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this for tez & guest -1
July 14, 2002
7:03 pm
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Guest_guest.
I'm saving this posting to my hard drive. I'll read it more carefully off line and come back to you.

It's a very good response, matey! Thanks for your openness and honesty. Catch ya tamorra.:-)

July 15, 2002
2:17 am
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he.. it was good?well i'll be.
im sorry for all this shit, i feel im troubling u too muich, but after i say this, i wont stop troubling. heh.
i wanted to add, yea, girls are like teddy bears, cute and loveable. whatever man.. ah.. i wanna have sex!
u didnt tell me:

when you became less desperate and became knwn as the nice guy and got proposals, that was AFTER you had had sex many times, right?

(if yes,then thats why i wanna have sex)

(did u see the threads about princess katie in the other forum.. i never talked to her before.. but she came here, they say and now shes dead. sad, im heavy. shit man.)

July 15, 2002
10:26 am
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i went out yesterday and i cant tell you how much social anxeity i had.
no amount of positive thought can overcome it, the anxiety is just so crippling.
i'm feeling judged, looked upon, concious of my skinny physique, and thinking everyone is pitying me.

what can i do to stop it? what kind of thoughts should i tell myself?

July 16, 2002
1:04 am
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ah.. i'm gonna watch the hypnotic tape tomorrow morning.
if i have good money, one day im gonna buy a ticket to australia and visit you 🙂 hehe.. wouldnt that be good
(see.. thats my unconcious way of bribing you to give me more and more advice. hehe. oops)
well kiding,

honestly, if i have enough money yea, maybe i'll come to visit you.. but right now im poor, so its a long way off.

the real thing i wanted to say, i was thinking,t hat in nature also, construction takes a long time, destruction comes so quickly.

like the saying that trust takes years to build, only seconds to break, something like that.

so.. if i was "broken" by my mom.. it should take longer to re-construct, right?

i now understand what you said that positive thoughts induce positive feelings. .and negative ones have negative feelings.. so we have to counter the negatives..
in the begining, it may feel its not taking effect, but the effect is there, but slow.

the question is.. is the re-constuction gonna take same time than the destruction? hmm

oh you know.. im going to a new univresirty in august, im thinking of joining a gym..
ive quit gyms before, this time i thought i'll try beeing consistent for atleast 3 months.

i show myself to girls on internet and they hate skinny boys, its natural.
and.. if i can get a good body, it will do good for my self-esteem as well.

i have to visit the healthn counselor first thing i get there and get an assessment and advice.

sorry for writting all this, i just haveta tell you all this.

July 16, 2002
7:09 pm
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Guest_guest.

It's great that you are writing so much!!

We all need to reach out and be heard and that is normal.

The gym's good. I started going to the gym at 43 and went at least 3 times a week. For years I was going 6 times a week. It became an obsession. I developed my pecs, bis,tris, lats, traps, abs, quads etc. Eventually at the age of 50, I entered the East Coast Competition as a power lifter in the 75 kg Master's Class. I soon after wrecked a vertebrae by breaking a small bone that locks one of the vertebrae in place. The doctor said, "That's it for you - no more power lifting." Now at 60, I occasionally work out in a very small gym that I have set up at home. My strength has halved at least and I have put on some 'love handles'. 🙂

The gym is good because it will burn up some of that sexual energy - but watch out for those steroids. They will kill you one way or the other. Don't be fooled into thinking that you will get away with it. I've seen weedy guys explode into muscle men within three months of seven days a week workouts and then go mad, suffer kidney failure and heart attacks and then all their 'muscles' dissappeared as quickly as they came. Natural is best. I've still got my pecs and bis although not as much.

Yes I've had sex many times with many women in my life. When I'm lying on my death bed, I doubt that it will be this that I am remembering. When all is said and done, the actual sex ain't that great man!!! It's a lot of huffing and puffing and then splat!!! It's what goes on in the mind in the lead up to the big release that makes or breaks it. "The mind is its own place......" Remember that - man!!

Sex is a big trap!! Nature's great big hairy trap!! Now 'love' and 'compassion' that is a different story.

Catch ya soon.

July 17, 2002
2:31 am
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ahh.. ok. so u a body builder, eh :). cool.

so having sex is a must for me, cause its an obsession and its killing me! ahhhhhh.
im going mad for sex. i put in my info in an adult site and sent some emails, after paying the membership fee 😮

so after sex, i'll be able to move on, right.
i think its impossible to release sexual tension without having sex.
and considering that sexualt tension rules over your mind, atleast mine, then its impossible to get on with my life until i do it.

do ur sons work out too?

July 17, 2002
6:14 pm
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Guest_guest.

I was(past tense) a body builder and then a power lifter. Power lifting is competition lifting similar to Olympic Weight lifting but with different lifts. Power lifting is brute strenght whereas Olympic lifting involves a lot more technique. Body building is all about shape not strength. Yet strenght obviously does go up. I'm not into it these days just a little toning now and then.

Yes one of my sons does work out. He has set up a home gym in his place.

This obsession of yours with sex is based on much more than your need for sex. It goes much deeper. You will not satisfy this deeper need through sex. But you will have to find that out through experience I guess. You think that sex will fix everything? If so, go pick up a whore - but make sure you use a rubber (We call them frangas). You will find the experience most unsatisfying. Then ask yourself why that is so. The answer is all to do with this deeper need that will not be satisfied by a whore even though she will perform like a true 'pro'.

I think that you would do well to chill out a little - join a social group doing something that you like doing besides sex. 🙂 Be yourself and don't try to impress anyone especially the girls. Just relax and let things take their natural course. Life has a way of working things out for us despite our best efforts to stuff it up. Next thing you know you will be in 'love' whatever that means.

July 17, 2002
11:28 pm
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yea.. ur lucky.. even if i tried i couldnt get the girls,
i just havent got the energy.
u had to have energy to alteast try hard for the chicks right, i havent even got THAT, how bad can it get.
haaa.. i paid to put myself in an adult dating service and the only single chick who replied till now weighs more than me and wants soemone heavier and someone whose not a virgin.
rejection, rejection!

shit man.. i feel soo bad. i mean whats the point..
i dont have energy to get a girl.
i dont have energy to find a job,
to make friends, to talk to people, to want to marry and have kids..
then what am i doing here.

i'm so out of energy i dont even feel like thinking about the best way to kill myself.
i'm hungry too.

its no use.. i hate my mother, why did she have to give birth to me.

well. i wouldnt wanna do it witha whore. i want to do it with someone who wants my ___ as badly as i want her _. not for money.. that would be nasty.. i dont even have the money, which is maybe the main reason why i cant do it.

July 18, 2002
2:33 am
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i saw the meditation tape. it was about focusing on your breathing.
sit in one pose and relax.. breath.. repeat repeat.
whats that man.. does it even have a effect on me? looks like a waste of time.. i dont have all the energy or time for that.
now i'll read that hypnotherapy book.. it looks better to me.

when i have no energy to do almost anything, then whats the point of living life.
is it cause im sleepy, eyes aching, and all that. damn this friggin visuiuc sycle :(.
im gonna jack off and go to sleep now.. have to spend less time on the computer as well.. its harming my eyes, aching.

July 18, 2002
3:35 am
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i was in great confusion before i left religion. a period of total confusion and depression.
it did result in a positive thing, that all the hell in my head atleast lead to the decision for me that religion was false.
that was one stage of my liberation or phase change.
so.. i guess this phase is going to be next.. the girly phase, figuring out the girl stuff.

do u disagree with frued when he said that sex is the basis of everything? he was right, wasnt he?
i mean.. would u be with ur wife, if she didnt have her respective parts?
i dont know man.
maybe a girl is like a cute furry animal, just lovable. whateverrrr

July 18, 2002
6:56 pm
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Guest_guest.
If Freud was right you would scrimp and save to get a whore and concentrate on nothing else. The pleasure of sex is nature's way of ensuring procreation. Otherwise why would anyone bother about doing it. But as you say, such pleasure with a whore "would be nasty..." Therefore Freud cannot be right - and he wasn't!

And it is not that you want free sex. Sex is never free - it brings the bondage of attachment and much responsibility.

The above statements must be telling you something about you!!! It is that it can't be sex about which you really obsessing. Sex must be the means to another end - an end that the whore cannot satisfy. What is this 'something' that you are really chasing????

Would you agree that your craving for this 'something' is bringing you a hell of a lot of suffering??

Do you imagine that if you get this 'something' that you will be happy then??

If you get this 'something', you will be satisfied for a few hours and then the craving will start again!!

The secret is:

(1) to find out what this 'something' - that you desire so badly - really is, and

(2) to find out how best to really satisfy it.

I suggest that you start with task (1) as your objective and answering the above questions will be a great start.

July 18, 2002
7:00 pm
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Guest_guest.

The motivation to think deeply about my last posting will come if and only if you realise that there is no free ride in this life.

If one wants potatoes one has to grab a hoe!

July 18, 2002
8:42 pm
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thats the thing.. i want a free ride, im just too lazy. started the hypnotherapy book, seemed like too much work, and i thought i know i might be able to induce myself first time, but later on from past patterns, i know i could fail after the first time.

oh well.. will keep u updated.

July 19, 2002
11:14 am
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when i'm unable to get close to anyone, then there couldnt exist anything else for me, except sex.
it will end when i die..sigh.

July 19, 2002
7:07 pm
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Guest_guest.

Yep! That's one of the things that us guys do. We use sex as our means of getting intimacy, approval and confirmation from another human being that we are 'OK' people.

We need touching and to touch others badly. BUT TO TOUCH ANOTHER GUY IS A NO-NO. To our distorted psyche, touching means a proposition to the other person for sex. So... to touch a guy means we are a poofter, a dirty queer. For us to touch a woman is to risk being charged with sexual harrassment, painful rejection as a sex fiend or to risk embarrassment in some other way. So ... sex with a woman who wants and loves us, for us, is the only way to touch and be touched without severe repercussions. Am I right? Not all people are like this! But we are!

So... what it all boils down to is this... you are craving intimacy, touch, and validation as a human being. The sex is only the means to that end.

If at your core, you feel a big void of worthlessness then the 'need' for sex is going to be a craving obsession. It helps little to know that the 'void' within you was unknowingly created by your parents; that many people don't have that void.

However sex will never fill that void!!! That is why a prostitute would be useless to you and you intuitively know it.

So how do think that you can best fill that hungry void that's inside of you?

If you are looking for someone to just come along and fill it for you then you are in for a long wait.

July 20, 2002
12:05 pm
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i dont know.. its difficult. to make meself happy
hmm..
changing thoughts, eh? gonna focus on that

July 20, 2002
7:43 pm
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Guest_guest.

Yes... it is about changing thoughts. But... how are you going to do that???? That is the question. Just 'willing' thoughts to change isn't very productive.

Firstly you need to know about how you 'think' and 'why' you think those things.

You see Guest_guest, 'thoughts' about what your 'senses' pick up on come from 'beliefs' about both 'yourself' and the 'sense objects' and 'events' that they sense.

Deep reflection in a quiet place will be required for you to discover your pain producing thinking patterns and the beliefs about the events and sense objects upon which these thoughts are based.

Are you prepared to sit quietly and reflect upon your thoughts, and your beliefs about the 'self' and the world?

If you are not motivated to do this it implies that either you see no benefit from this or you don't want to change.

Either way you may need a little more suffering to motivate you to the point where you are willing to seek a way out that is 'self' based and not based upon some rescuer in the form of a 'pussy' who will only momentarily distract you from your suffering. 🙂

This has been my direct experience - not hypothetical clap trap.

July 21, 2002
1:56 am
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for now.. i find thinking too laborious, atleast most of the times.
i dont know man.. i've been blocked.
i cant tell the world who i am, cause if i do, my life would be threated (anyone who leaves the religion like i did, is in danger, cause that relgions says kill anyone who leaves it).
could that be the reason.. ?
i dont relate to my old country men.. becuase they will hate me for what i think (i think the faith is very bad).
i cant go anywhere else. .becuase im not from their culture.
what do i do man.. where do i go.
i'm lonely in that sense too, locked up in my shell.
was thinking of hypnotherapy.. or sometghing like that. i dont know.

July 21, 2002
6:56 pm
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Guest_guest.

If you feel compelled to come up with an answer and the topic is complicated, then thinking can be very laborious.

I look upon life as a giant jigsaw puzzle. It takes a whole lifetime and then some to get anywhere near to getting the pieces together. We have to leave some pieces to one side until enough of the puzzle pieces are in place. It is no good trying to 'hammer' pieces that don't fit, into place hust to make ourselves feel secure. Sooner or later we rebel against this tactic.

This is how it is for you and fundamentalist religions. The pieces don't fit, do they.

Christianity and Islam have the same roots - a Judaic, monotheistic, all powerful, all loving, all knowing, and anthropomorphic god. Christians even pinched the Hebrew scriptures to boot.

Gently does it - just relax and let life happen.

As for the September 11th terrorists coming after you for 'deserting' their faith ... I suspect that they have much more newsworthy targets and wouldn't waste the time or effort. 🙂
No offence meant - man!

Hypnotherapy - you want to hand your will over to a hypnothist? What are you hoping to achieve? Do you want someone else feeding their beliefs into your unconscious? Who would you trust with such an important task? On the other hand, if you are after the origins of emotional memories in order to be convinced of their present day effect in distorting your perceptions of reality, then go for it. However, my unsolicited advise is:- Do your homework and check out any practitioner very thoroughly, matey!

You are doin' OK - just take each day as it comes and don't try to live in a future that, in the present, exists only in your fearful imagination.

Catch ya next time.

July 21, 2002
11:37 pm
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128 gang related killings in may in los angeles. but im not bothered by death, im afraid of e.g. they try to ..
guess i'm being paranoid.

im just worried today. about finances.
i'm alreayd under a couple of thousand dollars loan, and i GOTTA get the student job.. otherwise. sigh
hypnotherapy, yess.. or a sort of easy to do self-hypnosis.

wanna help make a self-improvement software?
i was thinking about it.. forget it now.
i think so many things "i can do this, i can do this" blah blah.
but dont follow through any of them.

yea.. one idea i had to record our own hypnosis on a tape and then listen to it.

ah man 🙁 i wish i had a job and no money problems.. then i could do everything i wanted to do.
hey. i like crocodile hunter, saw his daughter on tv the other day, heh.. very cute.
i feel terrible and hungry.. gonna go sleep.
totally out of energy

July 22, 2002
6:37 pm
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ok, im in 6000 us dollars debt. on top, im worried cause of my admission in the university isnt going good. the courses are full, plus.. im not sure if i can support myself there. so..thats the source of my worry's there, for now. 🙁

July 22, 2002
7:26 pm
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Guest_guest.

$6000USD in debt? How'd that happen? Were you not living within your means? I've been unemployed a few times in my life and have had to survive on stale bread. I learnt early in my life after pissing off from home that the outgoing must be equal to or less than the incoming. debt is very debilitating.

You don't owe the six grand to 'the 'mob' do you? If not can you renegotiate your loan and start paying it off a little each week?

You have 'the dole' in the USA don't you? In Oz we have AustStudy. It's 'the dole' paid to students so they can live while they study. You don't have that in the States?

Man... you need to 'bite the bullet' - to get some 'tiger' in your belly and get in there and 'kick arse' as you Yanks say.

Get a copy of Panzerleid. It was the German Panzer battalions marching song. It fires the blood. You need some drive - some ooomph!!!!

Here's the URL:

http://ingeb.org/Lieder/obssturm.html

Download obssturb.mp3 and play it on your computer with the volume turned up. 🙂 It will drive everyone mad!!

July 22, 2002
10:44 pm
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heh.
listent to it, didnt understand it, then saw the words afterwords, wellll. ok.. mood improved for 5 seconds. heh.

yea man.. i owe the money to credit card companies.
i dont qualify for any dole.. never heard of it too.
an old friend of mine says if i find a job and apartment in1 month, she'll marry me. heh. shiet.
maybe she was having a mood swing.
anways.. yes.. i have to find a job.
oh yea.. i gotta kick some arse.. sigh, seems hopeless.
tomorrow im gonna talk to the lady and see what comes up.
notihng is certain right now! i wish i had a job. i suck soo much :(. feel bad. see u later

July 23, 2002
7:11 pm
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Guest_guest.

I've never had a problem getting jobs that I really wanted once I got to the interview stage. I haven't always had the quals that I have now either - I've had to work hard for them over very many years..

One thing that I've learnt about job interviews is that bosses are always looking for people who:

(1) will mix well and fit into their work force.

(2) exude drive, motivation and confidence, yet at the same time are not arrrogant.

(3) who interview them as much as are being interviewed. Ask lots of questions about the company and the type of work you will be doing if you are successful. But ask the questions tactfully and not in an overbearing way.

(4) are NOT 'know-alls'.

(5) show an ability to learn quickly.

(6) are self-starters and do not require constant supervision.

(7) are punctual and reliable.

(8) present well, are neat and tidy, and make the most of their appearance however good or bad that is.

Buddy, you need to get your head into a good place! You seem to me to be telling yourself that its a crappy world and and that you are just part of the shit. If this is true, then it is no wonder that life is so hard for you.

The world is neither a wonderful place nor a shit heap - it just is!!! It is our heads that make it either one or the other or somewhere in between!!! What will your head choose to make of it??

July 24, 2002
1:00 am
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heh.. i think i dont fit any of them!
i've acted like know all in most interviews. exuding confidence! sure .. i do that (yea right..).
heh.. hmm.
i dont know man.. i dont see any light

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