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RWs newest poem
January 4, 2007
1:09 am
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Randomwomen2
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Its not finished yet I still need a begining I am just stuck but I would like to know what you all think about it. It is christian and I would apreciate any controversy about it to be made into a diffrent thread.

Jesus Sacrificed

To save us all wretched beasts from the hell that we deserve

Jesus was nailed to the cross for all people to observe.

As the blood dripped down from his nail pierced hands

The people laughed and criticized the king of these lands

His horrified mother just couldn’t believe

She just sat there and watched then started to grieve

I can only imagine what was going though her mind

As Jesus spoke his final words, then saved mankind

Jesus died there upon that wooden cross

Not for his sin but for the world that had been lost.

For Jesus had no sin He was a perfect Man

But he was sent to cover our sin that was Gods plan.

Jesus Sacrificed

Jesus paid the price

Jesus died for you,

And he died for me too

Would you do the same?

Would you take the blame?

Like Jesus did?

January 4, 2007
1:27 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW: Makes ya sit and think doesn't it. I think it is true to what the Bible says. Put to words well. You said you don't have a beginning. I know the first line Jesus Sacrificed is the title, but doesn't it also make a great beginning and then just flow into the rest of the poem? Just a thought. I'm not a writer. I do like your work and think this poem to be true to the form of what is stated in the Bible. Good work honey.

January 4, 2007
1:31 am
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Randomwomen2
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Thank you mama. I am trying to get back into poetry. I want to make my own book and publish it. and the only way to do that is to write more

January 4, 2007
1:44 am
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Worried_Dad
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Ummm. Are you ok RW?

It's kind of bloody and preachy. And harsh.

I don't think that Jesus thought of anyone as a wretched beast.

"Stand beside me
Stand before me
And behind me
So I can follow in love"

http://www.hothouseflowers.com.....demelyrics

January 4, 2007
1:49 am
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Randomwomen2
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It seems no matter how hard I try I cant make a poem that is not Bloody or harsh. The poem that has been published of mine so many times is called "Death on my hands" and the other one is about my childhood and well you can imagine what that one is like. I just dont know if I have it in me to make a nice poem

January 4, 2007
1:54 am
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mamacinnamon
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Nice song WD. I like the lyrics.

Folks have different writings. Whether it be lyrics of a song, a poem, a profound insight. Some laced w/ honey, some sugar coated, some to the point, some gory, some gothic, etc. They all have their meaning and they all have their own type following. The folks in the Bible even give their own views of Jesus and his sufferings. Yes Jesus is love, yes Jesus suffered as RW wrote. I think both view are needed to understand the true Jesus the Bible speaks of. Just my thoughts and ramblings. 🙂

January 4, 2007
1:56 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW:

Must have been posting at the same time.

Yes, RW, you do make nice poems. A bit on the darker side, but isn't that where you come from? I had a friend tell me the other day that I always point out songs as my favs that are about abuse and most the time overcoming it and sometimes not. To sit and ponder what she said, she is right. But then isn't that where I come from. I think your view just as it is does reach folks that others cannot reach. I think you should be proud of your work and keep on keepin on.

January 4, 2007
1:58 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW: We'll talk more tomorrow. I'm supposed to be in bed w/ this oximetry test goin and hubby will raise the roof if I'm not there. Talk later ok hon. Hang in there.

Nice to see you WD. Have wondered how you are doing. Hopefully well.

Goodnight

January 4, 2007
2:01 am
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Randomwomen2
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Goodnight Mama. Sleep well.

January 4, 2007
2:07 pm
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white dove
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RW

That poem is awesome it says it all in a few sentences.

To save us all wretched beasts from the hell that we deserve

that bit in mho is so true, you only have to look around and see whats going on.

God is not into sugar coating what he wants us to know, and you havnt as well,

like mama said the begining is fine, its perfect.

i really like your poem a lot.

thankyou for sharing it with us all.

white dove.

ps i think your one amazing person.

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