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The Benefit of the Doubt!
March 26, 2005
10:19 am
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Rasputin
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Could someone explain to me please why do we hear so often that we should give people "the benefit of the doubt"? It really does not make sense to me!

Why should we believe or give someone more chance, if in our gut instincts we feel that they are lying?

I always thought that we should be cautious, careful, wary...etc.

Two discrepancies here!!!

Rasputin

March 26, 2005
6:06 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I think we should give the benefit of the doubt unless you know they are lying. Why if you know in your gut would you want to ignore it?

Just a thought

March 26, 2005
6:33 pm
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Rasputin
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That is why it does not make sense to me. Why would people say "give someone the benefit of the doubt", if a cheater is a cheater; or a liar is a liar.

If we feel that someone is lying, cheating, dishonest with us. Why sould we give them the benefit of the doubt???

Please help, I am so confused!!!

March 26, 2005
6:38 pm
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sdesigns
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I guess it means don't jump to conclusions, innocent until proven guilty, things may not always be as they appear. You may suspect something but don't have proof. That doesn't mean throw caution out the window as there is usually a good reason to be wary. But once you have proof...voila, no more doubt. The suspect is guilty!

March 26, 2005
6:39 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I think that "give them the benefit of the doubt" needs to be looked at directly as it is stated.

If a cheater is a cheater and you know it then it's true. If a liar is a liar and you know it to be true then it is also true.

The statement is "of the doubt".

I think it is that if you do not know you give them the benefit of the doubt. If you already know it to be true then the phrase does not apply because there is no doubt. It's already a fact.

See?

March 26, 2005
7:36 pm
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Rasputin
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Right, that makes perfect sense now!

Thank you so much.

I now can tell the difference between both. I agree, we tend to project on people a lot. I think we should really not jump into conclusion. But, if we have as a fact that someone is liar, cheater, dishonest...whatever, and we are sure, then we should not give them the benefit of the doubt, cause it's confirmed.

Once again thank you,

Rasputin

March 26, 2005
8:31 pm
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orangeboy
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yeah, i think it's a distinction between letting past stuff influence our suspicions and trust, rather than letting the person be their own person. i've had a hard time with this one, always assuming that my girlfriend was going to cheat on me or leave me at any second, or that she wasn't trustworthy, which were really issues with my past, not with her. but yeah, when someone's proven themselves to be a creep, they get less chances or perhaps no chances after that, they no longer get "the benefit of the doubt."

March 28, 2005
3:12 pm
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PoundingHeart
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It's hard. I think the point is not to "judge" when we do not "know", but it's hard to do because if Tom generally lies and I know that to be a fact, I might presume Tom's lying, when, in fact, he may NOT be this time. Oh well, Tom shouldn't be a liar! lol

Seriously, it's hard to give the benefit of the doubt all the time. We've all been wrong sometimes anyway, right?! NObody's perfect.

March 28, 2005
6:25 pm
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on my way
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Hi Rasputin,
I agree with MamaC, but can I help with specifics at all...is this about your friend?
Take care. or if i am being too nosy, just tell me!! 🙂

March 28, 2005
8:29 pm
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Rasputin
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No sweetie, it is not about my friend. I divorced him.

I just wanted to know exactly what it means. Cause I hear many people saying it.

My friend does not occupy my whole life. I am past this coda phase. I have people, friends, and some others. And I would like to know when to apply this principle on them.

No u r not nosey. I am just surprised by your coming back. Were you afraid of something?

March 29, 2005
1:12 pm
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on my way
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Yeah, I over-reacted to our names being on the internet...it was my issue though not this site.
I also left because I found myself spending more time on here than was healthy for me, and also knew I needed to consentrate on different things at this time. I allowed this site to keep me isolated, and safe, when what I need to be doing is stepping out.
Periodically I step back in and check on those I made friends with and care about.
Take care of yourself..still praying for you too.

March 29, 2005
4:10 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Glad you are back OMW 🙂

March 29, 2005
4:36 pm
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on my way
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Hi mamac...

March 29, 2005
5:32 pm
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Rasputin
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Thank you for your continued prayers for me. I will keep praying for your as well.

Welcome back! (Winck)

March 29, 2005
5:34 pm
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sewunique
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Glad you are back (wink), OMW!!! You never really left us, just like me, Smiling here.

March 29, 2005
5:40 pm
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on my way
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Thank you, I am absolutely free to do this today, and I am enjoying talking to you all, and catching up. Too bad we cannot talk to each other, maybe one day. Have received some emails lately, nothing to get excited about, but at least keeping in touch...now what to do...

March 29, 2005
11:09 pm
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Rasputin
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Do not give up honey. OOOOOOOOOOh do not tell my about heartbreaks, I lived them so many times. So, I know the feelings.

What I learned from these disappointments is that they did not work out, cause they were not the right guys. After all we do not want miserable relationship, definitely not me. I am so sensitive, I tend to be affected by them tremendously and need to be healed profoundly. That is why I do not like to venture unless the Lord tells me he is the right guy!
(Wink)

March 30, 2005
1:41 pm
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on my way
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Rasputin,
HOW do we know though? What do we base these decisions on? How have you made it through your decisions regarding your friend that you pray for? Too many questions that I do not know the answers too. I could look at the obvious, but God does not always deal with the obvious. I don't want to waste precious time hoping and praying...so I live my life anyway,,,but God does not always deal in the obvious, He deals in the supernatural, faith, wait, patience...HOW do we know when to wait and when to let go and move on? When do these concrete answers come? I know if I understood this concept it would help me. I have struggled with this for so long...and for people to tell me to just walk away, or the other side of the coin, just TRUST God...does not help.

Any suggestions about this, as you and I are both Christians and sort of have similar circumstances.
Thanks, I am just out there with all of this.

March 30, 2005
5:12 pm
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Rasputin
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Very simple. When things work out - he is the right guy.

And vice versa.

It is as simple as that.

I pray for my friend cause I care about him, not because I want him to marry me. It is like I pray for all the people here I come across or help, because I love and care about them, not because I want them to marry me or want something from them!

March 30, 2005
5:40 pm
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on my way
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Very true, I agree. When things work out he is the right guy. But this could happen over a period of a year, 2 years, etc.Do you think we are wrong to believe that the right guy, which we may have in mind all along, is a match in the making? That certain things need to happen along the way apart from each other for it to eventually work?
I am not selfish in my prayers, at least I try not to be...but I have expressed to God that I do not want to grow old alone, because right or wrong it is just something I feel comfortable doing.
Maybe there are no answers, but I just continue to seek them anyway it seems.
Thanks Ras.

March 30, 2005
6:20 pm
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Rasputin
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Exactly. You see most of us have our own baggage and issues. Therefore, we need to be prepared. This preparation could take as short as microwave or as long as traditional oven, each depending on his/her case. Our job is trust the Lord with All our hearts. Even it takes 1 year or 2 years or even longer. Better to be prepared, refined by the Lord, than enter a marriage quickly without preparation.
That is why the rate of divorce is 60% or even over.

We are a generation of micorwave, fax machine, e-mail. We want things RIGHT NOW, RIGHT AWAY!

Ex: Let's say Jane fell in love with John who has some baggage from his past:abuse, hurt or whatever. If she marries him within a short period; their marriage is bound to suffer. If she waits for him to handle/cope with his issues for as long as it's needed or it takes her; she is far more likely to be happy than if she rushes into marrying him just because!

I hope I managed to draw a smile on your face!

(((HUGS)))

March 30, 2005
6:43 pm
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on my way
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Smiling, and yes it all brings home to my heart the truth of it all. Sometimes I wish I did not have to be reminded but we are all here to help each other get through...thanks.
Hugs, Faith, and prayers!!

March 30, 2005
7:20 pm
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Anonymous
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OMW,

So glad you are here...

Love,

Ren'ai

March 30, 2005
8:03 pm
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on my way
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Hi Ren'ai,
Thank you...it is good to see you here too..everything going better for you?

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