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this for tez & guest -1
July 25, 2002
10:36 am
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feeling a little better, i found out for sure that im gonna get aid for the education, sooo.. thats some releif 🙂 (this smile is too big for me, only half smile).
(i know.. the job interview problem comes from low self-esteem.)

July 25, 2002
7:11 pm
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Guest_guest.

The words 'low self-esteem' describe a symptom NOT A CAUSE. Please think carefully about this!

Self-esteem means 'the estimation that I make about my worth to myself and to others.

My worth to myself is about about my competence to look after myself, my ability to perform tasks efficiently in order to look after myself.

My worth to others is about about my competence to look after the interests of others, my ability to perform tasks efficiently in order to meet the needs of others.

But most of all we all crave to be wanted and valued for some nameless and formless 'core' within us that is of no earthly use to anyone. In other words, we crave unconditional love. This is the 'first best' - that is, 'option one'.

However, we will settle for 'second best'. Second best is conditional love. This is 'Option 2'.

Now conditional love depends upon conditions. That implies that we must be able to meet the needs of others.

If we are unable to feel confident about meeting the needs of others then we are unable to feel confident about ever receiving conditional love and affection. Thus we despair of ever having a good reason to strive for anything.

Voila!!! Does this sound like you??

Now the 'second best' option, option 2 that I mentioned above, is the losers option. Why - because no one can consistently meet the needs of others!!! Thus, if we back this horse, then we are in a no win situation.

So we are back to option one or otherwise having pulling the pin on life. You are moving towards pulling the pin on life. This means giving up on trying to make anything of yourself. Thus low or no motivation to do anything!

You are using this psychological state to get the little attention and affection that you get now. Yet this pity based attention and affection is no where near enough to satisfy you. You think that you want a fuck to fulfill this need for love. However a fuck will do nothing for you. You will convince yourself that the woman is either stupid or deluded in thinking you have worth. You will feel intense pain every time she shows any displeasure or sign of coolness, etc. The slightest negativity from her will seem like rejection and thus painful.

Where does 'option one' come in for you? Can you tell me what you think about that?

July 25, 2002
7:28 pm
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Guest_guest.

An after thought - I think that a severe craving for a fuck is a disguised craving for 'connectedness' to that special human being as a doorway for being intimately connected to the rest of humanity!

It is a craving for that feeling that we had so long ago on our mother's tit or even more the total security that we felt in the womb! We seem to be always trying to get back in there.

The joke, that has been made about spending nine months to get out of the pussy and the rest of our life trying to get back in, has a very deep psychological basis in truth!!

July 26, 2002
7:50 pm
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heh. im the option 2. im not at all confident about meeting demands of others, but then i say to myself i dont give a damn about others.
heh.. nice joke, its true.
tezzz.. there's no hope for me. i also feel very energy less today

July 27, 2002
8:44 pm
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Guest_guest.

Your lack of energy is not due to physical causes is it?

Do you eat good food?

Do you exercise regularly?

Have you consulted with a doctor about your lack of energy; had blood tests?

July 28, 2002
4:58 pm
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i dont eat good, no exercise.. will ask u something later.. when i get acess to private compute. brb in a few days..

July 28, 2002
10:22 pm
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yea.. i'll see the doctor..lets see what happens. i hope the tests are free and under the university fees.. otherwise i'll gather money.
wanted to ask, i want to start everthing..
go to a gym, learn to play music, learn extra IT stuff and etc.
i know its not worked out before.. i would always leave my plans unfinished.
so what do i do? i really want to do all this.. i want the results more (not the actual work..)
sooo.. ? should i be strict on myself and no more lax attitude this time, even if i feel out of energy?
seems so dificult.
i came to a new place.. and my mind isnt at the same level as these few guys..so im feeling very isolated... very much. whoa..
wish me luck, so i find a smal job and atleas less money problems.
be back later(still using the guy's comp)

July 29, 2002
7:03 pm
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Guest_guest.
You said, " i want the results more (not the actual work..) sooo.. "

Yep! This is a major reason why most people are unhappy. They are always doing 'this in order that' that should happen. They are always spending the present in misery in order to enjoy a future that never comes! Thus they miss out on their whole life.

This is what John Lennon meant when he said 'life is what happens while your busy making other plans'.

If you want to go to the gym to build muscle tissue then go to enjoy the experience of pumping iron. It is indeed exhilarating to beat your best bench press by just a couple of pounds weight every week! Besides the social life in the gym ain't half bad either. I made many acquaintences there. I even cracked onto a very nice lady ... but that was some years ago now.

You said, "my mind isnt at the same level as these few guys..so im feeling very isolated". I know the feeling. When I was in the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force) I would get posted to a new unit. All the guys were new and the local city strange. I used to feel very lonely and isolated for a while. But I played football (Rugby League) and drank booze so I soon made friends - usually they were neanderthals though.

Just be yourself and don't try to impress anyone. It's amazing how life will put people in your life without you even looking for them. 'Miss Right' is out there just waiting for the right time to meet you. This could be next week for all I know! But... you have to see her as a person not an object of gratification for it to work!!

Hang in there matey!! Life's a great adventure.

July 31, 2002
5:43 pm
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suppose, i feel totally out of energy and i just want to lie down, and i hate going to the gym, cause
1) im too thin, so im ebmbarrased of meself
2) it looks its not working.
3) if its working, it wont later, because im gonna quit it later most definitely (cause i dont have confidence in myself)
4) i'll make an excuse that the body doesnt matter, its the mind that does.
and so, if i want to catch chicks, i can do the same thing, without all the physical hassel and just work on my "mind".
ofcourse.. its only an excuse.
as if working on my mind was easy :/

soooo.
with ALL these excuses and things i do and think to hold myself back from the gym, should i still force myself to do it?
i mean just force.. make a commitment to myself.

no matter how bad i feel.. no matter how less i enjoy the gym.

i see forcing myself as the only way.
what do u think. will it work.
i can make a commitment to myself, and do something.. sign a serious contract with myself and keep it in my wallet.

i also gotta eat good, gym.. learn music.. learn a computer language and get certified.
if i dont force myself, i'll fail again.. undoubtedly.
its happend hundreds of time probably, and i've not suceeded.
this time, i hope i can make a difference and prove to myself that i can do it?

August 1, 2002
6:20 pm
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Guest_guest.

You asked, " ...should i still force myself to do it? "

Look very closely at this statement of yours. There are two people mentioned in it. The first one is 'I' and the second one is 'myself'!

Please note this very well - one part of you is considering trying to bring another part of you to heel!!!

Do you see this clearly?

Your feeling are saying "Fuck this - what's the point - I'm shit!"

Your thoughts are saying, " Look man your've got to do something about yourself - you ain't physically or mentally good enough to win a chick, get a steady nookie and all the goodies that go with having a bird. You have to find a way to make yourself good enough".

Am I right?

August 2, 2002
12:56 pm
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yes! totally! heh

August 2, 2002
5:27 pm
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Guest_guest.

The next question is:

When your 'feelings' tell you that you are 'a piece of shit', why do you believe them?

The same question put another way - what evidence does your 'feeling self' produce to substantiate its diagnosis that you are a 'piece of shit'?

August 5, 2002
11:13 am
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hmm, because my mother told me (the equivalent things).
becase i've missed oppurtunities of all kinds cause i dont have the energy, so repeated failures are affirmed the thing.
what elseee. hmm

just the reason that the "i am not worth" messages are much more than the "i am worth" messages!
its been like that all my life!

August 6, 2002
6:06 pm
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Guest_guest.

So what you are saying is: your emotions are constantly being prodded into 'feeling bad' by the constant recirculation of old negative parental messages.

Who will break this negative re-cycling process?

Who else could do it besides yourself?

The pre-requisite for such a job is 'living in your head'. So it seems that you are both your own best friend and worst enemy. Which role will you choose to take? Will you start to stand up for yourself and start telling the messages in your head to piss off???

When will you become your best friend and tell yourself the truth?

This truth is that you are a human being. This implies that you have the potential to nurture and develop the qualities within you that can make you a great man.

You lack nothing other than the realisation that what's stopping you are only 'ghosts' from the past that exist only in your head.

Piss 'em off, unshackle yourself and begin to fly. In no time you'll have lots of companions flying beside you!!!

August 7, 2002
11:10 am
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hehe.
yes.. only i can do it.
wellllll.. when i'm feeling so low and out of energy, i dont want to do anything, and it doesnt make a differnce if i give myself positive messages.

the only solution is then disciplining and forcing myself to do the things i have to do, for example, go to gym on time, learn the java book, learn music.. etc.

thats the only way now, is it?

August 7, 2002
7:42 pm
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Guest_guest.

You can certainly give it a go!! There is a saying "Fake it until you make it." I don't like that type of behavior, for myself... but if it works for you, then go for it.

If I were in your shoes, I would get myself physically checked out first to make sure that I was not anaemic or suffering from some other physical ailment.

Then I would go to work on my discovering and rectifying my belief systems! Just giving myself positive messages in order to feel better never really worked for me. I have to believe in the truth of the positive messages and the false nature of the negative messages before I can control my thoughts effectively.

This is where deep reflections - about the nature of the 'self' and about the world in relation to that 'self' - come into the picture.

If you have not a 'zest' for life, then life becomes one long drudge. Is this what you want - a drudge?

You are not a victim of an overpowering world. You are either self-empowered or self-disempowered. You are the director of your life. How will you choose to direct your 'show' - by moping in the wings of life or taking centre stage? The choice is yours alone!!!

August 8, 2002
7:52 pm
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im definitely gonna get tested..and talk to the doctor.
yea thats true.. beleiving in the possitive messages.. very true.
otherwise it just becomes a useless thing.
heh.. im thinking about fooling around with my own type.. cant get any of the opposite ones :).
i think we all need human contact, and sex should be fun.. with a man or a woman, doesnt matter, its like having fun together. ofcourse with a woman its so much more fun, but not bad with a man too. im gonna be careful, protec. and stuff.
i'm litereally starved of human contact, and so im excited.

August 9, 2002
6:56 pm
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Guest_guest.

Well... I have to tell you that I am 100% heterosexual. In fact I have a major flaw that I regard as a virtue - that's how big a defect of character that it is. I am homophobic.

However, that doesn't mean that I am so intolerant as to put homosexuals down. To each his own. When confronted by blatant homosexual behavior, I just have to deal with my negative emotions within myself and respond with as much tolerance and love as I can muster.

Ch'an Buddhist Master Hsing Yun says this, "People often ask me about homosexuality. They wonder if it is right or wrong. The answer is, it is neither right or wrong. It is just something people do.

If people are not harming each other, their private lives are their own business; we should be tolerant of them and not reject them. However, it will take some time for the Buddhist community to fully accept homosexuality.

All of us must learn to tolerate the behavior of others.Just as we hope to expand our minds to include all of the universe, so we should also seek to expand our minds to include all the many forms of human behavior. Tolerance is a form of generosity and it is a form of wisdom... ... "

If you are a heterosexual and are 'acting out' homosexuality just to get intimacy and love, then you are abusing both yourself and your partner. Such behavior is deceitful and will bring you much unhappiness not happiness. On the other hand, if you are genuinely homosexual. then go for it. The same relationship rules apply anyway.

Intentionality is all important. Honesty in communications and integrity in relationships will bring happiness. Otherwise physical or psychological harm will result. This is the ultimate criteria in assessing right and wrong behavior.

August 12, 2002
11:56 am
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man, i did it, but didnt like it at all. (cant even be open here, since i'm doubting if someone is sneaking on me).
anyways, ur right.. i am straight too. maybe i had to do that once to find the true value of a female and to get over the frustration. lets see whats in the future, im confused if i want to lose my V or not

August 12, 2002
3:41 pm
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was just re reading what you wrote about abusing myself, thats true.. deceving, but i did it only once, so thats fine, is it?
now i'm even more crazy for real sex

August 12, 2002
7:19 pm
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Guest_guest.
I'm not sure what you mean by "deceiving, but i did it only once, so thats fine, is it?"

Are you asking whether I think that there will me negative long term consequences for you or not? I don't know.

I guess it depends upon whether you were 'up front' with the guy with whom you were involved, whether you had protected sex, etc. It also depends upon the effects that it has on your self-image, your parental messages etc. Time will tell... I guess.

I suggest that you put it all behind you. No pun intended 🙂 Life's too short to dwell on the past.

You need to deal with your low self-image. Self-image is a self-perpetuating thing. A low self-image prevents you from doing things successfully. Therein the lack of successes reinforce your low self-image. You need to break out of this vicious circle.

You need to hone your interaction and communication skills. Are there any self-development courses being run where you live?

August 13, 2002
6:04 pm
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Guest_guest.

The statement below comes from Dr. Joseph LeDoux's latest book released in Feburary 2002 devoted to exposing his latest research findings. He is a professor of neuroscience from NYU in your country.

"Because emotion systems coordinate learning, the broader the range of emotions that a child experiences the broader will be the emotional range of the self that develops. This is why childhood abuse is so devastating. If a significant proportion of the early emotional experiences one has are due to activation of the fear system rather than positive systems, then the characteristic personality that begins to build up from the parallel learning processes coordinated by the emotional state is one characterized by negativity and hopelessness rather than affection and optimism." - LeDoux,J.(p 322, 2002)

What this means in a nutshell is that because we as children experienced only fear, our brains developed without any self-confidence, any hope, any beliefs in our own abilities, etc. In short, being very negative people, our personalities are naturally unattractive to others and painful for ourselves.

The answer lies in consciously breaking the cycle of negativity of feelings, thoughts, words and deeds.

We can start by setting ourselves a little positive achievable goal and when we accomplish it then by giving ourselves all the recognition and praise that we can swallow without thinking that it is 'bullshit'.

What little goal, that is achievable within a week, can you set yourself do you think?

August 15, 2002
4:54 pm
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i'm back, didnt have access to a comp.
yea, i put the bi expereince behind me.. i almost forgot it. any self development courses here, probably yes, but i dont want to take them.. there's one in interpersonal communications, but i talked to them.. doesnt seem like i'll gain anything.

i'm so down man. i thought i could do the studies free but im going to have to pay, thanks to the other thousands of dollars loan too, great.
that para you quoted, yes totally true. there doesnt seem any way except ending my life. but i dont have the guts for that too.
cant get a job, no girl, in loans, negative personality, wow, cant get better.

what little goal 🙁 i dont know.. i feel hopeless and hungry too.
dont waste time on me, its all useless. i dont know how its going to be.. i have to ask for loan and pay off the credit card debts, otherwise the monthly payments are just humongous. (maybei could manage them, but i have to see). nonetheless, financially tight.

August 15, 2002
7:19 pm
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Guest_guest.

What little goal? Well... can you think of just something tangible that you could set out to achieve within a short time span? You need to start with one small success, to look at that and say to yourself, "See... I'm a winner, not a loser. Even if it is only a small thing, it proves to me that I can achieve something - it's a start."

You don't need or want handouts. This is self-defeating - believe me. It nearly destroyed the Australian Aborigine. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet. You live in what you Americans call God's own country... the land of opportunity. Where's that pioneering spirit? Where's your 'get up and go'?

You need to make a start with all the zest, and oommph that you can muster. The alternative is to just sit, moan and feel sorry for yourself, hoping that Santa Claus will come along with a big bundle of money. It just won't happen. The universe helps those who help themselves, matey.

I'm not rich. In fact I earnt very little money last year. I'm on no government handout - though I could be if I wanted to be. I'm in no debt. I've seen what debt can do. I always try to keep my outgoings less than my incoming money.

I don't believe that you are hungry. Surely there are St Vincent De Paul Depots and other charitable institutions that will give you a regular feed if you are that badly off. I've been hungry in my life. When I was 17 I pissed off from home. I lived on bread and water almost literally. Many times I devoured a loaf of bread to offset hunger just for that day. I learnt to stand on my own two feet. I joined the CMF (citizen's army - like your National Guard)just to get some money. Then after a couple of years of struggling, I joined the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force). Then I crossed the line into alcoholism. I did something about that at 30 years of age. I learnt to survive.

You are not alone in your struggle to survive. What if you lived in Afghanistan or in Africa. Stand up for yourself, man! Be accountable to yourself for what you will become! It's all up to you.

Suicide? That's a coward's way out and if the Buddhists are right, it is not an 'out' at all!!! You'll be in worse shit.

Now, what's that little goal going to be?

August 16, 2002
12:24 pm
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i do have one goal! its preparing for a comp language exam. i want to give it till the end of this year. that certification is important for me.. so i can get a good job.
well i'm feeling better today. yesterday, i had this huge depression when i learnt i had to pay the two thousand dollars for studies.
first i was so worried i thought of how to buy a weapon and finish it, but it was too gross. i even thought about the suicide note.
then i thought.. ok.. i can still survive the next few months, and in that, i must get extra skills so i can get a job.
so now im feeling more hopeful than yesterday.
there's still some chance for me! now i have to order that book so i can study it.. its going to be a busy semester.. and this time i cant afford to give up.
the money i'll take a loan, i can take a loan till the next eyar as well.. but i'll try to get some bank loan othewise the credit card interest is really high.
gosh, last night i saw these sexy chicks, as sexy as can be.
but i have an inability to get be friends with anyone, this is a prerequisite before being able to get physical. hmm, oh well.

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