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this for tez & guest -1
June 25, 2002
3:07 am
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hi tez,
hehe.. part 1 eh.
im sorry. i think ur the only friend i have in the world.

sigh. i'll tell everywthing here and not hide anything.
ok i'm from p.akistan (i hope no one reads this). haaa.
look its very difficult for me everyone, it is.
i was a muslim, then left islam. so i am p.akistani, but i cant be around them, because of the religoius conflict.
there's no one else i understand because i've never been around them. makes me think.. maybe i should spend more time with lets say.. chienese pepole.

ok. why am i brain dead.
whenever my brain tries to go into the thinking labouring mode, i start feeling i have gotten myself into a system, like i'm in a contricted place, a school, there's rules, i'm the brick in the wall.
see i feel too pressured when i start thinking.
atleast for now.
god, im so confused i cannot tell.
i'll be back tez.. im sleepy, my back aches.

June 25, 2002
7:25 pm
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Guest_guest.

What!!! A Packie!!! 🙂

Is that all! I thought that you had killed some one in a drive by shooting of a home boy in an opposition gang or something like that.

I have a terrible secret too. I'm of Irish extraction and I'm white - really white skinned... not the bronze Anzac colour that all Aussies are supposed to be. There now it's out and I feel so much better 🙂

Well... if I am your only friend in the world you sure are impoverished. But I don't believe you... so there you are.

Speaking of Chinese people, I go to the Chung Tian Chan Buddhist temple every week. Most of the people there and all the monks and nuns are Chinese from Taiwan. Im not a confessed Buddhist yet - but I think that I probably will be one day. The Chinese people are a lovely race of people generally speaking. I know that their army did terrible things in Tibet - but all armies do terrible things.

If you don't want to think deeply about anything then don't. Get into some loose clothing and sit in a comfortable chair in a quiet place - just let your thoughts flow past you like waves in the ocean. Don't hold on to any of them - just watch them go bye. Feel yourself relax as you do this. Just feel the air as it goes in your nose and passes out of your mouth. Eventually - if you do this regularly - your thoughts will tend to quieten down and your mind will clear.

Never doubt the magnificent power of your mind!!!! But your mind is like a team of wild horses. It needs to be gently brought under your control. The key word here is gently, gently, gently. Any force will result in rebellion!!!!

Be seein ya!

June 26, 2002
11:52 am
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hmm why do u go to the temple, and every week.. i hate routines.. me allergic to them (fear of commitment and failure again?).

man i, fucing desperate for sex. what do i do?
did u get ur hunger for getting in the pants extinguised, or was it un-satisfieable? (dont mind the english)

June 26, 2002
8:28 pm
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ok.. also if i'm perfectly happy with myself and satisfied, whats the point of a relationship? isnt a relationship supposed to make u happy?
u know..thats what i think

June 27, 2002
12:47 am
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tez man, tell me about meditation.
my friend has a video of it.

1) does it really help?
2) do u have to keep doing it like going to the gym ? or just once or few times is enough for ever lasting peace.
3) whenver you meditate, does it really make a permament difference in your personality or does it return to the same level after a few minutes/hours/days.. years[though years is not a bad deal] . ? - this question similiar to prevopus one (2)
.

4) how long does it take
5) if it works, what explanation is there to explain the increase in peace of mind? what happens to my low self-esteem during meditation?

6) the most thing im afraid of that i dont have motivation for keeping ANy routine. will mediation improve my perrsonality so i find it easier and easier to be motivated for anything and meditate and live my life in other things better as well?

etc.etc. i'm curious about it.

and bhuddism.. do i have to be a bhuddist to do it?
i dont like any religion.. i beleive that i dont have to subscribe to any beleif system, and that i am as capable as the man who created bhuddism. why not guestticism ;). heh
or say.. tezism ! i would prefer it to bhuddism! haaaa

June 27, 2002
1:09 am
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ok! im gonna ask this in the main thread.. so i can get everyone to tell me. you can go there 🙂
(am i ordering you? haha) sorry.
i could spend 1 minute on this post and try to make it as polite as possible.

but what should i do?
- speak whatever on my mind and risk you thinking of me as rude and thus me getting a negative response ?
- hold myself in, be polite but not speak my mind and risk you not seeing whats REALLY in my mind.
negative risks for both sides!

indeciciveness!
what should i do? it varies from person to person, right.
commonsense says i should be able to think polite without more trouble.
maybts its only this time.

my thread labelled there as "I'm curious about *meditation"

June 30, 2002
7:02 pm
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Guest_guest.

Well... for what it's worth here are my views and opinions on what lies behind your sexual desperation.

(1) testosterone drives the male to propagate; it's an animal drive inherited over the evolutional eons. It's nature's way of ensuring the continuation of the species. Nature doesn't care much with whom males copulate as long as they get their rocks off as widely and as often as possible.

(2) female hormones drive women to set up a home and produce babies in as secure an environment as possible. Women's liberation tried to do away with this image but I believe it is as true today as in days of the neanderthals. Nature dictates that the male with whom she chooses to copulate really loves her and will protect, support and look after her and the baby's interests.

Here we have two different genetically programmed gender determined goals. Thus we have the seeds for conflict and misunderstanding. Generally speaking, males who have become somewhat more 'civilized' have accepted monogamy in some degree. Intuitively at least, females know that a lot of men want to make a 'booty call' and run. Women know that many men are good at 'silver tongueing' their way into their pants and then dropping them. Thus women are always on the lookout for insincerity and phoney pickup lines.

So, how do you get your rocks off? Well... there's always porn coupled with Mrs Palm and her five daughters! There are prostitutes... and of course, there are 'loose' women who will accomodate you on a quid pro quo basis.

Another way is to play a lot of sport and burn up the sexual energy until 'MissRight' shows her face. Then a serious genuine sexual relationship can begin - no need for lies or confidence tricks to get your end in.

Now, let's get to what I suspect is the real power behind your desperate need for a nookie! I suspect that you are terribly lonely and crave intimate contact with a woman as much as you desire sex. I suspect that to you sex will mean a woman confirming you as a person of worth. If a woman will let you have sex with her she must see something of value in you - right? Wrong! I found that out the hard way. Not all women are the same. Some will just hump you for the same reasons you want to hump them. The problem with using sex to deal with loneliness is that it doesn't work in the long term. Loneliness is another type of fear that no amount of sex can remove for long.

Have I gotten over the desperate need for sex? Well yes. Age has reduced my testosterone production and sexual drive... for this I'm eternally grateful. I've also found ways of dealing productively with fear in many ofl its disguises - including loneliness. I've found that my need for having my self-worth sexually confirmed by women no longer exists. I've dealt with that years ago. Sex is no longer a paramount all consuming issue in my life as it was years ago.

Will lots of sex in a safe relationship make you happy? If your are not a happy person before sex I doubt that you will be after it. All that sex will do is to temporarily satisfy your desires and then only for a short time. Now good companionship - that's another thing. But happiness is not a a result of fulfilment of your desires but rather the result of limiting your desires to those that are not only easily fulfilled but also the fulfilment of which is in the best interests of all concerned.

About speaking your mind - it's risky alright. However, if you choose your words carefully you may manage to minimize the buttons you push in some of the'netties'. Speaking for myself, I'm relatively tolerant of differing views. Over the years, I've learnt not to read too much into what is said or to take it too personally. People tend to project psychological images of their parents, partners, siblings etc into you and vent anger without realizing with whom they are really angry.

Sorry about the length of the posting - it's a meaty subject.

I would respond to your meditation questions on your other thread except that I see that you've been swamped with answers there.

June 30, 2002
7:09 pm
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Guest_guest.

Phew! Meditation - another meaty subject..

Why meditate? There are many answers at many different levels.

At a shallow level, meditation is a technique of developing control over the mischievious 'monkey' mind. Unbridled negative thoughts often trigger painful emotions thus dissatisfaction, suffering and unhappiness results.Neutral or positive thoughts result in contentedness and happiness.

Thus if, through meditation, we could acquire the habit of monitoring, assessing and controlling what we are thinking at every instant, we could to a large extent control our emotions. Meditation is one way of developing this ability to monitor our thoughts. We can learn through meditation to let our thoughts pass through us as waves in the ocean. Thoughts will flow and we can observe them without grasping at, clinging to, or perpetuating them. We can learn to 'break the loop' of those misery causing, circulating thoughts that we know as 'worry'.

At a much deeper level we can learn to transcend the 'conditioning' of mind and 'know what is'.....!!! If done to perfection omniscience (knowing all things) is said to result. Approximately two thousand five hundred years ago, the Buddha is said to have achieved this state and remained for 45 years to show humanity the nature of reality and the way out of suffering. We can take his sutras or leave them - the choice is ours.

No you don't have to be a Buddhist to meditate. I am not formally a Buddhist - I'm not fully committed to any religion. I first learnt to meditate in the Bramha Kumaris Raja Yoga (Hindu)tradition. I was a member for about 5 years before leaving them.

Since you've been swamped with info on meditation on the other thread, I'll leave it there for now - unless you have further questions of course.

July 1, 2002
12:46 am
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do u have to keep meditating ?
u know me.. im a lazy guy. i want as quick fix as possible.
i think i just want to get laid.. atleast the mystery will be over, i know it will.
controlling our minds eh.. hmm.
im gonna someday watch the meditation video, i dont wanna join a school to learn it.. too much effort for me.

thanks for answering man, ur a great help. i read your posts again and again to learn

July 1, 2002
6:40 pm
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Guest_guest.

You asked "do u have to keep meditating ?" No...you don't have to do that if you don't want to do it. But I choose to because I like the immediate and long term benefits.

And you said, "u know me.. im a lazy guy." Professor Bruner, in reply to a teacher who complained to him of lazy students, once said, "there is no such thing as a lazy person; there are only people who are not not motivated to do what we want them to do." If a good looking chic opened her legs for you, I bet you wouldn't be lazy at all. 🙂 Am I right?

So... you are lazy because you don't see the point in striving for anything that you see around you? - am I right? Or is it because you doubt your own abilities to succeed? Or is it that you fear success? Or is it that you don't think that you deserve success? Or is it that you just like to say that you are lazy to get people's attention?

I wonder... 🙂

I think that you just like teasing all the do-gooder netties into rushing to your aid with all their good ego-tripping advice - you naughty, naughty boy. 🙂

And you said, "i think i just want to get laid.. atleast the mystery will be over, i know it will."

Do I sense some high level of motivation in you? Where is this laziness of which you speak? 🙂 Well... I'm sure that there are enough females on this site who have read of your desperate need. If they haven't come forward in droves to volunteer their services then perhaps it is that they want a just little more than to just lie down and be shafted. 🙂 What do you think? Do you think that there may be an element of truth in that?

And you so very poignantly said, "controlling our minds eh.. hmm."

Yep!!! That's where its at! Assuming of course that you want to be happy - how else can you attain that glorious state?

You don't imagine that all the money in the world can buy happiness you do you?? It might buy you lots of pleasure!!! But as all wise men and women know all pleasure sooner or later results in suffering because of the loss when it goes. Even Roman emperors like Nero and Caligula who debaunched themselves on all possible earthly delights sickened themselves and died in despair. Satiation of all their slightest whims brought on a kind of suffering that comes from the realisation that gratification of all earthly desires is not enough to bring and sustain happiness!!

Aleluia! Aleluia! I feel like a preacher man on the old bible bashing trail pushing that hoary old salvation line. 🙂

Get this lot into ya man..... 🙂

July 2, 2002
1:56 am
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hehe. yes..
its all all four of them:
"you are lazy because you don't see the point in striving for anything that you see around you? - am I right? Or is it because you doubt your own abilities to succeed? Or is it that you fear success? Or is it that you don't think that you deserve success? Or is it that you just like to say that you are lazy to get people's attention?"

all 4, proabbly.

hehe.. ego tripping.. hmm. yes.
thats my secret plan. i want others to go on ego trips, so i can say "HAA.. im better than them!"
haha. im crazy.
i dont know.. who knows the real hidden motives?
or maybe theyre ok.

i gotta tell you.
we have to reverse my bad upbringing in simple ways.
gonna tell you tomorrow.
sheet sleepy.
oh yea.. lack of motivation 🙂 yup

July 2, 2002
11:54 am
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actaukyyy. isaud 'contrillign aour minds' repeating after you when you said thats what meditation does.
hhhmmm i a have chance to see that tape.. why am i not doing it? i feel excited, thats why! ah mannn. ok.. im gonna see.. just a little email checking

July 2, 2002
7:30 pm
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Guest_guest.

You said, "actaukyyy. isaud 'contrillign aour minds' repeating after you when you said thats what meditation does."

At one level only, meditation is for 'learning' about our wandering deluded mind and stilling it enough to concentrate on the mind itself. The mind control itself comes with the will to do so AFTER (through meditation) one has deep insights and realizations about how conditioned perceptions delude the mind.

There are much more profound reasons to meditate though. But at this stage a beginner is best advised to aim at the 'first rung of the ladder'.

July 3, 2002
12:24 pm
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cool..then im gonna see the video soon.. right after i get alone in the house. didnt know i had the typos there, oops. heh.

July 3, 2002
12:54 pm
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today.. is a bad day.. lets see what i can do about it. ahh

July 4, 2002
2:07 am
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yayyyyy im talking to myselkf, i like this thread.

whats up tez, i had a bad day today.. started bad.. in the middle was ok.. in the end, baddd.. shit man.
im feeling lonely 🙁 i shhould go to some club.

July 4, 2002
7:27 pm
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Guest_guest.

Feelin' lonely, eh! That's par for the course. Most of the human race is lonely. It's part of the human condition. People do all sorts of things to run away from it - but you can't get away from lonliness by running away from it. The way out is ti turn within and to ask yourself deep questions about your feelings of loneliness.

For me there was nothing worse than sitting at home on a Saturday night alone telling myself that all the other guys in the world had beautiful chics to cuddle up to. Wasn't that a croc of shit to feed to myself!!

I beat loneliness first of all by going deeply into the feeling of loneliness and realising that it was fear in disguise. I asked myself what it was that I feared? I couldn't find a rational answer. Then I realised that I was reliving the fealings of abandonment that I had experienced as a child. These feelings were being retriggered by what I was telling myself in my head. I was saying things like, "this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life" and "there is no woman out there for me". What a crock of shit that was. Even if it were true, it wasn't the absence of a woman in my life that was the problem. It was my retriggering my childhood feelings of abandonment into the present. Those feelings are very powerful and demand satisfaction.

Three solutions:

(1) Turn outside yourself and fulfil the need for a surrogate mother and/or father by going to social clubs, etc.

(2) Turning within and nurturing the lonely little boy that is crying within you yourself.

(3) Doing a combination of (1) and (2)

Most people choose (1). The smart ones choose (2). Those smart ones who have very bad abandonment memories and cannot self-nurture sufficiently enough to stem the pain choose (3). I choose (3)and it worked.

I went to a studio that taught ballroom dancing. I then went to dances to practice coping with rejection. However the rejection thing never happened. So I decided that I would not try to 'crack onto a shiela' as we say here in Oz until I found one that I really liked. So I just avoided the 'meat market' scramble to get a chic to 'pants' by leaving before the end of the dance. I didn't avoid with the less attractive ladies and satisfied my needs by just dancing. To my surprise I went home feeling OK most nights. Then to my surprise I found that I got the reputation of not being a 'predator' and of being a 'nice guy'. Then the match makers went to work and I had several tempting offers. I mostly 🙂 avoided these temptations for a quick nookie. One day Blam!! A woman caught my I and I was instantly propelled into the 7th heaven!! 13 months later this woman had propelled me into the hell regions of codependency of the most sadistic kind with me as the plaything of a female version of the Marquis de Sade. But that's another story.

Whatever will be, will be Guest_guest. Ya makes ya choices and ya takes the pain. And... if ya half smart ya learn about who you are in relation to that pain!!!!! That's where wisdom comes from - not from education, though it helps - not from wealth - not from rooting sheilas - not from fast cars - not from all the pleasure in the world. Though the pain that would follow all the pleasure in the world, if used wisely would certainly enhance wisdom.

July 11, 2002
1:12 pm
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heh. damn. i dont know tez.
hey u know i was feeling so bad in the last few days ,cause of possible financial troubles, but now i'm fine whne i found out it might be possible to manage (i;m going to a new school and i wont take any money from my father).

hmm. so how do i nurture my little boy? can i force myself into any habit? like that.. i thought praising myself could work. like im working on my fat tummy (even though i;m skinny.. which is another thing i have to fix by gaining weight).
i just gotta take care of myself, but what if i feel out of energy and lazy, then what. its a downward spiral from there on.
i hope i dont fall lazy.i have to force myself to be active to take care of myself?
sometimes taking care doesnt do the trick and the same routine gets boring.
u know my life goal, is to take action againt the religion i left and to help to eradicate it from earth.
anything i do or any bad point i see in myself, i justify it by saying "nevermind,.. i have that one noble goal in my life and thats all i have to do, the other things dont matter. other people may be having the things i dont have [like having sex, a girlfriend, having the energy to workout, etc.], but they are not doing anything for the world. i am better than them, becuase i'll be doing good for the world"

so i use this excuse everytime.
this is whats been going on with me.
i use the excuse everytime to be lazy.
last night i told myself one time "i can have fun along with the goal thing, and also, my goal is destined to be completed by other people, because evil never wins, and it looks like.. it wont win.

July 12, 2002
12:30 pm
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let me see, when you became less desperate and became knwn as the nice guy and got proposals, that was AFTER you had had sex many times, right?

you cant be the nice guy, if you're a virgin, right? (well not for ME atleast).
hehe. u know.. some girls think i'm very sexy. but i just need to gain some. but yes.. i guess im sexy for them.
its my too-reserved, difficult to penetarete personality.
the "hard-to-get" thing which they like.
but thats for a short time, after they discover that i dont communicate with them and dont let them in my shell after some deadline, then they know its not gonna be fun.

the hard-to-get thing is fine, but should be in the beginning only.

see. i am hard-to-get in the beginning,
then, i'm too excited about talking to a girl, and i show my needy self.
hmm blah blah.
u know, im going to kentucyk and i hope to find asian girls and then i'm gonna try my best to fuck someone.

July 12, 2002
10:00 pm
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Guest_guest.

About self-nurture, please understand that I'm not out to get an ego trip out of telling you how to live your life - I genuinely would like to see you save yourself from making a hell of a lot of suffering for yourself as I did throughout my 60 years of my life. Here's what I've discovered for myself!

Thoughts provoke feelings.

Negative hateful thoughts provoke bad feelings.

Positive, loving thoughts induce good feelings.

Feelings produce thoughts.

Bad feelings usually produce negative thoughts.

Good feelings usually produce positive, pleasurable thoughts.

So...by indulging in hateful, negative thoughts we have a vicious cognitive(thought)/emotional(feeling) circle downwards into depression.

How do you want to feel - good or bad?

Which can you directly control - your thoughts or your feelings?

(1) Can you just feel good because you want to feel that way?

(2) Can you think positive thoughts because you choose to do so?

You will soon realize by trying to do both (1) and (2) of the above, that you can only have DIRECT control over your thoughts!

You can choose to control your thoughts and your feelings will follow.

That's how you self-nurture - by continually monitoring your thoughts, confirming the good ones and avoiding thoughts involving self-criticism or criticism of others, events or places. By seeing the good not the bad in all people and things our thoughts become healthy. Thus we will mostly feel good. If you suddenly feel fearful, you can think reassuring thoughts about what you think is causing your fear - that's self-nurturing.

The emotional self knows no difference between nurturing the self or nurturing others - to the 'little fella' it's all the same. So nurturing others- even if it is only in our head - feels good too.

"The mind is its own place - in it, it can create a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell." It's all in the mind, hell or heaven - the choice is ours.

July 12, 2002
11:37 pm
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controlling our thoughts.. what if i dont know what im thinking, do i just try harder to understand?

the thing which i came to ask is:
u say that love between a man and woman might not involve sex, right.
but then.. if it was a man instread of the woman, u wouldnt love him the same way, right.
and the only difference between a man and women is the physical difference, right?
so, the basis of a love between a man and women is cause she's a woman.
(i'm trying hard nowadys to get laid)

July 13, 2002
3:25 am
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adding.
i just hate the fact that:
while women can like men and obsesse over them, they will hate any man who obsesses over THEM.
what kind of dumb hypocricy is that?

i think women are dumb, and i hate them.
women are dumb, because they succumb to the games men play to get them.

men are smart becuase they know what they want and they know how to get it (by playing games).
women are like a video games- you wanna play the game, you put in a quarter, the game starts and you play it.

(for women who read this, please dont..this was anyways for me and tez only, plus, you hate men too, right.)

women are decoration pieces with no input to this world, except boobs and pussy, thats all there is. isnt it?
men make the world go round. all the inventions, technology, decisions, research .. is all done by men.

anyways, women are dumb, yes, cause they can get played.
they want pussy too, but when i go to them and say i wanna fuck, they run away as if they would rather die than do it, when infact they want it too.

they want a man who doesnt want them.
wierd, isnt it ? __ing dumb, im so pissed at them, right now atleast.

July 13, 2002
3:27 am
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typo, they want a fuck too (not pussy).
this is all for me and tez, so anyone else please dont come here, thanks.
its easier for tez to come here for me, then in private emails.

July 13, 2002
7:18 pm
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Guest_guest.

Well... ... what can I say?

I can understand where you are coming from very well. I can even understand why you think the way that you do. But I can't agree that your perspective on men and women is an appropriate one for functioning well in society.

You see Guest_guest, our perceptions of the world are conditioned very early on in our life.

We largely perceive the world through our parents' eyes.

If our fathers disrespected our mothers and if our mothers are less than intelligent, then we tend to grow up with filters that filter out all the positivity that women possess.

We tend to see women as dick fodder and little else. In the sex act we even get our rocks off harder by having very disrespectful thoughts about the woman with whom we are having sex.

When you see an attractive woman, do you picture her boobs, pussy and arse beneath you? Is that all that you see?

If so it is of little wonder that they quickly pick up on this and run a mile. Those that don't pick up on this will usually be either of lower intelligence, or of lower self-esteem or both. If you crack onto this type of chick, she will only further confirm your already distorted view that "women are dumb". I think that these are the type of women to which you refer when you said that women "succumb to the games men play to get them"

Speaking of women in general, you said, "i hate them". I suspect that what you hate is their rejection of your sexual advances. If you really hated them you wouldn't care what they thought or did. You want them to play the game your way. Well they won't and any woman that does will quickly earn your contempt!! She will only confirm your opinion that women are 'stupid'.

It isn't my job to defend women. I just see that whilst woman and men are different we have more in common than not. When it comes to sex, you need to gain some insights into:

(1) what is driving you, and
(2) what is driving women.

Men and women do not have the same biological or psychological motivations!!!

However there is plenty of common ground. That's why families exist at all!

When I was your age, I would have agreed 100% with your outlook on women. I picked women who would play my game. Then I 'fucked the pigs'and had little else to do with them. That's how I saw men/women relationships then. I ended up on my arse at 21 in the 'horrors' in a institution for alchoholism - in a padded cell!! At 30 I got sober in AA. I had to radically change, over time, my perspectives on women, men, and life in general and to admit that my perspectives were all fucked up!!!!!

I'm not suggesting that you are an alcoholic in the making. However, I am stating that if you want a happy life you need to do a lot of work on yourself. You will need to do a lot of reading, introspection and reflecting on life. It will take time, experience and a lot of help from those who have travelled the same road!! I'm not specifically refering to myself here - though I will help if I can.

Tell me about your mother. Were there any happy times with her? How did your father treat her? How did she treat you?

July 14, 2002
2:13 am
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hehe.. shit man.
yes..when i see an attractive woman, thats all i think of, boobs, pussy and arse.
well.. heh.. what else is there. i mean, maybe im just totally sexually frustrated, being a virgin at 25(one reason of my wanted to get maid now, is so i can be less frustrated now.. and hopefully see them as humans, not just fucking machines)

i didnt have any happy times with my mother.. very few ones.. very few. myabe just when i came first in my class one time.. maybe thats it.. a few other times as well.
but in the vast majority, she was ALWAYS impatient with me, not listening to what i asked her, and ofcourse.. beat me and scold me all the time. :(. hm

my father.. he was Ok to her, but when she irrirated him (e.g. talking bad about his family, or refusing to do illegal favours for them), then he would get mad.. and finally erupt and get physical.
he would swear and call her a b___. infront of us.
i think.. one day. im going to go to him and tell him to apoligze to her, infront of all of us.. yes.. i hope i get the chance. would that be ok?
but my mom also wasnt faultless. she would keep on talking and talking and irritate him..and not listen to him when he'd tell her to shut up.

now, theyre soft to me..they dont dare be bad or order me around.

heh.. am i doing the right thing, by trying to get laid? i know i'll forget it..and i can deal with it, an di wont have any regrets.
maybe i wouldnt want to marry a virgin too.. u know.. cause theyre repressed people, right? i want soemone who enjoys life.

yea man.. gotta fix myself first.
(losing my V is a part of it, isnt it? so i can get some loving and free myself and stop thinking so much about pussy and feeling totally aweful when i see other people having sex or being intimate)

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