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Special note to Barefootgirl
June 14, 2010
12:59 pm
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Hepburn
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(((MsG)))

Geez, I don't know which thread I should post on....

I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. Obviously, I could say a lot of things about this situation, but unless asked, I'm going to hold my tongue.

I've learned a few things while being on this site. One is not to rely on it to fix my problems. I can only fix myself through inner work. The other is this site is a MENTAL HEALTH site. We're dealing with people (Including myself of course) who have issues. HELLO! (Not saying "HELLO" to you MsG, but in general.) I can be just as guilty in forgetting that as anyone else here. Some people use this site to work on their problems and others live in denial of their problems, they think they have it all figured out. If that's so, then why are they here?

I know we're all just a bunch of faceless, screwed up (albeit trying to recover), cyber people, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate your passion MsG. I think you've contributed a great deal here. And really I just wanted to say that I like you in general and I know how you feel.

Love,

The Screaming Banshee Woman (LMAO)

June 14, 2010
1:33 pm
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MsGuided
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OMG ((HEP!))

"Screaming Banshee Woman."

Oh u showed a weakness and that defines you?! NOPE!

It's a TWO WAY STREET. Loyalty, compassion and well, KINDNESS.

It's easier to blame and name call. Deny any investment made.phhft!

You felt hurt abandoned and were honest. I understand that. You didn't judge her personal life decisions or actions so harshly. Tried to work out a conflict and got dumped.

What am i supposed to do?! I can't and won't try to control anyone. The parties have to be willing to engage. AND i won't put myself at risk when i work so hard to heal my issues.

"screwed up faceless cyber people"....well I get your response...BUT It's about healing Hep. Loneliness isn't a good feeling or any way to live.

WE know loneliness and want to get rid of it.

AAC can only go so far in healing that need. Take the tools and lessons here and aplly it to our lives? I feel a tinge of loneliness here. I don't really KNOW YA'LL.

Can't smell, see, touch, hear, or experience your surroundings.

If AAC offers up some ongoing genuine support then that's a gift.

I do appreciate those gifts and Thank YOU AAC members

Disconnection is a HUGE problem in this world. U KNOW THAT! So many of us know that. LIVE IT!

I don't want to feed my disconnection or anyone elses unless they are a danger to me ya know?!

I don't want to feel disconnection, or have it compound in my life. I don't need people making vows and abandoning me either. But I've learned that's on them not me. It doesn't hurt as much anymore.

I DO feel connection with so many of you here, BUT ......got it? :0)

No I'm not going to ask. I'm not going to carry on without her present and participating. I'm just letting it go for now OK? She has to make the first move of peaceful resolution if she wants.

My door is open.

Sorry Hep. I know it still hurts, but you're ok! You got a good life and have come so far.

I appreciate you ((Hep)) even tho we don't interact a lot lately. Please don't take it personally or read into it negatively. I'm trying to simplify things here. ;0)

I may post to you more in the near future.

I'm going to P/T soon. End of JUNE!YEAY! ( Maybe?) LOL

Be Well!

June 14, 2010
5:14 pm
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MsGuided
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Oh Hep.

Mental health site indeed. U got it.

June 15, 2010
1:44 am
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Hepburn
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(((MsG)))

Well I'm glad you have a good perspective on it anyway! Lots of triggers for me! Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel vindicated in a way.

Yes, simplifying is a good thing. I've been doing that here myself.

What is P/T? Physical Therapy? What happened? Anyway it made you happy. So I'm happy for ya!

Take your time MsG. Post WHEN you want and WHAT you want. There is no wrong way.

Everything happens for a reason.

Love,

Hep

June 17, 2010
4:00 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Its never a good feeling to feel left out...however that is a feeling I always had all my life...
Feeling unwanted, left out, not good enough...
I need to do something bout that...to at least not care so much?
But how do you not care when so many leave you out in life?
Not fitting in...

June 18, 2010
10:29 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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One last thought before we leave the house this morning......

To find people who understand and to focus on those who DO CARE. Like on here, I was so upset over all the negative that I was missing out on the postive here..

I think I actually may of got this, I hope so! Have a great day all. We are off to the waters and sun today!

Love BFG

June 18, 2010
10:42 am
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alien
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((BFG)) 🙂

So happy you seem in good spirits today! I'm going to leave cyber-world for awhile. I'll be sending good vibes. I'm grateful for your participation here. Gratitude feels good eh? 😉 Take care

June 18, 2010
12:57 pm
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StronginHim77
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BFG -

I copied this from the Gulf Crisis thread:

BFG -

This is a forum. People will frequently post things which prove offensive, hurtful or downright infuriating to others. Again, it's a forum. That means ALOT of different people come together to express themselves, elicit feedback and opinions or vent their spleen.

You will encounter varying degrees of woundedness. You will encounter people with personal "agendas." You will encounter people who simply rub you the wrong way or make you feel like pondscum.

I encourage you to learn to brush it off and HOLD YOUR OWN. Just because someone drops a negative in your lap is no reason to run. Stand your ground and realize there are people here who DO enjoy interacting with you (and vice versa). People with whom you explore POSITIVE and supportive interaction.

I've been on these threads for nearly four years. Many "hits" have come, but so have some wonderful friendships which have blessed me immensely.

This is actually a great learning curve for you. You can bolt and run because you were offended, or you can stand your ground and continue to be yourself. Too bad for anyone who can't handle that. Their problem...not yours. Besides, the world is NOT all warm and fuzzy. We learn to take the positive and NOT LET THE NEGATIVE GET TO US.

So, you have a choice: GO or GROW. I am hoping you will stick around. Your contributions to these threads have had some real "gems." Like all the rest of us, you are testing the waters and learning to swim.

Come on, BFG...tread water and check out the high dive!

- Ma

June 18, 2010
1:28 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Barefoot Girl,

I am addressing you and only you in this post. I certainly did not mean my post to deeply wound and offend you. There were many nights I would pour my heart out on these threads and no one or maybe only one person would respond to me. I would get my feelings hurt and feel like a leper. I would show up and everyone would evaporate. Then I finally realized it wasn't about me. I may be pouring my heart out but other's were out living their lives and didn't have time to respond to me or they may not have had anything to say to help my situation. I realized that in the grand scheme of things no one on this site is wondering around day after day thinking about me and if I am OK. And you know what I am finally OK with that. In my own bumbling way I was trying to give you the shortcut to where I am.

In the grand scheme of life I am Bitsy, a name I chose because of a dog I knew and loved as a child. I am five letters that are attached to someone on the other end of a computer screen. I really don't matter in your life. If I never posted here again it wouldn't change who you are or really effect you in any way. I am OK with that. My wish for you is that you can reach the point of peace in your life that you are OK with that as well.

You have worth simply because you are Bare Foot Girl and that is enough. No more no less. I certainly didn't mean my words in harm or to stir up a hornets nest.

Take what you like and is encouraging about what I post. Consider what you don't like and why and either choose to accept it or ignore it. It is your choice. Not mine and not anyone elses. We have a saying in Celebrate Recovery. You have enough to do keeping your own side of the street swept. I have enough to do keeping my side of the street swept.

Bitsy

June 18, 2010
1:42 pm
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marypoppins
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Bitsy,

You stopped posting for a while when you didn't hear what you wanted from people and didn't get the attention you believed you deserved. I don't think you're free from throwing a tantrum when you don't get what you want.

In addition, I still hear you blaming others, your ex, R, etc. for what was done to or not done for you. Yes, you've progressed, but you still have a tendency to see things as black or white, all or nothing.

I hope you continue going to Celebrate Recovery and take this in the loving way it is intended. I have been thinking about wanting to say these things to you for a while. Because you grew up with an alcoholic mom, I believe you're in the habit of pointing the finger at someone else. It's a hard habit to shake. However, sometimes, it really IS you, Bitsy. It doesn't mean you're an awful, horrible person, it just means that you have things to work on as well.

As do we all.

With affection,

Mary

June 18, 2010
2:14 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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And there's the difference Mary. At one time your words would have crushed me. They don't.

Bitsy

June 18, 2010
2:28 pm
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marypoppins
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That's good, Bitsy. I wasn't looking to crush you. But we "know" each other a little, right? We've both made ourselves vulnerable here, and we've given one another genuine support over the years.

Anyway, let me take this opportunity to wish you and your family and friends, actually all of the AAC posters affected by the oil crisis, the very best. It truly is horrible and sickening beyond words.

Love,
Mary

June 18, 2010
2:50 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Mary, for what it's worth I have always appreciated knowing that we each were hurt by "religiousity" and each took a different path on our lifes journey, but have found a common ground of mutual respect.

Bitsy

June 18, 2010
2:55 pm
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marypoppins
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That's worth a lot, Bitsy. I continue to read these boards and follow everyone's story. You have faced and conquered things (for lack of a better catch-all word) that I haven't, and I'm inspired by that.

June 18, 2010
3:19 pm
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See there? It's all perception. I still post a lot and you don't so I think you are all healed up and I am not. What's the joke? If you can't serve as a role model (inspiration) at least serve as a warning.

Bitsy

June 18, 2010
3:34 pm
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bevdee
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I've been thinking about what Bitsy posted, you aren't important enough..... You know, I used to feel this way about some things. I don't know why. I wondered today if it was because I felt so self-conscious all the time. When I went out in public, I felt I had to be all matching - earrings to pull out the color of the perfect outfit, shoes belt and purse had to match. Hair had to be just so, make-up perfect.

If not - why, people might talk. Did my mom instill this in me? I have to think about it. Did stuff happen to me in high school? Sure. HIgh school girls are bitches and live for that shit. I know the small town churches I went to were like that. Gossip that affected what I thought? Shaped my fears? It's not that way now. I have been to WalMart in my pajamas, and it was not in the newspaper. Most times I do get dressed, but don't do my hair, just go natural, and I dont' even get negative responses. Some guy flirted with me at the auto parts store, and I hadn't even combed my hair.

When I was in my 20s, I would be crushed if people didn't rave about my contribution to a pot-luck at work. Pissed really, then hurt. And I would tell people outside the job how badly that made me feel. How I worked my ass off cooking real food, and someone got more thanks for store-bought cake, yadayadayada.......

I was afraid to say things, afraid that I would clear the room, or bring on a maelstrom of disapproval. Well, feeling the way I did about religion in my family, it's little wonder. I was also hurt by the slightest criticism. I did the same thing at work that BFG does here.. If I got a suggestion for change, or a less than perfect yearly eval, I would go to everyone and tell my tale, try to get approval, and people to tell me I was right and they were wrong. It just made everyone uncomfortable, and they avoided me. That is what reinforced my belief about being unworthy, not that I voiced an opinion, but the way I processed what I perceived as criticism. So. alone, in my mind, that person became a villain. It could become very black and white.

When I finally started posting here, I chose to stick mostly on Libs, because I'm not so supportive - of many things. I had worked my way thru being a professional victim, and I had (have) little sensitivity toward suicidal posts, cause they always come back. I speak my mind, my opinion, and people on Support claim that hurts them. That's why I stick to Libs. There was something that happened here about 5 years ago, a big blow out that I thought i would never forget. I stopped posting for a while, because of it. I recently went back to read it, and what I thought was so horrible, what I perceived as a ganging up, wasn't that at all. It was an interaction between two posters, with other people on the thread. When I was calm, and had grown (I'd like to think) I saw it differently.

Really, if you post something on Libs, you should expect anything. Agreement, disagreement. If you are continually hurt by that, you choose to be. It's just a question of how long do I choose to hurt by the same thing? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

People frequently say they are never coming back, they just can't but they always do!! Like those suiciders!!!

June 18, 2010
4:29 pm
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bevdee
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Oh NO!!!! I killed the thread!!!!!!

June 18, 2010
5:02 pm
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StronginHim77
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Grinning...No, Bevdee. The thread is NOT dead.

: )

- Ma

June 18, 2010
9:26 pm
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Thank you Bevdee. You expressed what I obviosly was unable to.

Bitsy

June 19, 2010
9:11 am
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bevdee
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Not so Bitsy!! We just say it different. I appreciate that you gave me something to ponder..

Oh by the way, I am the center of the universe. The center of my universe. Maturity comes when we realise that everyone is the center of their own. ya know? That allows for other perspectives, I think. And it should knock out megalomania.

June 19, 2010
9:12 am
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bevdee
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:~) at you, Ms Strong. Funny you get me. :O

June 19, 2010
10:01 am
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It's just a relief to know someone "got" what I meant.

Bitsy

June 19, 2010
10:04 am
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It's just a relief to know someone "got" what I meant.

Bitsy

June 21, 2010
10:23 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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June 26, 2010
3:24 pm
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Thinking of ya, hope ur ok..SMILE

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