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the same mistake twice
December 20, 1999
3:54 pm
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niki
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I recently got out of a 3 year relationship that was mentally exhausting but i cant let go because i love him. Before that i was in a 4yr. relationship with a guy who was verbally and mentally abusing me. I know that it's not healthy but i cant be alone.

December 20, 1999
11:52 pm
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EssEmm
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Hi Niki...

You know, there are tons of women all over the country who can't seem to get themselves out of destructive relationships... Any social worker, police officer, counselor, or therapist that you talk to will tell you that many women tend to go back to the men who are hurting them time and time again. I think you summed it up when you said "I can't be alone." It's a fear that just about everybody has and in some people that fear is so strong that they would rather be with someone who is hurting them...possibly even threatening their life...than risk being by themselves. I've studied enough psychology to know that it's not as simple as "leave the jerk."

Anyway, now that I've said that, I can also tell you for a fact, that there are plenty of nice guys who will treat you right who would love to go out with you. Sometimes the nice guys aren't as obvious because they tend to hang back a bit but they're still there. I don't know where to tell you to look for nice guys because they're all over...sometimes in places where you least expect it. Just keep your eyes peeled. You seem like a sweet woman with a good heart and somewhere out there, there is a guy who deserves you.

One more thing: Just because you don't have a boyfriend dosen't mean that you're alone. Go out and meet some people who have common interests without worrying about getting into a serious relationship. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that your social contact (besides your boyfriend) has been limited in the past few years. If that's the case, I would just put myself out there and meet some cool people both men and women. Get yourself a good group of friends who like you for who you are and you'll never have to be alone again.

Okay, I'm done. Let me know how it all goes though. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that that you find what you're looking for.

Sincerely,

EssEmm

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