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Really need prayers...very afraid.
July 4, 2005
12:14 pm
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2bstrong
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Hello friends,

I'm having a particularly down time, right now. This has been going on since Friday. I feel very hopeless, and filled with despair. I am doing all of the things that I should be doing--praying, working out, reading the bible, going to counseling, reading books, and posting here...etc.

I am still grieving the loss of my relationship with my ex fiancee. We were together for so long, and now there is a huge hole in my life which used to be filled to the brim with things that we did together with family, friends, each other...

I miss him terribly, and even though it wasn't perfect, I didn't want it to end. I know that holidays are hard times for ended relationships.

That being said, it seems that my downward spiral is out of control. I do not care about anything can find no enjoyment in anything at all. I can't stand feeling this way, and it frightens me because I think I can't go on like this much longer. Why can't I see my life as valuable? Why do I feel so hopeless?

Please pray for me, I need them so much.

2bstrong

July 4, 2005
12:40 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi 2b: I have been where you are and it DOES get better. You were with him a very long time and so it will take time to get over it. Since this is a big holiday, it is sure to be a trigger for lots of memories. Try not to think about it (hard, I know). Don't pressure yourself. I've been reading your posts and I think you are doing well for yourself. There are sure to be down days, like today. Like the saying goes, fake it til you make it. Today is the anniversary of my break up and so its a big one but it has been long enough that its not as big a deal as it was last year.

I can't give you any magic cures- just TRY to be good to yourself, try to stop the negative thoughts, try to make new experiences for yourself. It took me a long time to dust myself off and get going again, but I've done it. I'm not the same person anymore either. Don't know if I'm better or worse, but I am different.

Sending big hugs and prayers for you today. SD

July 4, 2005
12:48 pm
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Randomwomen2
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hey sweetie you are truly a wonderful person you help us out here termendisly. We love you here I hope you have plans to go and do something fun tonight huggs ((((((2bstrong)))))) we love ya

July 4, 2005
2:19 pm
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saheja3
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I am sorry to read of your difficult time...I too am in the "T + 3 1/2 months" after my longterm XBF left me to move to another state for a $10.00/hour job (read my own story if you care).

WHAT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU IS:
1. surround yourself with supportive family and friends
2. surround yourself with loving pets(this is my life)
3. keep yourself active (I see that you are working out -- I swim all afternoon when I can, or for an hour after work when I can't)
4. try not to dwell on the past (easier said than done)
5. eat regularly and healthily (I'm still trying to master this -- I always take it out on myself)
6. do what makes you happy (music, crafting, movies, exercising, traveling, phoning friends and family, etc.)
7. pamper yourself in all possible respects.

They tell us that we will get through this -- I sure hope so, and best of luck to you in the midst of your pain and agony.

July 4, 2005
4:21 pm
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exoticflower
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2b, prayer and love and support are all very important when one is as afraid as you are, but I hope that you have outside help as well. Have you gone to any CoDA meetings? Or even just a support group for grief and loss? At them, there are a lot of people dealing with similar things. I just went to one last night, and it was such a releif, just being understood and knowing that I am not alone in my own kinds of pain, that my loss counts and that I will heal.

THis has been hurting you for so long, 2b, and I am only telling you as someone who cares and understands, it seems to be getting worse. I hope you can find a way to help this pain and move foreward, and I hurt so much for you right now. You know I am not one for prayer for the most part, but I will pray in the best way I know how for you, and for some sort of dirrection--I just wish somehow that you could be directed away from this pain without having to find it yourself, that there where some invisible nudge and all the clues and signs laid out for you. As they cannot be, just know that your pain is felt and that you are in my thoughts.

July 4, 2005
6:03 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi Sweet 2b, I can feel your pain. Boy, a relationship of 10 years, that must be dramatic and traumatic!!!

I know this period is very depressive. Try to think of your support group both in your life and here on this site. I will lift you up in my daily prayers, as I am feeling down this week as well. Read my post on No contact and give me your honest opinion!

It is a scary road, the best thing we can do, is to stay in communication with our loved ones, vertically with our Heavenlty father; and horizontally with friends and this warm board. 2b, I have no intimate friends, or church to go to, so this board is my only comfort. The love and warmth of the people here has made a huge difference, God bless them!!!

I know your pain, you feel that you do not want to do anything apart from thinking about him. I recommend you to cry; join support group for grief; journal; talk to trustworthy friend. Try not to be alone all the time, as the memory is still fresh, and chances are you will be obsessing and yearning to him all the time.

My heart and soul are with you, honey!!!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

July 4, 2005
7:25 pm
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CODA_Mom
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(((((2b)))))

You'll get through this, girl, as sdesigns said, it is the holidays that seem to magnify recent losses.

I do not, in any way, want to minimize the pain that you are feeling, I know how real it is. The fear that you are experiencing is also normal. Your life was coasting along in its own groove, and all of a sudden was knocked completely off-track. Who wouldn't be afraid to keep trying to make a go of things?

As time goes on, we also tend to forget the painful things about relationships and only remember the good. Perhaps it would be helpful to write down the things that caused a lot of pain with him, and ask yourself if it would have gotten better or worse with time.

Since you've asked for prayer and we are in Lib Brew (yippee!!), I am going to post this verse that has helped me during times of deep despair:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". (Jeremiah 29:11)

Please know, 2b, that I will be praying for you, dear friend, for that hope and a glimpse of a future filled with joy :).

(((((more hugs)))))

CM

July 5, 2005
8:28 pm
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turnabout
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I grieve for you, sweetie, and you're definitely in my prayers.

Whatever you do, DON'T shut yourself off in your grief. I know you're consumed with thoughts of the ex and of loss. When it gets consuming, it isn't a matter of shutting those thoughts out, but of letting others in. If you are solitary right now, you aren't giving yourself a chance to live -- aren't giving your mind a chance to breath. You're going to need to get outside of your own head a little each day. Other than that, I hope you have someone to talk to openly about your grief. The CoDA meetings sound great. Wish I'd known to look into them months ago.

But, whatever you choose to do, and whatever you are feeling right now, WE know that you have what it takes to come out of this stronger than ever. Much love. ((((((((2bstrong))))))))))))

July 6, 2005
6:17 am
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revelation
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Hi 2B,

Chick...I am so sorry that you are having this low-point, Some virtual hugs (((((2b))))) coming your way. A prayer has been said. You will come out of this. Believe it or not these dark periods are necessary to your recovery. Take this in your stride, when you are feeling like this, go comfort yourself with nice books, warm drinks, big blankets and hot baths. This will rejuvinate you and eventually it will make you feel well enough to go out into the world and live life. By living life and getting into a new routine, soon you'll find yourself getting happier. Its a slow process darling, but there are people here and people in your lofe who love you and are watching in the sidelines, ready to come to your aid when you need it. So...keep your chin up and out...things will get better. As someone here once said...the only thing in this life that you can be sure of is CHANGE.

xx,
Rev.

July 6, 2005
7:30 am
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Regret
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2B,
How do you feel now, I said prayers for you. He who holds you in the palm of His hand is able to fill the void. You can and will get through this painful path. I guess as a Christian, you know all these already but when i am going through difficult times, it helps me to get reminders of God's promises. I have just a couple here and hope it helps you.
"When you go through deep waters, and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!" Isaiah 43:2
"I have chosen you and will not throw
you away. Don't be afraid, for I am
with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am
your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:9-10
May the joy of the Lord strengthen you my dear cyber friend.
Regret

July 6, 2005
5:42 pm
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2B... I am extremely worried about you!!!!! I feel so badly that you are going through so much pain right now.

I don't have any advice... I just want you to know that I care about you and if I could wave a magic wand and make it all better, I would!

Please come back and post soon so that we know you are alright.

Much Love,

TC

July 6, 2005
5:47 pm
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glittered when he walked
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(((2b))),

It saddens me to know of your pain and difficulties. You offer such keen insight into things and I quite enjoy your posts. So, in some small way you've brought joy to my life. I certainly hope that you'll look for and find joy in your life. Remember, you are a winner. The only losers in life are those who have problems but choose to ignore them. We are all works in progress and WE ARE WINNING.

Take heart, there's a million cliches to use here like 'always darkest before the dawn" butthey are only cliches for one good reason, they are so often true! I've never heard the cliches " a penny saved is a penny wasted." or "go ahead and throw the baby out with the bathwater." so, hang in there and take confort in the fact that many people care about you and you are winning.

July 6, 2005
7:39 pm
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frayedknot
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2B

We miss you...... This too will pass..

Frayed

July 7, 2005
12:00 pm
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2bstrong
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All of my dear friends,

I feel such deep gratitude for all of you and your words of kindness, and prayers, practical advice, and just good energy in general sent my way.

As soon as I posted this thread, I felt a great weight lifted from my body. I knew that I had sent my fears and depressive thoughts in the right direction. I am sure that many of you have been in the place that I am, and have felt relief just putting your feelings in writing. I know that this has helped me. I am humbly grateful. All of you are grace.

I want all of you to know that I am printing this, (I've been doing that with threads a lot) and I am going to take it home tonight and use it as my comfort and joy.

With love, 2b.

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