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Sewunique
June 11, 2005
11:23 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Jesus H. Bush!

I've just been piecing together a few threads and posts of yours.

I see you struggling with coming to terms with your husband's criminal behavior, and what that means for your children.

I hear you struggling with the aftereffects of some unwise medication schedules--bad medicine

Should you get your medical records? In my opinion? As a nurse? Fuck Yes!

You seem to be hinting at and beating around the bush about some other "secret" that you have perhaps deduced or discovered, and you are struggling with how to address/deal with/confront. I understand that one. It would be easier for us to help you though, if you just spilled the beans and told us what it is you believe you may have discovered--what secret?

As far as being committed goes...

You're a nurse, so I think you know that there are indications and contraindications for inpatient treatment.

I say, and I'll bet you will say that the time for inpatient psychiatric care is called for.

1) When a patient poses a danger to themselves or others.

2) When a patient is unable to accomplish activities of daily living.

To me, one of the strongest contraindcators for inpatient treatment is when an abusive person wants their partner to be committed!!!!!!

June 11, 2005
11:52 pm
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sewunique
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Okay, WD,

I am sorry I frustrated you and yes, me beating around the bush. But not many here are straight shooters as yourself, and I really needed your and CM's input, regarding the meds and yes, wondering if my daughter and ex thought maybe I was crazy.

After shock, maybe? I was faltering back and forth on that issue. Crazy? not crazy? BElieve them? Or not believe them? I mean, how or why would they say other wise, had it not been true? WD, I am trying to figure out why I was in such horrible shape back then and here I am today, fully functioning and a pretty damn good human specimen of health!!!

You answwered many of my questions, though! Golly gee, beating around the bush...but I just hate to write out words that may be accusing something that are only my thoughts or suspicions of ...is my daughter in the web of my ex's abuse and manipulation? Or did they have sex? Or just a bit of only foreplay? f**** this crap.

I hate to think or write what thoughts I have, and I was on an emotional roller coaster thinking about everything.

There is so much going on here with prevention of foreclosure of my mom's condo, where I live, closing the guardianship and being executrix, with my divorce final in April, but settlement not done yet, that my plate is full. Perhaps why this roller coaster ride is happening? Maybe aftershock from disbelief? Does this happen? I this common? Is there such a thing as after shock? i don't think I have post stress trauma, or maybe some? Who knows?

But thank you for answering, I do respect you and your information, as well as your straight forwardness. Say, if I had a faltal disease, I'd like someone like you to tell me straight out, not fudge around with evasiveness.

Thanks, WD, (((((((((big hugs))))))

Sew/C

June 11, 2005
11:53 pm
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sewunique
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Say, since when can we connect the name of bush with the big JC????? smiles

June 11, 2005
11:58 pm
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sewunique
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To me, one of the strongest contraindcators for inpatient treatment is when an abusive person wants their partner to be committed!!!!!!

I so totally agree with this. Thank God he failed at that one.

Some day, the whole thing is going to come out........the ex's behavior, the pictures, all of it. IT all comes back full circle; life is a viscious-circle.

June 12, 2005
2:47 am
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Look, Sew,

Let's do a reality check, here.

Yes, there is definitely an emotional if not physical incest going on with your daughter and ex. Hello? You tell her about his sexual misconduct with girls (which is also cheating on you by the way) and she acts as if you are mean and crazy!!?

YOur daughter is an adult now, and no longer being victimized by your ex. Let her be ok.

You were not "crazy" in the episode you described--you were experincing symptoms of drug overdose, drug interactions, drug withdrawal, and probably just plain unintended side effects. I think that psychoactive meds of any kind need to be taken very seriously, and not prescibed lightly or the psychochemotherapy left unmonitored.

You might have done better just smoking pot. Or soaking in a hot tub and getting massaged regularly. Or maybe, just maybe, your ex was driving you crazy.

Come on, he was definitely an asshole. That's the clinical term. I am an artist, and I have done nude and erotic paintings. But an artist does not seek out underage women to practice his craft with, he does not take erotic photos of his children, and he does not conceal his "artistic" activities from his wife!

June 12, 2005
7:51 am
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Sew,

Don't want to take over here, just wanted to put in a little "P.S."

You had mentioned:

"There is so much going on here with prevention of foreclosure of my mom's condo, where I live, closing the guardianship and being executrix, with my divorce final in April, but settlement not done yet, that my plate is full. Perhaps why this roller coaster ride is happening? Maybe aftershock from disbelief? Does this happen? I this common? Is there such a thing as after shock? i don't think I have post stress trauma, or maybe some? Who knows? "

To add my 2 cents' worth, when we go thru enormously stressful times is when underlying conflicts and disorders are aggravated, because the energy needed to maintain our defense mechanisms is being used elsewhere.

Your plate was not only full, you probably went into overload. Allow yourself that, (do I sound like a broken record? 🙂 allow yourself to be who you were, who you are today and who you want to become.

Yes, and there is the law of "sowing and reaping", "what goes around comes around". It all DOES come full circle. The hard part is letting go and not seeking our own revenge.

June 12, 2005
3:36 pm
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I'd say go for it CM. This one is kind of overwhelming. The power of denial is amazing.

I still think the guy is a schmuck.

June 12, 2005
3:52 pm
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WD,

You mean "revenge therapy"?

June 12, 2005
4:27 pm
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sewunique
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CM,

I am feeling better emotionally with some, no lots of sleep, and just writing out things instead of stuffing it.

WD,

revenge therapy? I do want revenge, yes, of course, big time. I was just thinking of his big retirement dinner from teaching they will be having for him maybe this year, maybe next. And of course the entire family will be there to give acculades of honor to him. Maybe my daughter and her three children as well, which is the common pratice.

And then I could slip an envelope on his dinner plate, he would open it up and there would be a copy of one of his pictures he took. He would turngreen, maybe puke right then and there.

Or send a copy of one of his past students to his principal and write; :do you know this girl? She was a 6th grade student here a while back, now she is graduated from high school and ther=se pix are her "engagement pictures". Yes, do you know this girl? One of your teachers here does, as he is the claimed photographer of these pctures.

June 12, 2005
4:34 pm
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sewunique
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I am not sure if my ex was banging my daughter or not. But in his mind he may have been. Besides, he had three scripts of viagra that he needed. Still figuring that one out; 48 doses minus four for me in two years.

I hurt for my daughter as I think she was a victim of him, at least emotionally. My father just recently said that he thought it peculiar the attention my ex paid to my daughter, just before we married. And my dad only was there at my house once, which was just for our wedding, so that is weird.

It is really a good choice I moved from wis to fl, cuz I could really do hard damage to this man. And I am better than that. Too bad I am such a knid and sweet person, but I do not want ot turn out to be a witch, you know? Anyone can be vile if backed into a corner.

June 12, 2005
4:46 pm
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sewunique
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WD,

I think I can accept this and realize this.

"Let's do a reality check, here.

Yes, there is definitely an emotional if not physical incest going on with your daughter and ex. Hello? You tell her about his sexual misconduct with girls (which is also cheating on you by the way) and she acts as if you are mean and crazy!!? "

And I think this is right and true. Yes, I can see this, just let it soak in a bit.

"But an artist does not seek out underage women to practice his craft with, he does not take erotic photos of his children, and he does not conceal his "artistic" activities from his wife! "

WD, I have come to the conclusion, after this problem with my ex, and some other people when I cared for my mom, that people have an agenda to what they day and do. But most importantly is this........what are there intentions? Find that out and you have a whole lot of truth in that.

So thisw is part of why I need to figure out so many things here. What wwere his intentions? He tried to commit me and get my disability insurance before I filed for divorce.

What were his and my daughter s intentions in trying to commit me AFTER I filed for divorce?

At least the doctr said that was not necessary at all. The doc told me to get my own bank account, cuz I would never have any money from him and he would never change. Shouldn't the doc been able to see if my ex was abusive, manipulative, charming and controlling?

CM,

I agree, I really do need to look into getting a coulselor that has dealt with and understands abuse!

I am not in denial.......I am trying to see the reality of these possibilities.

Thank you WD for your time and thoughts and CM for your prayeers as well.

Sew

June 12, 2005
4:54 pm
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Sew, hang in...this is a door opening to heal, hard to realize when there is so much hurt and shock involved, but you know all of us will support you and help to see you through,
hugs my dear buddy,
omw/S

June 12, 2005
5:10 pm
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sewunique
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Thanks, OMW, as always!

Sew/C

June 12, 2005
7:40 pm
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you're welcome! 🙂

June 12, 2005
8:31 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi CODA _MOM, et all.

Let me get the record straight. I never used the word "revenge" and I certianly never suggested anything like "revenge therapy"

When I said "Go for it" I was addressing myself to CM in response to her saying that she did not want to "butt in" to this thread.

Sheesh you guys.

June 12, 2005
8:50 pm
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Sew,

Recall WD's first law of psychology.

You cant ever really tell what someone is thinking.

Screw his intentions! His behavior sucks!

But if we must go there.....

What are the most likely intentions of a man who

1) Takes erotic photos of children including his own daughter?

2) Conceals that "hobby" from his wife?

3) Tries to "get " his wifes disability insurance money?

4) Tries to commit his ex wife?

Look sew, if you were a clear danger to yourself or others, or utterly unable to accomplish any activities of daily living, then maybe some imnpatient time would have benefited you. Otherwise, it was just another abusive tactic. You decide.

"Shouldn't the doc been able to see if my ex was abusive, manipulative, charming and controlling?"

Yes, the doctor "should" have but didn't.

June 12, 2005
9:20 pm
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Ohhh, WD, I got a little confused there. Sorry 'bout that, I have to slow down while reading the threads at times, they can get so busy and replies get confused.

What's interesting, though, is how fast, Sew, you jumped on the idea and even came up with a plan...gave you 10 minutes of pure pleasure, huh?

But back to reality, girl, we know where vengeance comes from and he will get back what his deeds deserve.

June 12, 2005
11:14 pm
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sewunique
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WD,

Geez willickers, it really does read that way! Keeps you on your toes, don't we? With a smile, I hope. So "go for it' was taken in err of your intentions and look what happened here? So no harm done. You pushed me forward with that remark to CM! 'Yep, your rule applies even here with misunderstnding of what you said!

So to add to your additional post here...

Correcton; my daughter was 17 when we married and she states she does not consider him as her "father" in any sense; so perhaps that is part of the problem, as far as ethics and values and mores stand. She definately could use some counseling herself.

Yes, yes, I see your point about listing his bad behaviors. Discovering his intentions I feel will help me....guess his intention was.....to do me harm? To control? To have a single lifestyle with marriage benefits? To gain sympathy of his poor life with poor C........?
That sounds about right. I think I am satisfied with that synopsis.

You bet I am going to get my records!!! From the psychiatrist and the psychologist therapist. May be revealing things said about when my ex attended the visit? Also had my daughter attend with me once. Will let you guys know if there is more to share. WD, is my situation with the therapists anything like yours? The bad results? You have my permission, (and CM), but no one else, to use it for research if you need or like.

In all honesty, I was in bad shape with the meds. But, there would have to be a hearing, they probably would have adjusted all sorts of meds. etc and I am on nothing right now. I saw myself in the position if signed in, with him as the legal beneficiary and could have gotten POA, or what ever, I would never be here today. I would be stuck lost on meds and my brain buring out with drugs forever. I truly believe this. So I got the strength to stop the drugs slowly and within 3 days, could actually think again. (I was a complete zombie for lasck of medical terminology). That was four days before his countdown of putting me in the hospital.

See, when I found SOME pictures, all I said and I quote; "I found the pictures." He went into a rage. Trying to tear off his clothes, jumped me onto the floor, in the name of "but I love you". First time ever for the rage, but it happened again, later.

He told the truth with his words of reply and actions, didn't he? That moment changed my life and gave me confirmation. I even carried a tape recorder beofre I confronted him; taped it to confirm it for me later. I was desparate for the truth. Yep, paranoia was there in me then as well.

Boy, a lot of work done here this weedkend. I think the denial is lifting. I do not wish to face depression as the next step in this grieving process. Kubler-Ross any suggestions?

But really, my gratitude, dear friend, as ever.

Sew

*************************************

CM,

Hee hee hee haw haw, yep.....burning with desire!!! My creative mind is just popping with all sorts of creative ways to give pain like a tiny fire ant's bite that itches like hell then forms a pustule for about a month!!!

So is this revenge therapy?

"revenge is mine saith the Lord".....but I want a piece of the action!!!

It has been a heavy weekend with all of this. Time to put things aside and prepare for the week ahead.

What is next? Where do I go from here? Suppose just let it soak in and let my subconscious do some work?

Thanks for all your time and effort here to give me some direction!

Sew

********************************************

WD and CM, thanks for your time and wonderful input! Love and ((((((((hugs)))))))))))) to you both.

SEW/C

June 13, 2005
1:34 am
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sewunique
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CM and WD..............you're the best of the best!!!

June 13, 2005
6:12 am
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(sniff, sniff), look at that, paw...yesterday she was learning to walk and now she's gittin' ready to leave home.

Sew, anytime you need more "vengeance therapy" just remember where you can find it 😉

(((hugs)))

June 14, 2005
2:17 pm
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sewunique
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Thanks, Cm,

and here's a hanky, you're tearing me up as well.

So THAT was 'vengence therapy'? It sure does get the anger out! Did some more last nite here.....am so dramatic, neighbors thought I was loosing it! (Naw, not really, LOL).

Yes, we do tend to 'stuff feelings', don't we as coda? Hard to cry also, but am there with that now. Feels ok when you can turned off the faucet tho.

Know who is great with vengence therapy? Zinnie. She gave me a visual description of a fancy car, my choice, running over this figure, my choice, my ex, who was laying on the road. Thump, thump.

OH! Thought I was going into the next phase from denial into depression, which I dread happening, but actually think that I am working thru anger!!!! What a relief.....hope when I get to the depresion stage it doesn't take me WAAAAAAAAAAAy down to depths of despair, but will worry about that when the time comes.

So..........bump, bump.

and BUMP, just for good measure!

Sew/C

June 14, 2005
6:22 pm
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Actually, Sew, I was referring to the verse you used:

"revenge is mine saith the Lord".....

and called it "vengeance therapy", taking the responsibility to even the score and giving it to Someone who can do a more complete job 🙂

Crying is good, I would think that it helps keep our blood pressure down (?) and can also be a safe expression of anger.

It would seem that you have been thru a lot of the grief work already, including the depression part. The intimate relationship with your ex-husband probably ended a long time ago. The actual divorce would seem, to me, to have only been a formality.

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