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SD ..this is too much
June 10, 2010
8:29 pm
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I cannot handle this ...alone. I am need support but I am at a loss......forgive me..but this is impossible to explain....tired of explaining too. Just people like you and a TW and a few remember from my start and my journey.....I have learned more about pcs...and have the more I learn...I hate.

I am just tired of the medical that should have been corrected nearly 4 years ago...It never ends....I have trying to keep myself esteem together.....got a haircut.....I do try..........Thanks......horsefly

June 10, 2010
8:31 pm
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

this is suppose to be on the lib side

June 10, 2010
8:48 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
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Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I KNOW horsefly, you've had more than your share of burdens and I was floored to hear what happened. and I of courzse can empathize. I know what a traumatic experince it is and will be while this all unfolds. Its terrifying to be in their clutches. I still feel sick every day when I wake up, sometimes for hours I lay in bed and feel awful.

All I can hope is that this will come out well for you because you certainly deserve something better than what you are getting. I know you're having difficulties but come here and talk to me whenever you like. I don't have hardly any work so I have tiome to check in on you.

Love ya, my friend, and hang in there. I know how frustrating it is.

sd

June 10, 2010
9:08 pm
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
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Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

{{{{Horsefly}}}} I am in your corner. I wish things could be different. You were so helpful to me when I first started posting here.

Bitsy

June 11, 2010
8:32 pm
Avatar
CAMER
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Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

horsefly...keep posting hon...we are here for you for any support you need!!!! rememeber Sd, Bitsy & I have been long time veterans of this site & only wish you the best

(((camer))

June 11, 2010
9:23 pm
Avatar
CraigCo
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(Hf)

June 13, 2010
10:06 pm
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone........I am still horrified....and post on the support side but prefer to just keep it here for now. Basically I do need the long term vets like Camer mentioned to understand this.......I know I need support but I don't know what kind.....how confused does that sound?

Well.....the whole thing is confusing and it it hard to explain my past 4 or 5 years to anyone.....it is too much.

That is basically..why my family is not involved....on they know about because I had to call my MOTHER.....to help me pay last month ......of I bonded out and the toll...etc...I would noy have been able to make my trailer payment.....but she tried to be supportive....but of course....Everyone is pissed I was driving without tags and insurance...HAHA

Nobody offers to wonder why....they all just think I am so bad..I guess.
They do know I am against pills unless I need them......because they think I am crazy...and I wont take my bipolar med.....but I think.....I was misundertood with that certification.....PTSD.....yes....that is what the clonzapam....is for....mother and everyone ..even my brother think I am just mentally ill.....and need that medication...matter fact my mother encourages me constantly to take meds and ect....

I don't see with my colon how....and I never took meds before...the horse attack......all I know is I was tried everything......for pain and mental auguish and now they finall figure out my problems and for once a procedure can be done....this happens.........the figured this out in pain management...I had been complaining about my legs and weakness in my muscles to the neourologist for a year...I have can't believe....even with insurance I have still been misunderstood over and over.

But let's face it I have a rare condition that horsebites lead to the spine and previous...back injury 15 years before not to mention carring my arm in a sling for 2 years....and nearly losing my vision from high blood pressure and stress....or my colon and stomach infection....shall I go on? Now something is wrong with 9 disk and my upper arm is the only thing visible....so I don't really look disabled.

So yes I am still a bit pissed...but figured out that no one will ever get it.......but the people here that know about my court battles....and my whole life has been wrote on this site in pieces everywhere.

Other that that I am looking up agencies and help place to help pay my bills and a few friends are chipping in........the lawyer can figure this one out because none of it figures to me.

I was just honest with the cop.....now I take a shower and scrub everyday....and still feel like dirt.....like some kind of drug addict....or just poor trash.....I am doing everything I can to rise above this....I even stated riding my bicycle again.....I can't believe it...so the epidurals help some....but I still.....want the surgery.

But my legs pay later for it....I cannot afford the luxery to feel sorry for myself....I will sink. I am a skilled survivalist....but this is a huge mountain to climb for me right now....I am so thankful.....I have all of you that know my story.

Mother has not called because she knows all we will do is just fight....and we have even said that to each other......I think we have agreed to letters......but.....she has helped me and I will update her when I know more........

When you realize almost everyone you knew were toxic people except for a few family members and a few friends...it is a lonely world.....I try to overcome fear everyday.

But right now sister and I are doing alright and I am hoping for the best.

Of course that is today.....tomorrow is another day......I already feel I am in house arrest my lisence is suspended .........yes.....I am already guilty before proven innocence........I feel like I have been defending myself my whole life.

Starting from childhood through my first marriage....courts....ex's and have learned I an a were defencive person through all this....I am tired of explaining anything to the world.

Thanks SD....and (((my friends here)) for the vent....Love horsefly

June 14, 2010
10:44 pm
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Alright......I am doing better and figured out how to make the bills this month.......I am going to become a prostitue....I am going to sell my body and get into real crimal activity and sell crack and stuff....so I can pay for my crime of driving on medication...so don't worry about me....once a criminal.....I have even started watching "criminal minds" on tv....for my pleasure....If you watch enough tv you can learn how to do all kinds of crimes and steal and rob ...they tell you exactly how to do it.

(not really)

I am still just horsefly.....but I am feeling better kinda had a few friends help me out with my bills....and surely this lawyer if he is any kind of lawyer can stop the maddness....so I have to have faith in him....it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to straighten this out....I have the proof. So I guess I have calmed down some......Thanks again for the ventorlator............whew

June 10, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I
cannot handle this ...alone. I am need support but I am at a
loss......forgive me..but this is impossible to explain....tired of
explaining too. Just people like you and a TW and a few remember
from my start and my journey.....I have learned more about
pcs...and have the more I learn...I hate.

I am just tired of
the medical that should have been corrected nearly 4 years ago...It
never ends....I have trying to keep myself esteem together.....got
a haircut.....I do try..........Thanks......horsefly

June 10, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

this
is suppose to be on the lib side

June 10, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I
KNOW horsefly, you've had more than your share of burdens and I was
floored to hear what happened. and I of courzse can empathize. I
know what a traumatic experince it is and will be while this all
unfolds. Its terrifying to be in their clutches. I still feel sick
every day when I wake up, sometimes for hours I lay in bed and feel
awful.

All I can hope is
that this will come out well for you because you certainly deserve
something better than what you are getting. I know you're having
difficulties but come here and talk to me whenever you like. I
don't have hardly any work so I have tiome to check in on
you.

Love ya, my
friend, and hang in there. I know how frustrating it is.

sd

June 10, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

{{{{Horsefly}}}} I am in your corner. I wish things could be
different. You were so helpful to me when I first started posting
here.

Bitsy

June 11, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

horsefly...keep posting hon...we are here for you for any
support you need!!!! rememeber Sd, Bitsy & I have been long
time veterans of this site & only wish you the best

(((camer))

June 11, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
CraigCo
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(Hf)

June 13, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone........I am still horrified....and post on the
support side but prefer to just keep it here for now. Basically I
do need the long term vets like Camer mentioned to understand
this.......I know I need support but I don't know what kind.....how
confused does that sound?

Well.....the whole
thing is confusing and it it hard to explain my past 4 or 5 years
to anyone.....it is too much.

That is
basically..why my family is not involved....on they know about
because I had to call my MOTHER.....to help me pay last month
......of I bonded out and the toll...etc...I would noy have been
able to make my trailer payment.....but she tried to be
supportive....but of course....Everyone is pissed I was driving
without tags and insurance...HAHA

Nobody offers to
wonder why....they all just think I am so bad..I guess. They do
know I am against pills unless I need them......because they think
I am crazy...and I wont take my bipolar med.....but I think.....I
was misundertood with that certification.....PTSD.....yes....that
is what the clonzapam....is for....mother and everyone ..even my
brother think I am just mentally ill.....and need that
medication...matter fact my mother encourages me constantly to take
meds and ect....

I don't see with
my colon how....and I never took meds before...the horse
attack......all I know is I was tried everything......for pain and
mental auguish and now they finall figure out my problems and for
once a procedure can be done....this happens.........the figured
this out in pain management...I had been complaining about my legs
and weakness in my muscles to the neourologist for a year...I have
can't believe....even with insurance I have still been
misunderstood over and over.

But let's face it
I have a rare condition that horsebites lead to the spine and
previous...back injury 15 years before not to mention carring my
arm in a sling for 2 years....and nearly losing my vision from high
blood pressure and stress....or my colon and stomach
infection....shall I go on? Now something is wrong with 9 disk and
my upper arm is the only thing visible....so I don't really look
disabled.

So yes I am still
a bit pissed...but figured out that no one will ever get
it.......but the people here that know about my court
battles....and my whole life has been wrote on this site in pieces
everywhere.

Other that that I
am looking up agencies and help place to help pay my bills and a
few friends are chipping in........the lawyer can figure this one
out because none of it figures to me.

I was just honest
with the cop.....now I take a shower and scrub everyday....and
still feel like dirt.....like some kind of drug addict....or just
poor trash.....I am doing everything I can to rise above this....I
even stated riding my bicycle again.....I can't believe it...so the
epidurals help some....but I still.....want the surgery.

But my legs pay
later for it....I cannot afford the luxery to feel sorry for
myself....I will sink. I am a skilled survivalist....but this is a
huge mountain to climb for me right now....I am so thankful.....I
have all of you that know my story.

Mother has not
called because she knows all we will do is just fight....and we
have even said that to each other......I think we have agreed to
letters......but.....she has helped me and I will update her when I
know more........

When you realize
almost everyone you knew were toxic people except for a few family
members and a few friends...it is a lonely world.....I try to
overcome fear everyday.

But right now
sister and I are doing alright and I am hoping for the
best.

Of course that is
today.....tomorrow is another day......I already feel I am in house
arrest my lisence is suspended .........yes.....I am already guilty
before proven innocence........I feel like I have been defending
myself my whole life.

Starting from
childhood through my first marriage....courts....ex's and have
learned I an a were defencive person through all this....I am tired
of explaining anything to the world.

Thanks SD....and
(((my friends here)) for the vent....Love horsefly

June 14, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Alright......I am doing better and figured out how to make the
bills this month.......I am going to become a prostitue....I am
going to sell my body and get into real crimal activity and sell
crack and stuff....so I can pay for my crime of driving on
medication...so don't worry about me....once a criminal.....I have
even started watching "criminal minds" on tv....for my
pleasure....If you watch enough tv you can learn how to do all
kinds of crimes and steal and rob ...they tell you exactly how to
do it.

(not
really)

I am still just
horsefly.....but I am feeling better kinda had a few friends help
me out with my bills....and surely this lawyer if he is any kind of
lawyer can stop the maddness....so I have to have faith in
him....it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to straighten this
out....I have the proof. So I guess I have calmed down
some......Thanks again for the
ventorlator............whew

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