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sunnysue-after a day in court, free of my abuser, so now what?
May 3, 2008
7:05 pm
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sunnysue
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After several weeks now I'm finally free of him. Except for only four months after my previous husband died, I have never been alone.People tell me I'm co-dependant. Just because I left my abuser does that make me co-dependant? Everyone says that now I have to find myself.Just how does a person go about doing that? I'm still hurting, it's not something to get over with so fast.I first need to thank the Lord for breaking the hold that my husband had on me. I tried for several weeks and I just couldn't do it, so I prayed and asked to Lord to and He has lifted the burden that I was under. I'm not saying that I'm totally free but I know that when I fall he will pick me up again. Any ideas on how a person can find themselves?
Thanks for all of your help and care.

May 3, 2008
7:39 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Sunnysue, I'm happy to hear that you are free from all that now. I think you're right that it all takes time. When I tried to find who I really was I just noted things I really liked in my journal. Also cut out pictures of things I really like and put them in my scrapbook not in any order. For me it seems a process of continuing to learn. Sometimes I think I've come a long way and then something happens to remind me that I still must be careful not to be taken advantage of again. We need to know we are worth good things in life and they will come to us if we're open to receive them.

May 4, 2008
12:55 am
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Randomwomen2
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How to find oneself? That's a good question. I think a lot of the times its not necessarily finding oneself, its creating oneself. Codependent people often times become what other people need us to be. So sometimes we really need to start anew and think of what kind of person do you really want to be. A lot of praying is awesome self help books are great and just trying to live a healthy lifestyle that fits you. Exercise and the right foods can fight off depression and finding things too do with your spare time thats nurses your spirits like coffee with a friend, a yoga class or writing, or taking a class at a community college there are so many things you can do sweetheart. Just find the things that fit you. There will be some trial and error, like you might find that yoga is just not for you, but thats the great thing about you being in control of you you can Just find something else that works.

May 4, 2008
12:46 pm
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free
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"Codependent people often times become what other people need us to be. So sometimes we really need to start anew and think of what kind of person do you really want to be."

Oh my gosh this is just so true!

I felt so lost when I got my abuser away from me. I just didn't know what to do with time.

I think that long term goals right now would be overwhelming. One day at a time. This worked for me, and it's really strange how when ya do this, all of a sudden it seems, weeks and then months have gone by.

I got into gardening, everything on small scale. so One day i would just clear a little patch and put a 6 pack of flowers in. And another day I would clear a little patch and put a tomato plant in with the little circle trellis thingy around it. One day at a time my yard transformed, as i got into weedingand planting things. to put a garden in all at once would be overwhelming. One little patch,one plant at a time. I still do this. a few weeks ago I started my vegetable garden and each day if I feel like it, I do a little something to it, it's probably about 3/4 of the way done now.

I liked reading online, still do, about codependency and abusive relationships and narcissism.

I like reading about conspiracy theories and there are people here at this site like bevdee who are conspiracy gurus and if ya start a discussion they will give you lots to google and discover.

I changed my bedroom around, then the living room, painted. I made the house MINE, like I was starting anew and I was in control of it. I liked that. being in control of my home though it felt strange at first.

I got birds. I always wanted birds. so I got some.

I took a class online. there are many classes to take online and if ya take a class at a community college the cost is minimal. Ya just sign up for it, go to one class where the instructor explains everything, and ya follow the directions they give you regarding e-mail and assignments. It's so easy to do this though i was scared to death of an online class kuz it seemed so strange.

I think the key is, if it feels strange, just do it. After awhile, I don't know how this happens, but you'll look back and say "wow, I really did live in a shell." This happened to me. I like my shell though and sometimes retreat into it.

Not entering into another abusive relationship is going to be tricky. You'll be drawn to one. So read and read and discover. Maybe journal. I did this for awhile too.

Try to do something everyday. Something out of the ordinary. Finding yourself isn't the actual quest. The quest is to just- become.

I still haven't found myself, but I've definitely "become." And am still, "becoming".

You will too. This is a journey. And journeys are taken one step at a time.

you've taken the first on a remarkable path.

hugs

free

May 5, 2008
4:34 am
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Tumbleweed8
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Free, I just want to say what you have posted here is so true. There is something we can all do, like you said just one little thing at a time. Thankyou for that.

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