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This could be the biggest thing since sliced bread ...
May 8, 2006
11:53 pm
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guppy, also i dont really care about giving advice unless I'm intrested. I infact try to stay away from it becuse it takes the attention off from myself. I do it when I see it would help me too in understanding my own stuff and relating to similiar experiences in other people. Am I selfish, yes, maybe. I have to be, if I have to get better.

hey OMW:

>> you are standing out there in the crowd on aac. < < hehe,thanks. Its just momentary, but I hope it goes on. I want to stand out for myself. I had some bad moments this weekend, really bad ones. There's SO many things to remember in mental health, I keep forgetting and coming back and back. If I was you, I'd confront my dad and tell him to stop worrying if I go out, and stop giving me money. That would irrirate the hell out of me. I wouldnt care if it hurt me. I would have to tell him. But hey, I try to tell my dad to accept my choice of not talkintg to mom, but he doesnt get it. I had to try though. Now I know I'll just ignore him. I'm at more peace. It bothers you when he worries about you going out, right? But if youre peaceeful with it, well so be it, whatver you think is easiest for you

May 8, 2006
11:54 pm
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typo in 2nd last para: I wouldnt care if it hurt HIM

May 9, 2006
12:02 am
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guest-that is not being selfish. a counsler told me once anytime u open your mouth and give advice, u had better be listening to it yourself. often what u give is the very thing u need to hear. 🙂 so u are right on the money with what u said above.

good night

((guest)) i hope your girl leaves u alone till at least seven a.m. for your sake. ha!!

May 9, 2006
12:07 am
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guest i just read what u said about your dad. welcome to the club. i often have to stay away from my dad because he never quits demanding his way. i go around him once in a while now. but if he starts with all his bull ---- i just get up and leave. works like a charm. and i am more peaceful about it also. so i get where u are coming from there.

May 9, 2006
12:12 am
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yep, he is 83 and set in his ways. i'll tell him the boys don't live here anymore dad....
it doesn't make a difference to him.

hey guest, my ex husband's mother was very abusive to him and his sister. she did horrible things to them. my ex was never good enough. he borught home an A- once and he said she went through the roof as it should have been an A+. our relationship, our married relationship suffered in the area of confrontation. if i ever confronted him with anything, it never went over very well, he had to work very hard at not over reacting because any criticism whatsoever, no matter how soft it was never went over very well. unfortunately i never mastered it. but one thing he came to beleive is that he could not be successful...and he was a brilliant man, very high IQ and could basically learn or do anything he wanted to do. but he finally figured out that he sabotaged everything he did ...when the success came, he couldn't handle it because even in his memories, the A- was never good enough. she died when he was very angry at her and had decided never to speak to her again. he regrets that decision, but i think this is what happens anyway don't you? it is easy to write someone off until they die, then it changes but not until then sometimes. not a very happy story, but thought i would pass it along. my son is now mad at his dad for his abuse to him, and refuses to talk to him, knowing that his dad could go anytime, as he is very ill. i understand why he does not want too, as the abuse just never ends verbally between them, but at the same time i wonder what he will do when his dad dies.

May 9, 2006
12:25 am
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hey guest, good talking with you today. thanks for all of your insight, and keep thinkng positively as you have been! sweet dreams, nite.

guppy, nite.

May 9, 2006
12:36 am
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goddnight guest and on my way

hug for both

((guest)) ((on my way))

May 9, 2006
9:44 am
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twinks, guest,
i agree. guest you've seem to have come a long way baby!

May 9, 2006
10:23 am
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____guppy, I'm glad you are able to just walk away from your dad when he bugs you! i did the same thing in August last year and it erupted into a big family fight. So be IT. I'm glad to have my mom out of my life now. Gosh all the swearwords I know, are not enough for her. Maybe one day I'll lose the anger heh.

_____OMW

>> i'll tell him the boys don't live here anymore dad < < How about saying it even stronger/harsher next time? He needs to leave you in peace. He's destroying your peace of mind, gosh. I am done myself with taking crap from parents. I'm ok if I dont speak to my mom ever even if she died. She will never say sorry. She destroyed our self-esteem and never realized what she did. I told my dad I'm OK with him and have a good opinion of him even if he doesnt want to talk to me cause I dont talk to mom. He's basically a good man with good intentions. hi ______twinks, yea that was brave of you to send him off. If all he could say is "leave it, just leave it, ok" - thats pretty sad. Communication breakdown. How sad that he didnt realize this. Good that you broke it off. I hope I'm able to be a better mate and communicate more. >> Sensible, concise, thoughtful. < < thanks, they are, when I'm feeling OK and having moments of clarity. Also its easier to organize my thoughts in writing than in real life. 🙁 hm. Wish it was in real life too eh. Thanks for the praises, friends 🙂 and the encouragement. There is so much work to do. You know I look back and its only recently that I started working on myself like this. Previously I had seen counselors for depression but I had never become aware of my low self-esteem and its reasons, as I am now after reading Dr nathaniel's stuff. This possible relationship with this stunningly beautiful girl I like jump started me into making efforts to make myself healthy. All of this mental health effort is just to get boogie woogie with this beautiful girl :(( lol. Frued was right..! All the motivation is for sex. Or was he? But actually ofcourse I like her non-sexually too, I really like her and now if she can just god damn commit to me and if I can suceed in being myself which is most important. I'll try. I'm worried about my future job search. The other worry is this girl. These are the two main worries in my life. If they werent there, my head would be very clear. Thankgod I dont have more big worries though. I'm glad I have my doc session today, got so many things to ask him, probably wont have time to ask all.

May 9, 2006
10:46 am
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hi twinks

>> He never argued, not even in a constructive way. I think I know what you mean by 'in the right way'. You mean when two people disagree about something, or need to clear something up, and each puts their point of view, and listens to the other, yes? < < Thats right! Arguing in a calm relaxed manner is the best way. I have to improve in this too. Assertiveness and communication is just on the surface though. In the deep lies the bigger issues, of guess what.... peanut butter and jelly! I mean low self-esteem and self-doubt :d. Gosh, so once we work on a good self-image, all other problems are solved. Its funny though. In bad communication, we always know there's something we are blocking but not letting out. We always feel our peace of mind is gone and if we were masters at restoring our peace of mind, we would automatically be assertive and communicative. I ordered a $170 meditation package. I hope it teaches me new things, I heard from a friend it really works for her and her friend.

May 9, 2006
5:58 pm
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peanut butter and jelly????? lmao!!!!
🙂

yes,in an assertive disagreement, if u cannot agree, tnen u should be able to agree to disagree. remain friends. respect the differnces, and move on.

May 9, 2006
6:04 pm
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forgive me, but what does 'imao' stand for? i am having a bit o' confusion with abreviations today!

May 9, 2006
6:13 pm
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lmao: laughing my ass off :d

guppy, I wish I could be assertive. Why dont they teach us these damn skills in school. We learn all the useless geometry and geography and the name of the capital of Germany and the main food crops there. When what we REALY need to learn is, how to be frikking ASSERTIVE. What a stupid world :(( :[email protected]

May 9, 2006
6:52 pm
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on my way, omg!! someone who lives in my world. i have to ask the def. of almost every abrev. i read. my mind just draws a blank. i think guest has had to tell me everyone he's ever used up till recently. (i started writing them down) lol!!!!! :p

guest-u are getting more and more assertive on here. i and everybody else has been telling u we can see the difference. u're doing good. i am making an honest observation. not blowing sunshine your way.

i agree. there are alot of things that need to be taught in school that aren't. i've made that arguement before too.

May 9, 2006
7:02 pm
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It's true what you say about what is taught in schools now. I hear this more and more as well, that things like assertiveness and people skills need to be taught. People do not learn these at home anymore. Actually teachers have a rough road I think. It used to be so different.

yep I am a dimwit when it comes to abstracts. my sons laugh at me because sometimes i just don't get it!!

May 9, 2006
7:10 pm
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omw-r we kin????? 🙂 sounds like we r by personality anyway!! ha ha

May 9, 2006
9:22 pm
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guest,

Assertiveness training might do good. If we were only more assertive, we could tell the principal that we NEED those assertiveness courses! But then we wouldn't need them, would we?

May 9, 2006
9:25 pm
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omw,

If it makes you feel any better, sometimes I'm a dimwit when it comes to everything BUT abstracts. Ask me any theoretical calculus problem and I can whip out the answer. But ask me something useful such as how to tune-up a car, or put in a hot water heater, and I'll just stare blankly at you.

May 9, 2006
9:26 pm
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seek-lol!! funny...where have u been? i have missed not corresponding with ya.

May 9, 2006
9:29 pm
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seek-care to balance my checkbook?????????????????? 😉

May 9, 2006
9:30 pm
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seek, hey wait a min...r u ignoring me again. ????hmmmm???

May 9, 2006
9:31 pm
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Seeker, that is funny. But people who can deal with abstracts are known to be very intelligent. I have more of an engineer's brain...very simple illudes me, but the more complex it is the more I understand it. Except well, I am a people loving person too.

welcome back, good to see you posting again. 🙂

May 9, 2006
9:34 pm
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what am i? a sardine???? 😉

keep it up and i am going down the road to the men;s thread. so far, i have refrained. threat, threat......

May 9, 2006
9:36 pm
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guppy, stop it!! i don't want to use that other abbreviation we talked about, so will just say ROFL, and gotta go. later. i suggest youstart your own thread and call it someting like 'going around the mountain." 🙂

May 9, 2006
9:54 pm
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omw-on second thought, i am gonna take my steel toed boots back!! ha!!

i bought em so i could dance with seek. blah!!!

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