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Tez-I have more weird questions
April 14, 2008
5:50 pm
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lollipop3
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((((Bevdee))))

April 15, 2008
10:56 am
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bevdee
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Hey y'all.

Thank you so much for the hugs, I really appreciate them. I was finally able to finish the letter to the hospital administrator about my cousin's sweet nurse. I wanted to share it with y'all.. It's closure in a way, if "closure" is possible.

**********************************

My cousin was a patient in ICU Monday, April 7, 2008. When he passed away that evening, I was the only one there. The rest of the family had gone home for the night.

I want to tell you how much I appreciate his nurse Debra and the Student nurse, Britney. The were very respectful of and gentle with my cousin in his last, unresponsive state. They were very considerate of me, offering me refreshment and privacy. Debra told me she was glad someone would be with him, as he wouldn't be much longer. I have thought about this since -it was the first time she had had my cousin as her patient, yet she cared that he wouldn't pass away alone. I don't believe patient care gets much better than that.

When I saw that he was really gone, I turned around instinctively, the full realisation coming over me. My friend was gone. And there was no family there for ME. She was. As I wept, Debra was very kind and compassionate to me, hugging me several times. I'm not much of a hugger, but having her do this helped brace me, in a way, for what I faced. My loss, the phone calls I dreaded to make, the unexpected arrival of my cousin's son within minutes after the time of death. She allowed me to stay in the room. Without words, she respected my need to- until I felt my cousin's presence was gone.

Debra is a credit to her profession, and a valuable asset to your hospital. Britney is fortunate to have her example to learn from.

I am a Rad Tech. Because of what I do in my field, most of the time, I don't witness the one-on-one interactions between nursing, patients and their families. Sometimes, I lose sight of why I am in the field, and that night with Debra helped me to focus again. I will always remember the kindness she showed me, and I hope to be able to apply the level of compassion she showed me to my work in the future. I am going to strive to care for my patients as gently and sweetly as I saw Debra treating my cousin, and, as she did, to extend far more than basic courtesy to the families of my patients.

Please let her know how much I appreciate what she did for me that night, simply by letting her compassion shine through.

Thank you,
*Bevdee*
*********************************

Thanks again everyone.

April 15, 2008
10:58 am
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bevdee
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Ohhhhh. Stupid format. Stupid ME. Because I indented.......

April 15, 2008
10:58 am
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bevdee
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Hey y'all.

Thank you so much for the hugs, I really appreciate them. I was finally able to finish the letter to the hospital administrator about my cousin's sweet nurse. I wanted to share it with y'all.. It's closure in a way, if "closure" is possible.

**********************************

My cousin was a patient in ICU Monday, April 7, 2008. When he passed away that evening, I was the only one there. The rest of the family had gone home for the night.

I want to tell you how much I appreciate his nurse Debra and the Student nurse, Britney. The were very respectful of and gentle with my cousin in his last, unresponsive state. They were very considerate of me, offering me refreshment and privacy. Debra told me she was glad someone would be with him, as he wouldn't be much longer. I have thought about this since -it was the first time she had had my cousin as her patient, yet she cared that he wouldn't pass away alone. I don't believe patient care gets much better than that.

When I saw that he was really gone, I turned around instinctively, the full realisation coming over me. My friend was gone. And there was no family there for ME. She was. As I wept, Debra was very kind and compassionate to me, hugging me several times. I'm not much of a hugger, but having her do this helped brace me, in a way, for what I faced. My loss, the phone calls I dreaded to make, the unexpected arrival of my cousin's son within minutes after the time of death. She allowed me to stay in the room. Without words, she respected my need to- until I felt my cousin's presence was gone.

Debra is a credit to her profession, and a valuable asset to your hospital. Britney is fortunate to have her example to learn from.

I am a Rad Tech. Because of what I do in my field, most of the time, I don't witness the one-on-one interactions between nursing, patients and their families. Sometimes, I lose sight of why I am in the field, and that night with Debra helped me to focus again. I will always remember the kindness she showed me, and I hope to be able to apply the level of compassion she showed me to my work in the future. I am going to strive to care for my patients as gently and sweetly as I saw Debra treating my cousin, and, as she did, to extend far more than basic courtesy to the families of my patients.

Please let her know how much I appreciate what she did for me that night, simply by letting her compassion shine through.

Thank you,

*Bevdee*
*********************************

Thanks again everyone.

April 15, 2008
3:34 pm
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Isis
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I think that's awesome.

Makes me proud of my profession (not that this is about me).

I'm so happy those two gals were there for you (and your cousin).

Take care of yourself bev,

Miss you,

Love,

Isis

April 15, 2008
4:12 pm
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MsGuided
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(((bevdee)))
I'm NOT working through things well.Not at all. Trying, but something happens and I get knocked down.

You seem to be coping better after your cousins passing.
Something in me crashed after my sister died..I don't have the proper support around me. I have some but it isn't working! WHY isn't anything working!?
Geez I feel like such a failure..teetering on the edge.
Talking like this.

So many here and you are an inspiration.
I must focus again..I feel lost. I can't even think straight anymore.

April 15, 2008
4:13 pm
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MsGuided
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(((bevdee)))
I'm NOT working through things well.Not at all. Trying, but something happens and I get knocked down.

You seem to be coping better after your cousins passing.
Something in me crashed after my sister died..I don't have the proper support around me. I have some but it isn't working! WHY isn't anything working!?
Geez I feel like such a failure..teetering on the edge.
Talking like this.
ah what's the use!

So many here and you are an inspiration.
I must focus again..I feel lost. I can't even think straight anymore.

April 15, 2008
5:47 pm
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Isis
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(((MsGuided)))

I know how you feel.

April 15, 2008
6:34 pm
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bevdee
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MsGuided,

I think maybe a big difference in our situations is that my cousin, who was once my lover, and I worked through the issues leading up to our not being lovers any more. That took years. We had always loved each other as family and then we loved and accepted each other as friends. Most of the time. :~)

It took me the entire year of his illness to look inside and see what he meant to me, why, and what the loss means to me. I'm still looking.

He and I talked about it- he called me Babygirl and he looked out for me. I flattered him, catered to him and made him feel big and manly and smart. In that year of his illness, we had to abandon those roles because they didn't work any more. We got as real with each other as we dared. What I couldn't tell him was how hard it will be for me to function without the thought of him as a source of strength and help to me. That's the bottom line, but I didn't tell him because that's inside me, that needing a sense of strength from outside me. I couldn't put that on him any more.

If my sister or mother were to die, whether slow or fast, I believe I would be having much more trouble with it than I am with my cousin's death. Because I have not "worked it out" with them. I think because there is
still so much unresolved shit between us, I would be pissed off at either of them. Pissed at them for dying. Pissed because they either don't care to change and work it out, or change is too painful for them. I know intellectually that it probably won't happen, but emotionally - yeah it still hurts, but I am letting go little by little. The only way I can do this is by maintaining distance from both of them.

I have read some of your postings about your sister and now with your mother, so you have my sympathy, atheist prayers and (((hugs))). It sucks, I know.

MsGuided, do you have anyone (in person) to talk to about this? Have you thought of trying grief counseling? I have been looking at other sites for grief and I think some of them might be helpful to me. I'm gathering my little seeds.

Be kind to yourself, kay?

April 15, 2008
6:37 pm
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Isis! Turtle Sister - thank you - I've been thinking about you!!

April 15, 2008
10:03 pm
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bevdee, that was so sweet of you to write that to the nurses. they'll remember that for a long time. its heart-felt appreciation like that which makes people continue their good work. hope you're doing good..!

April 16, 2008
12:27 pm
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lollipop3
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Bevdee,

Your letter was as thoughtful and kind and beautiful as you are.

I'm proud to call you my friend.

Love,
Lolli

April 16, 2008
8:11 pm
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bevdee
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Ahh, Miss Lolli. I'm proud you are my friend too, you little cutie you.

The admin of the hospital emailed me back to ask my permission to submit the letter to hospital intranet and another group for nurses to share "inspirational" stories. (his words) Wow. I was kind of surprised, but I agreed.

G_dude! I'm doing pretty good, I guess . I still feel kinda blue, but a little less each day. Well... not more every day anyway. I'm going to work some extra days this week. I can use the extra money, and it will keep me occupied. I'm through cleaning house, ironing, cleaning and alphabetising CDs! I need to get back out in the world. Thanks for checking on me - I preciate it.

April 25, 2008
9:09 pm
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bevdee
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Wow, this place is jumpin!! Well, Support is all of a sudden, anyway.

I thought some might be interested in this. From Wikipedia - "Insects in the order Diptera, family Tabanidae, are commonly called Horseflies. Often considered pests for the bites that many inflict, they are among the world's largest true flies. They are also important pollinators of flowers, especially in South Africa. Tabanids occur worldwide, being absent only at extreme northern and southern latitudes. Flies of this type are among those known sometimes as "gadflies", "zimbs" or "clegs." In Australia, they are known as "March" flies."

This, is from Wikipedia, also. " "Gadfly" is a term for people who upset the status quo by posing upsetting or novel questions, or attempt to stimulate innovation by proving an irritant.
The term "gadfly" (Gk. muopa)[1] was used by Plato in the Apology[2] to describe Socrates' relationship of uncomfortable goad to the Athenian political scene, which he compared to a slow and dimwitted horse. The Bible also references the gadfly in terms of political influence; The Book of Jeremiah (46:20) states "Egypt? A beautiful calf of quality pestered from the North". The term has been used to describe many politicians and social commentators; in modern Hebrew, which knows many more idioms than those used by Jeremiah, gadfly is "mekhapes pagam" literally "fault finder".

During his defense when on trial for his life, Socrates, according to Plato's writings, pointed out that dissent, like the tiny (relative to the size of a horse) gadfly, was easy to swat, but the cost to society of silencing individuals who were irritating could be very high. "If you kill a man like me, you will injure yourselves more than you will injure me," because his role was that of a gadfly, "to sting people and whip them into a fury, all in the service of truth."
http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/ptext?lookup=Plat.+Apol.+30e
Plato, Euthyphro, Apology, Crito, Phaedo

Apology [30e] For if you put me to death, you will not easily find another, who, to use a rather absurd figure, attaches himself to the city as a gadfly to a horse, which, though large and well bred, is sluggish on account of his size and needs to be aroused by stinging. I think the god fastened me upon the city in some such capacity, and I go about arousing, .."

I said it in the other thread. It would be a mistake to underestimate the intelligence of a group of people because they are in pain, or to overestimate your own in comparison. I wish they would think up better names...... you know? Like we never heard of them, read books, or if we haven't, we cain't google!!

April 28, 2008
8:02 pm
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Hey, bevdee, how are you? Im missing a lot here about what flies are doing what and why. Im curious as to whether you´re referring to some sort of manipulation or persecution on the site? It would be so anti the whole purpose here, don´t you think? I can´t stand flies and mosquitoes bc Im allergic. Usually I catch them with an electric swatter thats like a tennis racket. Zap, they are gone. I can´t usually pray, talk or shoo them away... hugs,

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