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Scared & Ashamed - I can't leave the house
March 25, 2001
4:03 pm
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banana
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September 24, 2010
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I had been antisocial for some time now to the point where I only leave to go to work. Occasionally, I'll visit a friend, but never go out with my friend. Last night, I decided to go out alone. I drank, blacked-out and have no idea how I got home. Someone definitely drove me. When I woke up, I was confused and upset. I obviously had lost control of my bodily functions. I am so scared and embarrassed. I have no idea what happened. I hardly ever drink, and it is even more rare that I get drunk. I wonder if my neighbors saw me in that state. I wonder what kind of scene I must have caused out in public. I am grateful that I am alive, but I am so ashamed that I don't think I'll be able to leave the house again. I can't even talk to my friend about it because he's out of town. I do not know how to cope with this.

March 26, 2001
11:14 am
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Sal
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What's the worst that could happen? Think it through, really. Accept yourself, accept your behavior, and decide what to do with the consequences. Many people, normal, everyday people, have gone through this situation and worse. Quit pretending you're better than they are. You are a member of humanity, entitled, even destined, to make mistakes. This will not be the last one. Even if you berate yourself and put all sorts of new walls (Never leaving the house, swearing never to drink, etc.). I hereby grant you permission to fail. There may be consequences, but your membership card in the human race will never be revoked. You are free to let us down! We will survive. Some of us will mock you and look down on you, but some of us will help you up and clean you off and walk through life with you, trusting you to do the same for us. Give yourself grace. REceive grace from others. I personally extend you grace, and offer you acceptance and comfort. Will you do the same for yourself? Will you trust your friend? THis experience can either torment you or teach you. It can be a wake up call that you are not like you thought you were, and maybe that's not all bad, or it can force you deeper into the hole of shame because you're not perfect like you think you ought to be. Choose to be real. Be humble, not humiliated. How will this event have affected you a year from now? I promise that if you pretend it didnt' happen, you will be worse off.

April 17, 2001
12:30 am
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salna
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Hi there,
theres nothing to be ashame off it happens to the best of us.
I think this a sign that it's time you get your act together. You seems to be going through so problems within your self. From what I have read your self esteem seems to be very low. I need you to start thinking on how best you can cahnge your life around. What is it that bothering you? Why are you antisocial? It is that you don't think that you that you have something give to the world around you? Are you ashame of who you are? ect.
I also know that from you writing this letter you care a bit about yourself. I want you to keep it up and find thing that you like doing. think highly about your self. Remember
we are what we think. so think postively always beleive in your higher power and i am certain that you will make it through. Please let me know how you are doing
love salna

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