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The English language...
September 22, 2005
12:55 am
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sdesigns
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Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language! There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

September 22, 2005
2:10 am
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hottamales
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sdesigns...:D

I LOVE YOU FOR POSTING THIS! haha... I was thinking of some of these things when I was at work tuesday, walking along, randomly laughing at thoughts like why the plural of mouse is mice, but house is houses, not hice, et cetera.. Some of these are new though, so that's cool 🙂

September 22, 2005
9:53 am
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exoticflower
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LOL!!!

This makes me think of James Thurber... Thanks SD!

September 22, 2005
11:36 am
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Anonymous
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why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?

I had a bunch of these before, but can only think of that one....

September 22, 2005
4:25 pm
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lollipop3
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Great thread sd.....

Love,
Lolli

September 22, 2005
8:23 pm
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addicts wife
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LOL 😀 Thanks for posting this!!

September 25, 2005
10:41 am
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readyforachange
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sdesigns....as a special education teacher, this made me laugh hysterically! How do we expect kids to learn this crazy language, especially when they have a disability!

September 25, 2005
11:42 am
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Rasputin
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SD: thanks that brought lots of giggles and laughs to me this morning. I guess in every language, there is something weird to laugh about. I also like Cat's comments on park on driveway and drive on parkway. It really dirves me nuts, doesn't make sense at all!!!LOL

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