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Sew Confused, to the next step.
June 29, 2006
12:07 pm
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on my way
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I think it is great that she acknowledged your letter. It's a fact that she is angry, but she put it aside to write...that is a big step Sew. Look for the positive...one step at a time, one day at a time. I think that even though it was not a warm and fuzzy letter, it was a letter. The door is ajar, and you can keep it open. =)

hugs dear friend,
omw

June 30, 2006
1:45 am
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sewunique
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Ready

It was nice that your pc or fingers burped to post twice, because I had to read it twice, actualy four times.

My heart is heavy. The door is open but I am so afraid that just the wrong word or whatever will set her off and she will colse the door again and this time put a padlock on it.

I feel I have to be so cautious in it all. Then I wonder what if and what happens if I agree and send her all that she asks and that is all she wants is 'stuff' and that will be it.

In my mind, I think of all that I was treated; beltings with a bare bottom until I was fourteen and tampax was a necessity, beltings with red welts and cuts across the thighs and having to be seen with it in gym class, etc and I never belted my daughter, a couple bottom smacks when little, a few other disciplines mostly time outs to sit and watch the clock for 5 minutes, then some restrictions not going to parties when she was put on restriction as a teen. I wonder where and how wrong I went? How can she be so angry? This isn't all about this moment of my moving away and divorcing. I know it is more than that.

I feel so much a failure. Yet, away from our relationship, she is great, so I must have done some things right

Anyway, I will take what you offered to heart and try to lighten my burden. The joking and smiles from me to others in my world are just not working for me right now. I am amazed how many people really do like me. Like Sally Fields said at her academy awards acceptance speech; "The like me. They really, really liked me!"

You are so dear for your support and caring as you are. Thank you dear friend.

Sew

June 30, 2006
1:54 am
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sewunique
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OMW

I so agree, it is open. And I do not want to put a wedge in the door when she may decide to shut it from whatever I may unknowingly say that might cause her to turn the other way.

Can you notice how my flow of thoughts are stunted when I write trying to express myself when talking about my daughter? My feelings are so deep, I think I love her too much, maybe I suffocate her?

I just wanted to love her and do right by her and not give her what traumas I had endured. How the heck did I mess her up so? I am so lost.

I really have to find some family counselor here that I can share how to approach her and what to say or not to say. I am a mother and yet I am lost. I feel I must be horrible horrible person.

Wil keep working on this. I am sorry for saying all this. It is sad and ugly.

Thanks for being my friend and caring about me no matter what you think. You give me the benefit of the doubt as others do. Thanks for that.

You are a special person, and dear friend too.

Sew

June 30, 2006
2:19 am
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sewunique
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i CANNOT BELIEVE IT. I has a huge post, the story, and lost the post.

Darn, going to bed, it exhausted me.

June 30, 2006
10:29 am
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on my way
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((((((Sew))))))
I don't think you messed her up, kids know how to do that on their own! =), nothing we can control sometimes!

Pray for wisdom and you will receive it.

have a good day.

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