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The Horror of Online Dating
January 30, 2005
9:38 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Okay. four years later (seems like centuries) I have sufficiently "recovered" froma battering relationship that I am curious about what it would be like to be within slapping distance of a woman. Maybe closer. I know what to watch out for, right? What the heck.

I'm a busy guy, figure try the onlibe thing. What can it hurt?

So I filled out a mate1 profile. I was pretty specific about what kind of guy I am and what kind of woman I was looking for. The I waited for the librarian of my dreams to contact me.

I'm online at the site and I get a chat request. I say, what the heck and accept. Soon I'm chatting with a blonde person with a blurry photo and waaay too much make up. This person is practically stuttering--in chat! e-stuttering. Completely monosyallabic.

So I ask (innocently) what drew them to my profile. Figured, gee, it must have been my intelligence and wit. Or maybe my fascinating hobbies. Perhaps it was my strong character or approach to spirituality. Nope.

"I thot U wr Hot!"

Ummm, okay, I mean, at least I hope I look okay in my photo. Seems wired that you're talikng about my appearance when I have written such a beautiful, eloquent profile, though. And on the first chat? Then I'm being asked if I have a WEBCAM, questions about my underwear and such. Oh, I don't think so. I so don't think so. Hello?

Anyway, it took me a few minutes to figure out that I wasn't even chatting with a woman, but with a man wearing too much makeup! Yes, a transvestite. I'm pretty sure under the "Seeking" column, I checked "woman" and not "man" or "transvestite." I better check.

So I figured, well, men are dogs anyway, I'm sure once I start hearing from real, actual women I won't have to worry about wierdos like this one. Because everyone knows that women are much more sensitive, less crude and superficial and vulgar than men, right? Right? For the love of God, tell me I'm right.

I'll bet I'm not the only person here who has had their minds messed with by the online dating scene. Comon, tell. I dare you.

January 30, 2005
11:03 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I can't say I ever tried online dating, Thank God, after what you're experience was. So Sorry. But I do know women that are insensitive, crude, and vulgar. Not many tho.

Oh my, I'm glad I live in the boonies and we don't have such things. lol

Sorry for you experience, but that's what you see on tv, isn't it?

One more thing; I don't see you as an online dater. You are so above all that. Go out to the grocery or laundry or church and find a nice girl.

January 30, 2005
11:26 pm
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Oh, dear WD, you have taken the big step forward!

What an experience. If you can handle this situation with your humour, then perhaps when you receive responses from some rather 'strange' women, you will be able to handle it well and gracefully; with a firm "not interested" sign and post back. I am afraid you will have to weed thru much diversity of responses and people, but hang in there, she may be out there, ready to connect with you.

I don't have any experience with on-line dating referrals, nor do I intend to at this time, so I can only relate to one experince I had. That was enough for me right now, but who is to say in the future I may be in your same position? I wonder, if the more you pay for the services, and the more screening process there is, if the chances of making a match is more reasonable? I am sure you have done your research!

Who knows, we may see you on TV sponsering EHarmony.com with your dream "librarian" in your arms?

My only experince came from going into the Jewish singles chat room. Many people with disguises. Figured that was a safe place to be. Tho' not Jewish, my mom converted years ago. Now I am in a population that is heavy with NY Jewish folks right in my neighborhood and city. Having diversity of friends in my life, this seemed reasonable to be in this chat room.

I received an IM, I responded. After two weeks of personal IMing. I agreed he could call me by phone. Then I really 'heard' what he was about. Liked the oldies; but only his choice. Suddenly I voted for the wrong guy for President. He was rigid in his views and soon began to 'yawn' when I talked, but strangely, when he started tallking about himself, he could stay on the phone. The red flags were going up, one by one. Oh, he wasn't Jewish, he was just trying to pick up anyone in the chat room!

When he wanted to come visit me, being two hours away, I figured just going to coffee might lead to coming over to my house, before he made his long drive back, as he stated. I begged off. Did not give him the "green light" as he put it and "too fast too soon" as he questioned my "no" answer. Needless to say, he never called back! Red flag.

Being here at AAC with reading the posts, I figure to give him one call (he never wanted me to call him; red flag). Which I did, and he made lame excuses why he hadn't called. Again, he never called back. Guess he just did not have the patience in getting to know me.

But he said all the women had big baggage and that was the problem with finding a woman. WD, He had issues, big time! That's why he couldn't find anyone. He wasn't open and wanted a quick fix.

So you hang in there. You have a lot going for you. You have come a long way (as you said and reading old posts). You know you have much going for you. Don't settle for less.

But hey, try to have a little fun, okay? Guess starting your thread is one great way to have fun with it all!

Wow! What an experience; I can't wait for more of your stories.

Sew/C

January 31, 2005
1:59 am
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on my way
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Hi WD, well, the way you described it was funny, but not the response you were looking for I'm sure! I tried on line dating, profile on one week, did not go out with anyone though, rece'd many replies, but it almost felt like a meat market to me after awhile...1 week later I took myself off. I am 5'8, and received alot of replies from men much shorter than I am. Was just talking to a friend today who has had positive experiences through Match.com.

When you meet that special person, this certainly would be a funny story to tell her!! good luck.

January 31, 2005
2:21 am
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OMW,

I'll try not to click your profile, since you're taller than me. Guess I've gotten to the point where height isn't an issue for me. I like the tall ones. And I like the short ones. After I'm in love it doesnt matter, they are beautful, even if they get plump. People I love are better looking than people I don't like.

It's funny, I have gotten quite a few notes from women taller than me which surprised me somewhat.

It's interesting that what with all our progress in gender equality there is still the dynamic of men needing to be bigger and stronger than women--and both men and women seem to like that. I am curious to have men and women check in with their preferences in that regard.

It was only later in life that I had the experience of really enjoying having a smaller woman in my arms--it was kind of cool, made me feel big and strong and masculine, etc. Of course it was the cute petite little pixie who beat the crap out of me most often. And worse.

But I'll never forget a lover I had once who was...kind of like a giant Mae West. Imagine making love to the Statue of Liberty!

January 31, 2005
11:11 am
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ladyvirgo
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Oh, you had me grinning from ear to ear.....

And if you don't make it with the ladies or the transvestites, I think you well make it as a writer!!

Good luck in your search....

I think you deserve someone who is going to really appreciate you for the great man you are!

January 31, 2005
2:13 pm
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bel
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I tried the online dating and it wasnt a horror story but it was a bigtime heart breaker for me.

So no more online dating for me.

January 31, 2005
2:22 pm
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Cici
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hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh wow that is great. Good one.

I am on salon.com personals (to be honest it's all about having a witty profile and esoteric references in that forum). I picked the wrong photo, though, and I get a lot of random messages from "married man who wants discreet playmate" or the like.

I've made some interesting friends, though, being that I am one of those women who has all male friends.

I think I'm destined to be single for the rest of my natural life. Which may not be long, hell, I may stroke out by the time I'm 30 from a string of endlessly horrific relationships.

I hate dating.

January 31, 2005
10:58 pm
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Worried_Dad
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"Worried Guy Seeks Absolutely Indiscreet Playmate"

That's a good one Cici. So was your photo provocative or just made you look good?

I got a couple of the married ones, too. Which is stupid, because I clearly state I'm seeking a woman for marriage. But married women make a lot more sense than this next one...

That's right, another transvestite keeps writing me. Look, I have nothing against transgendered folks, honest. But this guy looks really bad--we're talking Tammy Faye Baker meets Tim Curry.

Maybe I should be flattered. But I just had my heart set on a woman. You know, two X chromosomes? Moody once a month? Genetically capable of asking for directions at the gas station? Like that. Call me old fashioned.

And wait 'till you hear about the women. I'm beginning to question this "fairer sex" theory.

And where's Silence, by the way?

February 1, 2005
12:45 am
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sewunique
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Some day, I have to try this on line dating just for the experiences I am missing! It must be your fine looks attracting these guys. Like they say; "you can't blame a guy for trying." Bad,bad.

Silence moved from parents home to his own place with his "freaky" ? room mate. No PC set up yet.

February 1, 2005
4:26 am
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Yeah, I've half-heartedly tried a few online dating sites. Below I give a summary of two such responses:

1) A man from Iran or Iraq (forget which) who is here (on a Green Card) for Medical School (supposedly). He basically straight out demanded that I be his wife and bear him children back home, which is where he plans on practicing medicine. Oh, he also said that I could take care of his aging parents. No joke.

2) Some guy from NY. This was on a Christian singles site, and no where on my profile did I put anything about wanting some booty... But he emailed me giving me his number AND address with graphic details of what he would love to do to me. I ignored it. He wrote again! Something like: "I have got to know if you are real. I need to feel you next to me."

LOL I no longer do any of those sites. I will try that eharmony again though. I know that I talk about that site a lot, but I like the guy who started it... I’ve read 2 (I’m on #3 right now) of his books. He’s pretty cool. Oh, plus my mom does it, and she is doing okay. She hasn’t gone on any dates yet... LOL But that’s cause she’s too picky. (I say)

February 1, 2005
12:27 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey, WD!

Just open your heart and ask your "higher power" to show you the way.

You'll be amazed by what begins to happen in your life!

Love,

Ren'ai

February 1, 2005
6:50 pm
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on my way
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WD, you sound very down to earth on all counts. I hope you find that perfect girl...you deserve her, short or tall. Your stories are so funny, but have you seen and talked to anyone from on line that you may like yet?

February 1, 2005
7:03 pm
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My sister finds her boyfriend(s) online. Yeah. WD. Pay attention to that "s" in the parentheses. Scary...

Oooooooo-eeeeeeee-ooooooooo...

Ren'ai

February 2, 2005
2:37 am
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Worried_Dad
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SweetAmanda:

The sleazy guy from the Christian dating site--that is priceless. I hope you told him to go crucify himself.

onmyway:

I've had some chats (I ht IM BTW) and a couple of phone calls.

My favorite is the great grandmother form Lithuania who wrote to say "You seem like a nice young man and I'm sure you will find a nice girl soon. Do you like these pictures of my children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren?" Now how can a guy not be charmed by that?

Then there is the woman who basically cyberstalked me for two weeks before I finally caved in and replied "WHAT!? What possible compatibility do you see between our profiles?!"

Her profile was too bland to really get anything from, except that her photos scared me. One was in some kind of hooded cloak, and another was posing in this semi-nude, body glove thing, and the third was of her on all fours growling at the camera like a jungle cat with the title "on the prowl." Having experienced being stalked by a woman I'm just not in the mood to be on the recieving end of a prowl, know what I mean?

So fianlly I relented and asked her what made her think we were compatible.

Big mistake, because she had answers ready. First she emailed me this long poem about how the lightning storm was scary but when she thought of holding my hand in the rain the voices in her head were replaced by the sound of my angelic laughter. She thinks she writes like Keats.

Then she picked my profile apart--turned out she had lots of reasons she liked me, but why the reverse should be true wasn't obvious.

Then more poems. Oh God, the poems. Just shoot me.

What could I do? I had to tell her that her poetry sucked. And that I didn't relish the thought of sharing eternity with the soul who penned that godawful verse. And that her photos were scary. And that she was too damned pushy.

Maybe I was harsh, but remember what we have learned about heedingwarning signs and red flags....on the prowl, indeed.

February 2, 2005
2:41 am
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Is it just me, or is sending a guy a poem about hearing voices in your head a questionable wooong tactic?

February 2, 2005
10:15 am
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eve
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🙂

I sincerely wish you the best of luck with our quest, WD. And I think you are doing fine so far, you'll eventually gind a gal who is perfect for you and you'll be perfect for her. Then you'll have a huge row and find out that none you you is perfect, but what the heck, you like each other and like to work on living/loving/laughing together.

I'd certainly not fall for a guy who was telling me about the voices in his head (looking over his shoulder all the time in a slightly panicky way). And somebody quoting poetry at me must be pretty good - otherways I take it personally.

February 2, 2005
11:47 am
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Cici
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It was probably the picture, which looks kind of like I'm topless but really I am wearing a tube top. I just happen to have nice shoulders. hahaha....

Also I look like I'm about 16 years old, which I'm sure I will enjoy when I'm like 35, but right now makes it just frustrating.

I have a longstanding e-mail joust going on with one of my respondents. I usually force them to interact using witty reparte before they get an opportunity to speak/chat with me.

I'm still playing the numbers game though.

February 2, 2005
10:44 pm
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on my way
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LOL!!! I just love this thread!!
What a hoot, so WD you are on all over the world. Is it Match you have a profile on, I just don't remember it being like this. I rem3ember one fella contacted me and he kept saying take a chance! take a chance! And he wanted to go skydiving, parasailing and rockclimbing ...all in one day. My immediate diagnosis was ADHD untreatable. I have not done any of those except a very mild form of rock climbing...on a 90 degree mountain...just a few rocks here and there, the scenery was beautiful, Saranac, NY, a very long time ago. Nothing to be said about him truthfully, but someone will eventually fit. I seemed to attract Finanacial advisors and lawyers...I need both, but did not go out with them.
So anyone CLOSE to home you may be interested in?

February 2, 2005
10:50 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Worried Dad: I thought I was the only one who got hit on by transvestites. When I got that one, at first I was shocked and then it was funny as hell. Didn't respond though. Can't believe I actually paid money for that. I get them from dif races when I have been specific I am interested in causcasians, and I got hit on pretty hard by a 24 yeard old- I am 49. This guy was so funny though- I told him I was old enough to be his mother- he was pratically begging to go out- he really had me laughing. I had a full spectrum of offers and have gone out w/ 3 of them but alas, no sparks. Oh yeah, I've had the married ones too that want to meet for caffee and "something else". Oh puhlease! Interesting to hear men have as much trouble as the gals. SD

February 2, 2005
11:03 pm
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cici:

What eeeess zeess "Numbers game?"

onmyway:

I signed on mate1 just by random choice. All of them look pretty annoying. I love the ADHD story! You can learn so much psychology from online dating!

Well there is a pharmaceuticals representative from Boise who makes regular trips to Seattle. We're gonna try to have dinner or something when she comes out next.

I'vr actually got some pen pals outa the thing at least. One lady from Florida is helping me compile a list of the most horrific and ludicrous profiles. We were thinking of starting a website just for them to hook up at.

You know, I don't know if anything will come of all this, but at least I am sort of tenatively maybe possibly ready to take leetle tiny teensy steps towards being approachable with women. Maybe.

And I must admit, I kinda like all the attention. Even if some of it is from transvestites. Makes me think, gee, I must be witty and sort of good looking.

After the brainwashing about how ugly and stupid and bad I was from the narcissist who must not be named, it's nice to get some postive feedback. Even if it is from fruitcakes.

February 3, 2005
12:00 pm
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Cici
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numbers game....you force yourself to interact with as many people as possible from as many different backgrounds and walks of life as you can.

So, I talked to a white guy getting his Ph.D in biochem., a white navy man, a half japanese college student, a half latin half italian boxer, a hgh school dropout who works at a local TV station of undetermined race, a 35 year old lawyer (who turned out to be married, haha), an italian construction worker, a black college student from haiti, a black dude who recently dropped out of college (dead end).

I figure if I keep playing the numbers game I'm bound to run into someone I find endlessly fascinating. My only criteria are: no prior felonies, can't live with mommy, has relatively good relations with ex's.

At least I am building up a back-log of bizarre conversations and interesting experiences. I think I should write a book called 365 dates. hahahaha

February 3, 2005
6:18 pm
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WD, you are off the charts when it comes to humor. Do you know that humor is one of the measurable factors of intellegence? Who cares if you're not 5'8"...in my book you are a mental giant. No wonder these gals love you.

Awhile back, I heard several radio ads for eHarmony.com. They claim to use 59...or was it 79? points of compatability. It's worth a try, especially if a person is brave, as you clearly are.

If that doesn't work, try hanging out at the library.

Smiles

February 3, 2005
6:32 pm
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Well, my favorite dating sites are Plentyoffish.com and collarme.com. As far as meeting people, its a nice anon way to break the ice. I have had some success with them, but yes, there are a ton of flakes too.

February 4, 2005
10:11 am
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Cici
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I tried eHarmony and I dunno - maybe I was dishonest on the questionnaires (there are like 800 of them you have to fill out) - I thought I was being honest.

I got like 25 matches, and none of them seemed remotely interesting. I KNOW I'm not compatible with that many people. I think, again, it just ha to do with the posted picture. Dorks.

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