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The recovery process if the partner of the N
April 30, 2006
7:19 pm
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Seekerw.

Hi. Just touching base. Hope all is well wiff yuh!

I miss the Christian/agnostic tugs of war. 🙂

Oh well ... we weren't going anywhere anyway.

April 30, 2006
7:23 pm
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Tez,

Hi. YOu MISS those?!?!? I thought we were about ready to start WWIII there! I'm still recuperating. Yes, I think they generated more heat than light, as the saying goes.

Take care, and hope all's well with you and Joy.

Seeker

April 30, 2006
7:24 pm
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tez-i am curious. who does your template stand for? your mom, first girlfriend.....or do u know

April 30, 2006
7:41 pm
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and how do u figure out what your bad template is?.

i want to know so i can make my own. and start collecting bricks. 🙂

April 30, 2006
7:52 pm
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Anonymous
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let me see, i can sketch a an outline that i will match up to if i am not careful. a man who has issues with his mother. never resolved them. blames her for all his problems. (irrationally so) and has a drinking problem.

April 30, 2006
8:41 pm
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oh, i get it. u keep picking the template of the parent u have problems with untill u resolve those problems. right?

May 1, 2006
6:10 am
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garfield9547
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guppy and twinks

Thanks for the input. I am wrapping my mind round things and the picture is becoming toooo clear at this stage.

May 1, 2006
7:48 am
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garfield9547
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Tez

You said
{Now when it comes to a powerful template match, my emotional arousal is so intense that my thoughts become enslaved to my feelings automatically. Despite what I write now and knowing this, I can easily become so 'entranced' by my feelings about a template that I go into a deluded state of mind that sets about fantasizing and justifying very irrational, emotion serving, and very destructive behavior!!! To BREAK THIS LOOP - once I indulge in the 'template' experience - then becomes very difficult}

This is very well said. Thoughts becoming enslaved to your feelings. I can see my husband in this (before therapy)ENTRANCED

He has been able to change his thoughts once he recodnised where they came from. He lost his libido lots of times in order to find himself.

He never knew that thought sex he tried to get the nurturance from the mother figure he never got.

The 'template' my husband holds for me makes me feel ansiety, fear etc. This is only if we have to connect like sex. I have a fear of intimacy.

Never knew it. Used to drink redwine to numb myself in order to be able to be intimate.

you said

{Further the indescribable ecstacy that comes from pleasing a template match sexually is a drug that is hard to give up. For an insecure child pleasing mom is very gratifying, }

RIGHT on target. Pleasing a template match sexually is a drug.

you said
{Further, I think that sex with a template is as close physically as we can go to recapturing the ecstacy of reunification that we felt as infants when put on our mother's breasts
]

Tez your not a psycologist by any chance.

{Why else would many if not all grown men get such sexual pleasure from fondling and sucking a woman's breasts}

Yes, Yes, Yes.

Thanks for your time

Garfield

May 4, 2006
7:48 pm
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garfield9547

On 1-May-06 you said:

"Tez your not a psycologist by any chance."

No I'm not a practicing psychologist; though I set out to become one at one stage in my life.

In Queensland, Australia where I live, the only way to become a registered psychologist then was to do a double major in Psychology through a B.A, doing honours, then your Masters minimum. Then you were eligible to join the APA, the association of psychologists in Australia and then call yourself a psychologist.

I did my double major in psychology eventually graduating and then realized that my motivations were wrong. I realized that I did not really want to become a psychologist at all. However, I have never lost interest in the field and have read extensively in the areas of my greatest interest. Unofficially I have 'helped' many people over the years in an unpaid capacity. These experiences whilst very enlightening, have only convinced me that I am not really interested in setting up some practice even if I were to complete the requirements to become a registered psychologist.

So ... I 'dabble' here - occasionally by posting but mostly reading and learning.

I have a deep interest in the emotions and their interactions with both our sensory data inputs and our cognitions. I use myself as a laboratory 'rat' as it were in deep exploration of my own psyche. Having been in two very highly addictive and toxic relationships, I have a wealth of personal and very painful experiences upon which to call.

However having said that, I refuse to indulge in the grievious and common mistake of overgeneralizing from the particular to the general. That is why I read a lot here and try to help others when approached.

As I no longer suffer from the 'Broken Wing Syndrome', I do not go out looking for people who want to play either the 'fixer' or the 'victim' in that game. So I avoid the support threads for that reason.

Thanks for your time and interest too.

May 5, 2006
2:55 pm
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garfield9547
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Tez

You said
"I did my double major in psychology eventually graduating and then realized that my motivations were wrong. I realized that I did not really want to become a psychologist at all. However, I have never lost interest in the field and have read extensively in the areas of my greatest interest. Unofficially I have 'helped' many people over the years in an unpaid capacity. These experiences whilst very enlightening, have only convinced me that I am not really interested in setting up some practice even if I were to complete the requirements to become a registered psychologist"

You graduated doing your double major in psycology - WOW

Hearing you replies to me i thought yes this man has studied or worked VERY hard on himself.

Do you think people study psycology to understand themselves better?
Unconsiously of course

Garfield

May 5, 2006
7:50 pm
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garfield9547

You asked:

"Do you think people study psycology to understand themselves better? Unconsiously of course."

I don't know the answer to that question. I only know that was my motivation - to find out what was causing my pain and how to fix it! 🙂

It turned out not to be as simple as I first thought.

I found that studying psych was an important step on a road that lead to discovering how little I knew about my own mind. I found that the more I learnt about myself the more I realized how little I knew about anything.

Mostly I learnt to detect 'crap'! My grasp on truth is tenuous at best. But I doubt that any but the deluded can claim otherwise.

The Buddha said that the 'three poisons' are greed, hatred(anger), and ignorance.

Greed has sown the seeds of all of our wars both internal and external.

Hatred fuels our present crisis caused by terrorism amongst many other things.

Ignorance underpins both greed and hatred(anger).

Fear results from ignorance and drives both greed and anger.

We fear not having enough of what we think we need to make us happy and we demand more.

Fear fuels our anger and hatred as we focus our aggression on some perceived threat to our well being.

"The mind is its own place and in it, it can create a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell." - Blake?

All that we perceive, we create in our mind. We then delude ourselves that our perceptions are reality. We then respond to our perceptions in less than optimal ways. Thus we set the seeds for future perceptions that are just as problematic or worse. Then we blame the world that we perceive for what we created in our minds.

As I see it, we are the 'carpenters' of our own 'crosses'. We first construct them, then 'nail' ourselves up on them and then curse those who we think did this to us.

Funny critters us hoomans. 🙂

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