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Safe place for Friendma and any others.........
April 17, 2009
2:56 pm
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Friendma
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April 17, 2009
2:57 pm
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Friendma
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Friendma
17-Apr-09

Friendma 17-Apr-09

MJ- I first want to let ya know that I have nothin but respect for you and your post.......I too am proud of you for posting back to me and acknowledging the error and helping me understand where you were coming from....... I am gonna start another thread so hopefully this one isn't kept going at least by me......... I have more I want to say but I will say it on the other thread......

((((((((((LOLLI))))))))))

((MJ)) hope it is ok to send ya a hug....nothin too big......it is meant with the best of intentions....I have the knowledge now that to some my big ole hugs can be a bit overwhelming so I gave ya a lil one...... :o)

April 17, 2009
2:57 pm
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lollipop3
17-Apr-09

"....I have the knowledge now that to some my big ole hugs can be a bit overwhelming so I gave ya a lil one"

Friendma....I said it on the other thread and I have to say it again here.....

You are so cute!

April 17, 2009
2:58 pm
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Friendma
17-Apr-09

MJ, I too have PTSD and I am doin better now than I ever have with it but I understand triggers and I understand that with triggers until ya realize that ya have been triggered.....ya don't know.......I hope that makes sense....... I was not aware that you were hurt, embarresed, humiliated, ashamed of anything that happened during the mud wrestling.....I apologize that my hug triggered you......I had no idea.... I understand that with all the issues here as of late that you might wonder about me......I just wanted to be given the acknowledgement that I was not an imposter........ I have made so many mistakes in my life and thru therapy and growth I am realizing that the best thing I can do for myself and others is to own the mistake, take responsibility for it and do my best to correct it if I can and then move on........mistakes happen......without ill intent.....the mistake is just that....a mistake......now that has been hard for me due to the way I was raised because my folks treated mistakes or accidents as intentional and so it has been a long road and I am still traveling.....but anywho.... I don't believe that you meant me any ill intent.......I understand the trigger and the reaction to the trigger and I appreciate you addressing that.........it helps to understand......... I mean you no harm or disrespect and again I apologize that my hug triggered ya.......... I hope nothin but the best for you.....thanks for your post........

April 17, 2009
2:59 pm
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Friendma
17-Apr-09

((((((((((LOLLI)))))))))) ;o) Thank ya......I'm glad someone thinks so......ya made me smile....thanks.....

April 17, 2009
2:59 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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((((Friendma)))) Good to see you. How are you doing since your surgeries and stuff? I was reading through all of that!! Things going alright??

I agree with Lolli...you are cute!!

April 17, 2009
3:01 pm
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((((((((((MITCH)))))))))
Ah shucks! ;o)
Yeppa, still recovering.....start physical therapy soon......one day at a time.........thanks for askin.....

April 17, 2009
3:02 pm
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mj
17-Apr-09

Thanks for the hug Friendma.

I am glad that you understand about triggers. I am just beginning to understand about PTSD. I have been attending a support group for PTSD and Depression. To be honest, I struggle with following you to the other thread. One of the guidelines that is posted at the top of the pages say don't create threads with nicknames and if you do, post what it is for.

April 17, 2009
3:03 pm
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mj
17-Apr-09

Quotes & Tips: T hread Titles *please* create them very thoughtfully. IE: If you create a thread title for a specific person's issue, please add the "issue/problem" after their nickname. For example: desertmine Needs Marriage Advice. If you create a thread just for fun, please create titles WITHOUT ANY NICKNAMES.

April 17, 2009
3:04 pm
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Friendma
17-Apr-09

Sorry bout that MJ.......just used to startin my thread with my name and ususally I say Friendma needs a safe place......but I didn't know what to say so I just did my nick......didn't mean to create any problems.....I'll copy and paste what I wrote on a new thread........

April 17, 2009
3:10 pm
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Friendma
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MJ, I appreciate your honesty about how you felt about my first thread....I hope you feel more comfortable now.......
The more I have learned about PTSD and triggers the better I have gotten and also learnin that I am not a freak or crazy and I am not alone....it all helps....

April 17, 2009
3:24 pm
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I also have a therapy dog named Gabby, she is black lab and she has been such a help for me.......I got so bad that I was diagnosed with agoraphobia and thru therapy, my med's which I am on very little now and with Gabby, I have found confidence to get out of my home.....still hard sometimes harder than others but I am workin on it......I also struggle with anxiety and panic attacks and I am so thankful to be doin better in that area as well....again due to my therapist and what she is teachin me and my meds which I take very little now and my doggie and my small support system here in the non cyber world........
I haven't been to a group yet......at some point my therapist would like me to.........If you feel comfortable, would ya mind lettin me know how your experience has been?

April 17, 2009
3:33 pm
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mj
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Thanks Friendma! Welcome back Mich!

April 17, 2009
3:47 pm
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mj
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I didn't know that I suffered from PTSD. A friend of mine suggested that my husband suffers from it. So when I started the support group for Depression I began learning about PTSD.

Belleruth Naperstek has a book called "Invisible Hero". In our depression group we started doing the Guided Imagery cd's too. So, now I know that both I and my husband suffer from PTSD. Last year he was able to apply for Disability benefits through the VA. After his first appt. he was given benefits which is not usually the case. So it makes sense why are relationship has been so hard.

I first started coming here to AAC back in Oct. 02. My husband and I married in Aug. 01 and then 9/11 happened which started him talking about his service in Vietnam, a first for him. I was in the middle of leaving him on Nov.24 that year when I fell and severely broke, split, and crushed my ankle in 3 places. I lost my own home and become totally dependent on hubby. This is when I found this site. It was an amazing place to come for venting, comfort, and hope.

April 17, 2009
3:57 pm
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mj
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I was raised in a very abusive, dysfunctional home. My mother was a rageaholic whom now I know was raised by an alcoholic father. My father was also raised in a secretive alcoholic home as well. My fathers coping mechanism was to be invisible. I resemble him a lot.

So when I found myself in a relationship with an alcoholic It must have been normal for me. I chose a man just like my mom.

In our home, we were physically and emotionally battered and abused. My brothers sexually abused my sister and I.

When my parents divorced when I was 13, my father married his first cousin and my mother married an alcoholic who was creepy to me. He was always saying sexually explicit stuff. Yuck!

My fathers wife was even worse than my mother. She eroded every bit of self esteem from I.

Now, that I am aware of all this stuff, I am learning that I didn't cause it. I am responsible for my actions which sometimes seem a little whack but I mean no harm. I just have a persecution complex of a sort? Don't quite understand it myself.

April 17, 2009
3:59 pm
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mj
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Its like the fight or flight instinct. I have habitually been ruled by. A survival technique to keep me safe.

April 17, 2009
4:01 pm
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Just recently I felt myself slipping back into depression and not wanting to go to my meetings or leave the house. That is when I came here and saw Tez was leaving.

One time I was suicidal and Tez supported me through it. I have been forever grateful to him for his kindness.

April 17, 2009
4:03 pm
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Friendma
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I feel that the more we learn the better able we are to cope especially when we learn tools to help us thru our journey.........
I now use a glass jar to hold a string of x-mas lights which I have found to be very comforting to me and I turn them on when I feel myself start to struggle and if I know ahead of time that I might have a rough day I'll turn em on first thing in the morning.....
I also find that the sounds of rain, streams, nature noises, are also very comforting....so I got a sound maker......it helps.......

April 17, 2009
4:09 pm
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mj
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I have got into a few problems here through the years with other posters.

I sometimes assume the worse because of my life.

I hate it when I start over-reacting and try to remember to talk to someone safe who knows me and it will pass. My silence isn't apathetic, mostly anger or fear. I am trying to practice timeouts when I need to get centered and balanced.
That works most of the time. I am fiercely loyal to the people who support me which causes myself problems. I am learning that others can solve their own problems and just need a listening ear.

I attend Coda meetings, for the past 4 years but not really popular here and it has been a struggle to keep them going. I attend Al-Anon meetings since 2002 as well with a break in 2007 because of another fall out with my sponsor. I worked through that and am an active member.

April 17, 2009
4:10 pm
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mj
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Friendma, how do the lights help you?

April 17, 2009
4:11 pm
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I completely understand the fight or flight instinct.....
I am so thankful that my therapist is helping me to find the ability not to be ruled by my emotions........
The roller coaster ride is unbearable....I hate roller coasters.......My therapist is also helpin me to realize that I am not responsible for everything....that is so hard for me......but change is a process and takes time....
I also come from a highly disfunctional family.........and we really seem to have several things in common........
I appreciate you sharing with me......always helps me to see that I am not alone in my journey and it helps to not keep it all bottled up....
I am so sorry you have had to face all that you have.......no one should have to endure all of that.......
I don't know if you have experienced this but I have a "lil friendma" in me and she has bore the brunt of all the years of abuse and pain and I have only just begun to feel compassion for her cause I have hated her for years and I am findin things that trigger her and then she in a sense takes over my emotions and I become trapped.....with her runnin wild with all the emotions and past traumas leakin out all over and I freak out.......
I am learnin how to embrace her and see her for the lil girl that she was and that she had no control over the adults and what happened and that she should of had safety, security, love, acceptance....kindness...etc.....
It's hard but I am already startin to see a difference..........

April 17, 2009
4:12 pm
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mj
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I am glad they help you! I was just wondering in what way they help?

April 17, 2009
4:15 pm
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mj
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((((Friendma)))))) If you don't mind.

I truly am sorry for hurting you with my post a few days back. I can see that there truly is good in every one.

Do you find that when you are stressed is when you get triggered?

April 17, 2009
4:19 pm
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Friendma
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Ah, the x-mas lights.......it is a strand of all the different colors......this past Christmas I found myself staring at the lights and feeling a calming effect.....I thought I was probably crazy but I asked my therapist about it.......and she said....Yes.....lights can help.....and if it works for me....keep a strand out all year long.......so, I am and it is helpin so much.....

It is such a struggle for me not to stew and brew over things especially things that I can do nothing about......I have felt so powerless for so long......like a wuss......BUT.....my therapist is teaching me that I can choose to not let all the crap overtake me and control my emotions......my peace.....or lack there of.....

Amber is her name(the therapist) so, Amber told me that I need to learn tools.....cause so far, in my life....it is like I am deep in the forest and runnin around in the dark, without shoes and clothing for protection, no map, no flashlight....no food, water, safety....etc....so, as you can imagine....that has not gone so well for me.......soooooooo, she is teachin me tools that I can put on....and put in my backpack so that I can find my way......safely....or more safely.....does that make sense??

April 17, 2009
4:20 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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mj, thank you for the welcome back. I am blessed to be given this opportunity and will use it to the best of my ability.

I do wish you peace and happiness. I am encouraged to see the conversation going here. I am posting this here, because this is where your "welcome back" was.

I appreciate it.

((((friendma and mj))))

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