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The secret to happy dating ... I've found it!
January 3, 2006
8:00 am
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kasie919
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WD & SEEKER:

Ok I think you both should write this book, you both have very ggod points and views..
But I thinnk you had better leave the lesbians alone, they may not like it..LOL:)

Ok, and as for the drinks,, I dont do that any more.. havent in years..
but hey times change!!LOL:)

You both are very special men, and anyone would be lucky to have you!!

Best of luck:
Love Kasie

January 3, 2006
8:13 am
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WD,

Thank you for your sentiments. I really do appreciate them. Yes, I do fall for baiting far too easily (but then, I've always enjoyed a good discussion, even a heated one), and sometimes I do come across as naive; I've preferred being naive in the past, to be honest, but I'm in the middle of figuring out how to become less naive but still keep my moral code. There are things that are best not to know, if you know what I mean.

Now I see I've paid a price for being naive. Boy scouts are fun to bait, but you don't generally seek them out as friends, unless you're another boy scout.

There are things that others have gone through that I can't really relate to, so I'm limited on this site as to whom I can really speak with.

I feel I can communicate with you well. I like your intellectuality, and you do seem to be a decent and honest guy.

I'm about to post something for you on another thread on Lib Brew. Please watch for it. Take care.

P.S. I see you've been using smiley faces more. Good for you! :o)

January 3, 2006
8:22 am
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kasie919,

Maybe WD and I could write a book using our interchanges on this site. We already have enough material for a pretty thick tome.

I don't know about the lesbian thing, though. A little lesbian baiting might increase our book sales. :o)

"Ok, and as for the drinks,, I dont do that any more.. havent in years.. but hey times change!!LOL:)"

Good for you for abstaining from drinking. Or maybe you just don't drink while on dates; I can't quite tell. In either case, good for you. I'm a teetotaler myself, so you have nothing to worry about from me. As for changing times, I'll drink to that! Won't you join me for a few rounds? (I never give up, you'll find out, to the point of nausea. :o) )

Take care!

January 3, 2006
9:11 am
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kasie919
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SEEKER::

you make me laugh!!
thank you!!
God I love you two!!

NO i dont drink, its tea for me as well, im diabetic, and really should stay away from alchohol..

But im am truly gratefull for both you and WD.. You always have kind caring words of wisdom..
Keep it up..

But as far as the point of nausea, hmmmm....ummm... No thanks!!
But i will join you for the company!!
it would be fun!!

Love kasie

January 3, 2006
9:15 am
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hopeinhim
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seekerw,

Yes, you have figured the dating thing out - inspired by I've Kissed Dating Goodbye I suppose?

I am also a teetotaler - formerly abused alcohol to deal with the tension and anxiet of budding relationships (no pun intended).

So - anybody special? Keep us informed of your progress!

And - I daresay I knew it was you again!

Smiles,

hope

January 3, 2006
9:04 pm
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kasie919
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Im just checking in on my two favorite book writers...

Tea?? beverage??? <<< oops.. how are you today??? Love Kasie

January 3, 2006
9:19 pm
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Seekerw

On the 2-Jan-06 belatedly I sensed your cry for help when you said:

"I'm getting too serious. Time to loosen up a bit. I need Tez. Tez, where are you? "

Weeeelllllll.... Hmmmm ... ...

Let's have an 'indepth' look at that which you refer to as 'lust'.

Is it not the desire to either poke a penis into(if you are a guy)or have a penis poked into(if you are a gal) a vagina in order to satisfy a powerful reproductive urge? Or is it not about that plus a hell of a lot more self-focussed primitive emotional power and insecurity needs?

Love on the other hand seems to me to be about caring; caring about the welfare of the self, concurrently with that of another or others.

Can both love and lust go together? Certainly they can but without considerable wisdom much suffering can be the consequence.

Leaving the redundant notion of sinfulness and religiousity out of the equation, it all boils right down to just one question:"Do I want to walk around with my head up my arse all the time or not?"

If I do then suffering is my lot and I bloody well deserve it!!

If not then I'd had better perform some delicate head extracting surgery and follow up with some good quality haemorroid cream. 🙂

Smiley face is for you Seekerw. I know that you like them!

Key words: Bonding, attachment, emotional craving, excessive desire, impermanence, dissatisfaction.

Do any of the above lead to long lasting peace of mind, contentment, joy and happiness???

If a person answers "YES" to that question, then he/she needs some more insightful tyre levers to help prise his/her anal sphincter over his/her cranial protrusion.

In relation to the keywords, in which direction does 'lust' lead - towards more of or less of?

In relation to the keywords, in which direction does 'love' lead?

I like my 'bridle, spurs and riding boots' as much as the next guy. YYYeeeeeeeeHaaaaaahhhhh 🙂

But, unchecked and unbridled lust, I know exactly where that leads!!

Everythin' in moderation - the 'middle way' !!!

January 4, 2006
12:15 am
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hopeinhim
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Tez,

You are very creative in your writing I must say,

Can I ask you how much guys really think about sex?

I have not gone this long since I was pregnant and put on pelvic rest in 2003. It is really one of my biggest frustrations in being single - sex was almost my favorite part of marriage. Is that bad? That is one thing my husband said the last night before he left - "Well, the sex was definately good".

Ah - the fuzzy lines between lust and love. Where does one end and the other begin. Lust can grow into love, and vice versa don't you think?

One can spark the other.

Smiles,
Hope

January 4, 2006
12:34 am
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kasie919
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tez:

you can never say you you dont know how to tell it like it is!!

I got a good giggle out of your post, but atually i have to agree with you..

and im sure my two book writing tea totalin friends will agree..

But i get first dibs on he book!!!

Love Kaise!!

January 4, 2006
3:50 pm
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Hopeinhim, Kasie, WD, hello again!

Tez, glad you joined us!

Wow. This thread is affecting me in a very deep, profound, unexpected way. I'm almost trembling inside. I'm on lunch break now and am reading a few threads, and don't have time to write anything in depth, but will later.

January 5, 2006
2:57 am
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Hopeinhim.

On 4-Jan-06 you wrote:

"Ah - the fuzzy lines between lust and love. Where does one end and the other begin. Lust can grow into love, and vice versa don't you think?"

A wise guy once said:
"You cannot love another unless you love the hole world."

I guess that answering your question gets down to defining what is meant by the word love.

That hot, strong powerful need for connectedness with another, flesh on flesh, merging into one in a way that only sexual intercourse can achieve is agimme, gimme thing, I believe.

If one were to use the computer to calculate the maximum area of skin on skin contact between the male and female body, I am sure that the guy would have to maximize his external skin area by having the biggest erection possible for him and then inserting it in to its maximum depth into the girls vagina.

It was Plato, I think who put out with the mythology of the male and female once being joined together as one four legged four armed creature.

Plato mused that the Gods capriciously split the creature symmetrically asunder creating the sex organs as the means of accomplishing the potential re-coupling.

Thus for eternity, both halves of the one whole(hole) search aimlessly around amongst the myriad of 'halves' for their 'soulmate' with whom total wholeness can once again be achieved to the point of perfection.(Jung's animus/anima harmonious balance in the one human being - The Hindi God/Goddess Visknu)

Hmmmmm!! A nice romantic story but unfortunately just Greek myth.

On a much more pragmatic level I have another theory that has as yet to be researched and validated or dispproved. Where are all you PhD Psych students?

My theory is that deep down in the dark recesses of all our emotional memories is an emotional memory of perfect peace, bliss and contentment with as much skin on skin, touching, nurturing, affection as is humanly possible on this earth.

For most of us that wonderful memory of total connectedness to the universe of complete love was formed in my opinion, in the womb, and subsequently on our mother's breasts during our early nurturing years prior to the individuation process beginning.

I postulate that many of us UNCONSCIOUSLY yearn to recapture that feeling of oneness with the universe that we knew as infants. At the same time that we set those infant emotional memories in place we also set in place physical, emotional and psychological images of our mother's and/or primary caregivers.

Woe betide us if this unique multifaceted image of which I speak is projected either into our partner by us or by a dysfunctional sexual partner towards us.

I believe that 'love at first sight', that very powerful lustful craving, has at its very roots this 'image' about which I speak.

The 'gimme, gimme' that I mentioned earlier, is in my view 'the make me feel complete and wonderful again' urge that draws us inevitably into toxic relationships that defy the understanding of our closest, most intelligent friends.

This is in my opinion the powerful ally of the sexual reproduction urge together with the exquisite pleasures that it promises but never quite delivers except in the early stages of the besotted lust of infatuation.

See 'What do you think about this girl I met' thread for an exemplar of this.

-------------------------------------

LOVE on the other hand is about giving without counting the cost or demanding a return.

Motherly love is probably as close as the majority of us humans go towards achieving this ideal.

In regard to romantic love, I think that if we have a strong affection for our partners, feel totally at ease in their presence, trust them with our most intimate sensitivities, take delight in their achievements for their sakes not for ours, want the very best for them, free them to be themselves even if we disapprove of some characteristics, want to be with them even though they accidently or otherwise fart in bed or have bad breath, delight in their every wrinkle and/or grey hair, respect their needs, enjoy making them laugh, enjoy giving them joy and fulfillment, and most of all being in there for the long haul when sex urges decline to a minimum as they surely must sooner if not later.

Oh my god did I write that???? I hope my partner doesn't see it. She'll expect me to deliver. 🙂
-------------------------------
You asked:

"Can I ask you how much guys really think about sex?"

All the time I would think - for those with 'normal' testosterone levels that is. 🙂

I'll leave that one for the other guys to answer. I've done enough damage already. 🙂

January 5, 2006
3:01 am
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Thanks Kaise.

Luv' yah too!

January 5, 2006
3:07 am
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Seekerw
4-Jan-06

"Tez, glad you joined us! "

Are you really??

What about when I get on my soapbox 'proper like' and get all wound up? 🙂

January 5, 2006
8:40 am
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kasie919
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tez:

I think you need to join the boook writing!!

Wow: how true what you wrote!!

Maternal love is the ultimate..
and you cannot compare that love to loving someone else...

Your in trouble with your GF!!

Unconditonal is the best way to describe ultimate love..

But i couldnt be a person to preach unpon this because i am confused about love all together..

I have never been shown a proper love, altough i am a mom.. but i have many flaws there..

I can say this time with my son its different because i realized the mistakes with my daughter, i have a second chance.
and i will have a second chance on life once i get out of hell..

keep posting i love reading your threads as well as WD and SEEKERS, you guys are so smart!!

Love kasie..

Tea time..........

January 5, 2006
5:01 pm
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Seeker,
I've thought about this and over the past few days, had the opposite thought:

If two people are serious about each, there is NO doubt sex will be on their minds. Why not do it regularly and get it out of the way? Infatuation and sex appeal slows down then, and then we can focus on the real things that will be the deciding factor - do we really like each other ? Is there a potential for us to spend a significant part of our life (if not a lifetime) together?

Have sex, get it over with, go on as you guys would if you were already married and wait for a few months to see how things progress. If you're still happy together, chances of future success are good too, atleast for later on. Thats the only way to find out for sure if you guys will be happy together or not.

You can run but you cant hide, sex appeal is going to be there and the best way to deal with it is to embrace it. What do you all think. (sorry, I havent read any of the debate, if there's a counter argument already made, let me know the nickname and date so I can refer to it)

January 5, 2006
9:00 pm
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Kasie919

On the 5-Jan-06 you said:

"But i couldnt be a person to preach upon this because i am confused about love all together.."

A lot of uss are too. You are in good company.

The Buddhists prefer to use the word compassion rather than love. The word compassion is just a little more specific in meaning than the word love. Of course compassion without wisdom is dangerous. If someone lacked wisdom he could have compassion for the frustrations of a toddler and give the little fella the razor blades with which he so fervently craves to play.

The word love on the other hand means many things to many people ranging from just plain ole gut-busting 'f...king' to the heights of altruism in the ultimate self-sacrifice.

January 6, 2006
1:21 am
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kasie919
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tez:

May i ask what it is that you do an how you know so much?
Your knowledge overwelms me and I am very interested in what you say..

As i do with seeker, worried dad, overcome and others..

But i am most curious as to how you know all this??

I have to look deep into love, im finding it hard to understand any of it right now..

Thanks Kasie

January 6, 2006
2:11 am
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Everybody,

Aggh!! I got home only an hour ago and it's already past 11 PM, so I don't have time -- AGAIN -- to write what I wanted to yesterday.

I'll be back tomorrow evening -- I'll have more time then.

Just don't want you to think I'm neglecting you, or suffering amnesia, or crippled with carpal tunnel, or convalescing in a hospital, or ... (you get the picture).

January 6, 2006
7:46 am
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seeker;

you amaze me with your endless humor..

we are concerned but we all have lives, well.. most of the time!!

Love to you..

Kasie

January 6, 2006
12:25 pm
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seeker,

It sounds like you are avoiding sex or lust as you put it to avoid feelings of jealousy and insecurity.

First of all I will only have sexual relationships with a man when I am in a committed relationship. Yes, it does me feel more vulnerable but I think that is a part of intimacy.

It seems to me if you wait for a committed relationship to have sex and still feel powerful feelings of jealousy and insecurity you have a problem.

I think you need to work on feeling more secure in yourself and have more trust in your partner.

I would never date a man that wanted to stay platonic until marriage. That sounds very unhealthy to me and makes me wonder what's wrong with the man.

If you have a healthy sense of inner security and confidence and a healthy attitute toward sex it shouldn't be such a big issue that you have to go as far as being platonic until marriage.

I agree in building a friendship before sex. But if simple kissing and cuddling brings up jealousy and insecurity in you I see a lot of red flags with you.

January 6, 2006
12:42 pm
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In fact, I wonder how marriage is going to prevent your feelings of jealousy, insecurity and controlling behavior once you start having sex.

I suspect those issues will still be there. I think its much wiser to work on those issues before having sex. Rather than avoid sex altogether in order to avoid these issues. It sounds like you are treating symptoms rather than the cause.

January 6, 2006
7:07 pm
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Kasie919

On 6-Jan-06 you wrote:

" ... May i ask what it is that you do an how you know so much?"

Phew!!! I am sure beyond doubt that there are many who would strongly debate this point with you. But I thank you anyway. 🙂

Personally, I think that I know very little indeed. In fact, I believe that the more one knows the more one realizes how little one really knows. Given enough wisdom and knowledge, the realization must come to me eventually that I know nothing. I eagerly await the day. 🙂

St. Thomas Aquinus the great Christian theologin reportedly said in his declining years and after a 'vision', "All that I have written is but straw." He never wrote another thing. Perhaps he came to the realization that he knew so little of his new vision of reality that he could write nothing.

"Your knowledge overwelms me and I am very interested in what you say.."

Whilst I am flattered, I strongly advise caution. Please keep a critical eye open as you read what I write. Please use my words as a springboard from which to find and examine your own beliefs rather than uncritically taking my words on board as 'truths'.

January 6, 2006
8:37 pm
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tez:

ok you never answered my question..

and i no longer believe everything i am told, that i read, that i hear, or even what i see..

trust i have an issue with..

honesty is important..

and i like answers to questions!! LOL:)

its ok, i do read and re-read almost all the threads i come interested in, i gain more each time i read them..

thanks,
Kasie

January 6, 2006
10:12 pm
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Tez,

{On the 2-Jan-06 belatedly I sensed your cry for help when you said:

"I'm getting too serious. Time to loosen up a bit. I need Tez. Tez, where are you? "

Weeeelllllll.... Hmmmm ... ...

Let's have an 'indepth' look at that which you refer to as 'lust'.
}

No! I needed comic relief, not in-depth analysis. :o)

Where's the light-hearted Tez??

January 6, 2006
10:25 pm
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Hi hopinhim,

Finally I get a chance to do some serious posting! I've been out so late the last few nights.

You wrote me:

{Yes, you have figured the dating thing out - inspired by I've Kissed Dating Goodbye I suppose?}

Yes, that book has influenced me. It's hard to get group activities together, though. I wanted to see March of the Penquins at the theatre, but could never get together a group of people who wanted to see it at the same time. Same story so far for the Narnia movie. It seems to be either going alone or not at all. Uggh!

{So - anybody special?}

No. Though I'm getting so bummed out by the whole waiting game that I'm seriously thinking of groveling back to my wife.

{And - I daresay I knew it was you again!}

That's three for three! You ever thought of being in the intuiting Olympics? All you have to do is think about it and a coach will contact you.

But then, the words "happy" and "dating" together are an oxymoron. Only I would put them together.

Take care, and hope your children are doing well.

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