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self-harm...why do i do this? bfg
June 10, 2013
5:43 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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A hair therapist?  Seriously Loreal Pearl?  Are you trying to throw your concept of humour at a very serious situation?  I do not find it funny.  People or children who practice self harm such as cutting or pulling out their hair need medical attention with a therapist that is well versed in these particular behaviours.  This kind of self harm is very high level & should not be dismissed.  It comes from the child having way too much pressure on them due to outside forces and or within the home & is likely the most hurtful form of self harm one can practice.  Drug Rehab is not the solution for these issues.  Not unless the self harm is done in addition to taking drugs or harmful substances.

July 15, 2013
8:54 pm
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2013ways
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I think Loreal Pearl and others are posting hereConfused to get there web sites linked in to increase their ranking in a google search.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 16, 2013
11:43 am
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2013ways
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I agree with what oneday says about getting rid of people that are causing harm. 

I agree that it promotes healing if someone acknowledged, apoligized and didn't deny their role in a situation.

To keep someone in your life that is toxic based on the fact they share genetic information with you or are your friend or any other reason is an excuse not a reason & that thinking  will keep you stuck in In toxic waste. 

Although someone may have caused another pain in the past it can't be used as an excuse to cause themself pain in the future. The same way a person wants someone from their past to acknowledge, apologize etc. for harming them is the same way a person needs to acknowledge and apologize to the people in the present such as their children, partner, etc. who are adversly affected by their self harming, destructive, dysfunctional behavior. 

In my life I want harmful people from my past and present out of my life and plan to do what I can to avoid harmful people in the future. I don't want to want anything from them. I want to want what is best for myself and to give myself persmission to be the best I can be so I can be the best influence on those around me. No more excuses just great planning, and hard work so the new healthy things can grow and replace the old dead useless stuff. 

For my growth as a person I need to stop looking at those that have had a negative impact on my life and start doing an inventory of those who I have harmed and make amends and let them decide if they want to forgvie me or not. All humans are guilty of playing the role of a preyor as much as they have played the role of the vicitm. Only a hippocrite would have a list of people who owe them apologies without the list containing who they owe apologizes to. I want to be the person that I want others to be. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 16, 2013
12:29 pm
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onedaythiswillpass
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Well, for me it's not that way at all.  I am done forgiving & I am done accepting apologies.  I want to just be left alone to do what I have to do for my children and make it through each day.  Today I went through hell by myself & no one cares, trust me.  I am here alone, will always be here alone & I don't want anything more than being able to sleep & read and run once in a while.  I am a slave to my chores for the children.  I have no life & no family that cares for me.  When I look back I see that no one ever really cared for me at all.  I guess my parents changed my dirty diapers and fed me, but by 8 I think I pretty much did everything for myself.

 

ONe Day

July 16, 2013
2:19 pm
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2013ways
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One Day,

For me forgiving and accepting apologizes won't change today or tomorow. I do have those in my life that I want to repair and rebuild a relationship with. 

Unfortuantly I have never been cared for or provided for by anyone nor have I ever wanted to be.

I do care about you and feel bad to hear that you are not feeling well today.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 16, 2013
4:32 pm
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onedaythiswillpass
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Ocean,

thanks for caring, but I will be just fine on my own.  I have let go of all my real relationships.  The one with you is safe & when people in my past with whom I used to speak to want to talk, I just talk about nothing in particular.  I do not make any phone calls anymore except to check on my kids if I'm away or in a situation where I really have to call someone like a cab or a teacher, doctor, pharmacist, etc.

Like I said, I read a lot, sleep a lot, Do alot of housework & when I can I go and jog a lot.

I am trying to deal with my feelings by writing in my own journal instead of talking with friends & family because I have realized that they do not want to hear anything I have to say.

 

One Day

July 16, 2013
9:34 pm
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2013ways
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One Day,

You just had surgery, so I don't think you are feeling the best you have ever felt. I don't really have any relationships to let go of. I like to come here to say what I have to say and I don't remember most of what went on because it was so crazy and when I forget I can go back and read and I'm happy to say I'm in a better place and have resolved some stuff. 

My friends are damn good at getting on the phone and emotionally vomiting on me when ever they need to and I don't care. I let them say what they have to say. BUT if I need to talk to them I get cut off, my feelings are minimized and told I just need to get over it and move on. 

One of my friends is coming over in the morning with a four wheel drive that I might buy so I can go off roading. The one who sent me a stupid text blasting me is supposed to be coming from mexico to see me tomorrow.

I did swim and jog tonight.

Let me know how you are feeling.

OB 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 17, 2013
4:23 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Ocean,

well, I don't think its quite fair in a friendship that one gets to emotionally blast you & you need to keep your problems to yourself.  I refuse to be in those kinds of friendships anymore because that is how I got to this point.  I wanted an equal partner in every sense of the word & I believed I could find one, but now I see that it is not possible for me.

I just live each day & help those that I can who are not close to me from a distance.  No sense having someone have a piece of your heart if all they proceed to do is tear it to shreds.

 

One Day

July 17, 2013
6:57 am
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2013ways
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OD,

You are so very very right about those kinds of "friendships" being unfair. My BBF says that it turns her on to control people and can't stand the fact that she can't control me, that I don't need her and I put a stop to people who try to ef with me. When I went through my situation with my ex my BBF told me she wanted me to go on that show so she could laugh at me when the judge told me off then kept insisting that I had no basis for the restraining order and no right to send me ex a demand to return my stuff back or  to file a small claims case against her when she didn't. I told my BBF that the judge felt that I had a basis for a restraining order and that's why I was granted one and the legal team on the TV show examined the facts of my complaint and felt I had a strong case. I wasn't asking my BBF persmission I was just looking for support. I felt that the only thing that would stop my ex from the non stop harassment and protect me was a restraining order and it did but it was only a temporary one. I also have a right to let a judge decide about the property issue. Bottom line is my ex has no right to stalk me on the internet, use third parties to send me annoying messages on my cell phone through hers or to call me on my phone with hers, try to impersonate others, have others impersonate her, or send me messages on internet sites I visit. Yes, people do dumb stuff that needs to be let go but she has been pulling this shit on me for years and half the time I don't even know about it. I felt like I had to do whatever it took to restore my dignity and to let her know that she does not control where I visit on the internet or what people I communicate with. She still showed up on an internet site acting like she didn't know it was me just to say that someone is making her life hell and stood her up on a TV and she wants closure. She should have thought about all of that before she made unsolicited negative contact with me and took things under false pretenses. Now she is upset because I won't drop my claim against her and she will have to either spend more money than what she owes me to fly out and try to defend herself or get a judgement against her. Either way that's on her all she has to do is return my stuff and she can just go on with her life. 

I think it is better to keep my distance with people until I feel comfortable enough to bring them closer which for me can take a long time.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

OB

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

July 17, 2013
7:03 am
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2013ways
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PS my BBF who terrorizes me over my decison to legally get rid of my ex thinks it's perfectly fine to go on and on about some woman she used to work with that she filed a sexual harassment complaint against who got fired for sexually harassing her and is now suing her and the company. MY BBF has this woman and the situation on blast on her FB page where everyone is rallying around her for support. She was my witness for my TV show BS and she refused to accept a free trip and an appearance fee to help me out. Some friend. Wink

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

August 14, 2013
9:05 pm
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ShiningLight
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Well, there is this thing we called "Subconscious Mind". It does not think or reason independently; it merely obeys the commands it receives from your conscious mind. Your conscious mind commands and your subconscious mind obeys. Your subconscious mind is an unquestioning or uncomplaining servant/follower that works day and night to make your behavior fits a pattern consistent with your emotionalized thoughts, hopes, and desires. All your habits of thinking and acting are stored in your subconscious mind.

September 2, 2013
10:34 pm
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ShiningLight
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Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.

September 23, 2013
2:51 pm
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Lost_Soul
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I am a former cutter. I cut off and on for about two years, starting when I was about 17. In my head, there were three reasons why I cut: my emotions would be high (feeling frantic and anxious) so I cut to feel low (mellow). If I was too low (very sad or depressed), I cut to feel numb. And if I was really numb, I cut to feel. It was a visious cycle, because it felt like my head was always a mess back then, so it seemed like I always cut. When I did cut, it was never very deep, just enough to break the skin. In my head, as soon as I saw blood well, it was like the screwed up things in my head were leaving my body along with the blood.

A lot of people think those that self-harm do it merely for attention, but I can say that's not the truth - at least not for me. There's only ever been a handful of people I've told - a few close friends, and one family member. It was something I was very ashamed of.

The very last time I cut I'd used a steak knife, and slashed my forearm several times. I can't remember now what brought it on, but I just remember feeling so overwhelmed.

I'm almost 30, and it's been 10 years since that last time I cut. It's the only scars I have left from that dark time in my life. I have a half-sleeve tattoo on that same arm, but the ink never stuck in the scars. They're still visible, and I'm kind of glad they are. They remind to always stay positive and try to be as happy as I can be, but it's alright to feel sad anxious or overwhlemed at times...everyone does.

Self-harm is something you can overcome. You can decide to stop at anytime you wish and direct the feelings that make you want to hurt yourself onto something else. Something that makes you happy.

October 15, 2013
8:37 pm
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ShiningLight
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Live each day as if it's your last. We only have one life so keep it simple.

October 16, 2013
7:58 pm
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ShiningLight
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Respect yourself to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grow you or makes you happy.

October 21, 2013
8:54 pm
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ShiningLight
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You may also need the help and support of a trained professional as you work to overcome the self-harm habit, so consider talking to a therapist or a counselor. A professional therapist can help you develop new coping techniques and strategies to stop self-harming, while also helping you get to the root of why you cut or hurt yourself.

November 23, 2013
1:30 am
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Edward Fruitman
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Yes, Definitely! I am here to help you.

This is caused mostly when the people are unhappy with themselves. You need to keep yourself cool. Take a deep look at problems you face in the real life. Take regular exercise and balance diet as well. It will reduce your tensions and you will start feeling good about you.

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