an unnecessarily unpleasant experience on threads I start, and I know what it feels like to be ignored.

I'm just wondering what everybody else thinks. Again, I wonder how much in the norm I am. Thanks for contributing your thoughts, guest.

Seeker

April 24, 2006
9:31 pm
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Not at all, you are definitely feeling too much responsibility. You're doing a great job, I did not feel at all if you werent fulfilling your "responsibility".

Now this is only my opinion, you can throw it out if you dont like it or agree with it: On the contrary I feel sometimes you write when you didnt really want to. For example, if you were to ask "Do i really want to reply to this?" and you might go "Nah, I dont feel like", but then you might manoever yourself into replying.
That is I mean, I feel you're hard on yourself. I hope you can get out of this. Ofcourse our problems are unique. I have my own, e.g. sometimes I feel guilty when I dont respond to others but it gets forgotten later. But I do respond when someone addresses me or if they're talking about a topic I like.

I hope you can have compassion for yourself and let go of this responsibility and feel "free". Such a nice place to be in, I'm aiming for it as well.

April 24, 2006
9:49 pm
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i agree with guest, seek. u are not responsible for everybody. only reply to the ones u want to. u dont owe anybody anything. this is a good place to practive overcoming codependency because we are anonymous. it helps me alot anyway. if someone says something i dont like, i just ignore them. try to anyway. it has been good practice for me. sometimes people talk about things i can't really relate to , so i just be quiet and learn from what is written from others. yea, be good to yourself. u come across as a genuinely caring man. just practice being as good to U. :0

April 24, 2006
9:53 pm
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guest-u definitely got it going on sometimes. u're pretty dang smart. i hope u overcome your anxieties eventually. i wish that for u anyway.

April 24, 2006
10:26 pm
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guppy you said it right. The two most important things in your above two posts for seeker:

1: this is a good place to practive overcoming codependency because we are anonymous.

2: u come across as a genuinely caring man. just practice being as good to U.

This is completely true, seeker. Care for yourself in the same way you care for others. Impossible concept grasp, isnt it! Yea it is, for me, in my bad moods. I dont even know if my good moods are really "good" or not - or just a hyper phase of being in denial or in the head. Anyway.

Care for yourself, give yourself compassion if you can.

guppy_____thanks, yea sometimes I get very strong "revelations" or inspirations like about this mental workout. I know tomorrow I'll look back and think "what the hell, it doesnt work, wont work". Hopefully I'll carry on the investigations in the later 'revelation' phases, to a point where I can accept them in my bad moods too and work. work in progress.

April 24, 2006
10:39 pm
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guppy, what exactly made you say I was smart at the time you referenced to me?

April 24, 2006
10:57 pm
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guest-u show alot of common sense with the remarks u make, when u are giving advice to other people.i'm often impressed with your insight.

April 24, 2006
11:15 pm
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its momentary, but thanks. Atleast i'm good momentarily.

April 24, 2006
11:33 pm
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be proud of that fact. some people never get that good guest!!!!! some people couldn;t give advice worth a dang if their life depended on it. u are showing compassion just by being able to think about someone else. and that is a good thing to. yeeeeaaa for u.

April 25, 2006
12:01 am
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heh thankss. I want a GF, I wish i could have one. When I'm with just one person I become clingy and needy. gotta work on that. I got a meeting with the doc tomorrow.

April 25, 2006
12:39 am
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good luck with the doc tomorrow.

the clingy needy part i understand real well guest. i practically velcroed myself to a friend i have been talking to on email. but what the heck. i can't help it right now.

April 25, 2006
2:38 am
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Seeker,

I often find most threads take on a life of their own.

I guess it all depends on the personality of the person who runs the thread, and on the subject matter of said thread.

Threads I start, I am just gratefull that someone responds too. I do not really feel a sense of propriety or authority over a thread I start, but I guess because I start it, I do pay it alot of attention.

I don't know. I mean, I guess it is really up to us individually.

Thats my opinion.

Erica

April 25, 2006
9:54 am
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guest, guppy, and Erica,

Thanks for your replies. I think I am taking on too much responsibility for threads I start. I think Erica said it well: she pays a lot of attention to threads she starts, but doesn't necessarily do much on them afterwards, and they do take on a life of their own.

guest and guppy, thanks for your reminders that I shouldn't be so codependent.

You're all three looking after me!

Seeker

April 25, 2006
10:16 am
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Its really tough not to be co-dependent, ah! If I was not, I would have that girl I like. But I have hope for myself.

yea i guess Erica said it the best. Its a small hint for you. If you can nip the evil in the bud, i.e. see why you think you have to take responsibility and how you can heal from that, that would be a super human feat. good luck.

April 25, 2006
10:25 am
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I think that there is no real obligation to act as a host of a thread.

But of course it is nice/polite to get some feedback, when you post an answer. So, yes, as somebody who answered a question I like to be acnowledged, I'm glad to hear that I could help, I try to listen when somebody feels that I was unhelpful - but I don't think this is an obligatory thing.

I think that thread maintenance can become quite stressful over time, especially if the thread goes into a totally different direction. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the best threads are those that started somewhere completely different and then roam around and touch a lot of issues. But generally I think it is the polite thing to do, to stick to the poster's original problem (and any problems that come up together with this), and not divert the conversation towards chitchat, other people's issues, or something completely unrelated.

April 25, 2006
2:59 pm
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Well, I think it is nice when the threads actually address the topic of a thread. If there is a lot of other material being introduced, then it seems like there is a reason to have a spin-off thread.

April 25, 2006
5:08 pm
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yes dad, but like all conversations, it often gets changed by what is relevent at the time. 🙂

April 25, 2006
5:20 pm
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twinks-when u get to the sea, then what ???? lol!!!

April 25, 2006
5:32 pm
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no, i would think u float on your back and enjoy your success.!!!!!!

April 25, 2006
5:41 pm
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lol!!! twinks. ur n rare form today

April 25, 2006
6:22 pm
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twinks well, i think u have to be able to float back and forth with the current!! lamo.!! sorry u had a bad day. r u a teacher?

April 25, 2006
7:12 pm
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Hi guppy,

Yes, of course, threads evolve.

On the Myers-Briggs typology I am strongly "P" for percieving versus "J" for Judging.

For one thing that means I am not a very "black or white" type of personality. So if something is not a clearly defined "rule" I will always see a million interpretations.

So a question like Seeker's is a tough one for someone like me. Notice that I could not bring myself to say that whoever originates a thread has an "obligation" to keep a thread on a particular course, or that posters to a given thread have an "obligation" to post "on topic." Instead I used the quaint expression "nice."

I have started many threads and participated in many threads where the thread veered wildly off topic. Sometimes that feels alright, other times I don't like it. Sometimes I am the one doing the veerage, and I am alternately glad/okay with/feel very guilty about causing a thread to veer. Sometimes I gnash my teeth about the original topic being lost and sometimes I just figure it will come out in another thread. Sometimes, I think that the diversion is just as or more valuable than the original thread topic.

To me it comes down to more of a question of esthetics more than right and wrong.

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