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The secret to happy dating ... I've found it!
January 6, 2006
10:34 pm
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kasie919,

You wrote:

{NO i dont drink, its tea for me as well, im diabetic, and really should stay away from alchohol..}

Good for you. I used to not drink strictly for medical reasons -- medication I take can react fatally to alcohol -- but anymore I don't drink for religious reasons. People react better, though, when you abstain for medical reasons.

{But i will join you for the company!! it would be fun!! }

Remember the show Three's Company? (your word "company" brought this to mind). Maybe we could have our own such show, only with one gal and two guys. Fun, no? Now we just need an episode writer.

January 6, 2006
10:43 pm
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hopeinhim,

You didn't ask this of me, but I hope, hope, that you don't mind me replying:

{Can I ask you how much guys really think about sex?}

Let's just say every waking moment it's never far from mind. Some moments it's even closer.

I think us guys think of sex, see girl, drag girl into sex thoughts. Girls seem to see guy, wait some time, and maybe two days later, maybe never, think of sex. But once in a committed relationship, girls seem to think of it as much as guys, and guys don't seem to think of it as much anymore.

Please, correct me if I'm wrong. I'm a guy so I probably, undoubtedly, am wrong. :o)

January 6, 2006
11:04 pm
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I want to expound on this enigmatic (okay, rather bizarre) statement I wrote earlier:

{Wow. This thread is affecting me in a very deep, profound, unexpected way. I'm almost trembling inside.}

This is an exhilerating, odd experience for me, being on a thread like this, talking back and forth for so many posts, being frivolous. I haven't experienced much like this before.

I also have convinced myself all my life that women don't really like sex. By having sex with them, I would somehow be taking advantage of them; cheapening them; degrading them. This is obviously false; just being on this site for one second will prove that wrong! Still I've persisted in it. Why?

I've imagined women have been offended by my sexual thoughts, and I didn't dare approach them; because when I get too close to them, the sexual thoughts start to fly; I feel I offend them, and that I had to pull away. There was no need; never any need; to pull away like I have for so many years.

My religious beliefs don't have anything to do with this. I felt this way even before I became religious, and my religious friends don't feel this same way.

I don't intend to give up what I stand for, but I've been too rigid; too uptight; too serious. Somehow I've got to loosen up.

Thanks for listening.

January 6, 2006
11:18 pm
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Tez,

You wrote:
{I postulate that many of us UNCONSCIOUSLY yearn to recapture that feeling of oneness with the universe that we knew as infants. At the same time that we set those infant emotional memories in place we also set in place physical, emotional and psychological images of our mother's and/or primary caregivers.}

Perhaps. I have an alternative postulation, ready for this? We're just inherently HORNY, oneness with the universe and fetal memories notwithstanding -- if in the process I can acheive this oneness and recapture those memories, so be it; it will be frosting on the cake.

But best to keep horniness to marriage, or at least to a committed relationship. It gets out of control so quickly. So quickly. Yikes! I'd better stop.

January 6, 2006
11:23 pm
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kasie,

{Maternal love is the ultimate.. and you cannot compare that love to loving someone else...

Your in trouble with your GF!!

Unconditonal is the best way to describe ultimate love..

But i couldnt be a person to preach unpon this because i am confused about love all together..

I have never been shown a proper love, altough i am a mom.. but i have many flaws there..

I can say this time with my son its different because i realized the mistakes with my daughter, i have a second chance. and i will have a second chance on life once i get out of hell.. }

You can be quite a writer yourself. Won't you join the book club? I'll autograph your book if you autograph mine.

January 6, 2006
11:24 pm
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SeekerW,
It is okay that you respond to my question on your thread........naturally!

I don't need to see a man to be triggered with thoughts of sex. I miss having sex almost every day. I am coping with the lack of a sex life. Having one now would be absurd. I have 3 kids and am a single mom - it has made me realize that now that my husband has left that it is one of the major perks of being married.

However, consequences of a sexual relationship would be huge. I do not want the guilt and worry of sex outside of marriage ever again. I truly wonder how I will do abstaining if I meet somebody I am really attracted to.

But, I am only going in this coming Wednesday to file for divorce. Since my husband and I are agreeing on everything it will be fairly cheap. I am blessed by that at least!

I think that a broad general statement about how men and women are different with how they yearn for sex can't be accurate. In my marriage it was my husband who had to be coaxed more! So - I don't know if I am correcting you - your experiences are probably accurate too.

I will definately check that out next time - sexual compatibility that is.

Smiles,

Hope

January 6, 2006
11:39 pm
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guest_guest,

{If two people are serious about each, there is NO doubt sex will be on their minds. Why not do it regularly and get it out of the way?}

Okay, being a guy, sex will be on my mind at our very first date. Let's indulge then, and we can worry about the rest later, like whether or not we even have similar values, or even like each other. Sound good? Sure does to me. :o)

Don't mind me, I'm only kidding. Yes, you do have a point. If it weren't for the reason described below, I'd agree with you.

There is only one reason I believe in waiting for marriage before sex, and it's not for any special wisdom or knowledge that I have, because I have none. It's because I'm convinced God wants me to wait till marriage. If not for this one, tiny little, sometimes terribly inconvenient fact, I'd fully agree with you.

But seriously, why not abstain from sex, wait for a few months to see how things progress, and if you're happy together still, get married! If you're both committed to making it work, it will. And then you can do it all you mutually want.

January 6, 2006
11:44 pm
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(((Kasie))),

{But i am most curious as to how you know all this??

I have to look deep into love, im finding it hard to understand any of it right now..}

Don't put yourself down! You have a wealth of knowledge about the subject yourself, I'm sure; maybe you're just hurting too much right now to realize it. And maybe you're not as used to expressing yourself in writing as Tez, WD, myself, and others are.

Take care, and happy tea time.

Love, seekerw

January 6, 2006
11:46 pm
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Kasie,

"we are concerned but we all have lives, well.. most of the time!!"

LOL! Thanks for the laugh. See, you can write!

January 7, 2006
12:18 am
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kathygy,

I get a bit flippant on this reply at times. I apologize in advance if I get abrasive; I don't mean to, and I believe there's some truth in what you say, as I touched on about five posts ago.

"It sounds like you are avoiding sex or lust as you put it to avoid feelings of jealousy and insecurity."

"It seems to me if you wait for a committed relationship to have sex and still feel powerful feelings of jealousy and insecurity you have a problem."

"I think you need to work on feeling more secure in yourself and have more trust in your partner."
------------------------------------

This thread is so long it was easy to miss this point, but I've never spoken on this thread of being in a committed relationship. Only in a relationship I conjure up myself in order to comfort myself.

===================================
"I would never date a man that wanted to stay platonic until marriage. That sounds very unhealthy to me and makes me wonder what's wrong with the man."

So that's why you broke our cyber engagement, Kathy, on that other thread. I wasn't moving fast enough for you? Come here, babe, and I'll show you how non-platonic I can get! (Note: But only up to first base, till the wedding bells ring. Then watch how quickly I'll run the rest of the bases!)

Seriously, I never said stay totally platonic. Going to first base is all right with me before marriage.

===================================
"If you have a healthy sense of inner security and confidence and a healthy attitute toward sex it shouldn't be such a big issue that you have to go as far as being platonic until marriage."

Or, alternatively, maybe I'm just as healthy as the next guy, but believe God wants me to reserve sex for marriage. I'm like a racehorse -- ready to run like a champion, but awaiting the firing of the gun and the opening of the gate (gee, that sounds bad!).

"In fact, I wonder how marriage is going to prevent your feelings of jealousy, insecurity and controlling behavior once you start having sex."

I've been there before, and in marriage, it's different than being single. Sex can iron out a lot of wrinkles in a relationship.

Take care, Kathy, and I thank you for the feeling behind your advice.

January 7, 2006
9:15 am
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Seeker:

I can see you were a busy guy last night,

im feeling quite down today and i knew if i came here this would cheer me up..

and it has..

thank you my friend..

It has been very difficult, and im now stuggling between hatred and dislike, if there is a difference between the two..

Of course anytime you would like to get together for tea, im there..

As long as we can openly talk about sex!! LOL:) just kiddin..

I have alot to deal with within me, learning to love myself is number one,and from what i know now, it has been a long long time, that i have ever felt good about me..

Im hoping if i reamin here, and read all your posts as well as others, im going to have the best help i can get along with my therapist.. Ha!!

oh and far as the show, ok, as long as worried dad, and tex are in on it!!

its nice you are letting go a little, as well as fun..
somtimes serious just sucks...

You are truly and insperation for me..

Thank you..

Love Kasie..

P.s. green tea is best!!
and book of the week club, your choice..

January 7, 2006
8:38 pm
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Kasie,

{Of course anytime you would like to get together for tea, im there..

As long as we can openly talk about sex!! LOL:) just kiddin.. }

Sounds good. Coffee, tea, me??? And it's pretty hard to secretly talk about anything on this site ... wait, I've got it ... everybody else avert your eyes, please ... psst, we're alone now ... what were you saying? lol

I hope you learn how to love yourself. Remember, love is an action verb, not just a feeling. I'm glad I can help. The thing I want to do the most is be of honest service to others.

For Book of the Week, how about War and Peace? No, considering its length, that's more like Book of the Decade. We can drink a lot of tea in the meantime.

Take care!

January 7, 2006
9:00 pm
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kasie919

On the 6-Jan-06 you wrote:

"tez:

ok you never answered my question.. "

I thought that I did. What was your question again?

January 7, 2006
9:40 pm
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6-Jan-06

"Perhaps. I have an alternative postulation, ready for this? We're just inherently HORNY, oneness with the universe and fetal memories notwithstanding --"

That postulation of yours is overly simplistic and doesn't correlate with general sexual behavior of our closely related cousins, the primates of animal world in general.

The main price of the heightened human self-consciousness and cognitive development by comparison with animals is the realization of our own mortality well in advance of our imminent death.

This realization has a profound effect upon our whole psyche. An interesting Pulitzer Prize winning book was written upon this subject called 'The Denial of Death' by Ernest Becker ISBN 0-684-83240-2. It is worth reading.

The ensuing low level anxiety and insecurity that knowledge of our mortality causes, pervades all aspects of our life. Recalled infant emotional memories of real or imagined life threatening experiences drive the emotional engine. In sexual intercourse with the right person very temporary relief is to be found from such anxieties and manifests as extreme pleasure. The measure of that pleasure, that borders on ecstacy, is to be found in the degree of connectedness with the 'right person'.

After all how much ecstacy would jumping the bones of some 'hobo' woman give you? Yet your dick would probably not know the difference between her vagina and Ms Right's. But your 'head' would!

My postulation addresses the 'head' part of the issue of 'what designates the right person' and why!

Your postulation places male human sexual behavior as the result of nothing more than hormonally instigated drives. It leaves your head out of the equation.

I reject your postulation outright as being wholly inadequate in explaining the so much of human sexual behavior. It only explains one facet of it that is why men might appear more "horny", as you put hormonal activity, than women.

If you were right a good old wank would be equally as satisfying as having a sexual partner. Obviously it isn't.

Since brothels don't exist on every corner, neither is jumping the bones of an anomynous prostitute anywhere near as good as 'making love' with that 'special person'.

My theory addresses the issue of 'what' it is about a person that makes them 'special' for one person but not another and 'why'.

So it is back to the drawing board with your postulation, my friend. 🙂

January 7, 2006
9:43 pm
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wow::

i have read it all now..

where do you get all this tez??

what do you do for a living????

was my question...

Kasie..

and dont you dare upset my tea buddy..

January 7, 2006
9:59 pm
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Seeker:

Where are you?

I need some tea and a good giggle,,

help me out here?

and tez is at it again...

Now we need to find the brothels..

Love Kasie

January 7, 2006
10:45 pm
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Tez,

"That postulation of yours is overly simplistic and doesn't correlate with general sexual behavior of our closely related cousins, the primates of animal world in general."

Sorry, I really wasn't being quite serious. You're right; there's a lot more involved than just the actual act, obviously. I had assumed we were using our common sense as far as our choice of partners.

Sometimes I think we can get overly analytical about things. At least, I can. If the relationship (which I would define as husband/wife, but others might define as committed partners) is right, if the time is right, if the situation is right, then the "act" only brings them closer together and edifies each one; in other words, it helps them find that oneness with the universe and connect with those fetal memories, however you might look at it.

Sorry to spoil the musings of the psychologist in us, but I don't see any need to be more analytical than this. That's all I was trying to say.

P.S. I thought you joined this thread to bring comic relief! Instead you're being the armchair analyst. Where's the Tez I've come to know? :o)

January 7, 2006
11:00 pm
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Kasie,

I'm right here; where else would I be? I'm ready for some more tea. Instead of green tea, could it be pink and purple polka dot?

Yes, darn that Tez ... there's no escaping him, is there? (Just kidding, Tez.)

Brothels? I wouldn't even know where to look for them. There really are some things I prefer to be ignorant of. Who needs them, anyway? I prefer to drink tea with my buddies on this site anyday. :o)

And thanks for coming to my defense, but I'm not upset. I've got pretty tough skin, like a rhino.

Take care!

January 8, 2006
8:42 pm
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Seekerw.
You said:

"Sorry to spoil the musings of the psychologist in us, but I don't see any need to be more analytical than this. That's all I was trying to say."

That's OK bro.

And ...

"P.S. I thought you joined this thread to bring comic relief! Instead you're being the armchair analyst."

Well ... I did graduate a couple of times once a degree that included a double major in Psychology.

That might have sumptin' to do wiff me stewpidity. 'Ow's dat!

Is dat mor lik da "the Tez I've come to know? :o) " 🙂

Seriously though. I am amazed at how after millions of years of evolution, human beings still have cognitions that are subservient to their emotions despite the irrationality of this subservience most - but not all - of the time.

Since around 50% of marriages end in divorce, 'sumptin's mity rong in the ozarks' of the brain. 🙂

January 8, 2006
9:06 pm
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Hey is it tea time??????

Where is my book writer????

SEEKER????

You know how some religions hav classes before you get married? I never got told anything like what im living might happen?

Do you think everyone should have a class on marriage before they tie the knot????

You know I never got the sex talk either!! LOL:)

Miss u seeker..

Love Kasie

January 8, 2006
9:31 pm
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Kasie919

Luv yuh kiddo!!

This big lug Seekerw don't need defending. He's big enough and ugly enough for both for the three of us. 🙂 🙂

But I just love it that your heart is so big and compassionate that you would even want to defend the big palooka. 🙂

You said:

"Now we need to find the brothels.."

Whoops - you are a gal right? What good would a brothel do you? 🙂

Please explain?? 🙂

Now I'm worried. I thought Seekerw was a chickee, til he set me straight. With no images there are no givaway boobs or lack of to give the game away. 🙂

Well ... speakin' of brothels, I've been to a 'brothel twice in my life.

The first was a rough as guts effort in Kings Cross Sydnet Australia wherein it was a case of 'the professional' lady saying: "put 'it' in this tub of disinfectant first mate," followed by: "On with your rain coat" and: "put in here and get it over with as quick as you can, mate. The 'line up' for my services is getting longer every second."

Being only 20 at the time it was 'Mount Vesuvius' all over again in one second flat. I went out with a lighter hip pocket and the wonderment of why I went in there in the first place.

The second time was when I was alone in London. This time I went into a 'massage palour' that gave good value for money. 🙂

Firstly I had a lovely warm sauna. It was 0 degrees centigrade outside with snow everywhere. After that I find myself buck naked straight from the private sauna being massaged by this gorgeous chick who had me almost asleep with the wonderful feeling of her magic touch. Next minute she's got hold of 'something' that has me bright eyed and bushie tailed in an instant. 🙂

With all the accumen of a true professional she massages my 'joystick' to the point of ... well you know what.

She suddenly stopped and said that I now had had my money's worth. Here I am with a 'screaming Rodger' and a humungous desire to find a place to put it.

She 'magically finds a solution for my howling need to remove my 'solution'. She lists of the various methodologies with which she is more than ready to apply and their associated costs.

After a frenzied emptying of my wallet all over the massage table, I discover to my horror that I still come up short of the price for the ultimate ticket of entry to the 'pathway to paradise'.

Being a woman of great discernment, my massuesse decides that I am a very special person of extra high calibre. "Yes, yes, yes Oh pulleeeezee. Anythin y, only don't stop now! " 🙂

For me, only because of my 'qualities', she will give me 'the works' at the exact price of the contents of my wallet. 🙂

Ohhh shitttt was that an experienceeeee. I'm quivering all over just remembering it.

There's nuttin' loike a true professional. 🙂

January 8, 2006
9:36 pm
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Tez:

Yes Im a woman, silly!!

And I know what a brothel is..

I was meaning in the book form, we had to add it in.. sorry between me and seeker i guess you missed it..

Hey and im sure he's not ugly and neither are u..Now cut that out:)

Thanks for tellin me about your massage, i guess...
Oh god the brothel story >>> LOL:)

January 8, 2006
10:23 pm
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Kasie,

Welcome! Yes, it's tea time ... here, have some more pink and purple polka-dotted brew. :o)

"You know how some religions hav classes before you get married? I never got told anything like what im living might happen?"

You must have only looked in the fairy tale section. Seriously, I wish more people would talk about the darker side of marriage, and let you know how to spot emotionally troubled individuals. But it's important to deliberately seek out emotionally healthy people, and as a corollary, you have to be emotionally healthy yourself to attract such people. I think we eventually get what we seek after.

"Do you think everyone should have a class on marriage before they tie the knot????"

Absolutely so.

"You know I never got the sex talk either!! LOL:)"

I missed it, too. My folks never told me anything about it. But you'll sure get a lot of sex talk on this site -- man, will you ever! whether you want to or not. :o)

Take care and happy drinking (of tea!). Love to you, too, Kasie.

January 8, 2006
10:28 pm
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Tez,

So you have a degree in psychology? I have a minor in it, and a major in physics. Strange combination, no?

"Seriously though. I am amazed at how after millions of years of evolution, human beings still have cognitions that are subservient to their emotions despite the irrationality of this subservience most - but not all - of the time.

Since around 50% of marriages end in divorce, 'sumptin's mity rong in the ozarks' of the brain. :-)"

This is why I don't believe we evolved from lower life forms. I figure evolution would have endowed us with the sense to treat our women with respect and love. Isn't this the best way to ensure survival of the fittest? The fittest male (the most loving, respectful, best provider, etc.) would naturally attract the choicest women, which would ensure the healthiest possible offspring.

Take care.

January 8, 2006
10:35 pm
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Kasie,

"Hey and im sure he (seekerw)'s not ugly and neither are u (Tez)"

Thanks again for coming to my defense, but I can assure you that though my skin's thick as a rhino's, my appearance is more like an elephant. (just kidding, although some might beg to differ, they think I'm being unfair to the elephants). I'm glad you don't find me ugly ... I don't think I could take that ... lol.

Take care, and hope your situation is looking up.

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