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August 13, 2009
4:12 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Bitsy
12-Aug-09

This is the correspondence I had with R Girlfriend's Ex-husband. They were cheating on both of us when we found out.

From Me:

I really hadn't thought of you in a while. I just sent an email to one of Cat's teachers about school supplies and remembered you.

I trust that all is going well for you. At least I hope so.

Life is good here. I am back in real estate and am living in a house I hope to sell for the builder soon. I still haven't met anyone to date, but it may take a while. Appatently UPS doen't just deliver them to your doorstep.

It really is amazing the good things that have come into my life since I "weeded the garden" and got rid of all the bad people in my life.

Anyway, have a great school year and know that I only wish the best for you. Thank you for being a friend in another lifetime.

Bitsy

From Him:

Thanks Bitsy. Glad to hear you are doing well. I am doing well, and (son) is too, in spite of what was done to all of us.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably never understand the level of selfishness that I am witnessing, but can only hope it will serve a purpose ultimately. It's pretty amazing the level that people will stoop to in terms of lying and living like trash to get what they want.

I do have lots of good things going in my life, and have gained a lot of happiness.

Take care, and I really am happy for you.

While I had the option of walking away and pretending they were all dead. He didn't as he and his ex-wife share a son.

R fits the definition of a sociopath.

Bitsy

August 13, 2009
4:12 pm
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Bitsy
13-Aug-09

Red, Believe me when I say I know how you feel. I was thrown for a loop last night. Apparently R still loves me and wants to know that I am alright and thinks about me every day, blah, blah, blah. Funny, if he loved me he.

1. Wouldn't have cheated on me.

2. Wouldn't be living with another woman.

hmmmm

Bitsy

August 13, 2009
4:14 pm
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Bitsy
13-Aug-09

Hello???? Mutual promises of fidelity means that you only sleep with each other!!!!!

I have been cheated on. It hurts like hell and create a mess in your head. You love them so much you try to find a way to justify their actions. Oh they didn't mean it. Oh well it was just this one time. Oh it was someone from their past and they just had to make sure they didn't feel the same. BULLSHIT!!!

Bitsy

August 13, 2009
4:18 pm
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These are three posts that I have made in the last few days. #3 is in response to Worried Dad and Fiancee Cheating.

Why do you all continue to do this to ourselves????

I am going to a dress up function tonight. Maybe I will meet someone really nice to dance with.

All of you remember that when I first came on here it was because of R and Drunk Girl that he moved down here. Well Drunk Girl is now 14 months into sobriety and has become a good long distance friend. She calls to check on me and I call to check on her. Today I called her and told her I needed her to be my therapist. Her exact words was "Never go back. Always go forward." She also told me she would drive down here and kick my butt if I even thought of contacting R. (he broke up her marriage in 1995, he broke up another between her and the one he broke up last year) He is a serial predator. Why was I so blind?

Bitsy

August 15, 2009
9:00 pm
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I am tired. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of being lonely. I wish I felt sexy. I wish I felt loved. I wish I had some one to hold me.....

Bitsy

August 15, 2009
9:00 pm
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I am tired. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of being lonely. I wish I felt sexy. I wish I felt loved. I wish I had some one to hold me.....

Bitsy

August 16, 2009
6:05 pm
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(((Bitsy)))

I wish I knew what to say.

August 18, 2009
12:23 am
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(Bitsy)

I hear ya but, keep on keepin on though, girl. Ya never know what life will bring your way one day. It helps me to remind myself of that sometimes when I'm havin a down day. Being the affectionate type that I am, I understand your plight. I miss the sugar too.

Craig

August 18, 2009
11:15 am
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Bitsy -

It is time for you to come out of isolation.

Put yourself OUT THERE, girl!! Set up outings with your single friends. Join a club. Volunteer somewhere. Meet people. Do at least ONE "dress-up" function every other week, so you can remember how pretty and stylish you are!

You need support friendships from other single women who understand. In my case I found them at church and through my passion for ballroom dancing. But I have also found (over the past six months)that I am finally becoming comfortable with being home alone by myself. I don't feel like I am missing anything and have very little desire to go out, unless it is to meet up with a friend or attend a conference that interests me.

I think you are still going through some of the grieving and depression that follows a break-up. It's been over a year, but there is no time limit to grief. However, there ARE positive steps you can take, to emerge from the grieving.

Definitely get busy, socially. Reach out. Dress up. Pamper yourself a bit,ok? You need it.

- Ma Strong

August 18, 2009
2:12 pm
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Thanks everyone. My boss told me today that he is going to start needing me less and the he is going to take the brokers exam and ne the broker of the company. Iam back to panic mode where money is concerned and I just let Cat sign back up for ballet I know I need to do domething. I just feel so all alone. I don't feel "anchored". My computer has a virus and is back in the shop. I was doing an online bible study and I am starting a parenting bible study tomorrow night. I just let myself get lonely and depressed. Sometimes it just seems that every direction I turn is the wrong way. I do wish I felt sexy and desirable but I don't. I am trying and I do realize that over the weekrnd I had a pity party. For the most part I am over that. But I do

still feel lonely. Thanks for being here and caring.I am thankful I can come. Here

Bitsy

August 18, 2009
2:20 pm
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bitsy, why not get dressed up and take yourself out for a nice dinner, even if its with just a friend. Feel pretty, do your hair and makeup and wear something that makes you feel "hot".....the more you do this, I think the better you will feel. Even if its buying a nice pair of earrings, or a necklace, or some new perfume. Show your beautiful self to the world!!

August 20, 2009
3:57 pm
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I went to a moms bible study last night. One woman got pregnant and married the guy but he is an alcoholic another is married to an alcoholic. Maybe I will learn something and have something to share. I am the only single one

Bitsy

August 20, 2009
4:12 pm
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Bitsy: Knowing what you know now, Wouldn't you rather be single than be preggo and married to an alcoholic? I think you've already learned something!

sd

August 20, 2009
6:04 pm
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I went to a moms bible study last night. One woman got pregnant and married the guy but he is an alcoholic another is married to an alcoholic. Maybe I will learn something and have something to share. I am the only single one

Bitsy

August 20, 2009
6:06 pm
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Umm yes!

Bitsy

August 21, 2009
2:42 pm
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I have been without a commputer for the last week. Thank you all for the advice and support. I am trying. Money is still a big issue for me. It was over $300 to get my computer fixed and I definately wasn't planning for that. I did go to church Wednesday night to do a Bible Study for Mothers. Cat had some activities too. She wants to go back next week. At least it gets us out of the house one night a week. She has her first middle school dance tonight. I don't know that I am ready for that.

I was talking to a friend this morning and remembered something funny from my past.

When I was in college I was dating a guy that was in school out of state. There was a guy I went to school with whose girlfriend was away at college as well. He and I sort of flirted and once almost had sex except that I remembered I didn't have on pretty underwear so I hit the brakes. Nothing ever did happen between us but for a year or so every now and then I would call him and tell him my ego needed a boost and he would say some off the wall thing about how pretty I was or the size of my breast or something and we would laugh, chat a bit and that would be it. He always had hope to get me and I always knew he wouldn't. That was really a lighthearted memory this morning. Now the question is how do I get back to THAT person?

Bitsy

August 27, 2009
5:31 pm
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I posted this on the No Contact thread on the support side, but thought I would put it here for what it's worth...

There is hope ladies!!! I have been having a series of conversations with a friend over my ex-loser. Oh he has the package all right but once you open it up you see how sick and distorted he is. Why did I ever think he was all that and a bag of chips.

Some things I have realized: I am/was the most educated woman he has ever been with.

He was intimidated by me.

In order not to feel intimidated by me, he belittled me.

I allowed him to belittle me because in my heart I knew I was better than what he was saying.

Eventually he belittled me enough that I lost myself and my confidence in myself.

He was a builder and his mother owned a real estate company. Whenever I would be working on a prospect he would inject himself in the conversation and try to take that person from me. He and his mother would do it for a lesser commission than I would be able to because she owned her own company and I worked for a franchise.

I allowed this to happen because I figured I was getting the benefit on the back end when we went on a trip or to dinner or whatever.

By doing this I allowed him to have the upper hand and he saw it as supporting me, where if I had made the money and put it in my own checking account I would have been more of an equal.

I allowed his insecurities to undermine my security. (if that makes any sense)

Yes, ladies, I have answered the drunken phone calls at 1,2 and 3 am. Yes I have opened the door and let him crawl in my bed. Yes I have done all that all of you are doing.

Lesson Learned? The next man is going to have to be exceptional to get a moment of my time. I am taking care of Bitsy and Cat. If there is any money to be made it is going in my account. I have started wearing all of my good jewelry again so that a man will see the standards I have as far as gift giving occassions. (this is not meant to be a gold digger, it is meant to say that I deserve nice things and have gotten them in the past whether they were gifts or I bought them for myself). I have busied up my life and have things I am committed to do on certain nights of the week and on certain days. I would love to do something with someone but right now I have a prior committment. Would another night work for you?

So far I haven't met anyone. Despite my coming here and complaining about being lonely I haven't taken any action to change that and really

Bitsy

September 2, 2009
8:23 pm
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((((Bitsy))))

I can really relate to everything that you have said!

September 2, 2009
9:39 pm
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(((((Bitsy)))))

Well, you know, in reading your post that you said:

"I allowed this to happen because I figured I was getting the benefit on the back end when we went on a trip or to dinner or whatever."

That's not such a bad thing altogether, you know.

In fact, in many small business situations, is probably mostly, pretty common and advantageous all the way around - you know?

Kind of the way that it shakes in many instances.

But from what you describe - naaaa, probably not the case.

You have nothing to feel sorry about or regret whatsoever.

To me, 'going along' at the time probably made some really good, hard solid business sense thinking and expecting to be compensated on the 'back end' and you know, in many cases, it actually does work out to be mutually beneficial for all parties in most cases.

So, you know - no big flaw or anything from your part as far as that is concerned!

Bitsy, you probably do not need anymore comments from me whatsoever as you have obviously, pretty much got to the heart and root of the matter and all of us are all the wiser because of it!!!!!

Sounds to me like you are a real-life modern day version of my heroine - in the movie "Jackie Brown" played by Pam Grier (ever seen this movie directed by Quentin Tarantino????)

AWESOME!

Oh yeah.

Truly.

Completely.

Totally.

Awesome.

No doubt!

September 3, 2009
7:48 am
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Truth, thanks for the affirmation that maybe I wans't so wrong in my thinking back then. Then it made perfect sense to do it that way.

Bitsy

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