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TC66 - in here please!
July 16, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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Fill
me in - what's new???

July 16, 2010
12:00 am
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sdesigns
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Zowza! Did I see TC fly by? Long time, no see, Girl!

sd

July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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lollipop3
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(((((tc)))))). Girfriend!! Where have you been?

Boy it's like old
home 'round here 🙂

July 17, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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girls, I think it was a drive by!!!

maybe she'll stop
in again - I'll go see if I can find her.

Hey, lolli - I am
having issues with b over custody issues - and wise words of advice
when dealing with a crazy person?

after a year of
visitation being "set in stone" on his terms, he NOW wants to
change them to suit HIS schedule - and his new GF. He did not let
me change visitation for school year, and my knee jerk reaction is
hell no! but at the same time, every other weekend WOULD serve me
better in the long run maybe.

dunno...I am so
fucking pissed off about the whole situation right now.

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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Oh
My! I'm so glad I stopped by again. I didn't know I had my very own
thread (blushing)... I'm honored!

I haven't been to
this site in soooo long. I remember the days when I was logged in
all day long. I checked this site as much as I checked my e-mail
back then (I think it was 2005-ish). Where have the years gone??
I'll tell ya, my sanity was saved so many times by all of my AAC
friends back then. I felt so alone and lost in real life, but found
such a strong support system here. I will be eternally grateful. I
love you all!!

My life has not
really changed drastically. I'm still working hard at my job,
raising my children, which is a challenge each and every day. My
son is 15 1/2 and my daughter is 12. It's like living with
completely different people every few years. They are going through
so many changes!! It's tough. I miss the days when I dropped them
off at daycare in the morning, read them books at bedtime and my
biggest worry was wondering if they'd be potty trained by
kindergarten (they both were BTW... needless worry!)... Anyway,
they are great kids and I'm very proud of them.

Their Dad doesn't
have much time or patience for them. He sees them once a week for
dinner and they're supposed to sleep at his house every other
weekend, but it's a battle every time. They don't want to go. He
doesn't know how to relate to them anymore and they want to stay
"home". All of their "stuff" and all of their friends are there, so
they hate to go. They say it's boring. But for my own sanity, I
make them go. I feel a little selfish but seriously... I need a
little grown up time every once in a while!! I don't have
"overnight guests" when they are home so every other weekend, I get
to have sleepovers! Yay!!!!

Which brings me to
my next update... I'm still with FF. We've been back together for
over 2 years. Things are going well. We have a good time together
and he's been very good to me. We've travelled a bit and he's
always there if I need anything. Do I think we'll end up walking
down the isle? Probably not... or if we do, it will be after my
kids are grown and moved away. He is a bachelor that likes his
space and his privacy. He's VERY set in his ways... so we see each
other often but always retreat to our separate homes at night
(except for the "every other weekend" nights). It actually works
for us. I sometimes go through phases when I want to be married
again. I want two incomes, I want someone to take the trash out for
me, to get me a glass of water to take an aspirin when I'm in bed
sick. You know? That kind of stuff.

But... besides
that. I like my independence. I like coming and going as I please.
Not having to ask permission to go somewhere or buy something. I
like my life and really don't want to change it right now. I've
just been asking (forcing) the kids to do more around the house. I
was raised by a Mom who didn't make us kids do ANYTHING! We were
spoiled rotten and never had any chores at all... Unfortunately,
I'm like that. I try to give them responsibilities but have a hard
time following through and sometimes end up doing it myself (I
know... BAD!)... Like I said, it's a challenge every day but I'm
doing my best.

Rising... I don't
have any advice for custody issues. Sorry. My divorce/custody
arrangement was so easy. There were no disagreements or fights of
any kind. I was lucky that way. The only thing I can say is to be
honest with the judge/court system. They are usually pretty smart
and can see what the "right" thing to do is. They see through
bullsh*t and can identify "wingnuts" pretty easily (I love that
term, Lolli!!) They are looking out for the best interest of the
children so be honest and hope for the best!

Lolli, Congrats on
your wedding! Did I read that you are looking for a new home?
That's exciting! Sorry you've had to deal with, not one... but TWO
psycho exes! That sucks! However you seem to be handling it the way
you've handled everything in your life... bravely and with a TON of
grace and integrity. You're a very strong woman and I've always
admired you. I don't want to dig up any of the past... but have you
spoken to your ex? Wondering how that all played out... the
engagement, you moving out, getting married, etc. Your ex? I
totally forgot his name (or what you called him)... Wow! What was
it??? That seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?

SD...Nice to see
you!!!

Hope to catch up
with everyone again!

xoxo

TC

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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Shaney
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Hey
there TC66 :o)

So nice to see
you! Just so you know, being married to the ff will NOT guarantee
that the trash will be taken out. The only guarantee is that you'll
tear most of your hair out reminding him to do so, until you just
drag that bitch out to the curb yourself.

lol.

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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frayedknot
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TC66

How could I refuse
stopping by to say hello to someone who helped me thru some of the
most difficult times of my life.

Sounds like you
have found a way to share your life with FF.... and, keep both of
you pretty happy.. congratulations...

Frayed

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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Shaney, you made me laugh so hard, I spit out my Diet Coke!!!
Note to self... Do not drink and read at the same time!! Good to
know that marriage does not guarantee trash to curb delivery!!! Now
the pressure is totally off of FF! ; ) How have you been?? How is
everything going in your world??

Frayed... Holy
Smokes! Do you still drop by here too? Do you post anymore or just
read? Tell me about your life too! This is like a family reunion. I
love it!!!

July 19, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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shanelicious showed up!!! WAHOO the party is all
here!

TC - I have
dropped my guard and have decided to give him the every other
weekend (which now he is reconsidering)...it will afford me
extended "me" time...as well as weekend where I can take the baby
away without asking for permission to change the
schedule.

I estimate that in
time, it will be an issue cuz he does not know how to relate to
kids...and once the "dad is a superhero" glasses come off - he will
see dad is anothe boring, disturbed guy.

And he is young,
no saying he is gonna knock someone else up and focus on that
instead.

I am done being
stressed about this...once he agrees to the new arrangement (like I
said, he is waffling now that I am agreeing)...it's gonna go on
court records and be done.

What pissed me off
about the whole thing was that HE set the arrangement to begin with
- cuz of my first semester schedule and his desire to take him to
church (which went by wayside quickly)...then when my semester
changed, he would not allow me to change the visitation....NOW HIS
schedule changes and HE wants ME to change.

I am done bending
to his whims....it's gonna change, gonna to on record and no more
adjustments unless it's court ordered.

four nights a
month won't give him time to do much damage to b, I hope
anyway.

July 20, 2010
12:00 am
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Shaney
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Hey
girls :o)

Glad to see you're
done (as much as you can be) with that guy. I think you can go a
long way without dead weight holding you back. And although I know
we have to come to those conclusions in our own time, I'm glad you
finally did. I seems like your life is moving full steam ahead
because of it. Your kids seem to be thriving as well! I say let the
boy have every other weekend. Maybe it will be good for all
involved. You get your me time, he is forced to be a dad. And while
he may not quite get what that means now, I imagine he'll soon
learn - and that can only be good for your baby too. In all of the
cases that I've seen, where visitation/custody is an issue, it's
usually because there isn't anything set in stone - so someone
eventually feels taken advantage of, or slighted in some way. The
best thing possible, is a set schedule - where everyone knows what
is expected of them, and where you child can find comfort in that
stability that comes with a set schedule. Good luck either way, and
make sure that your decisions are based on what's best for your
little boy. I know that things can get emotional, but I think
you'll make sure that your head is leading you down the right path.
:o)

TC66 - well,
hell... I'm glad that I could make you laugh after all this time! I
took quite a break from this place and just started to read again
recently. Glad to see friendly, trustworthy, familiar faces....
finally! I'm good these days. We finally got our house on five
acres, after looking for about three years. And BOYYYYYYY, let me
tell you that being out in the dirt takes some getting used to. The
dogs ate their fill of horse shit the first month that we were
there, and I've killed my share of bugs and other creepy little
things. I've also invested in some snake proof boots, because these
kankles are NOT going to get bit! Everyone's got a snake story out
here, but I'm taking preventative measures... my boots and my shot
gun are ready. BUT I have to say that I love it out there - and it
grows on me more and more every day regardless of the mounds of
work that there is to do, and the fact that I haven't put on a pair
of designer heels in months. As for M and I, we're good. Just
celebrated our 4 year anniversary, if you can believe it! And I
still REALLY like him! But I thought of you this morning as I
dragged the trashes to the curb .... which isn't actually a curb
... it's more of a fence line on a dirt road. lol

July 20, 2010
12:00 am
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Shaney
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Rising ... you know that first paragraph is for you, right,
girlfriend? lol (((rising)))

July 20, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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shanelicious! I have missed you.

I live on 38
acres, with no curb either....it DOES take some getting used
to....the critters abound...the other night a mouse was sitting on
the end table - just looking at me...so I "thunked" him on the head
wiht the remote control for tv....he walked away....I then tried to
catch him in a trash bucket when he became cornered...he then
realized I meant business and took off....a week later, branden
found him on his floor, keeled over...not sure if it was same
one...but it was a dead one no doubt...scooped him up in dustpan
and disposed of him in the woods.

I have a chipmunk
that comes in the house and finds ways to eat the peanut butter off
all the mousetraps without getting caught himself...when he sees me
coming, he goes outside, and waits outside the door until he sees
me leave again. I need to get a screen door for the south end of my
house...until then, with baby in the house, it just stays open and
we deal with bugs.

Winter sucks
here...thank god for neighbors with plows.

trash goes to the
town dumpster on saturdays (pay by the bag), or if I can con a
neighbor into taking it on a wednesday.....otherwise, it sits til I
can take care of it....mail does not come out here cuz I am too
remote.

anyway, yeah, I
knew the paragraph was for me...and yeah, it's good that he gets
stuck being a parent now and again....tho he claims he wants the
responsibility, he really does a good job of ducking it. I think
that's why he is waffling - cuz he realizes his only free weekends
home will be saddled with the responsibility of the baby - which
means no running the roads - or at least not as much (only so much
babysitting his mom will do I think).

so anyway - once
it's on paper, we all know our place - then there will be no more
arguing...tho I fear more arguing before it's all finalized, cuz he
hates when I actually cooperate and then decides to change his
mind, just out of spite.

he has anger
issues.

yes, I have RISEN
- and I am flying free...doing well in school....tho now I am
trying to work thru all the financial aid stuff cuz of the new
rules...but it should work out.

my daughter has
gotten better too...and made honor roll and is a happier
child....alot has improved...the struggles we endure are more than
worth it....it's lonely...but I am setting my sights on landing a
good doctor or something once i have my degree!

are you still at
the same job? we lost touch, so I don't know what else changed in
your life.

July 20, 2010
12:00 am
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frayedknot
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Hi
TC,

I stop by on
occasion.. Post on occasion. Generally giving my two cents on a
subject here and there.

I haven't posted
asking for advice since the good ole days...

I have been dating
on and off. I just broke-up with someone who I was dating for
almost a year. Such a nice lady. So many good qualities. But, she
had a little bit of a drinking problem. Enough that it interfered
with having a healthy relationship. I should have ended it earlier.
But, as all of us codependents do... I stayed a little past the
expiration date.

Overall. I feel
like I'm in a pretty good place. I feel like I have grown a lot
over the last 5 years. Between relationship experiences... reading
about and getting advice in this forum.. and, receiving counselling
on occasion from a professional.

I will make one
comment to you as someone from the good old days. This forum, in my
opinion, has become more of a mud slinging place than I would like
to see. We use to concentrate much more on being positive and
giving positive support. I see too much bickering and fighting than
I remember us experiencing.

Frayed.

July 20, 2010
12:00 am
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lollipop3
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My
goodness....look at what I have been missing!! Sorry for taking so
long to get back here...work has been nuts.

Anywho....

Rising, I agree
with Shaney that a set schedule is best for all involved. Hubby and
Wingnut had a "flexible" schedule which only served as a tool for
CONTROL, much to the detriment of their daughter. We ended up
taking her to court to get a set schedule, which she fought every
step of the way. In the end, her ass was handed to her on a platter
and we got everything we were asking for. Why you ask? Because
everything we asked for was nothing more than common sense and very
clearly in the best interest of my step daughter. So not only did
we get everything we wanted BUT she was also made to look like the
lunitic that she is..which of course was just gravy for me 🙂 Oh,
and hubbys child support got reduced too. How ya like us now,
biatch! LOL

TC...I'm glad to
see you are in a comfortable place now. It takes work but we can
get there 🙂

Thank you so much
for the nice compliments *blush*. That's very kind of you to say
and you know I always loved you as well. Yes, I did get married
last year and yes we were looking for a new house. We actually
found one but the sale is contigent upon the sale of our current
house. Keep your fingers crossed for us because I really, really
want that new house!! As for the ex.....he was Snowblower (thanks
to our humorous friend Shaney) and we called him Sno for short.
He's still around. I haven't seen him since I moved but he stills
texts me every now and again. He still lives on the first floor of
my old house. And to his credit....when I began dating hubby and
still lived there, he never bothered us at all. He was nothing but
respectful. And thank God too. I can't even imagine having to deal
with him on top of the two psychos I deal with now! Can you
imagine??

Ok, gotta go. I've
got an appointment but I'll check back later. I'm so glad to see
you around. I've missed the old group.

((((TC, Rising,
Shaney, Frayed, SD))))

Love you
guys!

July 20, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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lolli
-

yes, I feel like
this schedule being flexible is about control - including myself,
unfortunately.

funny story - we
went to court for child support - like a dummy, I didn't have
papers ready - neither had lawyer. He makes stupid ass remark about
baby might not be his - judge questions it because he signed
paternity acknowledgement and it's pretty much a "done deal"...so
he says "that was then, this is now"...makes himself look like an
ass.

comes back a month
later - he has lawyer this time...I have none.

Judge makes us go
into room to discuss our options - hoping his lawyer will
mediate.

I want sole
custody - he wants joint.

After was all said
and done - the lawyer convinced him to give me the right to make
ALL FINAL DECISIONS regarding branden, I have physical custody AND
I can move up to 600 miles away without any further permission. CT
is only 300 miles - and he stupidly thought it was 600 (and he is a
truck driver).

Anyway, I got
BETTER THAN sole custody, cuz I can move and I have final authority
on anything that matters.

And HE PAID THE
LAWYER to protect HIS OWN interests - in his words - he brought her
in to make sure he doesn't get screwed and understands everything
they are talking about.

Proves
alot!

Plus, since he had
just started a job as a truck driver, he was raking in the dough
(trying to prove me wrong about being responsible) - only to be
ordered to pay $112 a week...which is ALOT where I live, for one
kid...only to get fired from said job a couple of months
later...now he scrambles to make that money every week.

Too
funny!!!

so yeah, now that
he wants the change, I am going to give it to him...cuz a full
weekend with my son actually benefits me too......only NOW, he is
waffling....one, cuz I am agreeing (and he wants to spite me) and
two, cuz he realizes if he has a full weekend, his only free time
at home will be saddled with the responsibility of his kid and his
mom may be putting her foot down about filling in when he wants to
roam.

so, we'll
see.

gonna take this to
court one way or another....kicking and screaming or
otherwise.

In the meantime,
financial aid is in limbo cuz the new rule is that if you are full
time, the first 12 credits have to apply towards your degree. Since
I already completed the "extras", I ONLY have nursing to do, and
it's only 8 credits, which essentially means I can only be part
time. tuition isn't drastically reduced for part time, but
financial aid is....the school is reviewing the situation and gonna
get back to me....gonna be alot of students in this position, cuz
many of them took courses last year in prep for nursing...and now
are banking on financial aid to finish their degree.

AND my car is
snapping and popping and they can't tell me what is breaking - only
to keep driving it until it breaks....then they can find the break
and fix it...ARGH...just spent $500 I don't have to fix another
issue - and I am OUT OF MONEY (until I get financial aid
disbursement, which now I may not get!)

life sucks...but
trying to stay positive!

July 23, 2010
12:00 am
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curious64
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rising - Sorry to hear about your visitation situation still
being in flux. I hope that it gets worked out for you
soon.

There have been a
lot of changes to college funding. My daughter is a 21st century
scholar(low income Indiana scholarship) and gets pell grants. I
know it is a lot of hoops to jump through, but hopefully it will
all be straightened out soon.

Sorry to jump into
this thread, but I just wanted to send you some support and
encouragement. Have a great weekend.

July 23, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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thanks curious - jump in any time.

I am not
panicking...I have options I think...I should be ok...just not
knowing is a bit disconcerting.

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